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9.7k · Mar 2016
for you
Aeerdna Mar 2016
I know it's hard to touch the clouds
when memories
hold you down
I know you cry a lot inside
when no one is
around
I know it is hard to wake up
sometimes
when breathing cuts so deep.

and the birds, they sing
but
you cannot hear
and the sun, it shines
but
you cannot see
and there's a lot of warmth around
but
you cannot feel.

I know it feels so hard
to live
with so many scars

but

light will shine and you will
see
and birds will sing and
you will hear

It's just a dark path
you have to walk
and I will be there
to walk along
don't hold your breath
don't give up yet
just
keep your hope
and you'll find one day
that you can fly again
for you deserve
the highest clouds
the purest air
the deepest love.

and I'll be here for you,
you, dear soul,
the sweetest lyric
of them all.
for lyric, <3

https://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/for-you
8.9k · Mar 2017
Time loops
Aeerdna Mar 2017
Trapped in a time loop
where all that happens is you
coming to me, kissing my feelings with your smile,
then crashing me
and leaving me there
with my naked hopes
hiding in the deepest grounds of my heart
again and again.

I am the prisoner of my own deathly wishes,
of the same repeating illusions,
and your voice in my head
is singing the same song on repeat
like a broken cassette
stuck in this old, rusty radio that is my mind.

I am trapped in a time loop
and all I do
is getting lost
somewhere on the paths of your soul
where my dreams get born
just so they can go to die.
6.3k · Aug 2016
on the Wood St.
Aeerdna Aug 2016
I remember the days when we were two stupid kids,
we were eating blackberries grown on tombs
and the moon was just a big stone
the sun was leaving its last breath on.

Now I am looking for you on the Wood street
where you last time smiled at me,
on the Wood street where people eat with their hands
the remains  of those burned by unhappiness,
while fools sing about love and dreams and the holes in their hearts.

I am looking for you
and I don't know whether you are a human or a dream
or the ash
that slips through my frozen fingers.

Maybe you are just the hole in my soul,
maybe the moon is more than a big stone,
maybe I loved you
maybe
you are still there somewhere
in the Sun's last breath.
Maybe it's just your smile
that has burned
covering my soul
my hands.
5.6k · Mar 2016
tuberculosis
Aeerdna Mar 2016
My tuberculosis infected heart
spits blood
and
stays away from light
lives in humidity causing fungus growing
In my inside.

My tb infected heart caughs from all its holes
at night
it never sleeps
nevear eats
it's lost it's appetite for people and joy
and laughs

My tb infected heart will die soaked
in smoke
they'll burn its bed, its clothes
every crumble of feelings
and I will be left naked
with blood stains on my skin

My tb infected heart
lives in isolation
between walls of mirrors reflecting
the misery of my mind
It lives in fear and shame
hungrily waiting for death to come
for them to burn its bed.
4.8k · Apr 2016
masters of self-destruction
Aeerdna Apr 2016
we are the masters of self-destruction
trying to numb the pain with wine
and drugs
and smoke filling up our lungs,
we write down in lines with no rhyme
all the things
that make our souls burn and die.
our poems bleed
we drink their blood
then we write again,
listening to stupid songs all night
wishing sometimes we were deaf
wishing we were dead.
we let the doors open
anyone with a knife can come inside
cutting our hearts in half,
any tear is welcome
to create the ocean around us
in which we deliberately drown ourselves.
masters of self-destruction,
our bodies are temples where dying souls hide,
we run till our legs are broken
jump off cliffs
go between sharks' cheeks
forgetting to sleep
to dream
we bleed
we drink
we love
and hurt
it's a madmen game we play
each day
laughing hysterically
while slowly taking steps to the graves
we dug for ourselves,
the masters of self-destruction we are
lunatics
worshiping what's not for us to adore
crying
hiding
falling again
and again.
legs broken,
hearts cut and eaten
flesh ripped from our bones
lungs full of water
ears burnt
our eyes scream
but that's fine
'cause we are the masters of self-destruction
and our life is just a mad game
welcome to the show.
4.3k · Mar 2016
i hope she loves you
Aeerdna Mar 2016
i hope  she thinks of you
when the sun shines
in her morning window
and when the moon is full at night
i hope is your face what comes to her mind

when beautiful songs play on the radio
i hope she wants to share them with you
cause i know music is like therapy to you

i hope she thinks of you
before closing her eyes at night
and in her dreams she kisses you
a billion times
i hope she smiles at your picture in b&w;
that she sees all the beauty you carry
inside,
outside.

i hope she talks with you
and she wonders if you're feeling all right
if you had lunch
if you sleep enough
if you rest at night
i hope she asks you about your fears
and dreams
i hope she's there for you
when pain hits you the worst.

i hope she doesn't hurt you.

i hope she gives you the happiness
i could never bring to you
i hope she cares about you
at least as much
as i do.

i hope she loves you
https://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/i-hope-she-loves-you
4.0k · Apr 2016
bonfire
Aeerdna Apr 2016
i will start a bonfire
and throw in all that i've been
all that i've ever touched
with my fingertips
or with my heart,
all my clothes
and nights with no dreams
all the stars i've watched thinking of you
the moon and the rainbows too
all the beds i've made love in
all the songs i find you in
the poems i  wrote
my tears and smiles
all my soul
my eyes,
this skin you'll never touch
the way i want you to,
all my seasons
and all the years i'll have to live without you.
i'll make a bonfire
and i will throw in all i've got
all the trees
and everything surrounding me
a great bonfire, indeed
designed to put me on desolation row
for eternity.
i'll throw in all that hurts the most
except for my love for you
and a picture with your name on it
that i keep
for rainy days like these.
3.5k · May 2016
Amongst the stars
Aeerdna May 2016
I'll take your hand as I've had in many dreams
and together we'll fly in the night's sky
our love braided with the numberless stars
will make angels cry.

We'll find our place next to the moon
caressed by the light of the stars
I'll lay my head on your chest
and in the sweetest dream forever we'll be
tasting the joy of living
our bodies will float above the mortality
untouched by death's sour kiss.

I'll take your hand and fly with you to the stars
and there our souls will discover immortality.

*À gauche de la lune et parmi les étoiles
nous trouverons l'amour éternel.
https://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/amongst-the-stars

.
2.7k · Feb 2016
To be or
Aeerdna Feb 2016
You are Shakespeare in a world of fools,
poetry in a world of broken words and
broken feelings.

in a world full of desperate cryings
and spiteful noises,
You are the jazz instrument that
makes it quiet in my mind.

You are love in the middle of
this war i am fighting with myself.

Your lips, pure art,
You are the smile
that brings colour
in this black-and-white world.

You
a dance in a summer rain,
You
a rebel lost in a world of rules,
a free bird,
a mystery,
You
the richest wine,
that makes my dark feelings
numb.

You,
beautiful as Vincent's Starry Night,
Your eyes are two blue moons
i get lost in
You,
the one who has a shelter in my mind,
You,
the purest feet that have ever stepped on my heart.

You,
the voice that lifts me from the abyss
whenever i fall.


To be or not to be is no longer a question,
to be with You
is the only answer.
Aeerdna Feb 2016
February is like one of the darkest nights,
a sleep full of nightmares,
it is like a bad, old cigarette,
filling up my lungs with
smoke
that won’t let me breathe.

February is like a muddy day,
anywhere I go it makes me feel miserable and filthy,
it makes me feel like a child whose birthday everyone forgot about,
February is like the monster under the bed,
it gets me scared and makes me cry
and I cannot sleep at night.

February makes me want to run away,
it’s like a bad mother who keeps on hurting her child,
it’s like a storm when you’re walking home after a hard day,
it's like the worst sunburn or
the worst paper cut.

February is like an endless Sunday
it’s like the saddest clown,
the most painful song,
February is like a cemetery at night,
like a day in a ****** war.

I have the same menu every February day
wine for breakfast and wine for lunch
and  some more wine for dinner..
I still can’t forget, I still can’t forget
the way you left.
I'll always love you anyway.
2.4k · Feb 2017
I know you know
Aeerdna Feb 2017
I know.
I know how our souls react
I am here and you are there
and like magnets we sometimes attract each other
and sometimes repel
it's just about the way we sit,
you see,
when we close our eyes
it's easier to feel.

And my heart is stained
and my hands are tattooed with sins
and I know,
there's too much blue in my eyes
and too much white in my soul,
too much winter
too much snow
for the fire that you are.

I know
and you know too
there is a ground we'll both step on,
Together,
when there won't be so much snow
when you will have forgiven my hands
and the blue in my eyes
will seem warm enough
for your heart.
2.4k · Mar 2016
religion and dying souls
Aeerdna Mar 2016
religion should be about hope
not putting fear in other people's souls
should be about about peace
not about starting wars
about forgiveness
not about punishing innocent hearts

imagine all the people living life in peace

but how can one do this when bombs are thrown
instead of love
when moms cry
and children die
peace is impossible to be seen
when music dies and we hear only desperate hearts
praying
begging
wondering why.

we have different Gods and rules
our prayers sound different
our holy books are not the same
and
there are many sins in our souls
but
you're not God, nor am I
and none of us should play
the game of washing sins away
with spilled blood
and shed tears.
I feel pain for all the victims of bomb attacks.
Aeerdna Aug 2016
I have thirteen bruises on my right leg
but none of them hurt as the one
you left on the left side of my heart.

there's a photograph on my bedside table
you thought the sun will shine
whenever I'd look at it,
now you have gone,
the sky in the picture has turned to something dark
no room for sun,
and there's dust on the photograph and you
you are just a shadow
on the sidewalk I fall on letting all the rain pour down on my soul,
and the sun is just a memory
and you are just an excuse to turn my smiles into tears
and I am just the dust
falling on your lungs.

and we were just a glimpse of happiness,
an illusion
a dream,
a lie I listen to
before my eyes close,
before the darkness comes in.
Aeerdna Aug 2015
Of course I remember that rainy day
you took me in your arms
and said you will protect me
you were like the perfect umbrella,
the kind that's big enough to not let
any drop of cold rain on my skin.

You were like one of those cottages
with an open fire,
you find in the middle of nowhere,
on a winter night while you're wandering by yourself
thinking you are about to die.
I was happy when I've found you,
I felt that you saved my life,
but, then the morning came and
I realised
you could protect me from the night and cold,
but you couldn't save me from the wanderer in me
from myself.
Aeerdna Mar 2017
There's a storm inside me
it starts every time I hear your laughter in the night,
when I think about the way we changed
from human beings
to some people who can only share
some words written on a cold page;

it's hard to explain how is it that I miss you
when I've never really had you in the first place
and you wouldn't understand
you see
your heart has long forgotten about feelings like these.

still

I hear your voice calling my name
I see you before my eyes
even in my dreams I write you in bleeding lines
and in my waking hours
your smile brings raindrops in my coffee
and tears on the shirt I wear
because once you said that you liked it;


spring brings tulips at my doorstep
but it's hard to feel their perfume
to let their scent in my broken lungs;

people tell me that all I have to do
is breathe



but it's hard to breathe without crying.
1.9k · May 2016
Ravel, you and the sea
Aeerdna May 2016
watch the sunset setting on fire
the concrete buildings you can see at the horizon,
feel the sand cooling in your palms
as the sun is one more time going down.
watch the stars while they slowly show
their bright faces between the clouds.

upon the sea
the moon again kisses the skies
before they go to sleep
and I'm not there,
I'm not there
to see it with you.


breath in the salty evening
hear the voices of the waves
singing unheard lyrics;

build a fire
gather some souls
a guitar sound,
you have it all.

wait for the sunrise to paint the clouds
dance with a stranger
while the Bolero with its crescendo
touches your mind
see the Black sea turning into Red
see the shy sunrays braided with the waves,
kiss the air while it is still fresh,
feel the sand as it gets warmer in your hands.
watch this life waking up again,
and if you have any free time
send me a picture of your perfect land.
or, better yet, send me a picture of your smile
after all, that's the image I most long to have
when the night breaks in
and I have only darkness between my clouds.

*upon the sea
the moon again kisses the skies
before she goes to sleep
and I'm not there,
I'm not there
to see it with you
There's a place, somewhere at the sea, where they play Bolero as the sun rises. One of the best sunrises I have ever lived to see/feel/hear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_HVNc6yV5U
.
1.8k · Jan 2017
Alice
Aeerdna Jan 2017
I love the way the Earth sings your name
It's like the skies are slowly falling
On piano tiles
That even the deaf can hear.
So pure, so slowly killing and reviving souls
At the same time.

I love the way you play with the wind
Like a child who learns how to play guitar
Sometimes foolishly breaking the strings
Sometimes creating music
That cuts deeply into my soul.

I love the way snow settles on your eyelashes
And how your eyes turn into a Wonderland
Where I don't shrink nor I grow
I just turn into someone
Who perfectly fits
In your world.
Aeerdna May 2016
You feel that you're falling, but
that's just your body rising to the skies.
See the sun shining upon the green fields
let the rain tickle you and
smile with your soul.

I know it hurts,
it does, of course,
after all
there's a war in your soul,
but, I tell you,
it's only your demons falling
the good in yourself is the one with the glory.

It's confusing, your legs are still weak
but slowly you'll forget about crawling
and start walking instead.

It takes time, you know
after living in the dark
it's hard to get used to the light
but you'll see
your eyes will stop hurting
and with the moon they'll shine
in the highest skies.

I know it's scary
and you only want to hide
you feel you're fading
but trust me when I tell you:
*You are not dying,
you're coming back to life.
wrote this to myself in one of my good moments
1.7k · Nov 2016
to my brother
Aeerdna Nov 2016
I am full of memories
painted on our ceiling
when we were just two kids
and the rain wasn't hurting anyone

do you remember the smell of smoke
coming from the leaves our mother used to set fire to?
remember the November sunsets
when we'd play stupid games
and none of us was a winner?

remember how we used to sit in front of the fire
playing cards and drinking wine
we thought our lives would be like a smooth sailing on the ocean
yet here we are
miles away from each other
and the music doesn't sound the same
and our cards are missing
still no one is a winner

still
the smell of burning leaves wakes me up at night
still
we are apart
and the wine we drink daily
has no taste
and we keep on playing
even though our lives are like a wrecked ship
in the middle of an ocean that's always dark
we are still lying to ourselves
but deep inside we do know
the wine has changed its colour

and so did our eyes.

much  darker they are
much clumsier our fingers
much number the feelings

and
somewhere,
the leaves are falling
and they are burning
we just can't smell them
                       anymore.
Aeerdna Apr 2017
I need to fill up my eyes with your smile
I need to take this cold skin I am wearing and turn it
into something you would wanna touch one day.

I'm holding to your memory
Like an old lady holding to a bag where she keeps the scraps
of a lonesome life—
A photograph, a book and some keys not opening any door.
Not anymore.

I remember the talks we used to have late at night
When you were asking me
Who or what I am
And I've never been able to give you an answear you'd like.
Never found it.

And now you don't ask me anymore
And it's late for anything I say
and the spring is showing her beauty in the air
while I am sitting here with my heart sinking in solitude.
And the wind is blowing, is bringing sadness in these  eyes of mine
while the blossoms are flying up to the sky.

And for the first time in my life I have an answer:

I am the girl with blossoms in her hair
and winter in the eyes

who loves you.
1.6k · May 2016
Death of roses
Aeerdna May 2016
We are but two roses in the same vase
sharing the same water
same light,
but our leaves never again touching.
You've grown colder
we've grown apart
separated yet together dying.

Tell me, why do we, roses, die so easily?

Our scents fading,
but our thorns getting sharper
in a world where all the flowers bloom
we are the ones to be wilting.

Tell me, why does the moonlight darken our colours?

I know
I will love you with all my thorns
and with my fading shades
until the last petal will fall
until the sun upon me
will stop shining.

*Tell me, why is there blood on your thorns
and why is my heart leaking?
Together we stand
divided we fall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFjmvfRvjTc
1.6k · May 2016
My silence, your pain
Aeerdna May 2016
There are clouds covering my soul
and I know the rain they're crying
is hurting your heart too.
I'd make it nice and shiny
just so you can feel the warmth,
but I don't know how to do it anymore.
Clouds of silence darkening me whole
unspoken words I have for you
are dying under the tempest
while the blank page stares at me
and I feel useless.

A rain of fire
burning us both.


The sun always shines after a storm
and I hope
a rainbow will appear
before these falling flames
will turn us to ashes
flying over the ocean between.
T
Aeerdna May 2016
**** smoke and alcohol on pavements
dreams melting under lamp posts at night
weak veins
broken hearts and broken minds
with no home to sleep tonight
memories of someone you used to be
haunting your shutting off brain.

how did you get here?

Freedom is the illusion feeding spirits
lost in 37.5% alcohol drinks,
laughing faces with no happiness within,
flying minds with broken wings,
forgetting the pure air
breathing in the dust taking you to a better place ,
blindly stepping the path leading to a bottomless pit.

are you alright?

going on trips with monsters eating your soul
everytime losing a bit more of yourself
this ocean your're sailing, darling,
is full of enchanting mermaids
you're listening again to their song
falling in their killing arms.
you're dying again.

hey, can you hear me?

No place for guardian angels
Death's whisper is all I can hear at night
everything it's fading
high flying you are
in intoxicated clouds.

hey, are you still there?

**** smoke and alcohol on pavements
drunken souls
drowning in the shadow
of the big city's lights.

*hello, please, come back to live.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf8n0rc1JHc
1.5k · Jun 2016
Grandma
Aeerdna Jun 2016
She's somewhere far away
sitting on her porch
watching the sun sinking behind the church tower
alone
breathing the warm air
as another day of her life
is going to an end.
80 years and no smile wrinkles on her cheeks
her forehead still a history book
where lines of war and struggle
are deeply written.

Her eyes full of colour,
her heart
a room where hope and sorrow
constantly fight against each other.

Her voice, a joy to hear
though it saddens me
knowing that she goes to sleep as the sun does—
lonely, in a dark, quiet infinity
1.5k · Jan 2017
the hill and the wind
Aeerdna Jan 2017
I was walking around aimlessly
In my dream last night
When I finally reached the hill
Between the end of the world
And the beginning of it;

And I climbed that hill
While the light was disolving into the dark
And the sky was blue and red
While the trees were silhouettes
Against the dark clouds.

Then the wind started blowing
And I felt sad and happy at the same time;
I closed my eyes and let it take away
Pieces of my restless soul—
I was dying, but never have I felt more alive.

When the last piece was about to fly
I woke and realised—
The wind was you
And I was no longer alive.

Forever cursed to wander
Between death and life.
Forever will I chase the wind
To get my soul back.
1.5k · Jun 2016
Angels are falling
Aeerdna Jun 2016
The angels are falling under the weight of the clouds
helplessly fighting with a world
where good hearts are hiding
frightened by the malice around.

The angels are falling,
their wings are dissolving
under the tempest coming
from clouds of hatred and darkness.
Their bodies with the light of stars are dying,
their dreams turning to dust
swept by monsters
under the rugs we're stepping on
saying that everything is fine,
turning our heads,
pretending we're not seeing
that the angels are falling
and the monsters are cleaning the roads
to an existence
without dreams
without purity.

The sound of guns covering the voices
of the innocent children we used to be
blindly we're walking
lying to ourselves
that everything it's gonna be alright.

The angels are falling
and with their tears
we're drowning
in a sea of blood,
in the emptiness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQL5zdEy-3k

.
1.5k · Mar 2016
temporary heroes
Aeerdna Mar 2016
looking for a fresh page
a new start
but I fail
the lights are still down
in the back of my brain
seems impossible to come out of this alive

looking for a hand to hold mine
a friendly smile
a saviour
but I am only lying to myself
as I know,
today's heroes are the ones
who tomorrow will shoot you down

I look for love
and kind words at night
I look for the star that's gonna make light on my path
I look for someone who'll tell me
that it is gonna be all right

I look around for rescuers
I picture them in my mind
I smile when I think that I might one day find
they're real
and I forget for a few moments
there are only temporary heroes
and the ones to save me today
will tomorrow be the first ones
to **** me with their ****** hands

I look around for temporary heroes
and I forget
that my only forever lasting hero
lives within myself
gotta learn to love myself
inspired by this voice https://youtu.be/vSNBy4bMJwU
1.5k · Apr 2016
Poetry is dead
Aeerdna Apr 2016
Poetry is dead
when you are not here
to write it in my heart
when your voice is too far away
to read it.

Poetry is dead
when your allure is feeding
strangers' souls on the streets
while I am here alone,
my soul starving.

Poetry is dead in all my being
I feel its ghost leaving my brains
I feel the emptiness inside
and I fear the days
when it will come haunt me
and I won't find a way
to write it.

Sleeping at night it's impossible
cause I hear a question screaming in my chest

When poetry is dead
is there anything out there
left
*alive?
https://youtu.be/Cw5beceIDWk



.
1.5k · Jun 2016
forget me not
Aeerdna Jun 2016
Forget me not
when my soul will go to sleep,
when my lungs will stop breathing
and my ashes will disappear in the wind,
when my eyes will shut,
my colours will fade to grey
and my words will quietly remain
behind my cold lips,
forget me not
when my time will come to go to the unknown world
when my legs will stop walking
and my heart will stop pumping
when my arms won't have the power
to hold you closely,
when I will be living only in the past tense,
in lost whispers
and fading memories
forget me not
forget me not
I'll still be here
I'll still be here
to kiss your heart.
1.5k · Apr 2016
ghost
Aeerdna Apr 2016
I cannot find the words to answer your lines,
it's been years since my skin touched yours at night
it's been a long night with no dreams
I am poor when it comes to writing about memories
and though our roads are separated now
you're still in some of the glasses I have
and in the cigarettes filling up my lungs.

I loved you the way I love
the sun touching me with its golden lights
the way I love waves crushing the shore at night
I had you with all my body
and with all the light
I was able to hold inside.

You had a way of digging in my heart
and make bluebirds fly in my evening sky
you were in my coldest nights
the blanket covering my heart.

time has passed and I know,
feelings get older everytime the moon shows her pale light
but believe me when I say
in my mind there are still memories
calling your name.

I'll keep you in the drawer of my mind
you've made me cry and you've made me smile
all in all we are just an ash blowing in the wildest wind
I loved you, I hope you know,
but it is time for us
to find another sun
another glass of poison
from which we'll drink and cheer
till in our dreams
we'll die under the  layers of our skins

I am sorry, dear,
but we had to pack our things
before destroying our souls,
I am sorry the love we shared so painfully died

I still hope you know
that
I loved you

the ghost of your name still haunts me sometimes
I know you still love me
and I wish one night
you'll find some other dreams to live inside
https://youtu.be/ZfW4-nP2G1Q
1.4k · Apr 2016
to you, my heroes
Aeerdna Apr 2016
shining little red hearts
glowing on my cold screen
beautiful words before my eyes
art entering my veins.
I'd give you thousands of heart
but I'm afraid
I only have one.

Beautiful words,
music to my sight,
touching my soul
my mind smiles
as I climb your beautiful lines
lines that make me weep and laugh
get me thinking
make me get lost
make me hurt
and make me feel alive
my eyes reading tirelessly
always asking for more.

Your words are the reason to smile at night
and in the mornings when storm falls
upon my inside land,
when the wind blows
is to you where I come
to find serenity.

My words are poor
and I am just a small letter
kneeling before
your majestic words.
To all the beautiful souls and minds here, especially to Anthropoetry (M'lady, always writing to  my soul), Shawna Michelle (absolutey amazing, just like the music you love), Sir WCA (a GENIUS with a banjo), Torin Galleshaw (I bow before you, Your Majesty!) MyDystopiA (OurUtopiA, sharing beautiful words coming from a beautiful soul), Akira Chinen (unique art, wonderful words), Pixievic (I hope you know you're an amazing warrior), Denel Kessler (my lovely, always making my mind travel to awesome places) and Harbinger of Belial (the one who makes me fall in love even with the superheroes and the characters I hate).
1.4k · Mar 2016
we'll be happy
Aeerdna Mar 2016
i'll dance in the rain falling in your heart
and you will dance with me
we'll laugh at it,
and we will never wake from the dream
we create inside ourselves
the nightmares they will stop
the rain will stop too
a rainbow will shine
and i will be there to see it
in your eyes

you'll dance in the rain falling in my heart
and i will dance with you
we'll be like madmen
we'll sing unheard songs
and the rain will go
i know
you'll be here to see
the sun shining in my soul.

we'll be happy.
https://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/well-be-happy
1.4k · Apr 2016
hiding
Aeerdna Apr 2016
restless every day
i fear the light,
i fear their faces
my heart beating fast at night
won't let me calm my brain.

i will hide in a cocoon
letting the waves of my mind
crush against every thought
driving me insane
never becoming a butterfly
never flying in the light
or i will build a tree house
and hide in there
until I die
or
until You find me.
1.4k · May 2016
before the silence breaks in
Aeerdna May 2016
Love!
Love like it's the last day
you are allowed to breathe.
Dream!
Dream like madmen
lunatics running in the streets
dream like children
wanting to touch the sky
with their paper wings.
Feel the air entering your skin
run, jump, scream,
watch the sunsets
talk to the moon
feel the rain
cry if you must,
laugh
travel to unknown places,
don't listen to the ones who tell you
that you're not supposed to dream,
touch horizons
enjoy the stars
and the sleepless nights.
look around to things tomorrow you might not have.
dance,
dance like crazy people
the way trees dance with the wind
dance
but don't forget to hear the music.
Life is a song
hear its melody
before the silence breaks in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQN7A6Vl1H4        

:)
1.4k · Apr 2016
sad-eyed lady
Aeerdna Apr 2016
there are so many words i could write you
but my mouth is locked again
my heart can't read anymore
wish i could tell you how i'd rebuild
the aurelian walls around you,
the king,
but i know my hands are useless now
and my mind has been washed away
by the same sea
you were trying to teach me
how to swim in.

and the beggars on the streets
they ask me for pennies
"from your kindness"
they say
but my cold eyes can't have it anymore.

my decisions are dark
i make mistakes
when i decide to whom i should give my soul,
when i decide what i should ****
when i forget everything i've learnt.

the music i used to love
the metaphors
they don't make sense to me anymore
not because i don't hear them
but because today
i've chosen to see and hear the reality.

sad-eyed lady i will be for some more
but i'll set you free from seeing the sadness
the pain
i wish i could love you
the way seagulls love to rest on the sand
the way children love their paper planes
i wish i could be
the angel you see
but i know
i am just a human being
stepping on souls.
1.4k · May 2016
A dream
Aeerdna May 2016
I saw war machines between the clouds
and while the sky was burning
people on the ground were living carelessly,
ignoring the Apocalypse above.

I saw a madman hysterically laughing and dancing
amongst  people with bleeding smiles
and I, as one of them,
was wandering by the river,
watching, listening,
not knowing if anything was real.

(A stranger took a picture of me
and I felt pretty.)

Then finding myself in the middle of nowhere
I saw demons burning everything I owned
—a poem, a dress, and your picture—
My legs frightened running and running and running
until my body touched the ground.
Breathless, suffocating,
I knew then
that it was the end.
just a summary of my dream last night
https://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/a-dream

.
1.4k · May 2016
Mother, it's autumn again
Aeerdna May 2016
Mother, in your hazel eyes I can see the rainbow
the trees flowering
the grass getting greener
rising to the bluest sky.
Mother, in your smile I see sadness
and your forehead is full of wrinkles,
in the space between your eyes I can see the worry,
Mother, your heart is a firefly in my night
when I close my eyes you guide me,
your hand so warm, I need it to hold mine
when it's cold in my mind.
Mother, you're so far
and I can't tell you that I'm hurting
I'm dying inside and I can't show you

Mother, you're so wise, please, tell me
why is it autumn again
if it's only May?

I see tulips so beautifully painting the sight
and yet in my heart
the last leaf has fallen.

Mother, oh Mother, tell me
when I will fall to the ground
will they step on me
or will they pick me up
and keep me between the pages of their hearts?

Mother, I'm just a leaf
and you don't know
that my autumn has come
to bury me again.
I am falling,
the dirt is covering me whole,
your hand is so far
I'm reaching but there's only the wind
tearing me apart.


*Mother, it's autumn again
and you can't see me falling.
Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAJ_74tDZzU

.
1.4k · Apr 2016
your song
Aeerdna Apr 2016
i'd sleep all day and constantly wake from nightmares
within nightmares
within nightmares
somehow couldn't recognise the reality,
lost in a blizzard of loud whispers
in a place filled with cold white coats and sick feelings
and worries painted on people's eyelids.

but now i hear your voice in the back of my eyes
i feel the words you say
i could say so many things
but my tongue is locked
my hands just shake
can't hold any letter
any vowel
the ashes of my words
are blown away from my lips

you're playing the strings of my brain
again and again
such a gentle touch,
a warm feeling that makes me forget
about the whispers and cold and worries.

i listened to your song in my sleep last night
and in a flash
the nightmare morphed into a dream
within a dream
within a dream
1.3k · Mar 2016
Rain from my veins
Aeerdna Mar 2016
in this quiet room
i can only hear the rain knocking on my window
i can only feel the storm in my head
dark and it's getting darker
light won't ever shine
cold and it's getting colder
it's autumn in my heart
dying with every leaf
i haven't got the will to live
my body aches
millions of needles through my skin
my heart dies little by little
i embrace the pain
i'm holding my breath
i find joy when closer to death
i am drowning in tears
cutting in my flesh
the rain from my veins falling harder and harder
red on my legs
red from my wrists
an ocean of misery i'm falling in
i cannot swim
i'm drowning in a sleep
that i'd like to last forever.
1.3k · May 2017
My skin still hurts
Aeerdna May 2017
It's been some time now
And I still haven't figured out how to walk past you
Without feeling that every muscle in my body is dying
Including the one beating in my chest
So fast
That my skin starts hurting.

And I'm sitting here now
Trying to cover my eyes with the smoke of the millionth cigarette I've smoked
Since I last saw your eyes.

And my skin still hurts.

And somehow
The calm rain washing the ground where I've spilled my drunken soul
Still sounds like your voice.

Like music does.

And my soul smells like you.

And my skin still hurts.

Like your absence does.

It's been some time now
And I still haven't figured out
How to close my eyes
Without seeing you in my dreams.

And my skin still hurts.

Like your smile does.
1.3k · May 2016
demon's hand
Aeerdna May 2016
A hand pushes me in the black
whenever a ray of colour dares to appear in my eyes,
even in my happiest moments
I feel its touch on my spine,
it sets worries on my forehead,
a hand designated by my inner demons
to keep me restless.

In the echo of my laughter
you can still hear the voice of my angst
eating me alive.


A hand wakes me up at night,
painting nightmares under my lashes,
pulling my muscles,
breaking my bones,
digging in my flesh with its sharp claws;
the ceiling pressing my face,
I die a million times and still it is not enough.
it never stops.
.
My mind hurts,
heart beats too fast,
cracking up my weak veins.
Paralysed
I scream and cry,
afraid of the next nightmare,
I hope one day I will be able to hide.

*In the echo of my scream
you can still hear the leftovers of someone
who once wanted to live.
anxiety&Co.;

.
1.3k · May 2016
tell me
Aeerdna May 2016
7am again, but in my room it's still night
light won't come inside
though the sun already shines
in the highest skies
in the highest skies.

Cold again, laying in my bed
I miss your warmth
I miss your hand
I call you and in the quiet air,
I feel your absence in my veins
killing me again
killing me again.

I need you to teach me
how to see the light
shining upon the sea
I need you to tell me
how am I supposed to breathe
when you're not here.


I look around to find your shadow
in every corner of my world
I see only emptiness
a desert for my inner flowers.
Oh, tell me,
where have you gone
where have you gone?

Alone I'm wandering again
these streets of despair
dead people walking around me
and I know, oh, I know
without your air
I'll soon be one of them.

*I need you to teach me
how to see the light
shining upon the sea
I need you to tell me
how am I supposed to breathe
when you're not here
don't know why I posted this one
1.3k · May 2017
No distance is enough
Aeerdna May 2017
Unable to sleep
Though my eyes are so tired
From having to see all the pain
I pour in the mirror
Day by day.

(They've never felt better than the last time when your face was reflected in their blue shade).

I switch from side to side
In this bed where your absence
Makes me feel like I am in the middle of a snowstorm
While I'm trying to run from all those monsters
I once told you about.
The ones your voice would chase away at night
Just by calling and saying that everything is all right.

And

I miss the way your arms around me made me feel warm
On that Friday night
When the worst monster was the train taking me away from your side.

And I miss you.

But that's something I am not suppose to say.
Not now.
Not now that the Universe has decided
To place our hearts at a safe distance one from the other.

And under these layers of skin and flesh
I can feel my soul turning into a pile of dust
wearing the scent of your embrace.

After all,
I guess,
No distance is long enough
For a heart filled with longing.
and pain.
1.3k · Feb 2016
forgetting the light
Aeerdna Feb 2016
I can’t remember the last time
I walked in light,
nor how the sun felt on my skin,
it’s always dark in here
and while trying to make my way in any direction
I find myself stumbling upon souls I lost and souls I miss
and pieces of long forgotten feelings,
I find myself falling over words that can never be taken back
over regrets that have never been said,
I hurt myself
when I step on memories crashing under my feet and
on broken mirrors wearing my once bright face,
or on silent songs that once used to be loud.

Like a child learning how to ride a bike,
I will keep on falling over and over again,
but I’ll never learn
cause there is no one here to hold onto the saddle.
https://soundcloud.com/user-572616190/forgetting-the-light
1.3k · Feb 2016
in distance
Aeerdna Feb 2016
The most beautiful smiles come sometimes with tears,
The deepest feelings can come with distance.

The distance between me and you
cannot be measured in miles, or kilometres, hours of travelling, nor in any other unit invented by mankind;
it is measured in feelings and thoughts,
in dreams and longings
in "wish you were here" messages sent at 2:32am from a drunk heart who has forgotten the touch of a kind warm hand
it's measured in unsaid words and unshared laughs ,
in skin that has not been touched and tears that have not been wiped
in mental blocks caused by a picture you can't stop staring at
in mad driven souls screaming the same name endlessly
in hearts beating fast at the sound of a ringing phone,
it is measured in empty arms
in lonely walks at night
in the morning coffee poured in only one cup and tables for one at the restaurant
in cold beds
sleepless nights
in eyes that don't meet
lips becoming dry because of the absence of that special kiss.
It is measured in never coming true wishes.

Such a long, painful, distance between me and you
I will always be able to reach you
only with the fingertips
of my mind.
https://soundcloud.com/user-536430323/in-distance  

(thank you, Bill)
1.2k · Aug 2016
Illusion
Aeerdna Aug 2016
Trying to fill the empty spaces
with coffee stained pages
and the memory of a kiss on a windy night
when you were both drunk and under your closed eyes
there was only the illusion
of a different tomorrow
where birds would sing the music of your mind
where planes would take you
to a place where the roses never die.
You  fall asleep every night picturing yourself
wearing a nice shirt and a pretty **** smile
and in your dreams
her white dress dances around your body
in the shadow of a ****** red sky.

Is it hope or is it just a lie?

Eating crumbs of happiness from the pavement
won't turn you into a pigeon,
you're still a fish
swimming in a bowl of pain
surrounded by the smoke of the cigarette left burning in the heart serving as an ashtray.

And in the end you realize
that life is just a space between hellos and goodbyes.
1.2k · Apr 2016
your song is not for me
Aeerdna Apr 2016
You are at the end of my fingertips
yet your heart so far away,
I  can't ask you to keep me warm
on nights when icicles stab my soul.

Dreaming daily
though I know
the song you sing
is  not for my ears to hear,
the stars you love
are not for my eyes to see.

The wind whispers your name
through the pores of my skin,
loneliness and pain getting greater everyday.
The sky is falling over me again
and you can't see my despair.
Weak, collapsing,
looking  for your strings to ease the fall
and at the end of my fingertips
there's just a cold, quiet picture
haunting me whole.

I look for you and I know
that it is not in heavens
nor in hell
where I want to find you
but
on this Earth
walking
next to me.
In vain I look
my heart will once more die in silence
cause the sky is falling over me again
but you are not here
and it's not for me the song you sing.
https ://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/your-song-is-not-for-me

https://youtu.be/jfNOdsvMke4
1.2k · May 2016
creep
Aeerdna May 2016
Today I cannot write,
my soul crawling in  misery
I have a lump in my throat
and all I can do is fight the wish
to cut it out.

At the end of my fingertips
the words are dying
as I touch them with my red nails
and in my mind I am slowly realising
that the world is not the place
where I belong.

I'm a misfit,
a creep ,
my ugliness  building walls in my soul,
my eyes are bleeding,
while in my heart I am still wondering
whether I deserve to be loved.

upon myself the sky cries
icy teardrops
cracking up my brain
my skin hurts
and in my soul
the answer to my question is a big NO.

*No, love will never find its road towards my soul.
1.2k · Oct 2016
shooting...star
Aeerdna Oct 2016
A shooting star
my whole existence is
I used to believe that I am a new human
in your colourful life
a shooting star star
falling on the open field of hopes
of your dreams
I am falling now
with each and every  breath of yours
with every sun that rises
with every sun that dies
I am that shooting star
you believed in
but
I can't make your wish come true
I will just make myself true
even though
I don't shine in your Universe
even though
I am just the dying star
you have stepped on
on a lonely night
when the moon was shining
and the night on your heart
was covered with clouds.

I am the shooting star
falling
dreaming
of your eyes
of your smile.

In silence, I know
I am the only shooting star
with a destiny of its own.

A star who doesn't smile
nor falls
A star who just leaves
like the smoke of your cigarette
in the wind.

I am the shooting star star
you didn't see
the one who loves you
and you did not
believe.
1.2k · Dec 2015
words and imaginary smiles
Aeerdna Dec 2015
When I think of you,
I see this imaginary person my mind has created
to make the pain easier to endure,
I see you reading my words
and writing to me,
worried or smiling,
sometimes happy, but most of the time sad.

When I think of you,
I can feel the warmth coming from your soul
even though it is full of cold darkness and full of demons in there,
when I think of you
I imagine your beautiful smile,
your voice whispering healing words,
your eyes looking into my heart,
I can see myself being in your arms and feeling safe.

When I think of you
I imagine someone who would wait for me
in a small, warm-lighted house,
at the end of a hard winter day.

When I think of you,
I see someone who would
Make soup for me when I am down and hungry.

When I think of you, it sometimes hurts
because I will never know if you are real,
I will never have the smile,
I will always have only the words.

When I think of you
I have the feeling of emptiness,
like a cold winter wind blows in my body.
I feel like my stomach clenches up in knots,
and I can't breathe or speak any more.

When I think you, it hurts so much
because I'm always down,
I'm always hungry.
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