Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Mar 2018 · 627
It's all in numbers
Aeerdna Mar 2018
I have never thought about getting here
27 years old and 10 pounds lighter than 8 weeks ago
It's all in numbers, you see
Like
How many cigarettes I have smoked today
How many drinks I've had
How many times I've lost you

It's all in numbers
And as I count the eyelashes shadowing my eyes
I still remember
That
It's been 1000 years
Since my heart has been
Broken down.

The way it has been
In these 24 hours
Since you decided to say goodbye
For the last time.





H
May 2017 · 1.1k
My skin still hurts
Aeerdna May 2017
It's been some time now
And I still haven't figured out how to walk past you
Without feeling that every muscle in my body is dying
Including the one beating in my chest
So fast
That my skin starts hurting.

And I'm sitting here now
Trying to cover my eyes with the smoke of the millionth cigarette I've smoked
Since I last saw your eyes.

And my skin still hurts.

And somehow
The calm rain washing the ground where I've spilled my drunken soul
Still sounds like your voice.

Like music does.

And my soul smells like you.

And my skin still hurts.

Like your absence does.

It's been some time now
And I still haven't figured out
How to close my eyes
Without seeing you in my dreams.

And my skin still hurts.

Like your smile does.
May 2017 · 1.2k
No distance is enough
Aeerdna May 2017
Unable to sleep
Though my eyes are so tired
From having to see all the pain
I pour in the mirror
Day by day.

(They've never felt better than the last time when your face was reflected in their blue shade).

I switch from side to side
In this bed where your absence
Makes me feel like I am in the middle of a snowstorm
While I'm trying to run from all those monsters
I once told you about.
The ones your voice would chase away at night
Just by calling and saying that everything is all right.

And

I miss the way your arms around me made me feel warm
On that Friday night
When the worst monster was the train taking me away from your side.

And I miss you.

But that's something I am not suppose to say.
Not now.
Not now that the Universe has decided
To place our hearts at a safe distance one from the other.

And under these layers of skin and flesh
I can feel my soul turning into a pile of dust
wearing the scent of your embrace.

After all,
I guess,
No distance is long enough
For a heart filled with longing.
and pain.
Aeerdna Apr 2017
I need to fill up my eyes with your smile
I need to take this cold skin I am wearing and turn it
into something you would wanna touch one day.

I'm holding to your memory
Like an old lady holding to a bag where she keeps the scraps
of a lonesome life—
A photograph, a book and some keys not opening any door.
Not anymore.

I remember the talks we used to have late at night
When you were asking me
Who or what I am
And I've never been able to give you an answear you'd like.
Never found it.

And now you don't ask me anymore
And it's late for anything I say
and the spring is showing her beauty in the air
while I am sitting here with my heart sinking in solitude.
And the wind is blowing, is bringing sadness in these  eyes of mine
while the blossoms are flying up to the sky.

And for the first time in my life I have an answer:

I am the girl with blossoms in her hair
and winter in the eyes

who loves you.
Aeerdna Mar 2017
There's a storm inside me
it starts every time I hear your laughter in the night,
when I think about the way we changed
from human beings
to some people who can only share
some words written on a cold page;

it's hard to explain how is it that I miss you
when I've never really had you in the first place
and you wouldn't understand
you see
your heart has long forgotten about feelings like these.

still

I hear your voice calling my name
I see you before my eyes
even in my dreams I write you in bleeding lines
and in my waking hours
your smile brings raindrops in my coffee
and tears on the shirt I wear
because once you said that you liked it;


spring brings tulips at my doorstep
but it's hard to feel their perfume
to let their scent in my broken lungs;

people tell me that all I have to do
is breathe



but it's hard to breathe without crying.
Mar 2017 · 8.5k
Time loops
Aeerdna Mar 2017
Trapped in a time loop
where all that happens is you
coming to me, kissing my feelings with your smile,
then crashing me
and leaving me there
with my naked hopes
hiding in the deepest grounds of my heart
again and again.

I am the prisoner of my own deathly wishes,
of the same repeating illusions,
and your voice in my head
is singing the same song on repeat
like a broken cassette
stuck in this old, rusty radio that is my mind.

I am trapped in a time loop
and all I do
is getting lost
somewhere on the paths of your soul
where my dreams get born
just so they can go to die.
Feb 2017 · 2.1k
I know you know
Aeerdna Feb 2017
I know.
I know how our souls react
I am here and you are there
and like magnets we sometimes attract each other
and sometimes repel
it's just about the way we sit,
you see,
when we close our eyes
it's easier to feel.

And my heart is stained
and my hands are tattooed with sins
and I know,
there's too much blue in my eyes
and too much white in my soul,
too much winter
too much snow
for the fire that you are.

I know
and you know too
there is a ground we'll both step on,
Together,
when there won't be so much snow
when you will have forgiven my hands
and the blue in my eyes
will seem warm enough
for your heart.
Jan 2017 · 986
Maybe
Aeerdna Jan 2017
Maybe it's not about this
Maybe it's not about the way you say my name
Or about the paper planes you wrote our dreams on
And then tried to fly them from your room
To my hands.

Maybe it's not about the songs you played to me
On your old guitar
Neither about the way your laugh would come killing
Every sad minute in my life.

Maybe its not about the way you'd show me the snow and the sun
The rain
And the autumn in your eyes.

Maybe it's not about the way you've taught me
how to fight loneliness
Or how to smile and chase away the demons in my head.

Maybe it's not about any of these.
Or maybe it's about everything.


Maybe it's about the fact that I love you
And
You've never taught me
How to stop this.

All I know is
Paper planes don't always fly
Only my dreams do
All the time.

Away from me
Away from you
Away from us.
Jan 2017 · 1.7k
Alice
Aeerdna Jan 2017
I love the way the Earth sings your name
It's like the skies are slowly falling
On piano tiles
That even the deaf can hear.
So pure, so slowly killing and reviving souls
At the same time.

I love the way you play with the wind
Like a child who learns how to play guitar
Sometimes foolishly breaking the strings
Sometimes creating music
That cuts deeply into my soul.

I love the way snow settles on your eyelashes
And how your eyes turn into a Wonderland
Where I don't shrink nor I grow
I just turn into someone
Who perfectly fits
In your world.
Jan 2017 · 1.3k
the hill and the wind
Aeerdna Jan 2017
I was walking around aimlessly
In my dream last night
When I finally reached the hill
Between the end of the world
And the beginning of it;

And I climbed that hill
While the light was disolving into the dark
And the sky was blue and red
While the trees were silhouettes
Against the dark clouds.

Then the wind started blowing
And I felt sad and happy at the same time;
I closed my eyes and let it take away
Pieces of my restless soul—
I was dying, but never have I felt more alive.

When the last piece was about to fly
I woke and realised—
The wind was you
And I was no longer alive.

Forever cursed to wander
Between death and life.
Forever will I chase the wind
To get my soul back.
Jan 2017 · 791
It does(n't) hurt so much
Aeerdna Jan 2017
I'd break these feelings
Into litlle pieces
Rearrange them with by bare fingers
Into something
That doesn't hurt as much.

I'd put my soul into the streets
Let it be stepped on by million feet
And still
It wouldn't hurt as much.

I'd take your name, your smile your touches
And put them somewhere in some old pockets
And then it won't hurt so much.

But here I am with all these feelings
And they are not into pieces
No
They are not.

And my soul is still inside me
I can feel it burning, stabbing
Oh, oh, it hurts so much!
And your face, your smile and touches
They are are still here, in my pockets.
Oh, they hurt so much.

So I'll take this mirror in front of me
Break it into little pieces
rearrange them with my bare fingers
Into a face that wears a smile.

And I'll pretend
That it doesn't hurt so much.

It doesn't hurt that much.
For my Robin
Jan 2017 · 630
robin
Aeerdna Jan 2017
and then somewhere
over a blues song
I can hear your voice
and I miss you,
my feelings, they get harder and harder to breath with
I am dying under some guitar strings
and I want you
and there is no desert that needs water
as much as I need  you.
you to be mine
to be mine
https://vimeo.com/139491899
Nov 2016 · 1.7k
to my brother
Aeerdna Nov 2016
I am full of memories
painted on our ceiling
when we were just two kids
and the rain wasn't hurting anyone

do you remember the smell of smoke
coming from the leaves our mother used to set fire to?
remember the November sunsets
when we'd play stupid games
and none of us was a winner?

remember how we used to sit in front of the fire
playing cards and drinking wine
we thought our lives would be like a smooth sailing on the ocean
yet here we are
miles away from each other
and the music doesn't sound the same
and our cards are missing
still no one is a winner

still
the smell of burning leaves wakes me up at night
still
we are apart
and the wine we drink daily
has no taste
and we keep on playing
even though our lives are like a wrecked ship
in the middle of an ocean that's always dark
we are still lying to ourselves
but deep inside we do know
the wine has changed its colour

and so did our eyes.

much  darker they are
much clumsier our fingers
much number the feelings

and
somewhere,
the leaves are falling
and they are burning
we just can't smell them
                       anymore.
Oct 2016 · 933
Solitude
Aeerdna Oct 2016
Solitude,
The extension of my body,
Living at the end of my fingertips,
Eating me alive.

Solitude,
The friend I've had for years,
The only one to wipe my tears
As I die in my sleep.

Solitude,
Oh, Solitude,
The one who never leaves,
Never disappears,
The one I'll always have
Here, with me.

Solitude,
In the darkest corners of my mind
I will always find you
loving me, caressing me.

Solitude,
Oh, Solitude...
My one and only


Solitude
Oct 2016 · 1.9k
shooting...star
Aeerdna Oct 2016
A shooting star
my whole existence is
I used to believe that I am a new human
in your colourful life
a shooting star star
falling on the open field of hopes
of your dreams
I am falling now
with each and every  breath of yours
with every sun that rises
with every sun that dies
I am that shooting star
you believed in
but
I can't make your wish come true
I will just make myself true
even though
I don't shine in your Universe
even though
I am just the dying star
you have stepped on
on a lonely night
when the moon was shining
and the night on your heart
was covered with clouds.

I am the shooting star
falling
dreaming
of your eyes
of your smile.

In silence, I know
I am the only shooting star
with a destiny of its own.

A star who doesn't smile
nor falls
A star who just leaves
like the smoke of your cigarette
in the wind.

I am the shooting star star
you didn't see
the one who loves you
and you did not
believe.
Sep 2016 · 867
Look at me, I...
Aeerdna Sep 2016
Look at me
I'm an illusion
Breathing air
From your lungs.

Look at me
I'm a song
You used to love
But not anymore

Look at me
I'm the dream
You once had
In your open eyes

Look at me
Slipping through your fingers
A flower in the sand
A drunk on the sidewalk
Dying like the hopes
Of those who thought
That love
Will one day
conquer the world.

Look at me
Now
A naked ghost
Searching for a place to go
Away from your storm
Away from your soul
Away from all I used to know

Look at me
breathing
disolving
My own illusion
Becoming.
Sep 2016 · 709
love story
Aeerdna Sep 2016
We've been breaking each other
for years,
day by day,
piece by piece,
until
there was nothing left of us
but pain
and misery
and the ghost of a love
wandering the lonely streets
of our souls.
Sep 2016 · 659
behind a window
Aeerdna Sep 2016
Behind the window where raindrops rest
there lies a world dying
under the red sky
a world where the half moon
still looks for its temporary sun,
a world where hope buries people alive
while silver birds are flying
to another sunrise.
behind the window where stars cry
lies my soul
still looking for you
under the dark clouds
of a room
with a dying light.
Aeerdna Aug 2016
I have thirteen bruises on my right leg
but none of them hurt as the one
you left on the left side of my heart.

there's a photograph on my bedside table
you thought the sun will shine
whenever I'd look at it,
now you have gone,
the sky in the picture has turned to something dark
no room for sun,
and there's dust on the photograph and you
you are just a shadow
on the sidewalk I fall on letting all the rain pour down on my soul,
and the sun is just a memory
and you are just an excuse to turn my smiles into tears
and I am just the dust
falling on your lungs.

and we were just a glimpse of happiness,
an illusion
a dream,
a lie I listen to
before my eyes close,
before the darkness comes in.
Aug 2016 · 6.2k
on the Wood St.
Aeerdna Aug 2016
I remember the days when we were two stupid kids,
we were eating blackberries grown on tombs
and the moon was just a big stone
the sun was leaving its last breath on.

Now I am looking for you on the Wood street
where you last time smiled at me,
on the Wood street where people eat with their hands
the remains  of those burned by unhappiness,
while fools sing about love and dreams and the holes in their hearts.

I am looking for you
and I don't know whether you are a human or a dream
or the ash
that slips through my frozen fingers.

Maybe you are just the hole in my soul,
maybe the moon is more than a big stone,
maybe I loved you
maybe
you are still there somewhere
in the Sun's last breath.
Maybe it's just your smile
that has burned
covering my soul
my hands.
Aug 2016 · 630
Misery blues
Aeerdna Aug 2016
All the full moons are buried
under the pavements ***** feet are walking on,
and all the stars above are crying
but you can't hear them, can you?

Your tears are louder than the noise of the clouds breaking above your head
and children with no mothers are smashing benches in the parks
at 11 o'clock in the night,
but we both know that at that hour it's only your loneliness you care about.

People in the streets are haunting virtual monsters using their phones
while the real ones are eating the skin off their spines.
We are talking about wars and guns and all the **** going around
We want change, but, really, how much have you changed in the last three months?

Is it just me, or the world is really ****** up?

The cigarette is burning your fingers
and your lungs can't breath
because the air around you doesn't smell like the one you love.
Drown again your brain in alcohol,
hide all the lies in your pockets
and leave your hopes under the same pillow
your head will sleep on
seeing all the nightmares eating you alive.

One more glass of wine and you'll be fine
one more tear to spill on the regrets
another day is awaiting
the sun will rise again
and in the red clouds smiling in the morning
you'll only see the moon crying from beneath your feet.

At least you're alive,
I guess that's the only thing to be happy about.

Or is it?
Aug 2016 · 965
Illusion
Aeerdna Aug 2016
Trying to fill the empty spaces
with coffee stained pages
and the memory of a kiss on a windy night
when you were both drunk and under your closed eyes
there was only the illusion
of a different tomorrow
where birds would sing the music of your mind
where planes would take you
to a place where the roses never die.
You  fall asleep every night picturing yourself
wearing a nice shirt and a pretty **** smile
and in your dreams
her white dress dances around your body
in the shadow of a ****** red sky.

Is it hope or is it just a lie?

Eating crumbs of happiness from the pavement
won't turn you into a pigeon,
you're still a fish
swimming in a bowl of pain
surrounded by the smoke of the cigarette left burning in the heart serving as an ashtray.

And in the end you realize
that life is just a space between hellos and goodbyes.
Jul 2016 · 668
find me
Aeerdna Jul 2016
Find me at the edge of the world
with my heart rotting
amongst the remainigs of my life
the skeletons of my dreams and the ghosts of my hopes,
find me there
and let me die
in the space between your eyes
or even better-
in the space between
your
arms
Jun 2016 · 1.0k
what remains
Aeerdna Jun 2016
I am a front line soldier
fighting in a war with you
with your smile,
fighting the feelings growing inside
like monsters they are eating me alive
weakly stepping towards my end,
my eyes full of thorns are bleeding,
hurt by the teeth biting my soul
falling under your cannonball eyes
dashed to the ground
shattered like glass
sparrows of Death eating me piece by piece
under the red moon
again dying because of your smile
and your cold hands.
and all that remains
of what I am
is
*you.
shooting over and over again
Jun 2016 · 835
Ain't gonna rain anymore
Aeerdna Jun 2016
And if the rain will put you to ground
I'll grow wings and fly you somewhere in a different world
I'll take you in a room painted in your favourite colours
and with blue skies drawings on the windows.
I'll turn myself into light
and burn for you everyday until the end of my life;
I'll be your moon in the night
I'll collect stars and place them on your ceiling
and night birds will sing you lullabies;
I'll send the rain away
to the farthest worlds
and inside you I'll plant
a peaceful air that will never be defeated
by thunder or gloomy times.

If the rain will put you down
I'll give you my hand
and fly you away
in my heart.

My eyes will become
a blue-green rainbow
behind your smile.

*And rain will never sadden you again.
Jun 2016 · 1.5k
forget me not
Aeerdna Jun 2016
Forget me not
when my soul will go to sleep,
when my lungs will stop breathing
and my ashes will disappear in the wind,
when my eyes will shut,
my colours will fade to grey
and my words will quietly remain
behind my cold lips,
forget me not
when my time will come to go to the unknown world
when my legs will stop walking
and my heart will stop pumping
when my arms won't have the power
to hold you closely,
when I will be living only in the past tense,
in lost whispers
and fading memories
forget me not
forget me not
I'll still be here
I'll still be here
to kiss your heart.
Jun 2016 · 1.0k
I will live
Aeerdna Jun 2016
I will live until the tempest in your heart
will silence the demons in my head
while the sunset will bless
our holding hands.

I will live until your breath
will caress my skin
and the moon instead of seeds of sorrow
will plant hope deep in our souls.

I will live until these words and dreams
haunting me at night
wandering my mind
from my heart will land
on the top of your lips.

Until then I'll live
and when your eyes will find their place in mine
I will exit this life and enter a new one
created by the happiness you'll bring
with a kiss.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y82uMwGFfVI

:)
Jun 2016 · 1.4k
Angels are falling
Aeerdna Jun 2016
The angels are falling under the weight of the clouds
helplessly fighting with a world
where good hearts are hiding
frightened by the malice around.

The angels are falling,
their wings are dissolving
under the tempest coming
from clouds of hatred and darkness.
Their bodies with the light of stars are dying,
their dreams turning to dust
swept by monsters
under the rugs we're stepping on
saying that everything is fine,
turning our heads,
pretending we're not seeing
that the angels are falling
and the monsters are cleaning the roads
to an existence
without dreams
without purity.

The sound of guns covering the voices
of the innocent children we used to be
blindly we're walking
lying to ourselves
that everything it's gonna be alright.

The angels are falling
and with their tears
we're drowning
in a sea of blood,
in the emptiness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQL5zdEy-3k

.
Jun 2016 · 1.5k
Grandma
Aeerdna Jun 2016
She's somewhere far away
sitting on her porch
watching the sun sinking behind the church tower
alone
breathing the warm air
as another day of her life
is going to an end.
80 years and no smile wrinkles on her cheeks
her forehead still a history book
where lines of war and struggle
are deeply written.

Her eyes full of colour,
her heart
a room where hope and sorrow
constantly fight against each other.

Her voice, a joy to hear
though it saddens me
knowing that she goes to sleep as the sun does—
lonely, in a dark, quiet infinity
Aeerdna May 2016
**** smoke and alcohol on pavements
dreams melting under lamp posts at night
weak veins
broken hearts and broken minds
with no home to sleep tonight
memories of someone you used to be
haunting your shutting off brain.

how did you get here?

Freedom is the illusion feeding spirits
lost in 37.5% alcohol drinks,
laughing faces with no happiness within,
flying minds with broken wings,
forgetting the pure air
breathing in the dust taking you to a better place ,
blindly stepping the path leading to a bottomless pit.

are you alright?

going on trips with monsters eating your soul
everytime losing a bit more of yourself
this ocean your're sailing, darling,
is full of enchanting mermaids
you're listening again to their song
falling in their killing arms.
you're dying again.

hey, can you hear me?

No place for guardian angels
Death's whisper is all I can hear at night
everything it's fading
high flying you are
in intoxicated clouds.

hey, are you still there?

**** smoke and alcohol on pavements
drunken souls
drowning in the shadow
of the big city's lights.

*hello, please, come back to live.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf8n0rc1JHc
May 2016 · 1.2k
tell me
Aeerdna May 2016
7am again, but in my room it's still night
light won't come inside
though the sun already shines
in the highest skies
in the highest skies.

Cold again, laying in my bed
I miss your warmth
I miss your hand
I call you and in the quiet air,
I feel your absence in my veins
killing me again
killing me again.

I need you to teach me
how to see the light
shining upon the sea
I need you to tell me
how am I supposed to breathe
when you're not here.


I look around to find your shadow
in every corner of my world
I see only emptiness
a desert for my inner flowers.
Oh, tell me,
where have you gone
where have you gone?

Alone I'm wandering again
these streets of despair
dead people walking around me
and I know, oh, I know
without your air
I'll soon be one of them.

*I need you to teach me
how to see the light
shining upon the sea
I need you to tell me
how am I supposed to breathe
when you're not here
don't know why I posted this one
May 2016 · 3.3k
Amongst the stars
Aeerdna May 2016
I'll take your hand as I've had in many dreams
and together we'll fly in the night's sky
our love braided with the numberless stars
will make angels cry.

We'll find our place next to the moon
caressed by the light of the stars
I'll lay my head on your chest
and in the sweetest dream forever we'll be
tasting the joy of living
our bodies will float above the mortality
untouched by death's sour kiss.

I'll take your hand and fly with you to the stars
and there our souls will discover immortality.

*À gauche de la lune et parmi les étoiles
nous trouverons l'amour éternel.
https://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/amongst-the-stars

.
May 2016 · 1.5k
My silence, your pain
Aeerdna May 2016
There are clouds covering my soul
and I know the rain they're crying
is hurting your heart too.
I'd make it nice and shiny
just so you can feel the warmth,
but I don't know how to do it anymore.
Clouds of silence darkening me whole
unspoken words I have for you
are dying under the tempest
while the blank page stares at me
and I feel useless.

A rain of fire
burning us both.


The sun always shines after a storm
and I hope
a rainbow will appear
before these falling flames
will turn us to ashes
flying over the ocean between.
T
May 2016 · 1.3k
A dream
Aeerdna May 2016
I saw war machines between the clouds
and while the sky was burning
people on the ground were living carelessly,
ignoring the Apocalypse above.

I saw a madman hysterically laughing and dancing
amongst  people with bleeding smiles
and I, as one of them,
was wandering by the river,
watching, listening,
not knowing if anything was real.

(A stranger took a picture of me
and I felt pretty.)

Then finding myself in the middle of nowhere
I saw demons burning everything I owned
—a poem, a dress, and your picture—
My legs frightened running and running and running
until my body touched the ground.
Breathless, suffocating,
I knew then
that it was the end.
just a summary of my dream last night
https://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/a-dream

.
Aeerdna May 2016
You feel that you're falling, but
that's just your body rising to the skies.
See the sun shining upon the green fields
let the rain tickle you and
smile with your soul.

I know it hurts,
it does, of course,
after all
there's a war in your soul,
but, I tell you,
it's only your demons falling
the good in yourself is the one with the glory.

It's confusing, your legs are still weak
but slowly you'll forget about crawling
and start walking instead.

It takes time, you know
after living in the dark
it's hard to get used to the light
but you'll see
your eyes will stop hurting
and with the moon they'll shine
in the highest skies.

I know it's scary
and you only want to hide
you feel you're fading
but trust me when I tell you:
*You are not dying,
you're coming back to life.
wrote this to myself in one of my good moments
May 2016 · 1.6k
Death of roses
Aeerdna May 2016
We are but two roses in the same vase
sharing the same water
same light,
but our leaves never again touching.
You've grown colder
we've grown apart
separated yet together dying.

Tell me, why do we, roses, die so easily?

Our scents fading,
but our thorns getting sharper
in a world where all the flowers bloom
we are the ones to be wilting.

Tell me, why does the moonlight darken our colours?

I know
I will love you with all my thorns
and with my fading shades
until the last petal will fall
until the sun upon me
will stop shining.

*Tell me, why is there blood on your thorns
and why is my heart leaking?
Together we stand
divided we fall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFjmvfRvjTc
May 2016 · 660
haunted
Aeerdna May 2016
I see the red sun sinking in the horizon
before my eyes the sky is burning,
the half moon shyly smiling
but it is in on her dark side
where my heart is falling.

I breathe in the scent of the evening
trying to remember the days
when I was happy only because I was living.
the soft wind wants to give me wings
but my mind is drowning
in the river running wildly next to my aching body

as the night gets darker,
my ghosts are revealing their faces,
my demons are waiting on the right side of my bed
and while the stars will dance their waltz
I will be sleeping with my fears
and let the nightmares bite again
another piece of my restless soul.
https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4
May 2016 · 1.2k
prisoner
Aeerdna May 2016
You came into my life
the way spring comes to wake up everything around
planting flowers in my soul
making the sun rise
and the stars shine
when all I could see was darkness
and moonless skies.

Like a prisoner dreaming of freedom
I spend my darkest hours dreaming of you
in my heart there was such a hole
and you with a smile
filled it whole.

Water has a bad taste
cause my lips are pinning for your sweet wine
and nothing  can compare with the elixir
my hearth wants to have

I would fall in hell a million times
to feel the way your flame burns my body,
I will prey to all the gods of the world
to  have you in my eyes
the way I have you in my mind

I am a prisoner and you such a free soul
I am a prisoner
dreaming of the freedom
the freedom you are
in my weakest bones.
May 2016 · 1.2k
creep
Aeerdna May 2016
Today I cannot write,
my soul crawling in  misery
I have a lump in my throat
and all I can do is fight the wish
to cut it out.

At the end of my fingertips
the words are dying
as I touch them with my red nails
and in my mind I am slowly realising
that the world is not the place
where I belong.

I'm a misfit,
a creep ,
my ugliness  building walls in my soul,
my eyes are bleeding,
while in my heart I am still wondering
whether I deserve to be loved.

upon myself the sky cries
icy teardrops
cracking up my brain
my skin hurts
and in my soul
the answer to my question is a big NO.

*No, love will never find its road towards my soul.
May 2016 · 1.4k
before the silence breaks in
Aeerdna May 2016
Love!
Love like it's the last day
you are allowed to breathe.
Dream!
Dream like madmen
lunatics running in the streets
dream like children
wanting to touch the sky
with their paper wings.
Feel the air entering your skin
run, jump, scream,
watch the sunsets
talk to the moon
feel the rain
cry if you must,
laugh
travel to unknown places,
don't listen to the ones who tell you
that you're not supposed to dream,
touch horizons
enjoy the stars
and the sleepless nights.
look around to things tomorrow you might not have.
dance,
dance like crazy people
the way trees dance with the wind
dance
but don't forget to hear the music.
Life is a song
hear its melody
before the silence breaks in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQN7A6Vl1H4        

:)
May 2016 · 1.3k
Mother, it's autumn again
Aeerdna May 2016
Mother, in your hazel eyes I can see the rainbow
the trees flowering
the grass getting greener
rising to the bluest sky.
Mother, in your smile I see sadness
and your forehead is full of wrinkles,
in the space between your eyes I can see the worry,
Mother, your heart is a firefly in my night
when I close my eyes you guide me,
your hand so warm, I need it to hold mine
when it's cold in my mind.
Mother, you're so far
and I can't tell you that I'm hurting
I'm dying inside and I can't show you

Mother, you're so wise, please, tell me
why is it autumn again
if it's only May?

I see tulips so beautifully painting the sight
and yet in my heart
the last leaf has fallen.

Mother, oh Mother, tell me
when I will fall to the ground
will they step on me
or will they pick me up
and keep me between the pages of their hearts?

Mother, I'm just a leaf
and you don't know
that my autumn has come
to bury me again.
I am falling,
the dirt is covering me whole,
your hand is so far
I'm reaching but there's only the wind
tearing me apart.


*Mother, it's autumn again
and you can't see me falling.
Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAJ_74tDZzU

.
May 2016 · 1.8k
Ravel, you and the sea
Aeerdna May 2016
watch the sunset setting on fire
the concrete buildings you can see at the horizon,
feel the sand cooling in your palms
as the sun is one more time going down.
watch the stars while they slowly show
their bright faces between the clouds.

upon the sea
the moon again kisses the skies
before they go to sleep
and I'm not there,
I'm not there
to see it with you.


breath in the salty evening
hear the voices of the waves
singing unheard lyrics;

build a fire
gather some souls
a guitar sound,
you have it all.

wait for the sunrise to paint the clouds
dance with a stranger
while the Bolero with its crescendo
touches your mind
see the Black sea turning into Red
see the shy sunrays braided with the waves,
kiss the air while it is still fresh,
feel the sand as it gets warmer in your hands.
watch this life waking up again,
and if you have any free time
send me a picture of your perfect land.
or, better yet, send me a picture of your smile
after all, that's the image I most long to have
when the night breaks in
and I have only darkness between my clouds.

*upon the sea
the moon again kisses the skies
before she goes to sleep
and I'm not there,
I'm not there
to see it with you
There's a place, somewhere at the sea, where they play Bolero as the sun rises. One of the best sunrises I have ever lived to see/feel/hear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_HVNc6yV5U
.
May 2016 · 1.2k
demon's hand
Aeerdna May 2016
A hand pushes me in the black
whenever a ray of colour dares to appear in my eyes,
even in my happiest moments
I feel its touch on my spine,
it sets worries on my forehead,
a hand designated by my inner demons
to keep me restless.

In the echo of my laughter
you can still hear the voice of my angst
eating me alive.


A hand wakes me up at night,
painting nightmares under my lashes,
pulling my muscles,
breaking my bones,
digging in my flesh with its sharp claws;
the ceiling pressing my face,
I die a million times and still it is not enough.
it never stops.
.
My mind hurts,
heart beats too fast,
cracking up my weak veins.
Paralysed
I scream and cry,
afraid of the next nightmare,
I hope one day I will be able to hide.

*In the echo of my scream
you can still hear the leftovers of someone
who once wanted to live.
anxiety&Co.;

.
Apr 2016 · 1.4k
ghost
Aeerdna Apr 2016
I cannot find the words to answer your lines,
it's been years since my skin touched yours at night
it's been a long night with no dreams
I am poor when it comes to writing about memories
and though our roads are separated now
you're still in some of the glasses I have
and in the cigarettes filling up my lungs.

I loved you the way I love
the sun touching me with its golden lights
the way I love waves crushing the shore at night
I had you with all my body
and with all the light
I was able to hold inside.

You had a way of digging in my heart
and make bluebirds fly in my evening sky
you were in my coldest nights
the blanket covering my heart.

time has passed and I know,
feelings get older everytime the moon shows her pale light
but believe me when I say
in my mind there are still memories
calling your name.

I'll keep you in the drawer of my mind
you've made me cry and you've made me smile
all in all we are just an ash blowing in the wildest wind
I loved you, I hope you know,
but it is time for us
to find another sun
another glass of poison
from which we'll drink and cheer
till in our dreams
we'll die under the  layers of our skins

I am sorry, dear,
but we had to pack our things
before destroying our souls,
I am sorry the love we shared so painfully died

I still hope you know
that
I loved you

the ghost of your name still haunts me sometimes
I know you still love me
and I wish one night
you'll find some other dreams to live inside
https://youtu.be/ZfW4-nP2G1Q
Apr 2016 · 981
He thinks I am an angel
Aeerdna Apr 2016
He sees me as a dragonfly
though I've long ago lost my wings
and the colours on my body have faded to black
banned forever from the light of the stars.

He sees me as an angel
though I've been thrown from Paradise
on this ****** Earth
to pay for the sins covering my dusty soul.

He sees me as a warrior
but I am just a scared mind
I weep and  hide
I can't fight
in front of the pain with my useless arms I die.

He thinks I have saved him
in his imagination I'm still flying
in the lights of evening's golden sky
while the sun sets it's beauty on the colours of my soul.

*He thinks I am angel
while I've already been condemned
to the eternal hell.
"You mean to say that you can LOVE a piece of buttered toast?"
"Only some, sir. On certain mornings. In certain rays of sunlight. Love arrives and departs without notice."
"Is it possible to love a human being?"
"Of course, especially if you don't know them too well." ​

(Charles Bukowski, Notes of a ***** Old Man)

https://youtu.be/uHX1iP3qB2E

.
Apr 2016 · 1.4k
to you, my heroes
Aeerdna Apr 2016
shining little red hearts
glowing on my cold screen
beautiful words before my eyes
art entering my veins.
I'd give you thousands of heart
but I'm afraid
I only have one.

Beautiful words,
music to my sight,
touching my soul
my mind smiles
as I climb your beautiful lines
lines that make me weep and laugh
get me thinking
make me get lost
make me hurt
and make me feel alive
my eyes reading tirelessly
always asking for more.

Your words are the reason to smile at night
and in the mornings when storm falls
upon my inside land,
when the wind blows
is to you where I come
to find serenity.

My words are poor
and I am just a small letter
kneeling before
your majestic words.
To all the beautiful souls and minds here, especially to Anthropoetry (M'lady, always writing to  my soul), Shawna Michelle (absolutey amazing, just like the music you love), Sir WCA (a GENIUS with a banjo), Torin Galleshaw (I bow before you, Your Majesty!) MyDystopiA (OurUtopiA, sharing beautiful words coming from a beautiful soul), Akira Chinen (unique art, wonderful words), Pixievic (I hope you know you're an amazing warrior), Denel Kessler (my lovely, always making my mind travel to awesome places) and Harbinger of Belial (the one who makes me fall in love even with the superheroes and the characters I hate).
Apr 2016 · 927
alive again
Aeerdna Apr 2016
It is on the top of the mountains from your eyes
where I find my hope, my home, my harmony
I climb them daily
and touch with my bare hands the skies
I see the sunset light
shining under your eyelashes
its warmth falls upon my skin
so softly caressing the corners of my lips
shaping them into a smile I have long forgotten,
your fingers through my hair,
your touch belongs to angels
a rain of desire falls on my existence,
I am dissolved and recreated,
our scents intertwined
running wildly where no  man has been,
your kiss writing musical notes
all over my skin,
a perfect world inside your arms,
your smooth breath makes my mind melt,
the harsh wind blowing in my bones
is now just a warm breeze making the pain go.
Your air so pure
cutting through my flesh, filling my heart,
I close my eyes to feel it's power over my body
I breath in
I feel calm,
I feel alive,
in your whispers
I am again
*lost and found
https://youtu.be/GPvtUjTbV_A

.
Apr 2016 · 838
Turning pages
Aeerdna Apr 2016
If I'd love you more and more and more,
until my heart will become a dry fountain,
it will still not be enough for you
it will never be enough for me
for I will never see the happiness
you used to feel around me.

Our hands still not apart,
but your heart is as absent
as snow in desert.
You're writing new paragraphs between your lines,
but you've never taught me the language
your feelings speak now.

With every touch you're growing colder
the air between us is poison
you're cutting deep in my skin
with your once sweet lips.

I'm sorry darling,
but you see,
this chasm is getting too wide for me
in the darkness of this abyss I don't want to be.

I'll pack all my love in an old luggage case
new journeys awaiting, new roads ahead.

I'm sorry, sweetheart,
I hope you understand,
only by turning pages I'll ever find
paragraphs written in the language of my heart.
Apr 2016 · 1.2k
your song is not for me
Aeerdna Apr 2016
You are at the end of my fingertips
yet your heart so far away,
I  can't ask you to keep me warm
on nights when icicles stab my soul.

Dreaming daily
though I know
the song you sing
is  not for my ears to hear,
the stars you love
are not for my eyes to see.

The wind whispers your name
through the pores of my skin,
loneliness and pain getting greater everyday.
The sky is falling over me again
and you can't see my despair.
Weak, collapsing,
looking  for your strings to ease the fall
and at the end of my fingertips
there's just a cold, quiet picture
haunting me whole.

I look for you and I know
that it is not in heavens
nor in hell
where I want to find you
but
on this Earth
walking
next to me.
In vain I look
my heart will once more die in silence
cause the sky is falling over me again
but you are not here
and it's not for me the song you sing.
https ://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/your-song-is-not-for-me

https://youtu.be/jfNOdsvMke4
Apr 2016 · 1.1k
regrets
Aeerdna Apr 2016
Your portrait carved on my soul
—burning masterpiece lasting forever—
I feel your eyes on my chest
you wrote your name on my lips
for forever
                                              
I wake up with swollen eyes
—make up won't ever cover up
the pain I carry—
I feel
black holes swallowing me whole
I get lost in old books no one reads any more
I am a ghost
wandering in a nebulous world
I fight daily for a slice of air
I'd stab the sky and drink its blood
if it would bring me a crumb of life

regrets
they haunt me like poltergeists
can't sleep at night
their sound is so loud
everything I've done
comes before my eyes
I can't breathe
I want to make it stop

I've kissed devils believing I was buying love
I've ran miles and miles trying to reach the horizon
I've cried tears
and tears
and tears
trying to forget what wasn't mine to love
I've haunted black birds disguised in the angels of the night
I've kept the dirt in my pockets believing it was gold
I've walked to the light
but it was just a fire burning me whole
I've turned into devil then into angel
and demon and angel and so on
I've let myself fall believing I would land on clouds—
the ground, it broke my bones—
I've drank all the glasses of poison in the world
I've eaten sorrow as dessert

I've lost my soul
my brain is shattered
my lips bleeding
my arms longing

and still

nothing is as bad as the fact
that I've never shown you
my true heart
and how much
I
love
you
https://youtu.be/rDIh3dsH1BY

Am I good or bad?

.



.
Next page