I have never thought about getting here 27 years old and 10 pounds lighter than 8 weeks ago It's all in numbers, you see Like How many cigarettes I have smoked today How many drinks I've had How many times I've lost you
It's all in numbers And as I count the eyelashes shadowing my eyes I still remember That It's been 1000 years Since my heart has been Broken down.
The way it has been In these 24 hours Since you decided to say goodbye For the last time.
It's been some time now And I still haven't figured out how to walk past you Without feeling that every muscle in my body is dying Including the one beating in my chest So fast That my skin starts hurting.
And I'm sitting here now Trying to cover my eyes with the smoke of the millionth cigarette I've smoked Since I last saw your eyes.
And my skin still hurts.
And somehow The calm rain washing the ground where I've spilled my drunken soul Still sounds like your voice.
Like music does.
And my soul smells like you.
And my skin still hurts.
Like your absence does.
It's been some time now And I still haven't figured out How to close my eyes Without seeing you in my dreams.
Unable to sleep Though my eyes are so tired From having to see all the pain I pour in the mirror Day by day.
(They've never felt better than the last time when your face was reflected in their blue shade).
I switch from side to side In this bed where your absence Makes me feel like I am in the middle of a snowstorm While I'm trying to run from all those monsters I once told you about. The ones your voice would chase away at night Just by calling and saying that everything is all right.
I miss the way your arms around me made me feel warm On that Friday night When the worst monster was the train taking me away from your side.
And I miss you.
But that's something I am not suppose to say. Not now. Not now that the Universe has decided To place our hearts at a safe distance one from the other.
And under these layers of skin and flesh I can feel my soul turning into a pile of dust wearing the scent of your embrace.
After all, I guess, No distance is long enough For a heart filled with longing. and pain.
I need to fill up my eyes with your smile I need to take this cold skin I am wearing and turn it into something you would wanna touch one day.
I'm holding to your memory Like an old lady holding to a bag where she keeps the scraps of a lonesome life— A photograph, a book and some keys not opening any door. Not anymore.
I remember the talks we used to have late at night When you were asking me Who or what I am And I've never been able to give you an answear you'd like. Never found it.
And now you don't ask me anymore And it's late for anything I say and the spring is showing her beauty in the air while I am sitting here with my heart sinking in solitude. And the wind is blowing, is bringing sadness in these eyes of mine while the blossoms are flying up to the sky.
And for the first time in my life I have an answer:
I am the girl with blossoms in her hair and winter in the eyes
There's a storm inside me it starts every time I hear your laughter in the night, when I think about the way we changed from human beings to some people who can only share some words written on a cold page;
it's hard to explain how is it that I miss you when I've never really had you in the first place and you wouldn't understand you see your heart has long forgotten about feelings like these.
I hear your voice calling my name I see you before my eyes even in my dreams I write you in bleeding lines and in my waking hours your smile brings raindrops in my coffee and tears on the shirt I wear because once you said that you liked it;
spring brings tulips at my doorstep but it's hard to feel their perfume to let their scent in my broken lungs;