Circuits of sorrow
Light up in my lonely head
Electric worries
Burning up rubber matter
The dreaming self up in smoke

Oh Poem
May you be as radiant
As the sun
Live long and prosper
Be the beacon of my existence

Tell somebody that there was
Somebody who was me
With this body
With this collage of emotions
With this pattern of Love lives

May you be read by somebody,
Anybody with the fever
The fever of solitude
The fever of authenticity

Oh Poem
May you find campsites
With firewood and streams
As you go along the forest
Of human existence

Have the courage
That I do not have
To kiss potential lovers
To drive to the mountains

Grow up
Let go of me forever
You are lovelier
than your creator
And more so stronger

Why do I have to move?
To cause emotions?
To hurt people?
Why do I have to have the ability
To raise butterflies?
To destroy worlds?
Why do I have to be
In a community of bodies?
In an ******* of souls?
Why do I have to be me?
To have this power,
To have a personality.
Why should I have
The ability to break?
To love somebody?
Why this?
Why?

I reject it all

Let me disappear
In a chapter of a book,
In a movie scene,
In the background of paintings.
Let me fall in love
Without the flowers or dates,
Without the seaside,
Without the spur of madness.
Let me serve in truth
In the quiet of real death,
Without attention,
With the taste of fresh water.
Let me be human
Without the splendor of stars,
Without the need to cheat death.

Turn me into fire
Into a forgotten star
Turn me into sand
Into the seashore of faith
Don't let me be whole
I want to forget myself
And remember you
Only you and nothing else
Send me into hell
Into the darkest heaven
Drag me to the depths
Of my regrets and my sins
Turn me into fire
Let my whole body repent
Turn me into sand
And enslave me forever
In the end, let you
Be the one that's left of me
Let you be the one to be

Let the winds blow on my face
And move me to tears
Let the heartaches of tomorrow
Shatter me to nothing

I shall be the rock on the shore
Shaped by the currents
Glistening black and white
With foam and minerals

I shall be the the mathematical point
Almost non-existent
But is the tower of all creation

I shall be the city of Love
Trembling in faith
And peopled by lovers

Let yesterday's ghosts
Celebrate my failures
Let me be satisfied
To simply be

For existence's sake.

Wind in my face
                                   The Amihan
Squeeze of my buttocks to my soft chair
                           An airline chair
              A dog flowing through the meadow
    Was that my garden rooster
                                  Or is it another's?
      I wiggle my toes
           Outbreath; Air blowing
                                          Out my mouth
        Did Rizal meditate?
                          Fried chicken in my nose
         My nose is in that restaurant in Pampanga
              Did Jesus meditate?
        What is the purpose of a flower?
                                Is the scar on my leg my death?
Telescoping ache from my spine
                     Ticklish pressure in my bladder
                                   More wind; The Habagat
          In Tagaytay with friends. The white fog
              Am I being mindful now?
              Watch your breath!
                                My forearm is empty
                                          It doesn't exist
                                          It doesn't exist

I don't want the world illuminated
Give me scars, games of hide and seek
And badly lit roads. Show me distance
Unworldliness, the color of the paranormal.
I want the world as a dream
Hidden in an owl's nest

Let me write a poem for you
Yes, for you only
Let nobody else read it
Hide it from the world
I shall write it on the wall
In blue chalk and let the rain
Wash it away
I shall write it with invisible ink
To be seen only
With ultraviolet light
I want to tell you something
Something that will save you
Here and in the afterlife
I want to ruin your garden
Let your trees grow recklessly
And your flowers grow wild
I want to break you
Turn you into a useless machine
And finally rebuild you
I want to purify your heart
Change the outlines of your soul
And please God
I want to give you a nightmare
Something that will almost **** you
As you try to break free
I want to give you a simple gift
A little thing to cherish
To play with through the night
I don't want recognition
This is more important than that
I want you to learn to be human
So please read my poem
And keep it to yourself
This is for you and for you only
Not for anyone else.

I'd rather live in my daydreams
Than live anywhere else
In my daydreams
I am loved fully
In my daydreams
I see the real me

If I could not daydream
I would be lonely
The rapture of love
Would not reach me
Time would ruin my soul
And leave me naked

I will make new daydreams
And soak myself in them
Forget my failures
My ruined promises
And repeat life again
Repeat and repeat and repeat

I will make new daydreams
And truth shall be in them
Not the lies of the crowd
Masquerading as divinity
And I shall live in this truth
Live and live and live

(Dear reader
You will be in my daydreams
As a lover, a monk, or a poet
Or maybe not, it doesn't matter
What matters is the play
Play and play and play)

My love, like the moon
Is tired of poets singing
Tired metaphors, sounds
Of desperate longing, glow
In the dark music.
"Let's play a new game", she says
"A game for the moon"
"Should I begin?" I ask her
"Or should we ask the moon first?"

All I really want
Is to make someone write
That somebody, somewhere
May find in my poems
A hopeful thought
A new reality
A special swagger

Or simply to make someone smile
Halfway around the world
With eyes on the screen
A tiny jewel to take through the day
To help navigate this pandemic
Lifting up someone's mood
Just for a little while

But my deep desire
Is to be remembered by the universe
That my poems will touch
Another human permanently
And that touch like perfume
Will spread outward
Across time and space forever

It is a selfish ambition
And reality sends me to tears
To know I am nobody
That my poems will be thrown
Into the dustbin of infinity
And shall be dissolved into atoms
Never to be read ever again

Let death find me
Planting cabbages,
Cooking dinner with a smile,
Drying clothes on a line.

Let death find me
Naked in the cold,
Glowing in the woods,
Talking to bears

Let death find me
Writing poetry,
Dancing on the sun,
Singing to a crowd

Let death find me
magnanimous
Like a saint

God is when
A child shares his food
With another
Filling both with joy

God is when
A poet rewrites
An old poem and
Shares it with others

God is when
Mushrooms grow
Red and white from
The corpse of a tree

God is when
Workers come
Together and fight
For one fallen

God is when
Comets crash
On a young planet
Filling it with water

God is when
Two atoms combine
To form a compound
Unique in its splendor

God is when
A monk comes
To help one
Close to death

God is when
Musicians perfect
A mozart symphony
In one breath

Tell me a story
I want to fall in love with a character
And forget myself inside a sway of frightful emotions

Tell me a story
About sailors, lovers, monks, and businessmen. About the end of the world. About sleepless nights

Tell me about the poet
Who lived in the woods. The forgetful snow of Canadian Decembers. The lifecycle of a Grizzly Bear

Convince me
That life is but a dream
That if we only try hard enough
We could create a happy ending

Convince me
That life has a beginning and an end.
That every human being is unique
That all of us is worth remembering

Tell me a story
A story to be told in my deathbed
While I fight for an ounce of attention
To hear another human being

I dreamt of a former lover
Half forgotten
In an unknown cottage
We kissed

Outside was a field of flowers
Facing the sun
On the warm bed
We cuddled

And then comes the electric
Winter wind
And my body shivered
A deathly blow

My lover has disappeared
I'm left alone
In a dark room pierced
By broken glass

Let us go nightswimming
And weave myths out of memories

Let the stars shine over
The corals of your heart

With bioluminescent algae
Glowing around your body

As if a glow in the dark crucifix
Beatific as the moment of death

Smell the salty air
Neptune's drunken breath

And dance by the beach
With the partygoers drunk

In their mythmaking
Ecstatic like a monk

Weave the night, yes weave
Our breaths into a myth

Into Odysseus sailing the Aegean
Into the miraculous with the Galilean

What was that sound?
Was it a jet?
Or a dragon?
Or just the normal
Sounds of the city?
Industrial and seething
Or was it simply your sigh
That convenience store machine breath
Of desperate longing

Madness is the beginning of wisdom
Wild longing is the beginning of love
Come dance with me
Inside the courtrooms of Dionysius
Let us get drunk on wine
And make songs out of our heartbreaks
With a choir of those who come
From the highway of despair
******* off the old gods of Sumer
Let us make love like we're in a soap opera.
Drive a car across the Sahara desert
And pick wild flowers on the Serengeti.
Come, let us transform our longing into a constellation
To be picked apart by a mad astronomer
To be wondered at by others like us
Let us debate with existentialists
Create theories on the human soul
Retire and raise chickens on a farm in Kansas
And celebrate Christmas in Manila's suburbs
Fear not, for angels will guide us the rest of our lives
Fear not dying and let the emptiness of existence be your rest 'til death

Let me kiss your feet
Like petals fallen on soil
My tears overflow
Drenching with water, where my
Lips touch your soft skin
Forgive my yearning
I just want your supple flesh
As bees need their sweet nectar

It is our mad fate
That conciousness
Unlived and unexiled
Rules

Like a prophet
Whose songs
Cry out in the dark
We stand

Defeated in exile
In front of
An aged mirror
Confused

We press forward
Sinking
In the presence
Of the absolute

I want to escape from myself
Throw my body away
Leave it to the dogs

I am a scar on the face of this city
A disgrace to my family
I am but dust on this Earth

All my failures have piled up
And my future is a waste
My God has judged me

I have wasted my talents
I am a worn out computer
Useless to the core

Curse the day I was born
Let no one speak of it
May it be forgotten forever

Yet my soul yearns for life
I want to burst into flames
To become a superman

But I shall not let it
I will eat spoiled food
And let myself get sick

For I deserve nothing
Not even a kiss from my mother
Nor the rest of a good day

Throw me away
Throw me away
Throw me away

I shall walk the path
Of those astray
And never come back this way

My mouth is a puddle of filth
My hands are a force of destruction
My belly is a harbinger of greed

I am a failed star
Thrown into the galaxy
With no end in sight

I am an enemy of paradise
A spy of the rotting planet
And a slave of the guilty self

I suspect that poetry
Will save me from death

That my poems will be
The blueprint to immortality

I shall be reborn as a rhyme
And baptized in metaphor

My body will be of words
And my soul of imagery

And the past is eternalized
As photos save memory

And so will you reader
Be saved by poetry

In every poem you read
There's a whole country

Of angels that will praise
Be of good cheer and be merry

Your eyes will be restored
And be filled with mirth

As the crucifix saves
The ****** on Earth

It is when two lovers
Meet in the dark
And exchange kisses

It is when two children
Play without knowing each other
Just living in the moment

It is in the creation
Of a new song
By a rock and roll band

It is in the coming together
Of people in the streets
To protest their rights

It is in the baptism
Of a baby. Joining
The communion of saints

It is in the migration
Of birds to enjoy
The sun's warmth

It is when a father
Comes home from abroad
Bringing new gifts

It is in the death
Of a young man
And his mother's grief

Don't talk. Listen
To my heartbeat
Can you hear
My heart's metaphors?
I'm a poem who
Has lost his poeticity
I am a saint who
Has lost his saintliness
Will you still love
Me, after all of this?
Or will you
Throw me away?

Transform the climate
Of my thoughts
That my soul may become
A continent of pure metaphor
Of pure light
I want to be
Like the fish
Who swim in lakes
Not caring about
Poeticity
Away from the
Troubled currents

Do not doubt
My intentions
I only want to love you
To caress your body
Like Ursa Major
Like Saint Francis
With the beasts
May we never
Run out of metaphors
To dance to
So that you may see
Your skin blend into mine

Throw me like
        yesterday's newspaper
I'll come rolling back
       around like tommorow's weather

Abandon me
        to the elements
I'll still cling to you
         like the sacraments

Forget me like
          an unwanted memory
I'll be what you need
          your deepest remedy

Ignore me like
          you ignore the flies
I'll be the one
          to remember your lies

I saw a fallen Apple fruit
Beneath the shadow of the tree
It was all red and cool and fresh
And worms have yet to partake its flesh
Round the fruit's awaited grave
Nothing lies but cool earth; Save
The footprints that lead to and from
This Apple tree that stood alone
This vast expanse of fielded loam

Straightaway I knew the answer to this enigma
Adam rose from the dead and found that he was hungry
He saw the Apple tree, rattled the branches so the fruit would fall
And seeing the prints where the snake did crawl
Decided that he was not going to eat at all
He left; walked around in search of Eve
And his son Seth so that they can run around naked and not toil till sundown
and relieve themselves from the burden
Of being first and last in Eden

The only thing left to say is
That there is nothing
Left to say, Not today at least
Not to you
Not to the partying crowd
Not to the angry moon
Or the wine glasses
Or the laughing hearts

There is nothing even to do
But wait for the twist of
Morning
Expect that by that time
Perhaps we have found
Something to say

Not just that
There is nothing I could say
Or do
Not too you at least
Not in October

But it is futile for morning
Too long a time
And by that time
All that could be said
Is that
All this time nothing has been said
These are now the rules of our relationship
Shall we start talking now?

You know how I talk in these October nights
No different from February mornings
Where air is good
Or April days
Where the sun is naughty
All the words are perhaps
But they cancel each other out
So?
Shall we start talking now?

When there is in front of us
A sordid mirror
My suit which is a farce
Your dress which is another farce
Drink in hand
Cigarette in another
Untalking. No talking. Detalking
(This is the tragedy of our own unsaying)
Remove, do not revitalize
The closing doors say (our bones say)
The movements of the mouth

In short we are tired
That there is so much to be said
And that there is nothing to be said
It is time for sleeping you say
Lull-laby-the-night-a-way
(and even here you gave up halfway)
To let our bones do the talking
(Or untalking)
It is a pregnant pause
A miscarriage
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing

Have you met your cousin
Betelguese?
She said Hi, the way stars do
Bearing brightly burning light

What about the pulsars
Spinning ballerinas
Of the far end of space?
They're your cousins too

Saturn would like to chat
With you
Missing your warm hug
He tries to hug himself

Yes they are all our relatives
Didn't you know
We are all sons of the deathless
Isn't it nice to be so?

Show me once again
Your charm
Your moonlit madness
Drunk underneath
An October sky

Show me that parade
Of smiles
Your indulgence dancing
In Heaven or Las Vegas

Show me the self
You hide at dawn
Those night crawling eyes
That reflect only lunacy

Show me the lies
You celebrate
That jazz energy you loved
In Heaven or Las Vegas

In Heaven or Las Vegas

Come to the river
The river knows everything
It contains all shades
Jasper, emerald, sapphire
No past, no future
But a deathless present is
There. Swim and know all
From the mountains to the seas.
Intimate secrets
Are reflected to the sky
Listen closely to its cry

Look not at my heart
This casket of selfishness
Look not at my eyes
Vile twins of hate and judgement
Look not at my mouth
Creator of lies from nil
I am a wretched
Being. Living over graves.
Look not at me. Forget me

I do love thee
This temple of mine
Of flesh and bone
Created

Whose measurements
And motions I must
Take care with no
Restrictions

Do not forget
Its solemn needs else
It could not perform

Its solemn industries
Without pain and
Constant scorn

I must eat well
Live well
Measure, rest
Reflect and
Move my body

As was designed
For many years
Before death
Arrests me

I found a poem
In an LRT station
Garbage can
Written on the back
Of a 7-11 receipt
In blue ink

It was a letter
Of heartbreak to
A hometown lover
Four stanzas
And a couplet

And then the train
Arrives in cold blood
Like an army captain
But I decided
Not to join

There is something else
That needs my
Presence
I put the receipt
Back in its place

Do not ignore me
Look at me, your creation!
Embrace my body
That I may be yours fully
I have gone astray
In the ocean of regret
Drenched in coral sound
Swallowed by the swirl of death
Let me hear the songs
That the seagulls offer you
Kiss my yearning lips
And whisper grace into my ear!
My tongue on your chest
Look not at me as a slave
But as the blood to your heart
Please forget my sins
But remember my kisses
As the rocks remember waves

Under the same moon
Warm blood spills out of bodies
Into the dark ground.
Babes are taken from mothers.
Stray dogs **** the weak.
Under the sway of tyrants
Men fight fellow men
To escape the swamp of ****.
Children beg in streets
Where the sick lie naked and
The houses are burnt
For the pockets of the rich.
Under the same sun
Tide goes in and tide goes out
Inside this gift they call life

In the countryside
There comes a darkness. A space-
Craft blocks out the sun.
Blue light from below. Blue light.
The trees electric
Wine dark disc over white sheep
What omen is this
That I, first of mankind sees?
What heart of time past
Has coalesced in this space?
I stare at the ship
Turn violet. My tired eyes
Seeing new life above all

When I met you,
Immediately I placed
my sorry head on the
length of your arms.
In a sort of restless sleep in which
I failed to notice
your enormity,
A tower
with its gallant roots
gouged greatly into the soil.

I failed to see your completeness.
The subtle intensity of
A face owned, stored, loved by many other faces.
The intricacy of your
many friendships remembered
and unrestrained,

of your Loved ones
dead and undead
Spread across the
counting of your time
and
how they were able to
power your eyes

The great lighthouse.


Where I stand
I can see its immense power
Its innumerable capabilities
To destroy and
to create

In the new city
I live with wild longing for
A lover to come.
I yearn for the energy
The lights cannot show
Which pushes me off a bridge.
I am no dreamer
Just nostalgic for the time
When cicadas filled my night

Here in the city
Of Lies, a tornado spins
And throws those who hold
On to their own small bodies
Through the blind darkness.
Weighed down by putrefaction
Those who hold nothing
Find themselves changed from reptile
To man to reptile again

The morning throws us one way
Coffee sends us another
A message flies us off the earth
While glances chain us to the sea

A thought, like a drop of ink
In water, spreads and covers
Our quiet demeanor
With its demands

I missed the bus today
And after an hour I feel
The riptide
Pull me from the shore

Something to think through
When anxiety breaks you
What would Jesus do?

A poem should be light
Like phosphorescent fingers
Touched by Saturn's rings
A poem should be musical
Teaching God to dance
Barefoot on the Andes peaks
A poem should have grace
Feeding the hearts of angels
As they clothe the bare lilies

Some poems last a century
Some poems last an hour
Yet others are satisfied
With holding no real power

I’ve done my purpose they say
No need to delay
Like a breeze that cools an infant’s head
Like a gentle kiss before bed

What remains of my poems
Is stillborn
Wrapped in senseless rhythm
Left to fend for itself
In the realm of thought

What remains of my poems
Is a pause
A seizure of the epileptic
The workmanship of
Industrious fallen angels

I taste the garden
Of Eden in your sweet lips
Hold me, your creature!
Take me into your strong arms
Softly. Never let me go!

I covered my eyes
To avoid the light of God
Abandoned all hope
As I entered with my soul
Drenched. Weighed down by guilt
As squid's ink blacken the sea
Was my vain heart when
God told me to sit with him
God told me to eat with him

The garden of Love
Is in a cemetery
Mourners come visit
With black clothes and Bibles
To sit and be still
To speak of sweet memories
There's no gardener
The flowers have become wild
Reaching the mouths of angels

I am a chicken
Trapped in a cage
I see no way out
(What is out?)

I am surrounded
By chicken heads
We are one creature
(What is one?)

I hear unpleasant-
Ness. Something in
This body aches
(Am I the world?)

I feel cold metal
I feel heat
I feel nothing
(What is feeling?)

I realized that beautiful things
Bring me joy knowing
That I could return
And experience them again
With somebody new
Somebody to love
Someone whose soul is
Of the same substance
As mine

But knowing that I
May never return
Every experience becomes
A drag through loneliness
A coffee cup of pain
Things end
You can never go back
That is all to learn from life