What keeps us standing and not a pile of bones? Is it air
or water or muscle? I let it out sometimes, slowly, like a gas fuse. But I know I won’t blow. I just like the smell, like underground car parks: the rubber and gasoline. A dizzy spell like those in the movies but in real life there’s no fall. Maybe tears and lights too bright, but the string is tight. I sway and hope the friction from my feet isn’t enough to set the whole house on fire. Dance with me and the friction between us can’t be a match if there isn’t enough gas left to
explode.

I did everything right
said the right lines

1.2 million in diamonds and I didn’t bat an eye
I hide them under my pride
Worth more than his ego
But I swallow
because he is more than the man he is

He buys me porcelain plates everyday
to show he can
I know he can
But I don’t tell him because he gets offended

Every night I smash them to sweep them up
I’m getting better at the smashing
My hands familiar with the motions
Mapping out each broken shard before my face shatters
I don’t miss any fragments

I stepped on one once
Sharp blade on soft skin
Ruby on opal
Maybe I’m not made of ice

They say there is method in madness
But what if the method makes me mad
The slip of sanity must be planned
An hour before the charity ball
2 after the guests leave
30 minutes after dinner
5 when he comes home
A lullaby of broken promises ringing in my ear  
An indulgence

He said there was another woman
He said I wouldn’t care that he was leaving
He said I could afford my own diamonds and more ******* plates anyways

But that’s not the point
The point is to suffocate in silence
To let him buy what I can afford
To swallow what he can’t

But who is the trophy
When you carve me I spill out jewels

Look like a fading flower and you'll win his heart
Quiet suffering is exquisite on a maiden's face
Pale cherry blossoms drift in autumn winds
The branch will lay bare when winter comes

You will thank the white blanket
that covers your frozen pallor
When he passes by your bareness
with another in tow
When the frozen tear streaks down
your cheek finally melts into spring
you wonder if your flowers could
still grow

I used to love you
Now I forget how
With fresh flowers blooming
And teardrops melting in little ponds
I used to love you
Now love dissolves
Like sugar in lemon water
It isn’t even your fault

My heart isn’t broken
No fire burns within me
You’re just a person
I used to love
I guess one day it just decided
To stop beating for you
Heart and mind agreeing
I used to love

What I used to do
Now you do
When you stop chasing
They start thinking about you
Without the curse
It’s surprisingly painless
No tides swallow me now
I used to love you

With words that flow from an extension
of me
of blue and black ink
stains on my fingers
every loop every letter
it carves a record on page
each stroke opens wounds
delicately stitched now spews out
beautiful red ribbons
blood runs thicker —
thicker than water —
between the lines
it stains
blurred out by drops of tears
each one melts off like rain
pooling in the crevices of cuts
sliced open by the pen
this mixture of red and
sparkling concoction
stings,
         hurts,
                and heals.

Soft yellow moistness
leaves nostalgia in my mouth
Little seeds that get
stuck in your teeth
that your tongue
struggles to get out
When you use your
fingers your mother
chastises you with a soft smile
Sweet and tangy
You lick the crumbs off your plate
“Another!” you say,
but you already ate them all,
too late.

I set my alarm to 6:23
I like awkward numbers
something about how the last digit sticks out to the rest
making it less than whole
yet still enough
appeals to me
comforts me
so imperfect that it feels more perfect than perfect numbers

Lies melt on my tongue like chocolate
I bite it gently before it's gone.

What is unobtainable
can only be obtained
in treacherous wanderings
of the mind.
Thoughts of you can only be satisfied
when the heart is set in stone
Yearning, like the deepest waters
When the heart is plunged,
echoes rings,
endlessly repeating the
senseless expanding
until softer and softer,
stands still.

He approached me in red
         A fellow of 20
         We could've been friends
But he and I senselessly armed
Predetermined enemies
         marked by a flag
         We could've swapped stories
of our hope of returning to the past
We both fired, I to he
          felled down with dignity
          We could've been friends
But he is dead rather than me
Unfortunate situation
           I had more luck than he
           We could've been friends
Before the madness and mayhem and ******
The sad thing is,
                             We could've been friends.
If we weren't victims
                             of circumstance.

I loved you. I needed you.
But I shyed away from your rays
Yet I saw you without seeing you
When I do force my eyes to stare
at the goldenness of you
your face is unfocused and
I am temporarily blinded
by the halo.
2 seconds.
That is the longest I last in direct line with your light
before I revert back to my wallflower state
A moss of hair falls into place
Always busy doing nothing
Your closeness warms me
The close proximity makes me shiver too
Too hot and too cold at the same time
I break into a fever
I feel too cold without your presence
but my cheeks flame when you are too near
I swear my mind is getting muddled
all I think about is how I get the perfect balance
of the distance between me and you
Though you scorch me
my mind convinces me I want you near
The closer I get the harder it is for me to breathe
My heart pounds impossibly fast
What is wrong with me?

Slippin'
Slidin'
Hold out your hand for me to grasp
But I won't take it
I want to but I can't
find anything wrong with
drowning in this
winter wonderland
freezing to death
is beautiful
keeping you a snowflake.

We two, like silent ships, collide in the dark
Silver waves lap at your feet
Where arrows hit and miss their mark
Salty breeze carries away stolen dreams
Unbeknownst to you a casual glance
Has me dancing in the palm of your hand
Fate plays cruel, cunning games
And the Heart can only yield the Mind insane

To cure me would require a stronger dose
Of "That's not what I meant. Not at all."
Even with a spoonful of sugar, you know I won't
The incurable heeds to the siren's call
Sweet misery has taken its tool
Many more will also suffer so
I shouldn't be surprised at all to hear
That you steered to another pier

Little birds often fly to me here
whisper in my ear and tell me
about the sapphire skies, endless fields, and flowing rivers
out there.
Out there, the wind kisses your cheeks
Out there, the music from the trees sings loudly, with harmony,
along with the bees
Out there, there are no walls
no fences
no shackles
nothing from keeping you free
But I wouldn't know any of that
sitting here,
with only a little piece of heaven mocking me. unobtainable.

Believe me, I've tried.
Bruised feet, ****** hands, bleeding back, all gifts I received
And when you are like me, you know when to stop trying
They have strong whips
Yet day after day my little friends make the impossible trip, flying higher and higher
until they can bite the celestial morsel with their beaks
In my dreams I fly with them,
the wind kissing my cheeks
But when I wake up I am greeted by the familiar smell of dirt and concrete

So when they forced me up this morning
clanking with ease
I was relieved
I could feel a gentle breeze as I floated onto the scaffold
I smiled
looked up to the same piece of hope
I hear voices but I can't understand them
my head is already half-way up in the clouds
When the necklace is placed
I see my friends circling above
The next second the ground is far beneath my feet
And I'm flying with them,
the wind kissing my cheeks.

Sunday blues
like clockwork
                    tick
                           tock
      the girl is crying softly
                          humming a tune

Everyone has their own demons to face
their own villains to chase.
So when you run around in my dreams,
I don't know who you're supposed to be.
I know my demons well
but you don't make a sound
The vibrations echo through my head
of everything i live to dread.
The skeletons are knocking on the door
the monsters reaching up from the floors.
I cannot escape this now
Why is it so ******* loud?

I don't have time for leather and lace.
The fashion statements now
are not the same.

Scars and stitches embroidered with care,
mud-caked knees,
paired with a pretty bruised face.
Crimson red silk pools down my thighs,
grow your fingernails long,
and scratch out your eyes.
Claw at your neck
to save your own life.
Walk on innocent hearts,
but don't step too hard.
Keep the broken ones,
in an empty jar.

Now hang the skeletons
in a neat row,
make sure they won't move
before you close the closet door.

You were the North Pole,
I,
the South.

We stuck together for a while.

But slowly I became more like you,
I changed my red
for your blue.

It got harder and harder
to remain,
We repelled each other
We were
           the same,
                            the same.

Your laughter was a melody
and I always sang along.

Now the notes are distorted
and I forgot the words to our song.

we live in a world of fantasy
we see what we want
we want what we see
sheltered away from reality

spurred upon the idea of escaping
its a narrow escape
and you can’t evade it perpetually
but we try
and try as we might
some run
some drink
some love

but it fades in time
cleverly disguised
as adrenaline,
alcohol
or roses
nonetheless
all in all

you are born
you are going to die
the rest is wishful thinking
i’m not going to lie

mouth agape
don’t be afraid
ships are bound to sink someday
so might as well sail it to your hearts dismay

I.
Steel black pincers circle my neck
Harsh little whispers against my ear
I promised myself I wouldn’t go back
anywhere but here
anywhere but here

Your words string together with the right amount of sting
But baby, your poison drives me crazy

Your venom seeps within my veins
and god, I’m dying for another taste
the hallucinations
you paralyse me
and I see stars in your wake

II.
Pomegranate lips, the colour of Sin.

III.
I have a hard shell to break, and no one has completed the feat so far
But with every touch you poach me
through and through
again and again
Until theres nothing left of my metal armour
Until the skin I once called home is nothing but a soft saggy shell
a shadow from my past

I need to remember who I am.

IV.
Your touches are soft petals
Grazing slowly across my skin
leaving goosebumps in your wake

Rosebud lips caress me gently
Sweet kisses near my cheek
Playful nips tickle my ear
Soft breaths along my neck

And when I finally open up ...

theres the sting again.

Come,
have a seat here
Join my picnic
by the hills of despair
Watch the gentle waves of tragedy
slowly
silently
roll onto the sea of tranquility

Would you like a cup of sadness?
you can add a spoonful of hope
that might carry all that bitterness
down the slippery *****

Or would you rather a sip of ignorance
this time hope
you should cheat
Pass along the seasoning of confidence
which is just as saccharine sweet

May I offer you a plate of loneliness?
But make sure to drown that in time
’cause we all know that time can heal
everything, oh yes how divine!

If you find loneliness becoming tasteless
Here, try some soft-baked sarcasm
infused with aged enthusiasm
with a heavy dose of doubt
If the flavour isn’t enough
than try a new diversion
maybe a pinch of hostility
or a light dressing of suspicion?
Whichever you prefer
you better make your decision

When you really need a change
try some passive aggressive conceit
then add fate into the mix
Of course!
We know how it tends to dismiss
the pungent smell of amusement  
the fragrant taste of love
Oh how
it reminds you of innocence
or even the lack thereof

Do you really have to go?
Please do join me again
this solitary life gets tedious So
promise me you’ll come visit when
you need someone to wake you
from the beautiful lies they spin
when they almost seem to convince you
that's when you’ll come again
I insist.

Men speak to them in the language of sweets
even their names,
sound like french delicacy
They drink from a flute of love-notes and make-believe
with a dash of sugar
and melancholy
An effervescent taste
is all it takes
for them to lose themselves
and lose track of time and space

They are the masters of treachery
ensnaring hearts of strangers
beguiling innocent minds
But mostly of all
deceiving themselves

They get drunk on the possibility
of escaping reality
perpetually

Alas,
it is inevitable
that the time will come
When reality will welcome them
with less than warm and welcoming arms

Nicotine filled lungs
Cherry stained lips
An ephemeral flame
if only they didn’t exist

Behind their dulcet tones
of eloquence and sweet-nothings
lies a heavier dread
that their saccharine smiles,
a dalliance of lies
attempt to dismiss

For it is only
behind this facade of
vacancy, vanity, and vacuous deception
That they can unwind and forget
even if its only
momentarily

For it is only then
when they
let slip their bitter past
forget about their pungent present
and masquerade for their tasteless future

never a cheat,
never a tease
are you sure about that?
I know some tricks,
that will certainly drive you mad

slowly dragging and drowning
and I can’t get enough
the warning signs,
now flashing above

hush babe don’t make a sound
now you're getting too close
to my mind,
to my soul

ice cold fingers wrapped around
and caged up my heart
now surely,
it will never break apart

raw and unplugged
an ephemeral flame
of love,
pleasure,
and pain

that fragile flicker
of a lover’s game
still sends me shivers,
but it’ll never be the same

He can't see it in my eyes
longing
needing
no.
Slightest touch
shifted feathers
I steal a glance
forbidden
Reaches out
Pulls back
Just one moment of sincerity
melancholy
desperation
I fall
He catches
safe
vulnerable
I give in.

Eyes rolled back
Lids flutter
Ruffled feathers
Longing feet

I try and hide
but he forces me to not go under
Strangled cries
Muffled sighs

Given up hope
'look at me' he says
I fall back

My heart he tries to open
I sank even lower

Gentle touches
Desperate whispers
One last time
back to the first sight

Eyes connect
No, not this time again.

Last night I had a nightmare,
a nightmare I could not bear.
They took me like they did you,
and there was nothing I could do.

No one knew they were coming,
how awful the world was becoming.
We stayed where we are,
as we had no where to go afar.

But I got a sense they were approaching.
Our home,
they were soon encroaching.
They charged in with machine guns,
“Into a line!” they dunned.

We were like sheep,
in the corner I weep.
The wolves hunted us down,
and the rest didn’t make a sound.

A million possibilities flashed past my mind.
Fear is all I had felt,
and it swallowed me from inside.
Clutching on to my father’s hand,
I fulfilled their every demand.

With a startle,
I woke,
the nightmare,
I didn’t want to evoke.

My night terrors were just the tip,
of the iceberg ****** emit.
The sensation I was exposed to,
the vulnerability
to this hostility,
is nothing compared
to how you were bared.

Bare of your dignity,
along with everyone else in the vicinity.
Bare of your freedom,
like a prisoner in a kingdom.
Bare of your esteem,
A monster, you were deemed.

How I never wanted to experience,
the result an evil influence.
But knowledge we seek,
from its original source,
we attempt to reap.

We say we comprehend,
but the time is misspent.
For we try and try to understand,
but we never will,
we never can.

Spread your wings my angel,
open them wide,
so you can fly.
Don't cage your heart in,
set it free,
feel it beat.
Don't shut your mind out,
let it go,
speak it so.

When you're ever down,
remember,
you have a glittering crown.
On you head it sits,
your thoughts,
it lit.

You mustn't loose hope,
for me,
you must cope.
My Angel,
My Angel,
spread your wings,
and fly.

He loved her,
he loved her so.

I can tell by the way he walked,
the way he talked,
the way he said her name.
And how I wish, things could just stay the same.

Each night he would tell me,
how he hoped his mother would just see.
He longed for her at night,
hoping she might.

I prayed for their sake,
the bright future, no one could take.
And as each day passes on by,
they would talk about the future, making up lies.

I never want to see the day,
when miles apart, they lay.
I hope their passion of which I admire,
would burn through the enemies desire.

But what would I know,
about love signs?
I am just a feline.
Mouschi,
they call me,
but I really do see.

I know this is hard to bear,
but trust me,
I care.
Gone were the days of happiness and joy,
the innocence and toys.
Oh darling,
don’t cry.
I’ll sing you lies,
like lullabies.

For me,
you must survive,
into the ocean you’ll dive.
With other children you’ll play,
I hope you’ll live to that day.
Oh darling,
don’t cry.
I’ll sing you lies,
like lullabies.

I promise,
I’ll protect you day by day,
no harm will ever go your way.
But if I ever have to go,
Please know I love you so.
Oh darling,
don’t cry.
I’ll sing you lies,
like lullabies.

Those eyes,
innocent and kind.
I can’t help but stare,
every time they met with mine.
What did you think?
Finally.
That smile,
sweet and charming.
It catches me every time
I can’t help to wonder sometimes,
would that be for me?
I didn’t know then
that last glimpse of you,
was everything.