"I still can't really explain it,
But have you ever seen all the firework go off at the same time at new years eve?
That's what it feels like to kiss you, and it gets better every single time."

I got my first masculine haircut today
:) :) :)

Blank yellow pages
Empty writing lines
Yet filled with thoughts
A poet at it's finest
A flower, Harnessed by the wind
Inspirational nothing
Words don't rhyme
Everything goes on, except time
My feelings, never fully good
And you'll never see through the eye of a true poet

I'm sorry, life has been taking it's toll on me, and I can't keep up. I'm sorry.

It might not be the right thing to do,
But it's the thing I wanna do.
And even though it would be better for me,
I can't live knowing I had this option too.

I can't keep up
I'm falling apart
And there's nothing poetic about it.

I'm lost in a storm of  w  o   r    d     s
And I can't find the right ones

Is this a celebration,
Or eternal death?
Is this a good thing,
Or an internal war?
Writing so much more,
The best filtered out.
But the poems never shown,
Maybe the best of all.
If poems are sometimes,
Actually true feelings
They will not be seen,
Because we cannot be honest

I had a dream,
It was a pretty weird one.
I saw all black until the end,
And you were holding me.
Maybe it can be like that someday,
Would you want that?

I wanna feel good,
but not on my own.

My poems are not me
My poems are not how I feel
My poems are just a simple constellation of words that my brain created, and my fingers wrote down for the reading pleasure of others
I'm fine

30 days until 2020
And I still don't understand what 2019 did

I have lost my ability to write.
And with that, I lost a part of myself

I believe that these poems changed me,
That they changed the way I view the world.
I believe they changed the way I think of things,
And the way my feelings wirl.

For everyone who needs it. Y'all better take care of yourselves, I love you.

First thing, If you think you're going to self-harm, make sure that there are people around. Meet up with a friend, walk around town, go to a shop, or even just go into the living room with your family. If you're not alone, you can't self-harm. You can also call a friend, whatever it takes to not be alone.

Second, listen to some music, watch a movie. Silence is a killer. Put on some relaxing piano music if you're having a kind of anxiety attack. If you're not being that anxious, maybe listen to some of your favorite (upbeat, happy) songs. You don't even have to sing along.

Smiling. Smiling, even forced, actually makes you feel better. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you look beautiful, that your smile is great, and give yourself some compliments. Even a little. Just, smile?

Writing it down helps too. Even if it's stupid. Just, write down whatever. Not just your feelings, but things like jokes, happy song lyrics, something nice someone said to you, whatever.

If you have an instrument, play it. Just, pluck the chords or smash some random keys. Same with drawing, you don't have to be good at it, just draw. You have to be busy, and actually do things physically.

Working out could help too. You'll be fit, and you'll feel better.

Draw/paint/write on the place you want to harm. Make happy stuff there, so you'll be reminded of good things.

Analyze movies, songs, beats, behaviour of people on soaps, whatever.

Do chores. Another "keep busy" thing, but it works. Your house/room will be clean, which will make you feel better. If you can't clean, just organize something.

Make yourself some food or a nice drink.
Focus on different things.
(Or message me of course)

If you really can't resist the urge;
You can shoot an elastic band at your arm or rub paper against your skin.

If you eventually end up harming yourself with scissors, a knife, razor blades, whatever. MAKE SURE IT'S CLEAN. I can't stress it enough. If you decide to self-harm, you don't want it to infect.

What NOT to do;
- Shower. (You'll see all the places you wanna harm, there are razor blades around and sitting in the shower for too long will make you feel sad)
-Listen to sad songs. (They'll make you feel worse)
-Lie down. (If you're active, you're more likely to be happy. Don't lie down. You'll sink down, mentally and physically. Even if you just stand up and walk around the house that'll make you feel better)

Study
Study
Study
Eat
Sleep
LEAVE

I am internally screaming.
But I keep my mouth shut,
And my scars hidden.

I wanted to draw what dissociating felt like
But there still was an empty paper

My diary is in "crypted."
Every letter is a different sign.
I guess I don't want anyone to read my diary
I want to keep telling them I'm fine.

e5tsregcvsdfrthacsdhg bgfnmvs dgetdfn,sdfccvhnwcgncrhnhnwbwtghwdfhvnovnkvnkevnksnksegnkseniwdfe­vn lhtmeu4xqp8

For the first time in a while
I felt comfortable with me
And I could show my true identity
So that everyone could see

I asked my friends for inspiration and here's what I got...

"Ukuleles zijn kut"

"*****"

"Ukuleles zijn vals"

"Write one about our French teacher"

Oui oui bonjour
Like I care about your class
I'm really not interested in French
Oh, this period is finished, alas!

"Write a poem about snakes because they're adorable boopers"

sneaky snek
looking for maus
i see snek
i boop

{Hope you're happy now}