I'm having this feeling again that's so familiar to me..
some years ago..
now it scares me..
it's like all those fears come rushing back to me again..
like my broken pieces that I tried so hard to put back together are cracking up again..
like I'm gonna be left alone again...
it's so scary I can't breath..
my chest feels so heavy I can't stop crying..
I feel like i am not needed..
I suddenly feel insecure..
like I no longer know my place..

I am getting used to it
No message from you
No chat from me
Maybe i'm getting there

Day by day
I feel courage
Day by day
I feel strength

Everything is temporary
And this pain is no exception
This hurt will go away
Someday I'll be free

In time there'll be no more tears
Nor bitterness caged in my chest
No more racing thoughts in my head
Nor an image of a woman at night who weeps

Day by day
My heart will get used to it
Not being with you
And not kissing your lips.

Day by day
I'll get back to my feet
With my head up high
And a victorious smile on my face.

When that time comes
I'll know I have no regrets
Because in my heart I know
For what we had, I did my best.

It's not the cheating anymore
Nor the lies I believed in
It's the thought of how easy it is for you to give up on me
It's the thought of how easy it is for you to give me away
Just like a teddy bear
It's the thought of how easy it is for you to say I deserve someone better than you

But above all this I promise you
Someday I will become more than just a teddy bear
I will become a teddy bear that you or anybody can't just give away that easy..
I promise you that..

Next time, I hope you fall in love with someone who always chats back and never lets you fall asleep thinking you're unwanted.

I hope you fall in love with someone who holds your hand during the scary parts of horror movies.

I hope you fall in love with someone who sees galaxies in your eyes and can write sonnets about them, and hears music in your heartbeat and laugh.

I hope you fall in love with someone who tickles you and make you smile on hard days and on easy ones.

But beyond all that, I hope you fall in love with someone who will never leave you behind and will never take you for granted, someone who will stand by you when you're right and stand by you when you're wrong, someone who has seen you at your worst and has loved you still.

I hope you fall in love with someone who kisses you in the rain and hugs you in the cold and wouldn't have you any other way..

It's been 202 days
Since the last time we're together
202 days since I last held you,
202 days since we last kissed,
And everyday that I wasn't with you
Is everyday I missed you
Because I love you.

202 days and counting...

You know I love you
You know what makes me smile
And what makes me cry
You know what brings me laughter
Even what makes me sigh
More importantly
You know what's gonna break my heart...

But still... You did...

While inside the train
I was thinking
Have I ever made you feel really happy
Even for just a moment?

I'll grab this time to think for myself
Can I really take this break?
Did I make you feel happy somehow?
Can I give up my ultimate dream for you?

I am now asking myself
This many questions inside my head
Can I give up my dream to become a mother
And to become a wife to you my dear?

Am I capable to have a home
Of only me and you
Without a child
And without a knot to tie us two?

While I'm waiting for you
To your quest to fix your life
I will talk to myself
And tell you my answers
to my own questions, in time.

How can you hurt someone
who loves you more than enough?
How could you lie to the one
who gave you all her trust?

But why do I still love you
Even if you broke my heart?
Why do I still care for you?
Why do I still long for you?

Why?! Why?! Why?!

Sleep well my love..
I will always be thankful
for everything you've done for me..
I have always been grateful
for the love you've shown me.
I may not be the most perfect girl
you've ever met,
but I know for sure
that nobody can ever love you
the way that I do.

I will always be thankful
that God brought you to me
not only to love you
but to learn many things from you..
I will always be looking up on you..
I don't judge you for anything,
everything happens for a purpose.
I've suffered enough from my mistakes.
I've felt the greatest pain I never thought existed.

But here I am, facing each day
with a promise of goodness and positivity.
I am still hurting but i know it won't last forever.
I'm just submitting myself to it because its easier than denying myself to feel pain.
My life is not perfect, but I don't really Care.
I can conquer anything when we are together.  I can be the strongest when I'm with you.

I value you and I respect you.
Whatever life may bring me,
the space you occupy in my heart will always be yours
Even if you don't love me anymore. :)

I love you to the moon and back!
From head to toe.
I love you for who you are
and I will never do a thing
to change anything about you.

What had happened
has happened
We can only move on and start anew
and never do the same mistakes again..

If we are meant to be together,
whatever obstacle God will throw upon us,
at the end of the day,
we will come back to each other's arms.
If not, well, let's thank Love for passing by.
I am still deeply in love with you. :)
crazy but what can I do.
It's my heart. It won't lie to me and you.

Do you still love me?
Do you still care?
Do you miss me too
Like how much I miss you?

What's on your mind baby?
Do you want me no more?
Have you already forgotten
How we made this love?

I said I miss you so much
You replied "ditto"
What's on your mind
When you hesitated twice in typing your response?

Please don't let me get tired
If you don't love me anymore
Just say it
Right through my face.

I'd better be hurt by the truth
Than be happy with lies.
I don't want to guess
I need answers.

I need the truth
Please don't deprive me of that
I love you
With all my heart.

I want to cry now
I'm already crying inside
But I'm telling myself
I need to be brave.

What do I lack?
Is love really not enough?
Please help me God
Don't want to ***** my life.

When every time I close my eyes
It's you that I dream about
As I wake up in the morning
It's you that I wanted to be right by my side

I've been dreaming of me as your wife
And you as my baby's dad
I've pictured how our little one's room be like
Will they ever be materialized?

How can I not love you
If you're everywhere I go?
How do I stop loving you
When you are all I know?

How will I ever find me
Without you?
But what can I do
If you just love me no more...

What will I do
If you decide to leave me?
Only one thing I know is for sure
And that is I don't know.

So tell me,
How can I unlove you?

How do I start over again?
How do I tell my heart
To stop aching
And cease from breaking?

Where do I begin
To pick up the pieces of my heart?
How do I stop my tears
From rolling down my cheeks?

When can I tell myself
Stop, it's over?
When will I know
That you are totally mine again?

I wish I knew all the answers.

Never been this afraid before
I thought I can live on my own
But when I met you
Everything changed in whole.

I thought I don't need a man to complete me
I thought I only need my family
I thought a strong woman doesn't need a man
But in an instant I realized I was wrong

To think that someday you'll realize
That Your love for me is all gone
Gives me the deepest ache
I never thought I'd feel.

I can't be hypocrite
Telling the world I can live without you
When in my heart I know
It's the greatest fear I've ever known.

I can conquer anything
As long as we are together
Because I've learned that i can be the strongest
When I am with you.

Lots of questions are floating in my head
While my heart is still breaking apart
I want to ask you one by one
But I'm afraid of the answers you have.

I'm scared to death
Scared that I'm losing you
But I can't be like this
I can't be like this...
Afraid for your love to fade...

It's when I farted and you were laughing so hard
And that laugh is a wonderful music to my ears.

It's when I see you mimic my ****** expressions
I don't know why it looks so funny On you.

It's when I stare at you for no reason at all
I just love looking at your face
I feel joy from doing that.

It's when you wrap your arms around me
I feel secured.

It's when you sing
That very funny song.

It's when I wake up in the morning
With you by my side.

It's when we eat breakfast together
And you support me for eating a lot.

It's when you say,
You are happy to see me happy.

It's when you don't need to speak too much to impress me.

It's when you told me that,
You don't depend on people,
And that I'm the only person you depend on.

It's when you asked me,
"Do you still love me?"
After our first cute fight,
But it's not actually a fight.
I think I should call it
The shrimp's fault fight.

It's when I think about you all the time.
It's when you kiss me and tell me that you love me.
It's when I watch you sleeping
While softly caressing your face and your back.

It's when you sing from the heart
and look at me while doing that.

It's when you give me that killer smile
Oh God, it melts my heart!

It's when in my weakest point,
You're there to give me strength.

And when I will be deprived of you,
It will be like depriving my lungs of air.

What is Love?
For me, It's You.

They say we only live once
But we can die several times
In a lifetime
She believes it now.

Where did I go wrong? she asked
She thought everything was alright
She thought they were the perfect lovers
'But how could you do that to me?", she asked

She thinks she's been too complacent
She never doubted him
Not even a tiny bit
Because she's so in love with him

She trusted him with all her heart
With all her soul
With everything she's got
"But why did you choose to lie?", she asked

He broke her heart into tiny pieces
She doesn't know if it will ever be whole again
But you know what's funny?
She doesn't hate him.

She hates herself
Because she doesn't hate him
Not even a little bit
Not even at all.

She's still hoping
That someday they will end up together
Because her love for him is too strong
She's still holding on.

She told her he still loves her
And she believed him
So that's what's still keeping her okay
She prays that it's true.

She was
She is
She's still and will always be
In love with him.

If someday he realizes
That his love for her is all gone
She knows she's gonna die again
But she wishes to live one more time.

Every single day as I walk alone
I'd turn my eyes to some sweethearts passing through
Then I'll ask myself
when will i find you?

My needing of you
Keeps nagging my heart
As the wind blows upon me
But no one to hug me tight.

My desire to have you
Had been a part of my daily life,
I don't care much If I have to wait
Whatever risk, i'm willing to take.

At night when the stars are bright
I stay up and have some sight
Then I utter to the heavens above
I'll wait for you, no matter what.

As I lay down and rest my back
I'll project a smile and imagine a hug,
From your firm but loving arms
As if I felt your warmth and love.

I really don't mind how long it takes
To have you around and feel your lips,
I won't get tired of doing all these
Till I got you, my darling, my fate...