How long, how lost,
how

lonely
is the day?
The sun lies recumbent,
as I do:

languishing in cold storage,
perfectly preserved
in its hollow corner
of sky.

I'm
learning
that we're not unalike.

We burn, with equal intensity
and others, love best
to gaze at us,
from the furthest,
faraway plains.

I seem,
to bring naught,
but discomfort.
Wrapped in pain
like the fading aurora bloom,
of day,

I'm a solar-powered picana

so, please...




avert your eyes.

I'm roaring towards the sun,
in an aluminum bubble.

My spirit, lacks wings, to fly
but there's a spoiler,
fitted, to the silvery minivan's frame.

So, we drive down the day...
coldly harmonious,
as it glitters back,
in mild flashes.

Memory, is stagnant;
flecks of it shine, back, at me--
capsules, of captured thought,
suspended movement...

the world, itself, becomes gelatinous.

The park, where I almost--
the long-absent faces,
of growing boys, and girls,
concealing toothy monsters.
Unsung heroes, and wandering bards...

Freezing sidewalks,
slanting homes...

places I knew, so well;

they stand, still,
and appear to register
no change, and no difference.

Christ, with his pale, pinned arms,
and pain-stricken face,
gazes down, on all these sins

a placid totem,
on his marbled cross...

an overgrown snowdrop,
crying mildly,

into polluted grasses, below.

A sweet song, emits
from surrounding speakers
and it becomes tangled,
in its own chords.

It breaks, in my throat,
like tinted glass...

and suddenly,
my eyes, are full,
of flooding,
unshed tears.

Their sorrow, needles
at sore, spent cheeks.

The rain, which pinks, soft clay

is hard, and salted,
and as it beats down, onto my skin,

I can feel the sunlight working
its gentle,
tumble-dry magic,

and finessing them clean, again.

I turn my face, away
to stare out, silent,
through the unbroken window.

I'm sobbing, harder, now,
and I have no idea,
how I started...

or why,
it won't stop...

but still, the rain,
rolls down shaky gutters;
unrepentant,
and unrepressed.

The wild weeds, of the garden,
are well-fed, indeed

yet overwatered,
beneath leaky clouds,

and graying seams.

Do you know, what's it like?
To run, until the tendons,
in your legs,
crimp,
like accordion bellows,
held, in the grip,
of a vice?

...Do you know, what it's like?

When they smell the fear, from within...
which adheres, to your skin,
as it turns, to fright?

...Do you know, what it's like?

Not even seconds, to hide?
With the asbestos walls, exploding...
your lungs, go off, like a bomb,
and thrumming

But the headlights,

they just keep on coming?

...Do you know, what it's like?

But you can't stop running, oh, hell no,

Though the acid,
drips,
down the back,
of your throat.
And the panic,
sticks,
to your soul,
like Velcro...

But you try...

...Do you know, what it's like?

And do you even want,
or need, to survive it?

When your fatigue,
only gets them excited?

When the kick and blur,
of your legs,
and curves,
only registers,
as enticement?

Do you know, what it's like?

Here comes the headlights
around the bend,
again,
and it's do,
or die.

Do you think you could fight?

You can't look, at the trunk,
or you'll end up inside, it.
It's fight,
or you're ******,
but what if they... have,
a gun,
or a knife?

...Do you know...what it's like...?

...There is no element, in existence,
equal, to me,
with the force,
and polarity, of you.

Take me...take me, further in.

I will not,
I could not...ever, resist you.

My will, is hammered carbon;
yet, this contract, of the soul...
it is ironclad.
Draw me,
into the tensity,
of your unbroken field.

Does your ghost, hover
like magnetite,
at the northernmost point,
of its own compass needle?

Does your shadow, dwell
in its arrowhead shape?
Does your heart, steel,
its directional pull?

I cannot pass you by,
but to be drawn,
into the divine gravity,
of your embrace.

Sweet...so sweetly,
do you hold fast, to me.

My lips, shudder,

tremulous,
with an irrepressible urge

to glue themselves
to the nectarine sweetness,
of sunbaked flesh.

Take me...take me, further in.

Leech me, of resistance.
Break me, of my defenses.
Shatter this separation,
that pulses fiercely, between us,

and pin me, to the core, of you.
Keep me, always...
yours, alone;
yours forever...

and worlds, may end,
castles, may rubble.
Entire civilizations,
may fall, to ancient ash,

Before these lips,
could ever dream,
of leaving, you.

...Open your eyes, to me.

I want to spiral, around you,
beyond the dark, infinite wall.
I want to transcend, your physical;
to lure you on, and away
into a purple field, of Freyja's daisies
with nimble, metaphysical fingers--
beckoning beyond,
the starry curtain,
of crystalline dreams.

Will you let my arms,
circle your Roman neck,
like verdant vines
and pull you further, in?

Can you feel my smile,
sun the slant,
of your beloved cheek,
and can you photosynthesize
into new life, with me
even as you re-seed, in darkness?

I want to whisper,
sweet words:
devotion, and desire
into the well, of your ear...
until they roar, and pound
with the sacred force,
of white rapids...

swollen to riptides,
in the conch shell,
of your churning mind.

I want to weave, around your flesh
and speak, a love spell
into your shifting, Lycan eyes.
An incantation, that plays,
with the blue ghost, of your flame,
and ignites, the candle of your soul,
on its breathy sighs...

...melodic tones.

There is no heart,
quite like yours.
It pulses, beneath my hand,
like drums, of war.
Gladiator...

take me, to your Colosseum.

I want to wander
the upper echelon,
of its throbbing chambers.
I want to feel you ache, for me
in your left ventricle...
soft, warm flesh,
perfectly preserved, in golden amber.

I want to gaze,
into the blinding sun,
until my eyes, tear...
closer to heaven,
than ever I've been.  

Darling, what do you see,
when you look at me?
Salvation,
or ruin?
Vikingr longships...

or Valhalla...?

I pray...that one day...
you will take my soft hand,
into the Titan strength, of yours,
and not perceive it,
as an instrument
in the ruin, and wreckage, of you.

I ardently pray, that, one day...
you'll come, to bathe
in the Baltic blue, of my eyes...

and never fear, again,
that they could drown you.











...Let me take you...home.

How can I unmake indignant hands,
rolled, into fists?
If I kiss the fingers, will they unfold,
like celestial doors,
and beckon me in?
If I traverse your lifeline,
with softened eyes, and lips,
will we time skip,
Into a time, and place,
that's better, than this?

Even in thunder,
you dwell
at the center, of me.

I wonder,
would you melt...
with my hand, on your cheek.

I crave you...
like a dry lakebed, thirsts
to be quenched
with a deluge, of rainwater.
I long, to hear your laughter, sing,
through my screen
like droplets of rain,
on a tin rooftop.
I pray, to feel the ripples, of you
run up and down,
the contours of my body,
like crashing waves,
as we rock, and writhe, in shared ecstasy.

I think, of you:
my darling...

dearest you,

and picture your face,
glowing, like a halogen lamp,
beneath mine...eclipsing the sunlight
as your hands, move,
like currents, while you swim with me.

Your eyes, are reflecting mirrors
bright pools, that I can see myself drowning in,
and liking it, as I struggle to breathe,
and asphyxiate
as you circle, around me.

I wish you could touch my smile,
and feel it transfer,
to your own face.
I wish you would pull me tighter against you,
and wear me, around,
like your favorite sweater.

I wish I could just hold you,
until the thunder stops,
until the lightning, in your head,
ceases, flashing
its alarum blue...

until we are pulled out of orbit, together
and splashed, like paint
across the blankest,
brightest,
canvas

of stars.

"She left the city as a girl
And returned a woman
In the same shoes
On the same night.
A face in the darkness;
The reaper glimpsed
At journey's end.
He straddles the bridge
Between tonight and tomorrow--
He's a revolver with
One bullet missing
From the chamber;
He's the Wheel of Fortune
With its terms unwritten;
He's an unsigned DNR notice.
He's the end of the line."

...Now, here, I stand,
miles ahead,
on disconnecting tracks,
a once-raging fire,
slowly fading,
to a silver smoke...

Wondering,
...where did you go?

Have your own wolfish eyes,
peered into glassy irises
that even, in the silences,

reminded you,
of mine?

What existed, in me
that you let me, survive?

Mister, oh, please, let,
me in on your secret...
and tell me, now, do you regret ...

how you kept me... alive...?

You're hardly there...
sketched, into the backdrop
of my convalescence,
in hematite brush strokes.
Not a flicker, of breath
warms the cold curve, of my cheek,
but I feel you cup it, anyway.

My own hand,
bloodless, bleached
collapses, in pain.
Fatigued, it creeps,
across the coverlet
in a wraithlike half dose,
to seek you, sleepily
and pull you, across the void.
To capture you, by the mouth,
and bring you, like a magnet,
into another dimension.
Lips, press down, as if stitched;

the Cupid's bow,
folds itself, into the lower lip,
and sutures shut.
It forms a thin veil, of suppression,
and secrets.

Stay with me...
stay with me, a while...
stay with me, until I fall

...a...

...sleep, overtakes me.
I'm too weak, to wrestle with it,
and sink, below its dusky tides.
Darkly, they swallow me.
I float, in an indigestible stupor;

caustic waves, ripping away
at whatever remains,
of me:
half-consumed,
in the raging belly,
of the beast.

Still... the melted glaciers, of my eyes
seek you, above the insouciant turn,
of melancholy tides.

I wish to tangle myself,
all around you
to knot about you, composed,
comprised, in looping ties
like ropes... that only bite,
into the fruit, of your skin
if you draw me around you, tightly.  

And though, there's naught,
but an echo, of you,
above the seismic waves,
of pain

That same thought, rises
A shallow cry,
but it rips, through my soul
with the sudden release
of an arrow, leaving
the taut, aching pull,
of its bowstring.

Stay with me...

stay with me, til night, falls...
hold me, til the dawn, breaks...
love me,til our worlds,
collapse...

and, stay......
stay with me.

Over sticks, and stones...
no broken bones ...
only thick bands ringing
neck, and throat.

I floated onward, anyway:
my fainted,
fading body, splayed;
swathed, and rolled,
in a jacket shroud,

as gently, as...a paper wave.
Yet, onward, pulled,
on grasses, loud,

As softly, as
...a blackened cloud.

There's something...
infinitely beautiful,
dancing, delicately,
on pulled threads,
across nimble fingers:

the cat's cradle,
between emotional agony,
and mental silence.  

When every tear, is at last, exhausted...
when your lungs, wheeze, fluidly,
from helpless overexertion,
and, gasping for breath,
you turn your cheek, for air,
your pillow:
now, a man-made lake...

the numbness... suffuses,
your entire being.

Loud suffering, falls silent.
Red-rimmed eyes,
become too swollen,
to examine their own pain.

The nothingness blankets you,
in its warmest embrace.
You become swaddled; baby-soft, again,
yet plated, in auric detachment.

...Nothing, can touch me,
nothing,
can inform, my placid heart,
to beat.

in this moment,
I am free, of its emotional trappings.
its threads, can't pin me;
its pull, can't drag me down.

My lips,
shape a smile,
but it only serves, to show...
that it no longer hurts,
to stretch a wooden bridge,
across the gaping void.

...but even so... it's just a band-aid.

It won't fix, what's broken,
and the blood,
will seep through,
the gauze, again.
The pain, will return;
it'll grow knuckles,
that form fists,
which wield knives.

But, for now...
I lay myself, to rest...
blunted, mummified,
in a buzzing swathe,
of pristine, white.........





silence

I feel myself

atrophy
Thoughts, splayed
like beautiful, oiled legs
in a ******* centerfold...
Thoughts, disarrayed
in a state of feeble decay
I'm taken apart,
deconstructed
What's a brain, with a broken vessel,
what's a spine,
when the medulla oblongata,
falls,
to a gelatinous mush?

put me away, piece by piece
in boxes
that open, to reveal,
smaller boxes, and smaller boxes still
I become...miniscule... miniature
inconsequential,
in the great nature of things

a little wooden matryoshka doll, being peeled from its shell
layer by layer...
but what if the innermost chamber
is hidden, under lock and key

and what if you crack it open, to find
your fingers are smeared,
in the pungency, of my blood?

It matters not...
I drift skyward...no tether,
to pull me down, to earth again
and there's not enough oxygen,
to breathe,
as I drift through space...
but if I return to Earth...

the sudden resurgence of gravity
will bring me crashing,
to the ground.

...And it all...Goes...Black.

Thoughts twist me, into acrostic knots.
The knots, that nimbly choke...the clots, that simply grow.
I can't escape the thoughts,
like they were wadded ropes.
I flail, the plated locks...
and fumble, bladed keys.
But I can't break the seams;
that go on, breaking me...
I can't evade, the dreams...
with nothing next, to me.
So, even strengthless peace...
becomes the enemy.  
And though I feign, release...
and fake, control of these...
These ******* painful things...

they take ahold, of me.

There are, no...
...happy endings.

Or, at least...
none, that I can be a part, of.

...I stood on the sidelines
and watched, helplessly,
as everything,
I've ever wanted
was carved, in bleeding stone
and gifted, to someone else.  

Leatherbound,
and tied,
in silken ribbon,
as I collapsed,
and the tears, poured,
like ichor, from the deepest wounds.

Entire chapters,
of my devotion
slashed, in blood, and pen
and ripped right out,
of my soul, again.

I shut my ears,
to its narration
but nothing stops it, from playing...
the sonic boom,
committed to memory,
and shattering the walls,
in my arrested lungs.

I do often wish,
it would stop my breath

if I could just never feel
its loss,
again.

I have never...
stopped bleeding.

Resin glazes
soft, buzzy lips,
like oozing droplets,
of fine, dark sap.
A flash, of dancing tangerine,
tangoes, absently,
before bleary,
red-rimmed eyes,
as I light up
and burn down,
the entire rainforest...
just a few little leaves, at a time.

Those who know me least,
but see me, daily...
idling, in dark waters,
might describe me as quiet,
distant, and remote.
An island, unto myself
which waves its palms, prettily,
to strangers,
and sprouts tender blossoms,
under the intemperate eye
of its own, jealous sun.

Its shifting swell,
of hourglass sands
only seem, to glow,
and its obscenely blue waters,
only appear, to shimmer,
the further you draw,
from it.

...Am I naught, but a mirage,
which thirsty tourists,
may deign to sail to,
and from,
in discontented droves?

I keep the secrets, of the land,
harnessed,
under tribal hands.

I offer them nothing,
whatsoever,
and yet, they are voracious
for more, of the same.

They smile, and gasp,
awed, by my hibiscus fields,
and my tropical skies.

But do my fire pits,
not strip the flesh,
from roasted pigs,
turned whole, and lifeless
upon its busy spits?

And does the roaring maw,
of my active volcanoes
not devour its transgressors
beyond ash, and bone?

Bristles, glide delicately...
over cold refuse.

Random bits,
of detritus:
and your broom devours them,
indiscriminate
a placidly lurking monster,
with an unchoosy palette.  

It's almost a mindless,
shuffling dance,
with failure, for a willing partner,
while regret, lingers sulkily,
in a dark corner of the room,
and watches the two of you
locked,
in a very forced
minuet.

The world feels like it's over,
and every brush stroke, feels
like its own humdrum ending.

Then,
all at once,
when you least expect it, to


your agitated trash ,
lifts its papery little wings,
takes flight,
and flutters gently away,
in a storm of linen,
beige, and white.

The faintest flicker of hope,
rises, from the discard pile:

a wildcard moth
seeking its own, besotted flare,
of quavering torchlight.

Nuclear skin, and eyes...
Chemically bent, to erode.

Set me afire, and watch me explode--
watch me...
let the ghosts, of your Chernobyl,
become my own, and haunt me.

I'm an active field...
Yielding blackened wheat,
for a [redacted] meal.

I'm an active field...
stealing slabs, of meat,
in lacerated weals.
Watch me...

let the ghosts, of your Chernobyl,
become my own, and haunt me.

When thunder shades your brow,
I could burst the storm clouds,
looming overhead,
until a smile, reignites you,
and you glow, like a shining sun.  

When flares, of helpless pain,
snarl tender joints,
I want to find the thread,
hidden, in your bed, of nerves
and PULL it gently,
until the knot,
pops out.

I'd like to scry,
the deep, shining pool, of your eyes,
and read their formations,
like tea leaves.
I hope to exorcise the demons,
that lean over your shoulders,
and laugh,
at anything you do.

I want to take your hands, in mine,
and infuse you, with my energy.
I long to push my palm, against yours,
and see if our lifelines
kiss, as ardently as we do,
and travel harmoniously, together,
under a wake, of shimmering stars.

I yearn...to pour myself upon you,
like healing water,
and bathe, the full of you,
into the gentle tides, of me.

To tie, the nucleus
of our aching souls, together,
in a flagrant twist,
of the loveliest
flowers, and vines...
because I need you, to hold me,

to cherish me
beyond lives, that end,
beyond worlds, that collapse,
beyond stars, that explode
into supernovas
of guttering stardust.

In you...
I can see a love,
that transcends

lives, together
dimensions, apart...

and galaxies, that could crumble,
only to release more stars,
around us,
like free, and floating fireflies
in the blue-black expanse,
of sky.

What bliss, it could be,
to burn, like an eternal torch,
with you,

beyond the dark well,
of time.

What bliss, it could be,
to take your hand, in mine
and jump, beyond,

the spinning,
quiet void,
of death.

I wake, to the rhythm, of you
breaking slowly, behind my ribcage.
The orchestral swell;
the auric light, of rosy dawn...
blooming, to new life.

More, than a phantom.
More, than a phantasm.

I yearn, to be wound, around you,
in long, lingering threads,
of bruisy, purple-gold daylight,
and pull tight, as I knit myself,
around your stretched form...
soft-skinned, and sleepy...
pulling you so tight to me,
that your body barely rocks
upon the edge, of the tapestry needle.

Let my legs, be the woven fabric,
that ensnares your hips,
and pulls you, even closer, to me.
I want to feel, your rippling laughter
burble, through your chest.
I want to swim, in languorous strokes,
the fathoms, of your aching mind,
with the ease, of turning your thoughts:
flipping through its dog-eared pages,
like the well-read chapters,
of a readily studied, book.

My arms, seek to hold you,
and cradle you, to me,
lips, pressed to your skin,
plush, and satin pillow soft.

I want to devour you, in rapacious,
repeated kisses...I want to feel
the spring-coiled tension,
above your shoulders, snap, and unwind
relaxing, in helpless surrender,
at my nymphic touch,
as the rest, of you...hardens, like resin
and then melts away,
between my own spread,
buttery thighs.

I want to be so filled,
with the full, of you,
that you spill over, and escape...
I want to clutch your face,
in the tenderness of my fingertips,
and lose myself, in the labyrinth
of your lovely, dreaming eyes.

I need you, like flowers,
need gentle rains, to bloom.
I desire, you...like the prime, of night,
awaiting the the rising moon.

and I wait, for you...
like the guitar string solo,
in a beloved tune.

I am caught, in your eye,
and I drown, in your tectonic wave.
You rattle, intimately,
for me, and shake...

You shift,
minutely,
soundlessly,

collapsing, into sprawling patterns,
into formulaic strains, of madness.
Then you madden, me, as you cascade,
into beautiful, and brilliant shades:

Your Rorschach mosaics,
in prismatic hues.
Each gemlike, facet, of YOU, that is you...

Burning out my gaze,
with your radiance,
as you irradiate...

I'd give anything...to label each color,
that infuses, your face...

Scattering trickles of light,
and roseate shapes...

as if your soul,
were a treasure trove,
of the most precious jewels.

Your vibrant emeralds...
your smoky citrines...
your sapphire blues...
your ruby reds,
and your royal amethysts, too

You twist, in my hands...
and, under the light,
I turn, and return, too,
if only to seek,
a fleeting glimpse...of you.

I don't think, I really want this...

But surely, I
still have the eyes, to perceive
that she's the kind of,
fever dream
that makes grown men, and women,
lament, and weep

for the way, her jeans
gather round, her knees, and thighs--
for the way, her eyes...
pay homage, to the ancient skies...

would you take...a ride?
And, hey...would I...?
I don't think I might...

but she asserts her swerve,
with a certain sway,
and her curves,
would serve,
as hors d'oeuvres,
for days.
Her fruity lips...
with a sparkle glaze

they trickle...dark...as marmalade.
But if harvested, late...
what's their carnal taste?

...Is she the mark, on the grave,
by which, I think...I know myself?

No...I don't think I really want this...

not a shiver, runs through me.
But, sue me...for looking,
when she's so ******* juicy...
does it consume me?
Does it titillate me?
...I don't feel me, hyperventilating?

What if she turned, to face me?
To lay me, lace me
between her thighs...
internalized; eternal lies,
to sate me,
with her flavor, to bait me
acerbic, and savory...
Her skin, burning, like a lamp wire,

and her fingertips, debasing me.
What if I, was her vampire,
and she,
the one slaying me?
A slaking queen...
aching to break, her thirst...
so, what if I staked her, first...?
Would she mortify,
like ash?
Or would she forge, a lighted path,
and make me wish,
she had, forced...my hand?

No...I don't think I really want this...

not a shiver, runs through me.
But, sue me...for looking,
when she's so ******* juicy.

I would give you, almost anything,

for the borders, to close.
For our separate galaxies,
to inch, and crawl, ever closer,

winding and unwinding
around each other,
like the red thread of fate,
rocking gently, on twin spools.

I would give up, almost everything,

for my lifeline, to unravel,

if only...

to retangle, around yours,
in a closed,
but infinite loop.

I would give you my all,
my everything

For the distance,
between us...
to vanish.
For the spaces around us,
to suture themselves, together,
and heal,
like gaping wounds.

For the sublime favor,
of feeling you shine down, on me,
in a way no other, could do.

To see all your love,
reflected, in your mirrored irises,
and know that no one,
stands before, or behind me.

And I'd sell my own soul,
without a second thought
just to hear you say

That I'm your one,
your only love,
and no other
could ever

do.

You trail my body, in profane whispers
as teeth, gnash, above you.
Fingers, play your spine;
hands, rub up, your back, and neck,
and waterfall down, again,
like party streamers,
as my lips, seek,

every heated,
vanishing inch, of you.  

Secret moans, escape vibrating chords.  
Steam, from a rattling kettle.
You snake your way,
down peaks, and valleys.
I lift my head, to suckle
Your thick fingers,
as they rub, roughly, hungrily,
over aching *******,

but instead, they twine,
like a boa constrictor,
around my open throat,
as you latch on, to one pink bud,
and abuse it, with your tongue.

You laugh,
diabolical;
Hell, heavy in your grin.

Your thick member dances,
and sways, before my eyes.
Svengalian, in its torment.
Dizzying me,
as I choke, with a tensing throat
...charmed,
lured, forward,
to meet its one-eyed gaze...

but then,

you tell me,
you'll only **** me,
if my begging pleas,
my cries,
for my Sir, to fill me,
can work their way past,
their narrowing windpipe.

I claw, with catlike intensity,
at your wrist, and arm.
Tiger-striping you,
as you squeeze.

My tongue, grows too heavy,
for its moist cell...
and lolls out, as glassy eyes, roll up.

Oh, Mister...if I black out...
I only hope, that I wake up,

with your shaft, searing my tongue,
and your glaze,
laquering, repainting,
my made-up face.

Vision swims back;  
but you slither, downward:
a fork tongued serpent,
dithering, in the garden.
Your knuckles, are tinted:
red, and white, with tension.
You grip my ankles,
and fan, creamy legs,
to their outer limits--
your mouth, urging my poppy,
to bloom, euphoric.  

I scream,
in a hoarse voice:

I scream, for you,
to devour my passionfruit:
to bathe your tongue, in it,
so I can polish your aching rod,
with my forbidden citrus...
but you ****, and roll,
the hard seed,
with languid,
languorous motions,

feasting on the rind,
until I'm shaking, spasming
thrusting, upwards,
in a mindless,
fevered sweat...
an oasis, pooling
around burning thighs.

I want to ride, your face;
I want to suffocate you,
until your cheeks, suffuse,
with color,
and you struggle, to breathe.
I want you, to grip my thick hips,
to feel me, melt;
to see me glow, above you,
lit from within,

like egg tempera,
on canvas skin.

But your flogger, drives down,
and jolts me, from my reverie.
It drives, hard,
down my nakedness,
seemingly splitting
delicate pink buds, in two,

as I scream, and writhe, pathetically
under each blow,
in a helpless
surrender.

Welts, are already blossoming;
recoloring ample *******,
under braided,
leather strips.
Your arm, rises, and falls,
pistonlike

with a professional wrist snap,
again...and again.

I howl; *******,
bruised:
wanton,
in my want, of you.

...I guess it's my turn,
to wear the stripes, now.

He stirs, slowly...
watching the spoon,
break the fog,
settling over his morning cup...
opalescent eyes,
scanning the sleepy blue,
of daytime horizons.

Porcelain fingers, shift
into hard, ceramic claws;
first smoothing up,
snuggly cotton pantlegs,
and then running them down,
forcing his navied thighs, to separate.
The fork, in the road,
as I crawl in, between them,
headlights, and a glossy smile,
on full beam.

He jerks, with surprise
at the unexpected motion,
lips, arrested in a subtle purse--
a pinched pink,
pouted gently, outwards

to blow away the steam
gathering, around tense fingers.
I mimic the tension,
with my own, slaking lips.

Hands shift,
to cup him,
and slide, upwards.
Suddenly, he needs two,
to grip the mug.

My tongue, slicks out,
wetly,
to follow his ascent,
as he stands, upright;
neapolitan soldier,
with the suede skin.  

The heat,
gathers,
in my palms
flushing his thighs,
and it circulates, warmly
against flickering flesh;
mouth, moving limberly
to drink him,
under the table.

My feral eyes,
fix his drunken ones,
as we both take each other,
in.

"I hope you saved some cream, for me?
Good morning, honey."

If I could pull the threads,
that stitched the universe, together...
If I could slip between the tracks,
and barricade myself,
between buoyant clusters, of atoms
would you take note of my absence?
Would you remember I existed?
Would you even register,
the loss of me?
Or would I become as distant,
and extraterrestrial to you,
as a forgotten galaxy,
would you recall little more, than
terra firma, beneath your feet,
and never notice
that there's a hole
in the weeping glass dome,
above you?

Please don't look at me,
as I say this...
I know you've been so hurt,
and jaded.
What's the worth, of verse
when their words, were wasted?
I just want to be YOURS,

I want to merge our spaces,
I want to converge our places,
and disturb the stasis...

but I'm averting your gaze,
because there's no vacancy,
where your stones, will lead.  

Baby, what would it take,
for you to see home, in me?

I'm just so tired, of faking,
not being lonely...
I keep waking without you,
and aching, from deep.

I want to tangle around you, sweet,
as we're chasing sleep.
I want to chain all your doubts, up,
in braided sheets.
I don't want to wake up,
without you,
Laying next, to me.

I wanna take up,
your compass,

and pump,

til it... redirects,
to ME.

...But you behold me, divinely,
when you should be HOLDING me.
...Baby, what would it take,

for you to finally see home,
in me?

If I weren't burdened,
with the weight,
of being a woman...
What would I do?
If each step I took,
wasn't visually measured
in the shake of my hips,
or the weight, of my *******,
tell me,

what could I do?

I'd scream, for you to chase me,
and run towards the surf.  
I'd throw myself, eagerly, upon its
cresting, ******* waves,
and lounge on top of bluest water,
floating idly by on its surface,
like a sleepy lotus flower...
dreamy, soft white petals,
stretched limberly towards the open sky,
and aching, for the kiss of sun.

I'd be unconcerned, and unaware
of the arch, of my back...
of the rosy fullness, of each cheek
as I bent, and knelt
between cascading water ripples
to capture pretty shells, and shiny stones
and present them all, to you,
with childish enthusiasm.

If I weren't burdened,
with the weight,
of being a woman,

I'd run, wild, through floral fields,
and hedge mazes,
as giddy, as a fairy.

I'd duck, under arboreal tunnels,
and climb, into the low-lying branches,
in the little copse, of trees,
and slumber sweetly
in its leafy canopies.
I'd immerse myself
between paperback pages,
as the wind steadily rocked me
like a babe, in its bassinet,
and the wind, whispered,
through vibrant leaves.

I'd rush out, to greet the rainstorm,
as its icy waters, folded over me.
I'd race, and run, and dance,
through puddles that split around bare feet,
and warbled, their enchanting echoes,
around the circumference
of saturated, joyful, ankles.

If femininity,
weren't the loaded gun
that presses my temple,

I'd wander, for hours, in pre-dawn streets...
blaring eighties music, like a wandering minstrel
down city streets and quiet, tree-lined roads,
until the bruisy, tangerine glow,
of impending sunrise,
gradually re-skinned my cheeks, and face.

I'd clamber across the overpass, to ogle the seasonal starbursts,
from up high,
in the blankest, blackest canvas;
fireworks screeching, screaming,

exploding, into new life,
thrown onto dark paper, like neon splatter-paint
Charring the ozone, to a hot, charnel glow
in an impossibly starry summer sky.

If womanhood, weren't the knife
they use to press my throat,

I'd spend the entire night under the stars,
gazing upwards, the way I used to.

I'd explore the navy breadth of midnight streets,
all its blues...nearly deaf, with resounding cricket chirps
nearly mute, beneath the busy squeal, of brown cicadas.

I'd travel for hours,
lost in a poetic passion,
just so in love, with things.
Dreamily gazing at a natural world,
with no strangers,
and no cars, following me
while my artistic eye,
drank in the atmosphere,
until satiated.

I'd climb poles, in sundresses,
clamber over fences,
explore the world,
and all of its understated beauty
without reservation, or end.

I could go anywhere,
I could go,
everywhere...
and never need a chaperone.

I'd think nothing of chasing dreams,
that suddenly grew teeth, or fangs,
and came after me,
like the main monster,
in a horror cinema.

I'd open up,

and freely speak,
to the people around me.

I'd never be too afraid,
to close my eyes, again
and receive a kiss,
at the end of a sweet date.

I'd feel pretty, to feel pretty.
I wouldn't try to hide it,
to chameleon myself into the crowd,
in the hopes that no one else,
would notice me.

I'd feel like family...was really family.

Smile so hard, that the mask I wore, would crack.

In short...
I would do all the things I used to do,
before someone showed me,
how dangerous it was, to live.

I gasp, for breath...fading away, below you
helpless, beneath the deluge, of you.
Heat rises, and steams, a rosy flush,
into pale, cold cheeks...
as you waterfall above me,
and I turn my face up to you, in gratitude.

I am a dry...arid flower...
dominate me, with your downpour.
Keep me moaning, in little, breathless gasps...
drunk, on your deluge,
lusting, for the gentle, seething weight,
of your measured, eager touch...
so thirsty, for your rain,
as you slick parted lips, in waves.

Slowly...almost painfully
I ache, and writhe
as you pour over me,
and I gulp, hard,
against your hot embrace.

Mmmmm...lover...caress my bare skin
stream, relentlessly
across the peaks, and valleys
of my dripping, naked body.

I'm so wet, beneath you.
Every dance of droplets,
across these spreading hips,
and long, feminine legs...
every prolonged, whispering touch...
every sweet, steaming kiss,
steals my breath away,
and leaves me shuddering,
quivering,
groaning, helplessly,
beneath the lick of your warmth
across these rounded, fleshy cheeks.

I die, a little more, each time
you wash over me,
As I drink you in
...unashamed of the little pool,
you've got forming beneath my bare feet,
and tightly curled toes.

I'm...drenched,
tingling, from my head,
to my toes...
soaked, but satisfied,
beneath the incredible force, of you.

...I just can't get enough, of you.

Desynchronized glances,
evaporate
into long, ravenous gazes.

Each of us is a mirrored pool,
a reflecting pond,
that the other could swan-dive, into,
facefirst, and drown in.

We drip hotly
and melt, for each other,
like simmering rivers
of molten candle wax.
I twist around you
like a curl, of oiled hemp.
Your fingers tense, grip,
and peel back the skin, of
cotton thigh highs
as your face elongates,
and your mouth, moves...

languorous tongue,
trailblazing downwards
from the mons veneris,
to worship, devoutly,
at my sacred shrine, below.
The slippery wetness,
of exposed thigh
slicks, and grazes,
your stubbled cheeks
tenderly perfuming
the tensed column,
of your working throat,
with my feminine scent.

We interlock, tongue and groove.

Your tongue tip flicks the nub,
back and forth,
like an ignition switch,
as the engine hums, to life.

You stoke my fires,
with every lingual stroke.
You blow my torch,
into a fervid flame
that spreads heat throughout
the inner chamber,
and you warm your face
in its baking, radiant glow.

I bite down, delirious with ecstasy,
into the skin, of my own tensing arms;
wrists bound, in python restraints, overhead:
resisting the force, of the virulent scream
forcibly spreading, throughout pink lungs.

Yes...oh, God, yes.

I churn, from the hips, down
raining, into your expectant face,
mouth pealed, helplessly, for the scream...
and the sunlight breaks overhead
as I smile brightly, and collapse, around you.

...Oh...puddin'...have mercy, on me.

Now...

we separate,
and interchange places, smoothly.

Your hands, dig, into the voluminous depths
of loosely bound, twin comet tails.
You wrap their trailing, cherry cola ends,
around tight, clenched knuckle fists,
as my lips, purr, against ever-expanding skin.

Don't you dare...let go,
of these handlebars, baby,
as I rev up, hard,
hit a wet patch, and SLIDE.

....Hold on tight, to me, and RIDE.

The sun gleams,
and glitters, famously...
a gilded disco ball,
hung from the ceiling,
of a peaky blue sky.

White clouds, are stretched,
and whipped out,
to a spun-sugar confection.

The wind, snags my legs,
and my bare wrists.
I feel like a side of beef,
on a frozen meat hook.

I gaze, longingly
at the array,
of tender seedlings,
screaming,
to be unpackaged, at last,
and to be freed...

to be given unto the earth,
and surrendered to the elements,
like eager children,
that they may rise, and grow!
...but I can't seem to recall
any of their names, or faces.

...I'm a terrible mother.

Were you impulse buys?
...I hope you'll all be beautiful.
The arctic, unseasonal breeze,
bites at my wrists, again:
a bad-tempered dog,
with an impatient demeanor.

...**** all of this,
I'm going back inside.

When they think, I'm pretty...
...they imbibe, my words:

the coldest water,
from a burbling spring.
They cool perspiring tongues
from the pool, of my thoughts,
yet seldom even recall,
their texture, or flavor.

...When they think, I'm pretty,
they can't help,
but to chase me, around.
...They chase me, for my time.
They chase me,
for a fragment, of my attention.

...They chase me...
until my legs beg, relentlessly,
to collapse, beneath me.

...They chase me,
until my lungs explode
in my chest,
like machine gun-fire,
and every sobbing breath, I draw,
divides me, in two.

...When they think, I'm pretty...
they target me, on site.
When I'm walking away...
I know we'll both,
be watching,
my backside.

When they think I'm pretty...

I quickly remember...
that safety,
is, but an illusory state.

...I feel...

simultaneously
validated, and afraid

...for my own life.

When they think, I'm pretty,
I'm grateful, that they also think...
that my head, is full of helium,
and I'm just floating on, by.

Unmindful, of the weight,
in the fistful of steel, that I hold,
and fully deaf--to a mind,
that screams, and whirrs,
like a hungry chainsaw.

They don't know, when I'm in survival mode.
They don't know,
that I can outthink,
and I can outsmart them...

...even if I can't outrun them.

When they think, I'm pretty...
I hold my breath, and pray,
that they're still human enough,
to let me go,
and let me live.

...But when I'm not pretty...

...they will all forget,
that I ever...




e x i s t... e d .

Do you feel me,
even now...?

...I can still taste you,
the ineffable flavor, of you...
the unfathomable essence,
of you.

The scent of you, like sweet suede,
and oiled leather,
teases flaring dragon nostrils...
and you cling, to my palate,
foaming ebulliently,
upon anemic lips,
in a dark ale; a rich wave,
like a full-bodied stout.

Your molecules, dance,
so harmoniously;
falling into step, with mine,
and then bursting,
into sweetly soured air...
still waltzing, in an undisturbed cadence
on the back,
of my outstretched tongue.

I hunger, for you;
for the undivided sum, of you.
I long, to be punch-drunk,
on the volume, of your liquor...
and walking dizzy circles,
trying to find the unbroken path,
in the medium of starlight,
that will lead me, to your own galaxy.

You ease, and excite,
in a fragment of breath,
that steams static skin,
and urges it, into eager life.

You exist, in a tangled stream
of my consciousness...
the ghostly imprint of your lips,
teasing the ganglia,
like the trailing, kitsune tails,
of a whip,
and brushing towards the brain stem
in long, torturous flicks.

You live there,
like an implant...
you are woven, into a carnivorous tapestry
of living, breathing scars...
that reach around my heart,
like needful arms.

Oh, my sweet,
fractured,
lover

won't you rob my lungs,
of their next succession, of breaths?

...And render me comatose, again.