There is never any urgency
until we notice the clock.

I like to play RPGs
It's a world that is unlike my own
and I'm a character I've named myself.
Sometimes I save my progress
on a file- safe and undisturbed-
and then I wreak havoc,
make friends I wouldn't make,
experiment for potential easter eggs.
It feels good to know I can just go back
to where I started
unfazed, undamaged, unharmed.
And if I ever do something substantial
in my free-for-all joyride of side quest,
I can always save it to another file.
There are so many memory cards in my drawer.

I find myself living life this way-
but with empty drawers
and only one disturbed file.
of only one fazed, damaged, harmed, character,
that my brother named when I was a baby,
in a world that I don't like too much.
And everyone tells me it's a game-
that we all put our hours in.
I just see the option
of a never-ending boss battle with loneliness,
or a never-ending side quest with friends,
and too much damage done,
so where better to let my thumbs rest?

You say I never cared.
This coming from a man
Who never shared his tears
When I cried in front of you
acted like you didn't care.
I'm not trying to get on you.
I love you
And I always will.
I'm still going to need you
So don't go no where.
Your still my knight and shining armor.
You taught me So much
For one
how to handle my family.
You saved me.

It's not either one of our fault.
Neither one of as wanted
to break the others heart.
As long as we can be friends.
We will make it to the end.
Knowing we gave our kids all we can.
Your my forever and always
Till the end.

It's up to me to teach you right from wrong
It's up to me to make sure you  say please
It's up to me to make sure you go to sleep
It's up to me to make sure you learn to read
It's up to be to make sure you are clean
Its up to me to make sure you see
The beauty in this crazy world
It's up to me to teach you how to make change
Its up to me to make you have a shoulder to lean on
It's up to me to be your mommy

I love you both with all my heart
I hope I raised you right
I dream your dreams all come true
I pray that god will always be with you.
I cry thinking about how fast life goes by

A memory so old, turned to sepia
From the pigmentation of Time
Losing all defining boundaries
As the album pages become dog eared
Due to long years of reminiscing
The moments shared together
A happy snapshot, now fading away
Can’t recall anymore on introspection
The album full of memories
Black and white turns to sepia
And ravages of time discolors
Once colorful moments
Captured only in black and white






© Amitav (Radiance)

Do you even realize
what damage was done
when you spoke?

Is there understanding
that your words
caused pain?

Under a guise of humor
I was brought
to my knees.

Will you go on forever
not knowing what you
accomplished?

Or do you secretly gloat
over the knife that found
its mark.

I consider you
a friend, but as I pull the blade
out of my soul,
I have one hope...

That you are
oblivious.

It’s a nice seat over
here on the safer bank,
where I’ve chosen
a cozy spot
to sit & contemplate
the future of my world,
watching
those narrow-minded-fools
fighting
amoungst themselves,
cannibalizing
each other’s dark hearts,
& giving me time
to start all over again,
now stronger
than before
the melee
began.

my face smashed against the concrete
when you kicked me from your
life; i'm still picking jagged stones
from the spaces between my
teeth. because of this,

i don't smile
anymore.