I have been training,
My whole entire life,
to get ready for the fight,
holding steady in my hand, a knife.

_

I just want to be a hero
a masked crusader in the night,
saving the planet, one person at a time,
but for now, I'll just write

I am a testament to humanity,
we all are, together,
all of us different, yet human,

your eyes they bore,
straight into my soul,
asking, "please stay safe"
knowing how utterly full,
I am of,
crazy and dangerous and,
world changing ideas,
and the urge they give me,
making me totally,
unable to keep still,

I can feel the cracks,
growing larger,
shifting in my brain,
slowly draining my sanity,
the darkness rises,
and sometimes,
I don’t fight it,
I let it settle,
directly in my soul,
creating it’s own perch,
it scares me, I like it,
I am good,
I am good,
but evil rests within me,

I'm sorry,
that I do not see,
how far we've come,
but all I see,
is what's been,
given to me.

Am I weak?
I certainly
hope not.

The poison was burning,
Burning through me,

Setting my veins on fire,
Battling my heart,

I can't stop fighting,
They're still coming,

I start to falter,
To fail,

I'm sorry,
So sorry,

My heart stutters,
The is not what I wanted,

My eyes flutter,
I can't stop it,

My limbs lay useless,
I won't be a monster,

My mind wanders,
I think of you,

My ears are blind,
I hear you,

I want to join you,
But cruel fate withholds,

My heart stops,
I sigh,
I love you,



My eyes open,

The thrill of the chase
To be chased
To be taken

The madness
It is all a cycle
Always
Never ending
Yet I go on
I don’t know how
Or why

the fire is obvious,
but no one is alarmed
it rages around us,
burning us,
but no one notices,
they stand solid,
unmoving,
I run to each,
yelling, warning,
but no one can hear me,
am I the only one,
who can see the fire,
And feel it’s heat?

Chained,
here,

while you suffer,
I am safe,

while you wait,
I can plan

I won't let them,
get us again,

I'll be ready,
You'll be safe,

I'll unshackle you,
and I'll be unchained

My place is change,
is sacrifice,
my place is a deadly fight,
and I know it

It is something deep,
from within my soul,
that whispers look,
look and be angry,
that says fight it,
with every fiber
of your being,
fight it,
even if it kills you,

the dreary innocence,

of ordinary vitality,

tempts me absolutely,

however, it is not for me

I truly require the bright lights,

the sharp pains,

of the extraordinary,

Ash,
A beautiful sight,
A horrific one,
Floating around like snowflakes,
Remnants of death,
And destruction,

That's what I am,
Ash,
A simple word,
Yet so full,
Of feeling,
Despair,
Hope,
The toppling of things,
A new beginning,

Ash,
Grey,  
The perfect in-between,
Tears,
Of sadness,  
Of joy,
The falling of tyrants,
The rising of new hope,
And occasionally,
Love.

who am I?
Who am I?
what is going on?
I know,
no,
I know.
“panic attack”,
where,
what,
panic,
everywhere,
“calm”
“breathe”
only confusion,

I keep moving, and sprinting,
I use anything that will give me speed,
oh this could be the end,
my breath is heavy,
the air is crowded with my fear,
A wall,
I climb, all the way,
glass, an escape,
they are here,
I hear them behind me,
I turn and look,
pain, sudden, in my ankle,
a knife protrudes,
I still cling,
cling to the wall, to life,
another knife, I must hurry,
glass breaking, freedom,
I desperately shove through,
I am free,
I am alive,
I have made it,

our colors bleed together,
into a beautiful, beautiful,
grey

I can feel the world,
stripping itself apart,
the soft paper mache of it's sanity,
being pulled apart to show,
the truth of this harsh world,


the generation before us,
tells us how easy we have it,
you, you didn't have wars,
hanging over your head, like dead weight,
you didn't have, the tripled problems,
why, why, did you leave this for me?


All I feel is horror,
a constant horror,
of what we can do,
of what we are capable of,


history is repeating itself,
over and over, we repeat,
the exact same mistakes,

no one sees, at least,
no one who has power,
they are too preoccupied,
with the petty worlds that they,
occupy,

I only feel in extremes,
all at once,
nothing at all,
no in between,

they are wild,
changing rapidly,
bouncing around,

then, they are silent,
unmoving,
nothing happening,
feeling unhuman,

Howling power comes at me,
the shock wave of energy quick,
leaving little time to think,
death is imminent,

soon everything around me,
will be gone,
completely destroyed,
by the monster we created,

I don’t know who sent it,
only that in seconds,
I’ll be decimated,
I take a last breath,

there is nothing,
to feel or do,
just time to die,

I feel sorry,
for those we leave behind,
in the dust and rubble,
they will rise burdened,
and survive,

A thought,
unseen,
a whisper,
in the night,

A mind,
unused,
a tragedy,
not known,

A heart,
not whole,
a crack,
in the glass,

A soul,
made dull,
by wearing,
during life,

Wings,
soft, feathery, downy,
wings,
made for flight,
Forged for a fight,
wings,
scarred, ******, broken,
Wings,
---
Wingtips press against the soil,
Earthen, Brown,
the power of the Earth,
shared to me,
Ritual, complete,
I feel it all,
rich power,
---
Graceful wingtips,
trailing crimson,
across innocent marble floors,
oh how imbued with guilt,
they drag,

Sometimes I am unraveling,
slowly coming apart,
at the seams,

Sometimes I am strong,
standing tall,
and acting quickly,

Sometimes I am nice,
helping the others,
being selfless,

Sometimes I am cruel,
hurtful to everyone,
and uncaring,

Sometimes I lose hope,
but that does not,
ever last,

two loves,
two lives,
two more to protect,
two more to put in danger,
two more to fail,
two more to bring me to life,
both different,
both loved,

explosions,
blood thrown on the walls,
rubble,
screams piercing the air,
terror,
bullets rip through life,
darkness,**
peaceful goneness,

Enchant me, ensnare me,
(but do not mistake this) I am still wild,
still free,

You pull so predictably,
at my armored heartstrings,
shattering their strength,
melting them slowly,

one touch, is all it takes,
and I am yours.

i am fire,
bright,
but fast burning,
and you are steel,
strong,
but cold,
when we come in contact,
we make something new,
we both reform,
into something more,

you warm me to the bone,
and then there is fire in my veins,
and it’s never enough,
I’m left with a raging need,
boiling and bubbling,
I want more,
more heat,
more warmth,
more life,
-----
pooling warmth,
nimble fingers,
a heat in my heart,
my mouth,
a pulling feeling,
a savage need,
touch me.

you say you don’t feel,
you say you don’t care,
but I know once you get attached,
you love fiercely and loyally,
that you won’t let anyone hurt those you love,
I know that’d you tear the world apart for us,
and even if I object to being saved,
i know you’d try

Humanity, what we call ourselves,
yet some lack that, specific trait,
you could say, they are almost inhuman,
but not really, they are a core of humans,
they are the darkside, of all of us,
we like to stuff them away, in the dark corners,
but they still lurk, in the back of our minds,
monsters, we call them, when they are really human,

The screams, the sobbing, echoes of people,
hope, defiance,
it rests here,
in the air,
seeping through the soggy ground,
feet stamping,
yelling,
secret thoughts,
souls,
stand testament,
to the horror,
refusing to let us forget,
warning us,
pointing to our future,

A beautiful weapon,
forged in the heat of,
incredible fire,
now worn, by years of use,
and terrible abuse,
But still sharp enough,
to **** you,

I can feel the threat of war,
settling on my young shoulders,
creating an atrocious burden,
that we carry,

we can hear the whispers,
hurried, from anxious adults,
the fear is here with us,
it is real,

we cast furtive glances,
all around us distrust,
who is with us?
we are unsure,

we only have each other,
the adults don’t tell us,
they keep us hidden,
we are hurting ,

some ignore this threat,
sitting in blissful ignorance,
their downfall,
is to come,

who will tell us the truth?
not our guardians,
we must seek it out,
on our own,

blood-stained battlements stare,

once harsh white,

now, deeply dyed,

with our loss of innocence,

the pain is evident,

the sorrow obvious,

but the halo of hell alight,

forever burning,

The fire rose before me,
a great red death,
It’s statement a finale,
of our time on Earth,

It’s searing heat crackled,
almost drowning out the yells,
the screams of the panic,
and the last attempts of the people,

I know the great death,
when I see it,
I have accepted it,
but I will continue to fight it,

I hear your screams,
you are calling me,
yelling my name,

I feel the panic,
where are you?
where are you?

everything is crumbling,
around me,
I am helpless,

I see your face,
twisted, hurt,
reaching out to me

a sword slices me,
right through my middle,
slicing my skin,

they have won,
they have taken us,
I am dying,

No, no
it’s too late,
too late.

i can see the fight within you,
it tears you apart,
are you a monster, you ask?
will you allow yourself to be a monster?
your hands they can create,
but it is much easier to destroy,

i have been where you have been,
pushing feeling, down
                                     down
                                               down
but please hear me out,
they will only come bubbling back with a vengeance
you try to shield yourself,
from the hurt,
but you’re only locking yourself away,
from all you could know,

of warm blankets,
under which limbs are tangled,
and skin is touching skin,
as we try to exchange words,
using only our bodies,


and bright screens,
filled with adventure,
and competition,
setting our minds to focus,
even though,
I am thinking of you,


and bright blue screens,
waiting patiently for a time,
yet to come,


and quick moves,
projected strategy,
on a blank wall,
a canvas of competition,
shedding light on our warring minds,


and a smooth talking voice,
flowing like silk,
from a smirking mouth,
that does unspeakable things to me,


and a face,
like a sinners,
beautiful and dark,
hiding things,
I can only guess,


and cool nights,
with softly shining moonlight,
goading me outside,
so I can remember who I am,


and a lithe body,
pressed up against my stocky form,
sporting a somehow curvaceous,
smile,

My wings, they tell me,
Open up, protect,
save them,

as gunfire riddles them, they scream,
save them, save them,
and i listen,
because they are me,

as feathers fall, on a setting sun,
they scream, they scream,
She screams, she screams,
No!, a single shout,
too late, too late,


i am screaming, as i die,
save them, save them,
save them from themselves,

i hit the ground,
the screams stop,
i have saved them, I have saved them,

I look up at my assailants,
my breath stops in my lungs,
their eyes, there is something so wrong,
they are hollow, void of humanity,
they are, completely merciless,
there will be no prisoners, this time,
only a painful hacking away of my life,
I taste true fear, bitter and deadly,
I move back, I run,
I run with all my heart,
with all my soul,
with all of my terrified being,
away from those monsters,
away from my demise,

you sit next to me, warmth radiating off your posed form,
giving me a sense of mars, alien and cold, but warm on the inside,
you fill me with feeling, a longing for a fishtown I’ve never known,
where it is grey and green and iridescent, and calm,
and you give me long conversations, in a car when it’s raining,
philosophizing with our minds, until we move to the back, and use our bodies,
and you are hard to predict, being an ever shifting scape of thoughts,
flipping feelings like a coin, full of potential, wild and unrestricted,
I wouldn’t change you from the fluid form you currently possess,
moving like water, graceful, and dangerous,
and when you ***** up your face, I use the moment,
to watch you freely, feeling lucky

I haven’t felt a real flutter,
in a very long time,
since past mistakes,
silenced my heart,

and left me afraid,
but this feeling,
makes me wild and free,
ready to take risks,
with you,

You are the sweet nectar,
holding my fragile world together,

but I feel empty,
gone is the anger,
when I'm with you,
I can forget,

I can ignore,
but I must not,
I must watch fate,
take hold of my world,

tearing it apart.

I can feel the world's good graces,
slowly peeling away,
leaving me trembling,
at the sight of our horrors,

How could a people,
so compassionate,
destroy so much,
without a thought,

we humans are all different,
striving to fit in,
into a society, a cage,
of our own construct,

so very similar,
yet we all seem separate,
only those with love,
seem to understand,

humans, such strange creatures,
lovable, hate-able, broken,
from the the start,
the most interesting creatures,

I pound on the glass,
that is suddenly separating us,
it stays solid, unmoving,
I am screaming,
but my words reach no ears,
the fear, is in the air,
it’s all around me,
suffocating me,
you say,
there's nothing wrong,
you are right here,
but the glass,
it’s encasing me,
help help,
I am yelling,
but still you do not hear,
your face is twisted,
worried,
I can’t reach you,
I can’t tell you,
this feeling of,
utter,
panic

we watch each other,
with strangely animal eyes,
circling, waiting tense,

a muscle twitches,
he bares his fangs, viciously
he moves, I match

we circle in sync,
preparing for a death dance,
ready to tear flesh,

it vibrates on my skin,
a tension so palpable,
my heart nearly stops,