10W X 5*

Gratitude is eating a big
mud hoagie without
a grudge...

Humility is knowing you
are nothing more than
that mud...

Forgiveness is pardoning
the person who made you
the sandwich...

Faith is turning the mud
hoagie into Angel Food
Cake...

Godliness... giving a piece
of Angel Food Cake in return!

Love's the glue
Which heals the heart
No matter how shattered
Torn appart
Your life's not over
Your doom's not sealed
Your body's broken
Your spirit's healed

Love's the glue
Love's the glue
Flows from His veins
For me and you
He was broken
He was shamed
That we'd be pardoned
Free from blame
You know it's righteous
You know it's true
If you're broken
Love's the glue

He's lost his home
He has no car
He takes the bus
From bar to bar
He's lost his wife
He's lost his friends
The bottle's bottom
Never ends
She's on chemo
Lost her hair
She's so gaunt
That people stare
She has no family
Lost her breast
But there are arms
Where she can rest...

[Chorus]

BRIDGE:
Bruised and battered
Whipped and flayed
He could have left
Before He paid
The final price
For me and you
Jesus heals...

*LOVE'S THE GLUE

PLEASE PRAY FOR A LADY I KNOW! THE ENEMY IS ATTACKING HER FORCEFULLY!
HER NAME & LOCATION IS UNIMPORTANT. AS ARE HER CIRCUMSTANCES. GOD KNOWS WHAT SHE NEEDS... JUST PRAY SHE WILL OVERCOME! *THANK YOU!

I have been away for a while
fasting the internet again.
I had two friends in need.
These are their stories....

Gail ~~~^♡^

She called me in the evening
In great abiding pain
Feeling very dizzy
Her strength was on the wane.

I took some time to pray with her
So she'd not feel alone
I felt it was important
As we spoke on the phone.

The next day I got a call
Ecstatic as can be...
To tell her tale, it was Gail!

She was now *PAIN FREE!

I'd actually felt that spirit leave!
You may find this odd
But my own illness went away!

Hallelujah, GOD!



Grace ~~~^♡^

Grace had strong emotions.
A greatly disturbed mind
She felt that hate would not abate
It had her in a bind!

Her anger had her chained
Unforgiveness had her bound
We prayed for an hour
For peace to be found.

I knew God had the answer
That He would approve
I prayed right on the line with her
And felt the Spirit *MOVE.

I just got off the phone with her
Not only was there PEACE...
But now there is tremendous JOY

She felt complete RELEASE!!!

There is SO much power
In the sanctity of prayer
It MUST be used, and not abused

*IN ALL OF OUR AFFAIRS!

When a friend brings in some food
It's bad, but you can't tell.
You may eat, but don't repeat!

*You'll spend the day UNWELL!

Stitched on a sequined black velvet
  Cerulean pearl swirls on the skirt
    Of a whirling dervish
      He dances between Venus and Mars
        Creating mandalas of exquisite
          Enlongated ~ enlightened ~ energy
        Encircling ~ embryonic ~ eccentric
      Eclectic ~ elliptical
    Entropy? Eulogy?

*Earth.

Wood, twisting iron, wresting  
Incumbent wind of an idiom.
Nomenclature learned in
Direct proportion to the
Clicking of clavichords, the
Harmonics of harpsichords, the
Iconoclastic rather than
Memes which disavow the
Etherial. For a breath of air is
S*pirit. Striking the bells of the *SOUL.

SøułSurvivør
(C) 4/19/2017

Blindness haunts the king who seeks
In vain do riches question
- but-
A beggar with a poor man's coat
Receives the greatest wisdom.

We, of sound and sturdy mind
Sniff rich bouquets of vanity
-but-
Fine wine is pressed by she who raves
Her hems stained with insanity.

Old men would have learn'd much
Had they been thus styl'd
-and-
There are no wiser phrases brought

Than those of a child.

There he goes! He's quite a sight!
He's an Ace... a STAR!
The life of him! It's 3 at night
He's just pulled from the bar
He'll blind you... ***** your light
Anywhere you are
Is he cool?... or a blight
He'll **** you with his car....

Rattletrap Cadillac
He's bad to the bone
Rattletrap Cadillac
He goes it alone
Rattletrap Cadillac
He should be goin' home
Rattletrap Cadillac
He'll hit you... then he's GONE.

He just got his SSI
So he's good to go
Drinks as much as he can buy
Hard liquor, don't you know
Has to give driving a try
And he don't go slow
When it comes to DUI
He star's up the SHOW!

[chorus]

The Grim Reaper on the road
He got drunk & stank
He ain't scared... a gun to load
And he ain't shootin' blanks
Jail may be his abode
If he weren't so rank
As to hit, and then just GO
Cuz he drives a tank!

Rattletrap Cadillac
He's bad... he's NATIONWIDE!
Rattletrap Cadillac
With Jack Daniels on his side
Rattletrap Cadillac
Because he won't decide

To hit some trees... or give up his KEYS

AND GIVE UP HIS PRIDE!.


SøuŁSurvivør
(C) 4/18/2017

An Inca Dove flies to and fro
Landing graceful in my yard
Grist for any poet, bard
Her cooing soft and low.

Warm gray body, flash of wing
Whatever does she do?
I see her as her task ensues
She does a constant thing.

Back and forth the small bird flies
Of this I can attest
She pulls grass for her small nest
Right before my eyes!

I've been sitting here for hours
Thinking on my dreams
Lazily, or so it seems
For that bird builds her tower!

She goes by instinct, like the ant
Who burrows in the soil
Ever constant with her toil
'Til she would sit and pant!

While I do nothing in my seat
She flies away, and then
She comes for grasses yet again
Until her nest's complete!

Would that all the warring nations
Sit down to agree
To make the people warring-free
With such dedication!

Emulate the gentle dove
She slaves to rear her young
She works away and softly sung

Her song of purest LOVE.


SøułSurvivør
(C) 4/18/2017

There was a man from England
In truth a man of God
Wigglesworth's a funny name
And he was a little odd.

He earned his keep as plumber
Worked hard to learn the trade
But he knew a man named Jesus
So he HEALED and souls were saved!
There were even some occasions
Where he brought folks from the grave.

He was not a man of letters
Could not read till 23
But he always had a love for God
As humble as can be
He had great compassion
Would set the captives free!

Before his ministry began
He wanted to be pure
He would lock himself behind closed doors
The Lord worked out his flaws
He was of a different age
But his memory endures

Everywhere that man went
The people flocked around
The lame could walk! The blind could see!
The meetings holy ground!

He was not a Methodist
Episcopal at all
But he went to those churches
When he received a call
He believed in Pentecost
And he brought a Spirit fall

Everything he did in life
Was for his love for Christ
He gave all his money
For missions - at great price
He couldn't even spell
But no action was a waste

Powerfully written
His books sold round the earth
"EVER INCREASING FAITH"
To this day has worth

Oh! That we'd have his faith now!
Here in the U.S.
But WE worship MONEY
So we are in distress
We worship self and worldly gain
And our lives are a mess

Take me, OH! My precious Lord!
Pull me from this mire!
I want to be a Wigglesworth...
To THIS cause I ASPIRE!
Give me his compassion
The tears! In ME INSPIRE!
For years I have been waiting
You've tried me in the fire!
I want ever more of YOU!
Jesus! Take me higher!

Yes! I have the willingness
Yes! I'll build my faith
But will I stick to it?
For that is what it takes!

There was a man in England
His first name was Smith
And there's scarce a man today
Who can match his gifts.

We haven't the willingness
All WE want are perks
Scarce a "workman of today

Who'll roll up sleeves and WORK.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 4/15/2016

HANNAH ROSE HAS ARISEN!!!

Alive by the Water
The River of Life
I wish it to fill me
Come goodness or strife
I want it to flow from me
I want it to well
I want it to heal me
Tale to tell!

God in His mercy
Won't keep us in jail
Jesus, our ransom
Provided the bail
The creature's been groaning
Since Adam's Fall
Jesus Christ saves us
O please heed His call!

All the king's horses
And all the king's gold
Can't stop a man's sickness
Can't stop growing old
Only God's Spirit
Brings life to the flesh
We can be healed
Our bodies refreshed!

I sit by this River
I put in my feet
Immerse my body
The Spirit to greet!
Then when Life's Water
Comes with an art
The Water saves lives

As it flows from my heart!


SoulSurvivor
(C) 4/13/2017

GOBSMACKED BY THE CHANGES!
MY FRIENDS READY TO LEAVE!
WHO DECIDED OVERNIGHT
THIS CELL WITHOUT REPRIEVE?

I DON'T HATE ALL OF THE STUFF
THAT'S BEEN REARRANGED
WHAT I CANNOT BEAR AT ALL
THE WORST PART OF THIS CHANGE

IS HOW POETS ARE LEAVING!
WON'T BE TAKING PART
GOODBYE, HeLlO PoEtRy

YOU JUST RIPPED OUT YOUR

*HEART!!!

No matter how we look. Beg. Seek...
There aren't eight days within a week
Some of us need a fresh start
With our beliefs. Our lives. Our art.
Are we in a state of grace
When out there in limbo space?
We are stuck out there alone
Somewhere in the ol' "eight zone"
Behind the bricks. Behind the wall.
We're behind that dark eight ball!

We go to church (maybe) on Sunday
But dread our workday then on Monday!
But every cloud has silver linings!
Eight can mean there's new beginnings!

Now's the time to do our part...
Make TODAY a NEW START!


SoulSurvivor
(C) 4/8/2017

I was in the valley
Of fear & worry. Doubt.
I had lots of company
We'd sit & cry & pout
I was in the mire
But wanted to get OUT
I saw there in the distance
There was a Mercy Mount

I called upon the Master
So many eons old
There from the Beginning
The Shepherd of my Soul
He said, "For you to leave here
You must be brave & bold.
You must quit complaining
And do as you are told".

I got up from the ******* mud
My "friends" were there to greet
They said, "you have no food to take
And you have crippled feet!
Girl! What will you wear?
Child! What will you eat?
Just get back into the muck
get back in your seat!"

I ignored the laughing crowd
The Shepherd took my hand
We went through a desert
With pitfalls & quicksand
Went unto Mercy Mountain
But it was a troubled land!
There were folk who lived there
A scary looking band!

There were two tall women
That came walking forth
I did NOT want to meet them
They were rough & coarse

One's name was Sorrow
The other, Suffering
I didn't know what else to do
But follow those two things
My crippled feet SO hurt me
I'd cry the tears they'd bring
The women took me by my arms
And counciled me to SING!

So up the mountain we all went
We made a rag-tag group
The Shepherd came as needed
He fed & clothed our troop
Sometimes I had to stretch out tall
Other times to stoop...

Sometimes rocks tore clothing
Sometimes I'd skip meals
Sometimes I'd cry out loud
Sometimes I would kneel
But the closer I came to the top
The more my Lord revealed!
Finally, when I reached the top

I found my feet were HEALED!

The Shepherd took me farther
Through wind & rain & snow
But my feet are now more nimble
Wherever I may go!


SoulSurvivor
(C) 4/6/2017

I was once a castaway
Of an unforgiving sea
I made a castle in the sand
To ease the pain in me

I made the ramparts ten feet tall
The walls were four feet thick
I filled the moat with lots of sharks
I built it brick by brick

I walked the walls most every day
No rescuer about
But I did not want folks to come in
I wished to keep them out!

The sand was cast in hate you see
The mortar my foe's blood
I repaired the walls quite often 'coz
My inner tears would flood

Within the walls, a prisoner,
My anger was my meat
My only water my own tears
They washed about my feet

Finally the water rose,
From weeping, o'r my head
Their waves erroded at the walls
And the SEA was fed!

Whilst the walls were quickly shrinking
A tide, like floods, came in!
All the sharks went out to sea,
My destiny was grim!

I made a fine, tall castle, yes,
Of sand & shells & grout
To shelter me within? Oh no!
To keep my loved ones OUT!

And others unforgiven.
And the ones I hated.
And other prejudices, yes,
That went on unabated...

And so I found a Mighty Rock
Upon which I stood.
I finally found life's meaning, YES!
I finally understood!

Forgiveness? A DECISION.
To put pride on the shelf.
And freeing up your fellow man
You  become FREE YOURSELF.

Though for years, I drank my tears,
My thirst was never slaked.
And hatred's fused & melted sand

Does not a DIAMOND MAKE.



SoulSurvivor
(C) 4/3/2017

Buried treasure in the mire
Spanish gallions in the fires
Gold dubloons within the briars
Chests to lift & heft
Searching from our very birth
For sparking things that have no worth
Looking to the weighted earth
Our souls become bereft

Handsome lads & fulsome lasses
Adoration of the masses
Time's so precious & it passes
Reaping what we sow
Through subterfuge & oily stealth
Acquisition of great wealth
Cannot buy us love & health
We've nothing to show

Each morning lost, we start afresh
To meet the mark, to pass the test
Yet we're clothed in earthen flesh
It cuts just like a knife
Adorned bodies, hardened hearts
We take our bows & play our parts
We have lost before we start
This game we call a life

There was a time when we were tall
Our addiction made us small
Finally we hit the wall
Here in our daily grind
All the horses, all the men
Cannot put us back again
We're lost, cannot remember when
Our eyes became so blind

Our world becomes muted gray
Somewhere we had lost our way
After all, we're only clay
Deaf & mute, yet scheming

We follow after worldly lusts
In our idols place our trust
Ash to ash, dust to dust
Puffing pipes & dreaming


SoulSurvivor
(C) 4/2/2017

Recently I had a talk
With the Lord of All
Wish I could say I came away
Feeling ten feet tall
But instead what He said
Made me feel small...

I asked him why my dreams had died
I asked him to convey
Why blows were dealt below the belt
It seems like every DAY
Why my heart was torn apart
Why did I have to pay?

For what others had done to me.
And WHY the cost so DEAR?
When would the war be over?
When would the coast be clear?
Why so many PROBLEMS?
Can't some just disappear?

He said, "You want to know, my child?
Why these knots still bind?"
He was gentle, but yet firm.
He took me back in time.
To the root, where they'd begun
And the causes? MINE.

Are there times you've questioned?
YES! We ALL have done!
We want to shame. We want to blame.
We want to scathe and shun
We want to point the finger
But now, the time's begun

To look through eyes enlightened
To peel the onion. Delve.
TRUTH's not glass, but mirror...

in which we see OURSELVES.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 3/29/2017

We live in a velvet world
Soft. With comfort. Free.
We've seen only kindness here
Love and liberty
Each person here lives without fear
In health and dignity
There are those less fortunate
Who lived in war's debris
They weep and cry... they may die
Why can't we all see?

(chorus)
They are children bound in prison
Captives from their birth
Bound in chains, there lives restrained
By poverty's black curse
They are poor, and they need more!
They also have worth!
Can't you see? They must be FREE

THE CHILDREN OF THE EARTH

There are those out begging
Those who have no food
Those who have not medicine
Long ago approved
Those who drink of water
From muddy lakes & streams
Also used as toilets
Can you not hear their screams?

(chorus)

I don't want to hurt you
Or put you in shame
You're not the ones who did this
Not personally to blame
Just remember that you have the power
To END this wretched game
All children should play in peace

ALL CHILDREN ARE THE SAME!

Imagine there's a world
Where kids can laugh & play
In the warm, soft meadows
With flowers bright & gay
I will fight for their rights

I LIVE TO SEE THAT DAY

We ALL have RIGHTS AND DIGNITY
Fundamental WORTH!
We'll find a way
To help TODAY

THE CHILDREN OF THE EARTH.


SoulSurvivor
3/25/2017

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection

I WOKE UP IN HELL

I must've slept a good four hours before I was awoken by a peal of crazy laughter. The other girls had gotten up, and were not at ALL respectful of the fact that I'd arrived only hours ago, and needed a full nights sleep. There were nine of us in that room... the size of a small motel room. And one mirror. One sink. *ONE TOILET. IT WAS INSANE.

The cackle was emanating from a bleached blonde who's face was reminiscent of a Proboscis monkey. "How'm ah gonna bleach mah hayah?! She asked, querrilously. Her drawl was purposely drawn out and irritating. She pulled at the lifeless black & white reverse skunk fur on her head. Then announced that she needed to dye her ***** hair, too! except she put it with such vulgarity I blushed.

"SHUT UP!" Shouted a girl with eyes flared open so wide you could see the whites completely around the irises as black as olives. This female was to become my worst enemy. But right now I seconded her sentiment profoundly. And said so. Her eyes snapped my direction and narrowed. She didn't like me from the jump. Some women are like that. And there is no appeasing them. The other girls I got along with. But not her. NEVER her.

The blonde stormed from the tiny room, shooting me such a poisonous look that I felt the acid spray my face. Cheers went up from several of my roommates. But black-eyes just turned a shoulder as cold as liquid nitrogen.

"Serious. How do we bathe? I asked. The shower was, evidently, broken.

"There's showers by the pool area," replied a pretty, albeit rather pear shaped girl. She was stuffed into a blouse & skirt which appeared 2 sizes too small. "C'mon. I'll show you..."

We left the mildewed room, the lazer beams of black-eye boring into my back...

*I HAD JUST MADE A DANGEROUS ENEMY, WITHOUT KNOWING HOW OR WHY.

Brave men & women! Warriors all!
The WAR IS ON! THE FIGHT!
Now's the time to show our strength
To be as ONE... UNITE!
Together rout the enemy
Beating back the night!
Shadows cannot quench a FLAME!
They're dispelled by LIGHT!
A thousand torches carried forth
Will show our foes

OUR MIGHT!!!

Pick up your shield & buckler
Be Centurians!
Leaders of the Amazons!
Vikings! Mighty men!

Be a new MacArthur!
Be brave and MEET YOUR FATE!
Cross mountains like Hannibal!
Conquer! ALEXANDER THE GREAT!

Be a man like Patton!
Be wise as Deborah!
Be a youth like David!
Let your slings be SURE!

Put your shields together!
Advance and don't retreat!
Slay them without MERCY!
Be swift upon your feet!

CALL TO ARMS! CALL TO ARMS!!!

No matter what your rank
Advance into their strongest point
Then bite into their FLANK!

Their arrows cannot harm you
If you don't RECIEVE
THEY ARE MADE OF MIST & SMOKE!
BE STRAIGHT ON! BELIEVE!

We are like JEHOSAPHAT!
WE'LL SING INTO THE FRAY!
At that sight, they'll be in fright
THEY WILL RUN AWAY!

Be strong & courageous.
They will all take FLIGHT!
Deep inside they KNOW THEY'RE WRONG

AND WE ARE IN THE RIGHT.


SoulSurvivor
3/24/2017

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection

GILDED CAGE

Unlike the pampered, well heeled clients of my "faith", I didn't enter the Fort Harrison Hotel via the opulent main entrance. I made my appearance through the back. The garage entrance was less than hospitable. And, I noticed, there seemed to be people *living in the cold, drafty motor housing! When I asked about this strange berthing, Noah was much less than forthcoming. "RPF", he mumbled. Well. What's an RPF when it's at home? Then I saw a few of the denizens of said "RPF". I knew very little about it. Only that it was punishment. For people were "out-ethics". WOW. The RPF "sleeping quarters" had bunks three high, and was protected only marginally from the winds that swept through that garage.

There was an RPF person who was coming through the breezeway as I entered. He stepped aside very deferentialy, and said, "Excuse me, Sirs!" to Noah and I. WOW. I'd never had THAT kind of treatment in my life! I guess I was someone important! This bubble was burst immediately. I met the I/C of the FRU.

She was not in a good mood, as I recall. But, then, who ever really was in this Organization? She DID TRY to be nice. Greeted me clammily, and put on a spurious smile. She recognized I needed sleep, at least. Upon walking through the building, the rooms got more and more posh. I was to get to my berthing through the hotel lobby, apparently. It was grand! But in a sort of an outdated way. I really don't remember much else. Except for the conditions in my sleeping quarters. Only marginally better than the RPF! bunks three high! Junk everywhere (some of the new recruits had yet to figure out that they should cull their possessions to a minimum). Guess who was designated the top bunk? You got it. And moi was not a happy camper! As I climbed the rickety ladder to the top bunk I remember thinking, "How much lower can a person go?"

*I WAS, EVENTUALLY, TO FIND OUT.

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection

THE CAUSEWAY

By the time I got to Tampa Florida I was so weary that I was stumbling off my feet. I hadn't had any proper sleep in 4 days. My bones felt as if they had eaten a cancer. I can't remember sitting and waiting for motor pool to pick me up from the bus station. I must have been sleeping on my bags. Not that there were that many of them. I had very little clothing or toiletries. In fact I believe all that I owned was in one tiny suitcase and a carry-on duffle.

I don't remember the name of the man who picked me up that day. We'll just call him Noah. And the white van that traversed the Courtney Campbell Causeway carrying State Road 60 from Tampa to Clearwater? We'll just call that The Ark. Because we were about to meet a *deluge...

The first part of the trip I was nervous. It was raining and extremely windy. I remember asking Noah if we could wait for the storm to pass. He told me that he was under orders to get me to the Fort Harrison within a certain time frame. He would meet those orders come hell or high water. He didn't actually say that but that is what he meant. And that, my friends, is what we got!

The first part of the causeway appeared to be wide. It had palm trees on either side and some greenery. But at a certain point all it was was some roadway perched upon pylons. The engineers had started construction of the causeway in 1927. It was a total of 52,165' long. And, brother, I was feeling EVERY INCH!!!

The wind was blowing so hard that the rain was almost at a horizontal slant. The waves worse. They were spilling over the roadway and frothing. There was no one on the road of course. Nobody else would have been crazy enough to go out in that storm over that Causeway. But Noah had his orders, by God. And he was going to carry them out. That's how brainwashed and insane some scientologists are. Especially in the Sea Organization. Failure to follow "Command Intention" could be seen as grounds for the RPF. More on that horror later.

Well. I remembered Elsie. How she said the Lord Jesus Christ answered prayer. She'd told me that if you confessed your sins with a pure & contrite heart and asked anything of him, he would grant them. That's just what I did. I recall closing my eyes and talking to a man. I didn't know Him. But I told him I was sorry. And if he'd just get us to our destination safely I promised I'd try to be a better person...

Noah was terrified. I can still see his face locked in a rictus of fear. But now I felt strangely calm. Even when we hydroplaned over the asphalt I wasn't afraid. Finally we arrived at the end of that terrifying strip of water and wind. I don't recall exactly. But I believe Noah stopped the van and wept. For the first time in my life I thanked God. I recognized the event for what it was... A PURE MIRACLE.

*AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER IT AS SUCH.

Look, there goes the Alley cat
Hear her strangled meowing
It don't beguile, for it is vile
Much like a sewer flowing

Ladies of the evening
Women of the street
Would blush and be embarrassed
To hear such trick or treat!
I'm upset, cuz I don't get
How that foul mouth can EAT!

But there's a strange compulsion
Which comes like a deluge
Her smiles gay, but don't defray
The Battle of the BULGE

Like felines she vocalizes,
Is her life like that?
If she's raw, and long of claw,
Is she like a cat?

How far will she let you?
How far will she GO?
Perhaps she battles demons
No-one else can KNOW

Myself, I can't condemn her
She had substance abuse
But she's not free, cuz she can't see
That SCINO'S not the TRUTH!

And she's a Public Figure!
Little girls look up to her!
She doesn't seem to know this
Did it not occur?

She cusses like longshoremen
Refuses to see
That she's made a grave mistake
In Scientology.

Does she believe they're helping?
This Science of the Mind?
Lord above! If she does
Then she's completely BLIND!

You're responsible, my lady.
Do you know that you teach?
The modern young, and they become
The little slaves you PREACH!

Miscavige isn't awesome
Scientology's NOT "COOL".
It's wicked beyond belief!
You're being played the FOOL!

Whatcha gonna do, girl?
You're an ingenue no more.
Do you doubt? Gigs DO RUN OUT
Will you play the *****?

"Ah, NO!" You may be thinking
From my stance I shant tumult!
A cow, I'll graze, I'll be unfazed!
There's always the CULT!

But, dear, a storm's a'brewin
A tsunami of greatsize
They pamper you and praise you
But it's a web of LIES!

What will you do when flooded?
Will you weep and cower?
David's boat won't stay afloat!
It ain't no IVORY TOWER!

Baby, don't you get it?
Or are you just that THICK?
You will die, and then you'll FRY
A moth unto a WICK.

God has a sense of humor
Yep. He surely DOES!
AND YOU WON'T BE PROTECTED.
He don't help folks "just because...

My advice? For what it's worth?
I'll put in my two cents.
Leave that God forsaken CULT!
GET HUMBLE AND REPENT!!!

Sugar, whatcha stay there for?
Their ratings goin' SOUTH
Just believe and you'll receive...

Then, clean up your MOUTH!


Catherine Jarvis
aka SoulSurvivor
(C) 3/20/2017

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection


MARILYN

"Her weapons were her crystal eyes... driving every man mad... (dark) as the dark night she was... had what no one else had..."
BANANARAMA "Venus"

Upon first meeting with Marilyn the first thing I was struck by were her eyes. If the eyes are the windows of the soul, hers were the stained glass of Winchester Cathedral. They were absolutely beautiful. Polished obsidion orbs that seemed to have an inner light for all their blackness. The second thing I noticed were her teeth. Strong. Perfectly even, and glistening white. Lastly her height and *figure. Again, I shall use the Winchester Cathedral metaphor... she was positively that... not just a brick house, she was marble! Cantilevered, with flying buttresses everywhere! WOW!

Now, I'm not a lesbian. But if I were, Marilyn would have been in trouble! I was to notice flaws in her looks as time went on. Her thick, shiny raven hair was poorly cut, and her face, while striking, was not all that beautiful. Her features were even and well proportioned, but she was not a classic beauty.  She was of arabic/caucasian liniage. If I were to be perfectly honest with myself, I noticed these imperfections because I was somewhat envious. She was a man-magnet. Ms Pac-Man! I'm not an ugly woman. But I couldn't hold a candle to Marilyn!

As fate would have it, I became her "twin". We were on the buddy system at the beginning of our Sea Org training, and I was paired up with Marilyn. As luck would have it, we hit it off. Even though I felt like a shadow next to her light, I also really liked her. And she liked ME. She never lorded her looks over me. Her brilliant smile could melt the stoniest heart. And we enjoyed the same things. Though she was no artist, she really appreciated art. I actually drew her portrait (which she kept and framed, she told me many years later). We would take long walks around the Hollywood area, and, when time allowed, went to the beach. Santa Monica Pier. She had a droll sense of humor which i could appreciate, and i made her laugh, too. We got along very well.

Our Mission, should we decide to accept it (or NOT), was to write letters to people who had, at one time, been interested in scientology, or the Sea Org (not necessarily in that order). We were told that we to up our "statistics" daily. All jobs were measured statistically. Now, even at THAT age, I knew the Samuel Clemmons quote, "There are lies. **** lies. And statistics." But i thought it prudent not to mention that to anyone.

So, we were to write letters. We worked out a system for staying "upstat". We figured if we wrote LONG letters, and took breaks at first, then wrote shorter letters as time went on we could "beat the system". So we did. We never competed with each other. I was slightly faster than she (I'm a writer, obviously) but she didn't care. I could write. But she could spell. I was never good at that (I HAVE autocorrect on my phone, lol!).

Our I/C (in charge) never really bothered us. We were "upstat". So we joked around and had fun with it. We were allowed to go out and have a little time off occasionally.
I remember going to see the first STAR WARS movie with Marilyn and another dude who was totally smitten with her. She didn't even feign interest, even if he WAS very funny, and good looking in a diminutive way. But he was around her in a holding patern! Like a hummingbird to a honeysuckle! Shaharizade had mesmerized him with her seven veils! But the poor man never got anywhere. So he started to evince interest in me! But got nowhere in that arena either! Poor dude! So, that's how it worked. Marilyn would draw masculine attention. And, eventually, I would be "second pick". Oh, well. I knew better than to "get involved". There was a strict rule about "fratenization". A polite term for ***". THAT was VERBOTEN! It was grounds for RPF, should the partners be unmarried. And since I had NO desire to marry any of them, those dudes were out o luck.

Time went on. FRU  (Flag Recruit Unit) didn't seem so bad! And then there was the lure of my final destination. Flag Land Base... Finally I was ready to take my

...*1,300 mile Greyhound bus!

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection

PAPERS! PAPERS EVERYWHERE...
AND NOT A* THING TO READ!

The thing I remember most about being in the Sea Organization at the Hollywood Org were all the PAPERS! Directives as I was to find. That's what they called memos. We were in a branch of L Ron Hubbard's private little army don'tcha know. Everything, therefore, had a military bent. More specifically we were in the navy. There were personnel who were labeled "bosons". And there were people with the rank of "Supercargo". And Commanding Officers. Actually, LRH would have liked us to be thought of as MARINES. Navy Seals!
He was really THAT egotistical. HIS title was COMMODORE. Yep. His overweening pride took him THAT FAR.
ANYWAY. So there was a storm of paper. Directives EVERYWHERE! Piled on desks. In inbaskets. In boxes. On filing cabinets, which were woefully insufficient for the veritable blizzard of PAPERS! I was forced to read these. DULL AS DITCHWATER. But I was given my own little pile, and a dictionary. Any words I didn't understand could be found in there. I was to look them up. And an extensive memo about the meaning of the Scientogeese which I was to learn. There was an entire LEXICON of THAT, let me tell you! More on that later on. AND we we didn't have TIME to read anything ELSE! Our day was filled with CHORES.... or reading of said PAPERS.

Then I began to notice the other "personnel" around me. NONE of whom appeared to be HAPPY. They were a grayish sort. Looked like the sun very seldom glanced their skin. Glum, yet (for all appearances), VERY dedicated. Then there were folk who seemed to be separate from the other workers. They wore filthy dark blue or black clothing, appeared to run everywhere, and address everyone as "Sir". They were called the RPF. Rehabilitation Project Force. Remember that unit and its abbreviation. For they are to loom large later in my narrative.

But there WAS one person who brought sunshine into my otherwise dreary world...

MARILYN.

PART I

Hey! Ladies & gentlemen!
All you girls and boys!
Put away TV remotes!
You have *some NEW TOYS!

We have a job that's just for YOU!
It's easy! You can TRY!
WE WANT A PERSON IN THE GRAVE...
Just hear our slanderous LIES.

You know that woman over there?
She don't do as she should
She's had a hundred boyfriends
What's more she beats her kids!

You know that guy downstairs from you?
Investigation's goin' on
Law Enforcement knows about it
MOLESTING KIDS IS WRONG!

NO! DO NOT CONFRONT THEM!
WE have a way to delve
Heaven forbid they know you KNOW
So they DEFEND THEMSELVES!

No. We'll do it THIS way...
We'll do it real SLY
Don't worry bout a thing my friends
Don't matter how they CRY...

Just go ahead and spread the WORD!
Tell everyone! Their friends!
I'll teach you some OTHER TRICKS
To help make their life END.

If we do things all just right
Use my sadistic guide
You'll see that we can cleanse our world

BY THEIR SUICIDE.

Don't worry. It'll be easy.
It's quite simple to do
You will find that you won't mind...

BE GRATEFUL IT'S NOT YOU.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 3/13/2017

L Ron Hubbard's Birthday...
May he Rest in Pieces

Here's a pome for LRH
On Monday the 13th
A Piscean. That double fish
Now buried beneath

He wrote Dianetics
"Bestseller" on the lists
It got to NYTBSL
But there's something that was missed

He had his brave adherents
Go to take a look
If there were many on the shelves
They purchased every book!

Well. They then RESOLD THEM.
If they could find someone to BUY
Or stocked them in a WAREHOUSE
SO THOSE "STATS" WERE *ALL A LIE

A real man of letters
Who washed out in school
They say he was an "Eagle Scout"
Thinking we are fools!
Smoked just like a chimney stack
His unfiltered KOOLs

He was just a huckster
A liar and a CON
He created Scientology
Through the drugs that he was on.

He has a mighty debt to pay
Now he's reached the Bridge of Sighs
He's been thoroughly evil
Destroyed so many lives!

I'd tell you more,
it's there... GALORE!
To see what you may think.
But I HATE LIES, and I despise

So I won't waste my INK.**


SoulSurvivor
(C) 3/13/2017

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection

WONDERLAND: THE FLATTENED APPLE

Someone told me once Los Angeles was the Flattened Apple. You take New York City and squish it down like a pancake and you've got Los Angeles. Someone else told me that the Big Apple is full of worms. Well. If Los Angeles is any indication, that statement goes well beyond *truth.

There are parts of LA that are quite beautiful. The parts the wealthy live in. But that was sure not the part I was living in. My first station in the Sea Organization was on Hollywood Boulevard.

My first real memory of Hollywood was viewing the nightcrawlers. The tacky, ****** prostitutes of both sexes on the corners. The Street Preachers looking only a half step above the subjects of their ardent sermons. I had never had any real encounters with homeless people where I was from. Hollywood was a magnet for them it seemed. Their hair askew, and shopping carts with stuttering wheels de rigueur. The touristas. Japanese with their ubiquitous cameras. The Midwestern jons seeking the hookers (of both sexes). The stars on the Hollywood sidewalks seemed to have fallen from the smoggy sky, to lie tarnished amongst the refuse, inanimate and human. It was like a sledge to the chest... and broke my HEART.

I was given some worn, old-smelling sheets, and the address of the place I was to be sleeping for the next few weeks. It turned out to be a flop-house. At first I thought there had been a mistake. But I was not the only SO member to be entering. I went to my room... so small you had to go out into the hall to change your mind. The toilets were communal and up the hallway. My sleeping arrangement? A twin-style matress on the floor. No other "furniture" graced the room....

... **WELCOME TO *"CHURCH".

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection

HIGHWAY TO HELL

It took several weeks for me to get my act together to go to LA. The first thing I had to do was find a ride. Fortunately (or, as some would say, *unfortunately) there was someone in the Mission in my hometown who had also been recruited. He was to be stationed in LA permanently. He offered to give me a ride with him. So I packed my bags, and off I went to see the Wizard. But it sure didn't turn out to be no yellow brick road...

First of all, this guy had a bad temper. He seemed to go off at the least little thing. I really didn't like him very much. He didn't mind me, really. He was just like that. A man with long sandy brown hair, a light beard on his gaunt face, which was permanently set in a sour expression. He didn't want to stop for food. So we brought our own vittles and sodas. He didn't even want to stop at the rest area so we could eat. He just wanted to go go go...

Now, I told this guy that I couldn't drive. From the very beginning of the trip he knew this. I was 19 years old and I had only driven once before in my life. And it had been a really horrendous experience. I had been out in the boonies learning to drive with my boyfriend. In a rainstorm. And the roads had gotten flooded... Along with the car. We were stalled for about an hour, with wet brakes, and water everywhere. Well, this guy was  inexperienced, too. And after we were able to start up again, HE PUT ME BEHIND THE WHEEL ONCE MORE! It seemed like it would be okay. I drove for a few miles and everything was hunky-dory. But then I approached a T intersection... there were two cars approaching my vehicle! Not only that but there was a stop sign. I applied the brake. NOTHING! That Pinto WOULD NOT STOP! I had NO TIME TO PUMP THE BRAKES EITHER! So I put on the accelerator full blast! If I had not done that I would have been T-***** by both those cars! So I was going about 35 miles per hour across the road through a barb wire fence! And into the weeds! I then fishtailed the car until it stopped. There were two Cowpoke's standing outside of the grocery store that was at the T intersection. Doubled over with hilarity! They saw me fishtailing and shouted out, "YEEE HAAAW!" Not a stellar experience. Therefore I was a nervous driver...

So halfway through this road trip to LA this dude got tired. He wanted me to drive. I told him I couldn't drive, and that I had told them from the very outset that I could not. He got furious! "I'm not stopping at a rest stop and sleeping!" He insisted that I drive. "It's a straightforward highway! No rocket science!" So, much to my chagrin, I got behind the wheel.

I already knew the basics. But there were a lot of things I didn't know, as I was to discover. It was actually fun! I played the radio real low so he could sleep. Lynyrd Skynyrd. The Eagles. Santana. The miles rolled on. Then I looked at the gas gauge...

we were nearly on EMPTY!

Well, I tried to wake this guy up. He seemed to be like a dead man. Except that he snored like a steam shovel! He would not respond to any of my shouts and prodding. Then... A miracle! A gas station, by God! And on my side of the road, TOO!

I went to pull off. After all, how hard could that be? I slow the car down to take it down the off-ramp. But the car, of course, accelerated on its own due to gravity...
Nervous as I could be, I hit the accelerator instead of the brake... we went through that gas station doing 40 miles an hour!!! Nearly hitting a gas pump and a PAPER BOY on his BICYCLE!!! I've never heard such navy blue language coming from a youngster in my life!

THAT woke the dude up. He put his foot on mine and slammed on the brakes... bringing all our LUGGAGE in the BACK SEAT UP to HIT US BOTH UPSIDE THE HEAD!!

I've never seen a man as enraged as that guy was. He was puce with trembling FURY!! needless to say, I didn't drive again. And he was a LEADFOOT Bigfoot, yelling at me at every opportunity, for the rest of the trip to Los Angeles.

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection

THE BILLION YEAR CONTRACT

So I had this boyfriend. I don't really know *why I stayed with him. Except that he was fairly intelligent. He left scientology not longer after I left, I discovered later. But, truth be told, he was NOT attractive to me. He had a lisp. THAT wouldn't have bothered me so much, but he couldn't dance either.... LOL! That was, for some reason, important to me in a man. Always has been. He also had a jaw like a steamshovel and eyes like poached eggs. Oh, well...

Anyway,  he was very excited about a do that was happening up in Phoenix!  There was a brand new ORG!  Scientologese for organization, especially a high echelon one. This Org was the TOP at that time! The Flag Land Base! Located in a once-glamorous resort town, Clearwater, Florida. A place of sugar sand beaches and tropical beauty! There was an Orientation going on, and he wanted me to go with him...

That was the most Fateful night of my life. This FOT (Flag Orientation Tour) was actually a recruitment drive. For the infamous Sea Organization!

When I arrived I was impressed. It was in a conference room at a nice hotel. All the materials they handed me were slickly printed. The only thing that bugged me were the uniforms. The folk not in suit jackets even wore lanyards! That warning sign in my stomach should have told me.... RUN!!! AS FAST AND FAR AS YOU CAN!!! But did I listen? NO! And that was a mistake that cost me 24 precious years of my life. Golden years. Years I could have been in school. College and university. Instead I worked as a peon slave for that CULT. Then 20 years stolen by virulent targeting. TRAGIC!

I stayed. And I was lulled into a false sense of security. The speeches by the various "big-wigs" of FLB didn't start till 9 PM. And lasted till 10:30! Their voices were stern yet sonorous. Hypnotic. They told of the importance and "nobility" of the Sea Org. And the very PINNACLE of importance was the Flag Land Base! in balmy and beautiful Clearwater! Where the BEST and most RESPECTED "auditors" and "trainers" took the adherents of Scientology to the most advanced stage of spiritual growth... OT VIII. SCIENTOLOGY WORKS! YES! YOU, TOO, CAN REACH NIRVANA!

What a bunch of HORSESH-T!!!

Anyway. These guys and gals began to look glamorous to me! With their uniforms and scrambled eggs on their hats...

Then the real kicker. "THEY WERE OUT TO CLEAR THE PLANET. And little miss Cathy Jarvis could be a PART of this Noble Cause. That was it. I bought it. Hook. Line. And SINKER.

Even the hard, pockmarked face of the recruitment officer, nor her beady black eyes, could deter me. I was sleepy by that time, and hardly noticed the Contract I signed was for A BILLION YEARS...

I could LEAVE the "Podunk" town I lived in. Go first to spectacular LOS ANGELES... then to...

*... A NEW LIFE in balmy CLEARWATER FLORIDA!!!