1.
Lips
Hold my hips
Losing grip
And if your hand
slips
I wont
Complain.

2.
Eyes
Social ties
Alabis
Darkerlies
Matching
the darkness
Of your eyes

3.
Hands
Hear the bands
Making us dance
And sing
Together
Roaming, finding
Break the wall dividing
Touching
Until
Wevare
Numb

4.
Thighs
Drawing eyes
Revealing lies
Holding
Virtue.
Fingers graze
Mind in a haze
The final
Step
Is

5.

Ive never had anything
Worth breaking my heart
And dont you know
That breaks it
All the more

The man with a Jesus bumper sticker
Smokes to meet him sooner
I smoke too
Can't say much
But there's no light in my tunnel

Who knows why

Who knows why
He chose her
Who knows why
She wants him

Maybe its because
When she looks in the mirror
She isnt afraid
of what she sees

Maybe its because
She needs to feel needed
By someone shes above
Because she feels so low

Maybe its because
I'm too scared
To feel self respect
When my back has boot prints

Who knows why
It only hurts
When the hot water washes
Over me at 1AM

Who knows why
I can feel everything
so much that
I dont even care

i like pop music
some oldies too
i dont like Mudhoney
but you do

I like rivers
I like the ground
you get thrills
im safe and sound

I like Disney
I like Pixar
You like pulp fiction
its just who we are

im not obscure
ive tried to be
its not who i am
its not who ill be

this isnt an attack
just recognition
of who i am
of what im missing

im trying to fit in
but thats not what im about
i dont get along
with the out crowd

i dont get cult movies
or grungy rock bands
it doesnt make me
less than i am

i like classic poets
but moderns good too
but i dont get those poets
you watch on youtube

maybe i thought
i could learn or understand
but im beginning to see
thats just not who i am

this is a message
or maybe just a thought
i had to say it
im all i got

ill still try to watch your movies
ill listen to your bands
ill try to get it
ill try to understand

i dont always get you
but boy do i try
i guess im just tired
of trying to lie

Mean ole mister
Never loved no one
Held his heart on his belt
Right next to his gun
Spat tobacco
On the blood red dirt
Didnt give a ****
Who the hell he hurt
Cant call mommy
When the pen fails the sword
Cant run to daddy
With no apologetic word
Give me a hand
Ill give you an arm
Take away my eyes
And your's'll come to harm
Mean ole mister
Knows what he does
Just getting by
Anyway he must
He learned that momma
Dont give a ****
He learned that daddy
Likes his mean hand
Youve gotta be tough
Hold up your own
Youve got to make sure
Through out life youve grown
Mean ole mister
Might make you cry
But mean ole mister
Sure as hell knows why

Its taken me this long
To realize
To understand
That not every moment
Needs to be shared
To be great

But it might be better
If it were
Because great moments
Alone
Are still
Never as great

Im so independent
I dont need anyone
For anything
But i want someone
For everything.

It's not a bad dream
It's not heartbreak
But I crawl to you
All the same
2 years old
Or 18 more
It's automatic
I'm at your door
Sleepy eyes
Blink up at me
Worry and question
"What do you need?"
I just pull back the covers
Climb in beside you
You never minded
No matter my mood

No gps connection
And I'm lost
With no one to call

When im home alone
I like to walk outside
In the middle of the yard
And hear everything

Theres so much to see
To hear
When no one
Is there to speak.

I hear poetry
In the christmas carols
Ringing from the houses
All around me

From the train
Roaring away
Just down the street
From my small existence

The baseball feild
Is illuminated
And the cheers ring
Over the line of trees

And everything
Around me
Is so
Alive

How can i dare
To believe im anything
Next to this universe
Of noise and life

There is no muse
Like that of false love

Inspirational in all
Its harsh ways

So then
What am i to write about?

I could pretend
I loved you for a minute

And find something
In that lie

But poetry is honest.
You are not.

I havent traveled
Or seen the harshness of the world

All i know is i have this pen
And an urge to say something

Im not good at metaphors
Or complicated lines

Straight forward honest writing
About nothing, nothing at all.

Can you bruise my lips instead of my mind?

A commoners cries
To the winning king
After trading sides
Your praises theyll sing
The underdog
Gets the bone
Until the bone doesnt get you far
Great dictators have never stolen with force
They just know who their audience are

I've never looked at mine
I guess
I settled
For being one
I left one hat
To jump in another
And they draw me
And put me back

I'm an option
Never a choice
Always the fish
You throw back
I'm fine with that
I guess being forced on people
Makes me ugly
Makes me a chore
And I try and make up for it
By being a *****

******* Brain
Severed Membrane
Sharing the blame
Taking back my name

Im over it
So done with it
Tired of holding you
When you get hit

Youre cold and
Ignorant
Yet somehow
Burnt out

youre lying down
like a dog
in the dirt

holding your head
like a child
youre hurt

and i cant be there
to cradle your pity
i cant hold on
while you run

Youll drag me down
If i feel sorry for you
Ill be afraid to leave
Ill be afraid id break you

and maybe i will
maybe youll shatter
maybe you just need
to rebuild

Watching your face fall
Like a brick
On concrete
Floors
Seeing you stand tall
When i can tell
You feel
So torn
Maybe im not yours
Because youve never
Ever
Been
Mine
Maybe i wont commit
Because
I see you
Looking
Behind
Youll talk big
About how far
Ahead youve
Moved
But youll still
notice her
In the
Most
crowded
Room

Sharpie veins
Jello brains
Nothing to do
But try and stay sane
Holding my head
In the toilet bowl
Vomiting my heart
Because its filled with holes
My mind is gone
I sold it for the sun
Got burnt by the flames
Now i have no one
Now ill cover my face
And show my heart
Under two *******
Spread them apart
Poisoned lungs
Have sunken my soul
How can i breathe
When im not whole
Take yourself an arm
Tear off a leg
Use my skin
Like a frat party keg

Tracing shapes
My hands
Feel cold
Car seats
Rides
Outside
My makeup is
Too thick
And your
Mind
Is choking
Your sense
Mutual desire
But singular
Pleasure
Depression
On both ends

Were all walking down a similar road
to a career in suicide
and alcoholic medications
praising something so much
that we die with it
for it
in spite of it
we die
early
whether is be a god
or a girl
we cannot differentiate
we walk in trembling strides
to that alter of
our obsession
and jot down
a couplet
or an epic
or maybe a novel of song
about hate
love
obsession
humanity
oh so many muses unexplored
and we slit our wrists
offering our blood
to a deity who
D O E S N ' T  G I V E  A  S H I T
and we think ourselves holy
that we sacrifice so much
but no
the people on the other
side of the fence
are just smart enough
to know better

My chest is so heavy
My eyes are blurry with strain
My back is breaking with expectations
And I can't bear all this pain
I'm treading in a lake of pressure
And I dont think anyone knows
That I'm struggling for every breath
Barely keeping water out of my nose

Raindrops
She tells the woman on the phone about the cancer
And how much she makes
And how much i cost
Tiny Raindrops
She has a stone voice and i can see she has water eyes
The test results came back for her
A million tiny raindrops
And i cant see
A million tiny raindrops on the windshield
Im not worried about seeing the road

How can you trust me
When im not even
One
Single
Person

I hold to many peices
In one skeleton
To know where im going
Or who i am

Hell
I dont even know my name some days

And youve decided you love me??

I think youre stupid.

I think you have some sick need
To love someone
To have someone
To say to yourself that you know how to love
And that youre loved in return.

But youre wrong.
You dont love me.
You done even know what that word means.
Dont spout out these things without even understanding the weight of what you say.

Dont expect me to say i love you
Just to ******* ease your mind.
Love is not a sympathy
It is not a charity drive.
You do not say it
Unless you
****
Well
Mean it.

So hold your **** tongue
And you know ill hold mine.

I havent written in so long
I havent been able to breathe
Even longer
All my air
Escaped
Into you
I cant think past you
Or work past you
Or exist beyond you
You have become
My centerpeice
At a party
I wasnt going
To throw
But got dragged to
I mean...
Im having a wonderful time
But i know i could be doing something else
And you could be adorning
Prettier parties
Weve become each others lives
And a lot of the time
I question why
and if for the right reasons
And all of this is
Just
Meaningless
But is anything
Legitimate anymore
Nothing has weight
Anorexic ideas
Full of nothing but air
And some human need
To prove were worth something
And something...
What is something
And what are we
Whay do we
Matter
Nothing
And im not content
With settling for nothing
But im sure that
You
Are
Something
Wonderful

I think about it
I think about it
I think about it
Sitting here with you
I think about it
I feel shame
I think about it
I feel hate
I think about it
*** has changed
I think about it
Sitting here
With a smoke in my hand
A coffee on my lips
And I think about it
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
Too drunk
and I think about it
Not my house
Not my friends
Making out
God I think about it
Studying
Writing
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
I think about it

New York is for the lonely
In their tiny loft spaces
Out in the streets
Dancing to a
Lonely beat
A busy city
To hold the lie
That you have
Everything
Leave your bed
Cold at 2am
And hear
The city
Sing

California is for the sad
Looking for a sunny
Good time
Never looking behind
Everything
Sublime
Jump on a plane
To go down the street
Just be very careful
About what you eat

Tennessee is for the angry
Rednecks with
Loaded guns
Searching the horizons
For mountains
And faded suns
Roam the small town sidewalks
Meet everyone you know
Go home and drink some whiskey
Drown the rage. Dont show.

I never met a man
Who only wanted me
He always wanted a side
Of whiskey with his tea
Crazy with the sweet
Strong with the weak
I guess im not well rounded
Neither bold nor meek

I never met a woman
Who knew how to love a man
Without fire in her fist
And a gun in her hand
Defensive and insecure
Scared to love at all
Ruining what they wanted
To run before theyd crawl

Boy I hope you find a God
In everything you do
I hope you learn
Theres something worth praying to

Whether you worship in a chapel
Or in the sheets of your bedroom
Be it Nature you find Holy
Or a woman of artistic Virtue

I hope you find peace
In the mouth of a Tigers cage
I hope you fall to your knees
Over something lovely one day

Whether you find a God
In a tornados twista and bends
Or you hear a prayer
Where the red, dirt road ends

I hope you fall in love
With all the little things
I hope you see the world
And hear the song it sings

And pray every night
To the moon and the stars
Find your God in forests
Or driving fast, red cars

And I sell myself again
I dive in
and forget
I don't know how to swim
and I drown
in 2 inches
of water
and I jump
and forget
I cant fly
and I don't know
why we don't know
we're falling
Until we hit the ground

You just seem so sure.
Of this.
Of us.
Meanwhile im over here
waiting on my wings
to pick up wind
and waiting on you to be
disappointed
because ive engraved the words
"disappoint or be disappointed"
into my brain
with sword of experiences
and i just dont see
how youre so sure
and calm
while im
just
*******
terrified

I think I write
because
my whole life
I've been told
to stop talking
and I'm
BURSTING
with things to say

I'm a chore
Just a bore
you will always
Want for more

A cup of tea
When you need a glass
When given a choice
You will always pass

Take a bite
Then send me back
Because there always something
My taste will lack

I
Am awkward
And jumbled

I fit together
Like sticks
And stones
With childs elmer glue

Like a macaroni smiley face
With the edges all wonky

And you say my "curves" are beautiful
But i say my "angles" are awkward
Too sharp
My hips
Too prominent

You can see my collar bone
For miles
My ribs are
All too
There

My skin has become transparent
My veins
An ugly blue
My freckles
Out of place
I just dont know what
To do

Im a scarecrow
Of human peices
Individually
Good
But sow me together
I dont quite fit

I
Am awkward
And jumbled

******* IT
I cant forgive you
I cant forgive her
And i cant love you
At all
My mother warned me
And god i knew
she was right
I tried to think
youd changed
Tried to
Believe youd
Moved on
But
****
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ******* IT ****
All i can think
Is
Im giving myself
away
To someone
Who will
Never
I mean
NEVER
Be mine.
Its almost spring.
And maybe the earth
Isnt the only thing
That needs
to be
New

Sunday morning
Let the Hallelujahs
Come
And let my
Grandma
Tell me
Im a sinner
And im lost
As if
I
Dont
Already
Know

I keep running towards cold
And I keep freezing
The weather just reminds me
That everyone is frigid

And after I get numb enough
I go home
And Im warm
I'm covered

But I've learned to leave the door open
And remember to appreciate
How warm you
Really are

Tea has never tasted
So **** bitter
No amount of
Sugar
Or
Honey
Can drive out
This harsh
Biting taste
That will forever be on my tongue
Because
Of
You

Eternal **** Buddy
Wakes up early
We roll around
In bed

Id get up
Make a cup
But he plays
With my head

He's my *******
At 2 am
Whe the liquor
Fills my blood

The coyote ugly
Try to crawl
But the boy
... Hes good

He pulls you in
Oh so easily
Doesnt even try
Yet he gets to me

Eternal **** Buddy
Hes always down
Screaming NO
just makes empty sound.

I think in color
I hear in song
My limbs are heavy
My words are long

Physical depression
A stoners mind
Longing phrases
Wasting time

Just steal my breath
Please calm my nerves
Just kiss me please
Just one wont hurt

stringy hair and mixed up feelings
too much makeup and healing scars
no time to worry about capital letters
when im concerned for my health

financial aid and stress management
my dad likes the army a lot
my mom wants me to go to savannah
so she can visit the beach

My brother thinks im a ******
who cant roll out of bed
and maybe I could stand
to work out some

im a bit of a narcissist
**** how do you spell narcissist
anyway, im an attention *****
and ill tell you your pretty to hear you tell me I am too

but don't tell anyone
theyd say "no! youre nice."
im a *****
stop being a sycophant

Don't tell me im pretty
someone should slap me
I abuse everyone who loves me
because I like that I can

stop letting me
tell me off
or don't
because I like this power

but that's beside the point
im rambling about myself again
narcissism
its a problem

Daddy says don't swear
then tells me im not worth ****
but not in those exact words
irony all the same

and wouldn't they like to know
im not so innocent
11 years old in the mouth
but I know my way around a man

My friends don't suit me
I hate all of their jokes
I hate myself when im with them
and I hate them even more

they may read this
less bridges to burn I suppose
extra matches to light on your sandpaper hands baby
god I love those hands

the only person I never hate
and the only person I always love
I don't know how you did it
but I love you and all your fantastical clichés

this poem is long now
no one will bother to read
a long poem about
a boring girl and how shes a two faced *****

I hope this message
gets across

Be it caution
Or jealousy
Who does he see
When he looks at me

Flick
Spiral and sink
Flick
Rising gray heat
Flick
The red glow gone
Flick
And the world before long

And i wish you were on your way back home
I cant stand
Sitting here
On my own
Since you came
And stole my breath.
I was fine
Before
You left

Now i cant breathe
Without you beside me
I cant feel
When you arent around
My heart breaks
Just from the mention of your name
And my eyes
Will never see
The world
The same

Were i to die
And fill the ground
Would you somberly
Gather round

Would you claim to have love
My hair and eyes
And give your conciense
Some alibi

Would you tell my mother
We were close friends?
Would you tell my father
You knew me back when?

Would you even know
Who belonged to the name
Lining the paper
On that inevitable day

Would you **** your head
Shouting "Oh Yeah!"
Finding you knew me
Before i was dead

Im ok with that
I dont expect you to know
Done lie to my family
Dont act like you know

Few people are entitled
To claim me as a friend
Few people know me
Or where ive been

Dont think it polite
To say it was sad
Dont say im in heaven
It would make me quite mad

My friends will say
With a laugh that ive known
"That ***** is in hell,
Shes taken back her throne."

I hope they wont cry
But i know they will
Theyre a bunch of babies
And i would miss them still

Just whenever i die
When that day comes
I want life to go on
I dont want life to be numb

I know people love me
I wont deny that
So i hope that they move on
Ill be happy with that

Another day and its all the same
plastic faces floating the halls
this town is so boring
its choking me

If you ask me
To come and see
To part the space
Between my knees

If you dare
Touch my hair
With rotten lust
In your eyes gleam

How can i ever
See you the same
When you'd use me
Without even my name

Sick little boy
I need a friend
Dont make this
Into our end

Maybe when we kissed
I swallowed your tongue
And thats why you
Cant speak

This word
Dancing
On my tongue
Is scarier
Than
Any monster
That could
Crawl
Around
At night
Poking at my throat
My tear glands swelling up
This feeling
This word
Its love
Slashing
At my heart
Im terrified
Of what
I may do