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Aug 2018 · 482
Postpartum
My chest is so heavy
My eyes are blurry with strain
My back is breaking with expectations
And I can't bear all this pain
I'm treading in a lake of pressure
And I dont think anyone knows
That I'm struggling for every breath
Barely keeping water out of my nose
Sep 2017 · 626
Mother's Bed
It's not a bad dream
It's not heartbreak
But I crawl to you
All the same
2 years old
Or 18 more
It's automatic
I'm at your door
Sleepy eyes
Blink up at me
Worry and question
"What do you need?"
I just pull back the covers
Climb in beside you
You never minded
No matter my mood
I've been gone for so long!! But I have a lot going on. I'm pregnant!! But this is just a tribute to my mom who I don't appreciate enough and who has never minded me laying in bed and talking to her about everything and anything
Apr 2017 · 938
Life as I know it
Cigarettes taste like fireworks
And my throat is raw
From nights well spent
And I'm exhausted
But I'm living
And I'm broke
But I'm living
And what is life
If all I do is wait to die
And I'm living
But so unhappy
And nothing soothes me
I'm stuck and
Wandering
Wondering
Love is so gone and
I am here waiting
And spending my nights well
But ultimately
Still
Waiting
Because what is life
If not just waiting to die.
The alcohol is so metallic
And I can still remember too much
Of each blurry night
And I'm ******
But I'm living
And I'm drunk
But I'm living
And I'm a *****
But ******* it I'm living
I'm just waiting
Waiting to die
And I'm stuck
And I'm wandering
Wondering
What is life If not waiting to die
Apr 2017 · 805
Tonight
I know it'll be good
But will it be worth it
Apr 2017 · 981
Falling out of love
Cages
And my ears itch
Cages
And my eyes twitch
Dirt
On a solid floor
Blood
On an iron door
I can't think about it
I cant leave
I try to be content
But I am restless and afraid
And your hugs they feel like cages
And I my mouth anticipates
And my lips are always dry
And my mouth swells in size
Because touching burns like acid
Kissing tastes like it too
And I can't help but try
And escape from this life with you
And I see
Cages
Around my life
I feel
Dirt
Between our skin when we touch
And my
Blood
Tries to leave my body
Because your affection becomes too much
And I don't know
When I became scared
I don't know when
I lost that flame
But I feel
Cages
Dirt
And blood
Suffocating
Feb 2017 · 1.4k
Red light
I think about it
I think about it
I think about it
Sitting here with you
I think about it
I feel shame
I think about it
I feel hate
I think about it
*** has changed
I think about it
Sitting here
With a smoke in my hand
A coffee on my lips
And I think about it
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
Too drunk
and I think about it
Not my house
Not my friends
Making out
God I think about it
Studying
Writing
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
I think about it
Some things don't leave you...
Feb 2017 · 583
Am i worth it
I can't forget
All the sacrifices
And I can't lose
All the alternate vices
And I'm drunk
But I taste
Your hate
And I'm stupid
But I know the weight
Of the things you
Are giving away
For a hope
That maybe one day
We will walk down an aisle
And say I Do
Even if
You give up
What you don't want to
Am I worthe loving
Am I worth that much
Or are you just hoping
I'm more than enough
Because I don't know
What I can give
If I can't even give you
A Sam or a Kid
You say it's ok
That I'm all you want
But I know better
And I'm not a lot
Please don't leave.
I aim to please.
I'm so sorry
I'm trying
Please.







Please...
I am actually drunk and I'm sad and he's asleep and I tried REALLY hard to avoid typos. Please.
Feb 2017 · 241
My life currently
No gps connection
And I'm lost
With no one to call
The man with a Jesus bumper sticker
Smokes to meet him sooner
I smoke too
Can't say much
But there's no light in my tunnel
Jan 2017 · 385
Imagination
Maybe im a waste
A loss of space
A blight on the universe
That built me
And my wonder
So much ambition
But no goals
Lost
To imaginary live
Where no one
Can stop me
Because
Thats all anyone does
Its been a while. Hi guys
Oct 2016 · 254
Changes
You were my reason to go to bed
And my reason to wake up the next day
Now i get no sleep
And throw my life away
Apr 2016 · 321
Quiet
I've screamed out loud
My whole life now
And no one has heard
Any of that sound

I've tried to make
My small voice heard
And it's been shoved aside
At every turn

I've screamed so hard
My voice is numb
And my opinions
Just ring dumb

I'm tired of trying
to be loud
So now I'm dying
Without a sound
I've been screaming about the same **** things forever now and I'm done trying. If I get noff respect then what's the point
You're already getting tired again
I'm sick of waiting on you
To realize you want someone new
And telling me that I'm what you want
Only for you to go back to her a week later
Just get over me or get over her
Either way stop ******* around
You keep saying I'm yours and your mine
But almost of your poems don't sound like they're about me
They seem to be reaching into your past
And talking about *** but no love
NO future to speak of
And I'm tired of it.
Mar 2016 · 284
Attention span
Everyone is hung up
Over some sad love
Lucky for me
Mines you
Everyone loves
Someone who loves
Somebody
Brand new
Sadly for me, you love somebody, not me, and I don't know what to do
Mar 2016 · 371
When will i learn
Momma asks when will I learn
When will I grow up
And put myself first
I tell her
It's different this time
that's what I said
Last time I was with him
She told me I'd be
Wearing a frown
When I deserved to be
Wearing a crown
I told her I'd take my mistakes
Because they were mine to make
But I keep hearing her voice
Every time I look him in the eyes
When the hell will I learn?
He can see her
But I can't see him
I feel guilty at the slightest whim
But he
I don't think he feels a thing
Self love is my biggest illusion. Self respect is my biggest goal
Feb 2016 · 341
Taking summer for granted
I keep running towards cold
And I keep freezing
The weather just reminds me
That everyone is frigid

And after I get numb enough
I go home
And Im warm
I'm covered

But I've learned to leave the door open
And remember to appreciate
How warm you
Really are
Feb 2016 · 766
Anticlimax
Roses are red
I'm done
Jan 2016 · 1.2k
Physical distraction
Tracing shapes
My hands
Feel cold
Car seats
Rides
Outside
My makeup is
Too thick
And your
Mind
Is choking
Your sense
Mutual desire
But singular
Pleasure
Depression
On both ends
Jan 2016 · 735
Cant be pacified
I only write when I'm lonely
Only sing when I'm alone
Only talk to
A chosen few
And I never get to moan

I don't have a muse
Aside from idleness
I don't have a home
Just temporary nests
I don't know anyone
I just think I do
Like I used to think
That I knew you

I'm lonely quite often
Even though im surrounded
I'm never content with my lovers
No matter how good they did
Jan 2016 · 596
Looking for company
I've had
5 boys
Since you came
And then left
I've had
5 toys
And none could
Give me rest

I've been bored
For months now
I've been bored
For years
A small pause
For you
And all
Those tears

I haven't felt a good hand
I haven't kissed good lips
Haven't seen a face
That makes me move my hips

I've gotten stuck
Around posts
With names
And desires
But I'm just
Sitting here
Lonely
And tired

I've been with
5 boy
Bored by
everyone
I had me
5 toys
And the next
Might be a gun
Jan 2016 · 610
Crocodile tears
I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
In hell, tell your father hello from me
Your just like your parents
Cold.
Your father gone
Your mom says love wrong
You've played two people
Played me a fool
Now I understand
I was a toy
A tool
You tell them one thing
Laugh with them
Poke fun
And then post lies on here
Act like I'm
The one
To ruin your life
To treat you wrong
You were the liar
And I listened to your song
I'm not the villi an
Just stupid enough
That you could come in
and pretend you weren't tough
Act hurt
Fake a limp
Like the puppy you were
And in the end
You're a fraud
And I hope your happy with her
All of the hers
All the she's
All the girls
That's will come in your life
And let you in their head
All the ****** fools
To take the place of me
The ones who will
be cloaked in misery
You're so full of **** and I hope you die sad
Jan 2016 · 288
Lone
So sick of lonely people trying to get with me
They're only ever interested in company
They don't care who with, just somebody
And I guess I fit the category of a body
Jan 2016 · 484
Small
I'm a chore
Just a bore
you will always
Want for more

A cup of tea
When you need a glass
When given a choice
You will always pass

Take a bite
Then send me back
Because there always something
My taste will lack
Not enough yet somehow too much
Jan 2016 · 376
Options
I've never looked at mine
I guess
I settled
For being one
I left one hat
To jump in another
And they draw me
And put me back

I'm an option
Never a choice
Always the fish
You throw back
I'm fine with that
I guess being forced on people
Makes me ugly
Makes me a chore
And I try and make up for it
By being a *****
I dont know. Bad poetry
Nov 2015 · 326
Untitled
And i wish you were on your way back home
I cant stand
Sitting here
On my own
Since you came
And stole my breath.
I was fine
Before
You left

Now i cant breathe
Without you beside me
I cant feel
When you arent around
My heart breaks
Just from the mention of your name
And my eyes
Will never see
The world
The same
Old poem upload spam
Nov 2015 · 581
Eyes
You cannot look into my eyes without seeing burning, lustful sparks
Filled to bursting
With what you want
To be love

But all i see
Are limp
Loveless
Ponds
Algea
*******
Them
Nov 2015 · 318
Untitled
Flick
Spiral and sink
Flick
Rising gray heat
Flick
The red glow gone
Flick
And the world before long
Nov 2015 · 236
Untitled
Flick
Spiral and sink
Flick
Rising gray heat
Flick
The red glow gone
Flick
And the world before long
Nov 2015 · 1.2k
raindrops.
Raindrops
She tells the woman on the phone about the cancer
And how much she makes
And how much i cost
Tiny Raindrops
She has a stone voice and i can see she has water eyes
The test results came back for her
A million tiny raindrops
And i cant see
A million tiny raindrops on the windshield
Im not worried about seeing the road
I want to be done
I want to move away
I dont want to think about 5 years
From now
And still be crying over you
Because i never got over you when i could.
Youre just magnetic for me
And i cant deny your ability
To make me forget
How bad for me you are
Oct 2015 · 2.6k
The D
Eternal **** Buddy
Wakes up early
We roll around
In bed

Id get up
Make a cup
But he plays
With my head

He's my *******
At 2 am
Whe the liquor
Fills my blood

The coyote ugly
Try to crawl
But the boy
... Hes good

He pulls you in
Oh so easily
Doesnt even try
Yet he gets to me

Eternal **** Buddy
Hes always down
Screaming NO
just makes empty sound.
Depression
Sep 2015 · 249
Untitled
Why can't I break the skin
Sep 2015 · 353
Liar
Why can't you be upfront with me
Admit you never cared
Tell me I was just fun
And you didn't actually get scared
You like the perks I offer
But not the love tied with
So now ill turn it off
I hope you like the gift
Just tell me the truth. You never did love me.
In a month ill be over you because im not one to linger anywhere… But youve made me sad like you promised you never would. I dont think you understand love but how many times have you said it? Too many really. Because it was never true. You dont understand the things that come with love. Loyalty, bad and good ****, understanding, being open. You cant do everything for you anymore. Theres someone else to consider.
I hope youre alone. I dont say that because i want you to be sad. I just want you to learn to be alone and be happy. In the 4, almost 5 years ive known you youve either been dating someone or ******* with 6 different girls. Sometimes both. And youll be offended but maybe you need to be. You need to be with yourself. Maybe hurt yourself the same way you hurt those girls. Then maybe youll under stand.
Ill be ok. Im not sad anymore. in a year ill go to college and you will just be that guy i loved in high school. That guy i gave my virginity to. Ill tell my future husband about you and hell say “wow… Sounds like a weird time.” and i smile because i had fun and it is a fond memory. You.
But if you think that you can walk out when it suits you and come back when youre lonely, guess again. Its only been a week and i already know whats better for me because youve shown me every day that youre a toxic person.
I hope you learn to love yourself because youre really worth loving. And then i hope you learn how to love others. I want you to be happy. So amazingly happy in life, but not by hurting others. I know youll be ok. Because i loved you more and im fine. I know youll be ok.
I uploaded this on my tumblr (nomadicgemini) but i wanted to put it on here as well
Jul 2015 · 777
comfortable confinement
I'm so tired of these same four walls.
Chalky and full of everything
I want and fear.
These walls know me
Like nothing else does
And yet they confine me
I want out
This is a comfort zone
I'm not getting anywhere.
I want to break out
And just be crazy
I want to know my dreams
I want these walls
To know a girl
Who is NOTHING
Like me
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
Hypochondria
Everyone is high
On self pity and
Hate
Self diagnosed with
A terrible
Fate
No one knows
How to be sad
Without writing it off
As extraordinarily bad
Happiness isn't
A permanent gig
It's always there
If you bother to dig
Everyone is sad
Because the world is ****** up
And no one dares
To see the good stuff
A world of pessimism
Breeds angry babes
And they all start to believe
Theres no Other way
So load up on drugs
Get high in the rest
Because that's when the world
Looks its ******* best
No one was taught
How to smile
Despite the world
Looking dark for a while
So we all slit our wrists
And demand sympathy
From a world that never cared
If you were down on your knees
Jul 2015 · 240
enough
I will never be enough
May 2015 · 2.3k
Risk Taking
And I sell myself again
I dive in
and forget
I don't know how to swim
and I drown
in 2 inches
of water
and I jump
and forget
I cant fly
and I don't know
why we don't know
we're falling
Until we hit the ground
old poem #3
May 2015 · 292
You were the Fall
All my thoughts
I cannot write
Quite so quickly
As they come
A million thoughts
In less than a second
And some are not
supposed to be written
some cannot be
summed up into words
some are just
feelings and life
Like I cannot capture
into words
How the sun looks
or how it shines
off the dew
or how the
golden glimmer
of your smile
can light up
this whole town
or how your eyes
are so blue
like ice
yet you have the warmest hug
like a fall day
when its breezy
but the sun is on your back
You are fall
beautiful colors
all the colors
of the sun
A warm sweater
pumpkin pie
Thanksgiving
Halloween
and slowly
you move into
winter
because
you fall
out of love
and your smile
isn't quite so bright
and the sun
wont shine
So the cold is biting
and I see all your beauty
But that is all
still beautiful
but cold
You have lost
the blue
in your eyes
Now
they are gray
like the fog
in winter
and I don't love
you
I loved fall
and even this doesn't capture my thoughts
but it calms them
to some degree
but without my thoughts
my mind
echos
So
Do I catch them
and mayhaps write them down
some thoughts
are not made for writing
but
I will write them
because
I miss the fall
old poem #2. about a guy. a friend. no longer
May 2015 · 298
Apologetic
Just like the seasons you became colder with time
The boy who used to be filled with warmth was now an icy block of self loathing
and I couldn't bare the biting way you looked at me when I said I didn't love you back
I made you cold and stole your warmth
I'm sorry
and if you were to **** me I would not blame you
I can only blame myself
And if your life were to end by your own hand
I would feel soaked in your blood
because I was to blame for your death
and I'm sorry
There are so many words in my head
and some just aren't enough
This is old poem #1. Im uploading some poems from... a while back. over a year at least. This one was about something I always held over my own head
May 2015 · 336
Not Quite Poetry
Can you bruise my lips instead of my mind?
May 2015 · 299
You make me shake
that's all you make me do
I'm either scared
or angry
or moaning
but
I don't like
any of them
if im being honest
im beginning to think that the only time
im interesting
is when im begging for more
May 2015 · 306
I don't blame you
I wouldn't want to be around me either
I'm miserable company
May 2015 · 389
I've Learned
I've learned to nod
to smile
when you hear the name
or see the face
just play happy and then
zone the **** out.

I've learned that when a topic
makes you uncomfortable
just be quiet
don't argue
that contributes
just wait for it to go away

I've learned that when you don't like something
get away from it
don't explain yourself
no one will agree with you
no matter what
don't defend yourself
you don't have to

I've learned that headphones
and a severe case of bitchface
make people turn the other way
and the few that are curious
go away after a ****** thumbs up
and a strained smile

I've learned that being a *****
and being quiet
and doing things for yourself
help you scrape by
just
enough

I've leaned that *******
and indifferent
feel very much
the same
May 2015 · 305
Rantings of a Tired Girl
I havent written in so long
I havent been able to breathe
Even longer
All my air
Escaped
Into you
I cant think past you
Or work past you
Or exist beyond you
You have become
My centerpeice
At a party
I wasnt going
To throw
But got dragged to
I mean...
Im having a wonderful time
But i know i could be doing something else
And you could be adorning
Prettier parties
Weve become each others lives
And a lot of the time
I question why
and if for the right reasons
And all of this is
Just
Meaningless
But is anything
Legitimate anymore
Nothing has weight
Anorexic ideas
Full of nothing but air
And some human need
To prove were worth something
And something...
What is something
And what are we
Whay do we
Matter
Nothing
And im not content
With settling for nothing
But im sure that
You
Are
Something
Wonderful
The problem with this thing called love
Is having busy feet
wanting to travel the world
and loving everyone I meet
I could try and stay here
For you I would try
But my soulmate is the world
and if i put roots in this soil, I'll die.
Apr 2015 · 287
Blog Post not Poem
Ok so I've been on HP for a few month now and I love the minds on here and I was curious what you guys do to get over writer's block. I have an 8 page short narrative story due May 1st and I cant make myself write it for some **** reason so if you brilliant people have any suggestions I'm all ears.
Apr 2015 · 242
Untitled
committed to never committing
Apr 2015 · 241
one of many
I will never be your one and only
because
I am
only one
small piece
of a big picture
Apr 2015 · 371
Unexpected
Stuck in this same old town
ghosts gather round
spooky memories of who I was
terrific ideas of who ill become
fire in my mind
like the fire in your eyes
I could taste it on your tongue
I could taste the lies
were further from anything
than weve ever been
but closer to each other
than wed ever planned
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