Did you know what was happening?
Could you feel yourself flying through the air for the moment,
or did everything happen too fast for you to register?
Did you feel pain, or did your body convince you that there wasn't any?

God, how could this have happened?
A million memories stream through my head
Between two moments everything was fine, and then it wasn't
I'm so sorry

she was always looking away
at the river, the sun, her phone
never did her eyes meet anyone
else's, and she never smiled

she was sick and fragile
and never smiled
but people loved her anyway
as they hugged her and held her close
she never smiled

she'd answer their questions
in the least personal way
and they wouldn't ask
too many questions or
anything that was personal
and she'd ask many questions
leading into personal parts
of their lives

she sat alone
with her hair hanging like
a curtain in front of her face
hiding her brokenness from the world

worst of all, she hid behind this falseness
that she showed off to the world
a blank mask that held everyone
at an arm's length
and she never smiled

slowly, i've noticed things
getting more and more difficult.
slowly, i've noticed the little
things become mountains.

slowly, i've begun to understand
that things are getting worse.
slowly, i've began to notice
that i'm getting worse.

I find myself
getting childishly
envious of
people in the
streets who
are holding
cigarettes

Many of us though
Are just looking
For a hole
That society
Hasn't yet
Ruined

the distance steals
the oxygen from
my lungs as i lie
awake at three
am thinking of
you

Closing your eyes and listening
To a hungry stomach
And hungry heart
A hungry mind
Oh, why do we starve ourselves?

I can feel my heart break,
Like a physical pain in my chest,
And my breaths are coming out ragged
Because the words you spoke
Are tearing me apart

But you don't notice
Because you're angry at yourself
And my feelings seemed not to matter
And it makes me feel that
I would be better off dead

It's truly terrifying how
ignorant people can be when they
make fun of others and then
wonder why that person
was found dead
a few days
later

The sun was shining outside
and the world looked so bright
and welcoming
I had this urge, this desire
To run outside into the garden
and just dance in the sunlight
but I couldn't because there was darkness
in my heart

Tear drops
Decorate
My eyelashes
Like jewels

Thank you too all those
Who have shown so much support
And to those who show they care
No words could help you to understand
How much it means to me

I felt your breath on my neck
And in excitement I wanted to scream
But  I couldn't, and I knew I shouldn't
Because you were a mere part of my dream

I'm not saying what they're doing is right,
and I'm not romancing it to make it sound lovely,
but we're taught that if we're unhappy
we should do something about it,
and those that **** themselves take that advice.

And I'm not saying that what they're doing is right,
I'm just saying that I respect them for it

this is the story of a girl
who is conditioned to believe
that her achievements aren't worth
celebrating, because there are
others doing better than her.

this is the story of a girl,
who's afraid to talk in a group
because she's been conditioned
to believe that what she has to say
isn't worth adding to the conversation;
tired of having people talk over her.'

this is the story of a girl,
who's afraid to in the dark,
afraid that one of the horrors in her
mind have managed to crawl out
and haunt her.

this is the story of a girl,
who never feels like she's good enough.
a girl who tries her best with every
chance, but she's been conditioned
to believe that she can't do it.

this is the story of a girl,
who second guesses every opinion
that she shares, because she's been
conditioned to think that her opinion
is one of those that doesn't matter.

this is the story of a girl,
who feels like she doesn't matter,
because when she was reaching out,
desperate for someone to tell her that she
will be okay, nobody paid her attention.

this is the story of a girl,
who often loses hope, and always
find it difficult to regain it.

i watch people throw those three words
around like they're nothing but decoration.
'i love you' spilling out in the middle of the night,
instead of 'thank you for listening'.

'i love you' instead of 'i like us',
because nobody wants to feel unloved,
and nobody wants to admit they're afraid
of being alone, of being forgotten.

so he says those words to her, trusting
that when she says them back, she'll mean them.
it seems that he hopes that when he says those words,
that she'll stay; that she'll continue to love him.

but what if, in the end, we're all lying?
what if we're all pinning those words in hopes,
hopes that they will stay, and we plaster on a smile,
hoping that they can love us, as we need.

broken and left behind, we pin our hopes
onto those three little words and we listen intently
for them to be said back. we seem to trust, all too much,
in the shared words.

but, when we find out that things won't work,
and the relationship crumbles, we struggle to be okay.
we lose the hope that someone can love us as we need,
we lose the hope that we can love as someone else needs.

Tick tock
The clock on the wall is mocking me
Telling me that I'm wasting time
Making it known that I could do so much more

Tick tock
The clock on the wall is laughing at me
Telling me that my life is wasting away
Making it known that everything I love is gone

Tick tock
The clock on the wall is at my feet
Telling me that my anger is misdirected
Making it known that whatever I do is worthless

Tick tock
The clock is in pieces
Telling me that my life is over
As my feet hang limply

You don't need to bend over
Your ***** falling out your shirt
Exposing your body, and your image
You don't need to pretend to be a ****
So that people will like you
Because in those cases, they don't like you
They like who they think you are
And you're not that person
You've still got self dignity
Hold on to it

Trust is a lot like a glass
Some take strength to break
Some are plastic and almost eternally strong
and some shatter into little shards within an instant

in the end
what does the
world matter
when I don't?

If I close
my eyes I can
still feel your lips
upon my skin

Can it be
Just us?

Hide the evidence,
that's the first thing you learn to do.
Clean up the blood, wipe away the tears,
no one can know, no one must see,
pull down the sleeves and hide the blades.

You develop a fear of people knowing,
you begin to flinch when it looks like they'll lift your sleeves.
When it's hot you let out a groan of irritation,
what was it like not having to always wear long sleeves?
It's been so long that you can't remember

Will things get better?
You can't tell - all you know is the pain, the relief.
You lock yourself away in your room
and cry yourself to sleep;
but you're not alone

i was lying with my head on your chest,
listening to your heartbeat,
when i was overwhelmed by sadness.

a sadness so deep i could feel it cutting
through me. a sadness so strong that i
felt like i was suffocating.

i balled a fist with your shirt, holding
tightly in case you slipped away; you,
the last thing that i have to keep me sane.

it's a constant thought that i can't get out.
i want it to stop screaming out, filling my mind
at every waking moment, suffocating me
and stealing the good moments.

it won't stop. i want to think about life,
about my life, and my life with him. i don't
want the constant thought of what
everyone's lives would be like if i killed myself.

i know that it's because of the recent death,
but i'm afraid that deep down it's jealousy.
who am i to be jealous of a dead man who just
wanted life but was served death?

in a matter of moments
the world crumbling
falling to my knees

the unbearable pain,
the continual need
to cry

my strength,
it's fading
quickly

i can't hold
on anymore

I checked my phone every moment I could
and I tried not to get excited when I got a message
I hoped that it was you every time
but I don't know what I expected

Did you even remember what yesterday was?
Have you any idea how badly I want to talk to you?
I want to know how you are, and what's been going on
I want to hug you and breathe in your familiar smell

All I wanted was a message from you
It didn't even have to be long
'happy birthday', would have been enough
but I guess even that was too much to ask for

We're so caught up in our own worlds
that we forget others have problems too

When I'm gone,
Don't say how sad it is.
When I'm gone,
Don't say you miss me.
Don't you dare.

You drove me to it,
You drove me to the point of insanity
Left me clawing at the walls of my mind
Trying to break free

So, when I'm gone,
Don't worry yourself over pretending to morn
After all, you were the one who told me
"Go **** yourself"

i am a wooden cross
with a young girl strapped to
my chest. she is crying, i can
feel the fear, her desperation , running
through her body, thrashing as
she tries to break free of the bonds.

'are you a witch?' they ask her,
the crowd standing in front is
staring at her, waiting on her
next words. she weakly denies but
they are angered and feel defied.

at the bottom of my body, beneath
her feet, lies kindle and they touch
a burning torch to the loose straw and
immediately it flares up into flames,
beginning to burn my base.

the girl screams out, she doesn't deserve this,
she never wanted any of this. 'witch, witch' the
crowd chants as the fire crawls up my structure.

i can feel her fear as she tries to break free, the fear
grips my soul and there is nothing that i can do
but to hold her in place as she burns for crimes
that she did not commit.

i often wonder what it'd be like
if you were to read the poems
i've written about you, if you
were to finally see all the pain
that you inflicted, and all the
thoughts i've spent our forever
hiding from you

it's not that you don't care
it's that you constantly pretend
as though I'm blind to it
that's what hurts most