above the ceiling is lit with bright lights that surround me,
the crowds around are gathered together, talking in
excited tones that pass my ears without reaching me.
can they not see that i am drowning?
i stand in the centre of the room, screaming for help
but they can't hear me, they don't notice or they don't care
my lungs are imploding, i can feel the weight crushing
every inch of my insides. nobody has looked at me yet.
i don't believe that they can't see me, it's impossible.
he extends a hand, holding it casually as though i'm not flooded
he says "just breathe, everything will be okay."
he doesn't understand that if i take a breathe, i will drown
i close my eyes, i can hear them now
"everything will be okay" they're repeating to me
i can read in their faces that they don't understand why i don't just breathe
i'm trying to breathe but it's become impossible and
all i can do is ask for death
but i'm not that lucky
since dad died everyone is giving me space, and i don't think it's what i need and i'm honestly starting to forget what it feels like to want to be alive and these days all i can do is just wish that it will all end. i don't want this life any more, i don't want this pain and i don't want to be alone anymore.