i am a wooden cross
with a young girl strapped to
my chest. she is crying, i can
feel the fear, her desperation , running
through her body, thrashing as
she tries to break free of the bonds.
'are you a witch?' they ask her,
the crowd standing in front is
staring at her, waiting on her
next words. she weakly denies but
they are angered and feel defied.
at the bottom of my body, beneath
her feet, lies kindle and they touch
a burning torch to the loose straw and
immediately it flares up into flames,
beginning to burn my base.
the girl screams out, she doesn't deserve this,
she never wanted any of this. 'witch, witch' the
crowd chants as the fire crawls up my structure.
i can feel her fear as she tries to break free, the fear
grips my soul and there is nothing that i can do
but to hold her in place as she burns for crimes
that she did not commit.
i still have questions of my own.
old habits approach me like dealers
in the darkness. their faces hidden by shadow,
their intentions vivid as they whisper
wonderful promises of release,
of escape and of freedom.
i tell them no, push them away,
i attempt to stray towards the light.
they grab my wrist and spin me around,
holding tight as they look me in they eyes
and whisper "you're not going anywhere".
i try to hold out, but the fear is building
up inside, and i'm not sure if i am strong enough
to fight back, to win this constant battle.
i want to scream for help, i want to cry out
in desperation, but i am drowning.
false ideas and hopes
thrown into one simple decision
that was supposed to make
things better; it was
supposed to make things
instead of feeling like
i'm constantly drowning
in my home town, i've moved
across the country and
now i'm suffocating under
day to day life and the
fact that things
have so far only
please make it stop.
make everything stop.
can you hear it? the scratching,
itching that's constantly wanting
to escape the confines of my brain.
can you hear it? the eternal screams
that i'm holding back, swallowing
and trying to suffocate.
can you hear it? the ticking of time
passing with nothing changing as
each day swings.
can you hear it? my last threads
of sanity slowly escaping my grasp,
knowing that there's so space left for it.
it's just temporary, but the feeling
is sticking with me through day
it's just temporary, but drowning
for days on end makes me feel
like i'm slowly fading.
it's just temporary, but i want to
feel alive, i want to crave life,
i want to live.
nobody said it would be easy, but nobody warned me of how difficult it could be.
thinking, hoping, wondering.
for so long it was a question of
when life would begin to progress
forward - until now, when it is
am i ready? can i handle this?
for so long i'd only dreamed of
the mere possibility to the point
that, perhaps, i never believed
it would happen.
and now, here i sit. wondering.
everything i've been waiting for,
everything i've been working towards.
every day when i thought i couldn't go
on, every night when i didn't want to;
the dream was all that held me.
and now it is here. and i sit.
am i ready?
apparently impossible to please.
i was lying with my head on your chest,
listening to your heartbeat,
when i was overwhelmed by sadness.
a sadness so deep i could feel it cutting
through me. a sadness so strong that i
felt like i was suffocating.
i balled a fist with your shirt, holding
tightly in case you slipped away; you,
the last thing that i have to keep me sane.
please dont go.