Trust is a lot like a glass
Some take strength to break
Some are plastic and almost eternally strong
and some shatter into little shards within an instant

I'm not against dating,
I'm not against people being happy,
I'm against pointless relationships
because it's a lot of time
and no emotions

Some people are so easily convinced by others
with simple, fluttering eyelashes

It's truly terrifying how
ignorant people can be when they
make fun of others and then
wonder why that person
was found dead
a few days
later

I find that the simplest
Challenges are the
Hardest

I'm like the prefix mono
I can be put with other people
Oh, so many others
But I'll always be alone

she could feel each and every cell in her body
and as she thought about her existence,
about how difficult life had been,
about all the pleasant moments,
and the less pleasant,
she began to wonder about him.

he was someone who could have lead a
short time in her life, someone who
phased in and out of contact through
each month and maybe one day they
would hang out and catch up over
coffee, living life in an adultier way
because she would have had to move
out nonetheless.

he could have meant nothing more than
a best friend from one time and nothing
more than a friend in another time, but
instead he meant the world to her and
she fought for him with everything in
her being and she couldn't understand
how he meant to so much to her.

was it normal to put your dreams on
pause so that you can be with someone
who may or may not stick around?
it terrified her, but she loved him
with every cell in her body.

i share my body,
i share my mind,
i don't have privacy
from the person inside.

she's a demon,
a ***** to the core,
she forces bad thoughts
and a whole lot more.

it's a a constant struggle,
it's always a fight,
sometimes i wish she'd go
but mostly at night.

i don't want her inside,
i just want to be free,
i'm tired of her ruining everything,
i just want to be me.

Look in the mirror
And tell yourself
That you are beauty
That you are the face
The mind, and the body
Of beauty

Here's a secret
You, that girl who thinks
That she's fat, and that
Anorexic girl
Yeah, you're all the
Definition of beauty

You don't need to bend over
Your ***** falling out your shirt
Exposing your body, and your image
You don't need to pretend to be a ****
So that people will like you
Because in those cases, they don't like you
They like who they think you are
And you're not that person
You've still got self dignity
Hold on to it

Closing your eyes and listening
To a hungry stomach
And hungry heart
A hungry mind
Oh, why do we starve ourselves?

i watch people throw those three words
around like they're nothing but decoration.
'i love you' spilling out in the middle of the night,
instead of 'thank you for listening'.

'i love you' instead of 'i like us',
because nobody wants to feel unloved,
and nobody wants to admit they're afraid
of being alone, of being forgotten.

so he says those words to her, trusting
that when she says them back, she'll mean them.
it seems that he hopes that when he says those words,
that she'll stay; that she'll continue to love him.

but what if, in the end, we're all lying?
what if we're all pinning those words in hopes,
hopes that they will stay, and we plaster on a smile,
hoping that they can love us, as we need.

broken and left behind, we pin our hopes
onto those three little words and we listen intently
for them to be said back. we seem to trust, all too much,
in the shared words.

but, when we find out that things won't work,
and the relationship crumbles, we struggle to be okay.
we lose the hope that someone can love us as we need,
we lose the hope that we can love as someone else needs.

I honestly can't handle this any more:
I can't take crying so often,
I can't keep waking up in the middle of the night shaking from fear,
I'm done with constantly trying to stay positive and act happy when all I want to do is cry,
I hate that the only time I can be honest about how I feel is when I've almost completely lost hope,
I'm sick of holding on by nails to the false promises of everyone,
I'm done with hoping that for once someone isn't lying;
I don't want people to be disappointed in me any more.

I'm done.
I'm done with it all,
with everything.

when we sit in the shade
from the burning sun on the
autumn afternoon, listening
to the children hunt for eggs,
all i can think is that you all
belong here.

i am the imposter, i can feel that they know. your jokes are all funny and i can't find the energy to laugh.

i don't want to be here, i hate 'family lunch'es, i hate pretending to be alright when i just want to sit in my room, alone.

family is always priority for me,
but i cannot place them in my life.
so we sit, laughing with all your loved ones,
and i pretend not to feel alone.

Matt, why didn't you talk to someone?
Why didn't tell a friend how you were feeling?
You could have let out all the sadness
You could have stayed, you could still be here

Matt, your mom is broken
She cries a lot
She wonders about you
She misses you
I miss you

Matt, your little brother is struggling
He doesn't smile as much
And his eyes tell you that he's seen too much
Ryan needs you

*Matt, I need you

i was lying with my head on your chest,
listening to your heartbeat,
when i was overwhelmed by sadness.

a sadness so deep i could feel it cutting
through me. a sadness so strong that i
felt like i was suffocating.

i balled a fist with your shirt, holding
tightly in case you slipped away; you,
the last thing that i have to keep me sane.

I'm not angry,
not even annoyed,
I'm simply hurt.

Do I mean so little
that you enjoy
playing games with
my heart?

It hurts that sometimes
you care, and other
times you couldn't
give less of a ****.

Sometimes I'm your
sunshine,
and sometimes I'm
the rain on your
parade.

In the end, I know
that it's my fault,
I'm the one giving
you the power to
break me.

with a mouth of
venom
you pronouce
your love

When I'm gone,
Don't say how sad it is.
When I'm gone,
Don't say you miss me.
Don't you dare.

You drove me to it,
You drove me to the point of insanity
Left me clawing at the walls of my mind
Trying to break free

So, when I'm gone,
Don't worry yourself over pretending to morn
After all, you were the one who told me
"Go **** yourself"

The thing is, we never understand people
We never seem to take the time to appreciate them
To appreciate their humour, their laugh,
their general beauty and perfection

In all honesty, I wish I'd known you better
I wish I had known you well enough to love
and miss, and to be more than just stunned by your death
You were great, funny, handsome and perfect in every way

I don't know where you go when you die
But I hope that where ever you are, it's great
I hope you're happy there, and I hope you haven't forgotten
Those that are still here, those that lost you

all those promises of forever,
and the words whispered.
the shared secrets, the glances,
the looks when we knew what
the other was thinking.

the days spent pretending
that the rest of the world didn't
exist and the nights of talking.
the mornings of tired silence,
the random texts that were only
half a thought, and the brokenness
that we share but refuse to acknowledge

nobody else is accountable
for my happiness
and that's why i'm happiest
when i think of death
because i give just as much
of a ****
as everybody else does
about me

Imagine your favourite celebrity bumped into you
On a busy side walk, and quietly apologised
Before slipping off, back into the crowd
And stole your heart in the process

Imagine your favourite actor bumped into you
Looking for a place to lay low for a while
And to pass the time you got to know them
And the whole time, they seemed impressed

Imagine accidentally dialling the wrong number
And your favourite singer answers the phone
And shyly you apologise, and they tell you it's fine
And the whole time you're mentally celebrating

Now, imagine after all this has happened
Or only one of the above
And you didn't have a friend to share it with

I wrote how I felt
on a small slip of paper
and I threw it
into the ocean
to never been seen
*again

The sun was shining outside
and the world looked so bright
and welcoming
I had this urge, this desire
To run outside into the garden
and just dance in the sunlight
but I couldn't because there was darkness
in my heart

Tick tock
The clock on the wall is mocking me
Telling me that I'm wasting time
Making it known that I could do so much more

Tick tock
The clock on the wall is laughing at me
Telling me that my life is wasting away
Making it known that everything I love is gone

Tick tock
The clock on the wall is at my feet
Telling me that my anger is misdirected
Making it known that whatever I do is worthless

Tick tock
The clock is in pieces
Telling me that my life is over
As my feet hang limply

i miss us, the way we were before
i miss the way you used to understand me
i miss the way i could sit for hours and talk
i miss how i used to turn to you first

i miss the way we knew where we stood with each other
i miss the way i could tell you anything
i miss sitting up until 2 am stalking celebrities together
i miss feeling at home in your presence

i miss our friendship
i miss the trust we had
i miss you
i miss us

2016 is a joke
Been a hell already
I've lost too much
It's only been five days
But my goodness
What will the rest of the year
do to me?

You called me fake, and I smiled,
because knowing that you know the truth
made me endlessly happy.

Because you're the only one I wanted to know,
the only one who I wanted to know the real me;
the one who's opinion I valued a strangely large amount.

Tear drops
Decorate
My eyelashes
Like jewels

when you're stuck
and reaching up,
knowing that everyone
who walks past
is pretending not
to see the
desperation
in your eyes

i can barely breathe
the weight inside my chest
is weighing me down
dragging me further
into the darkness below
and i don't know
how much longer i can
hold on

i can't go to a bathroom by myself,
the overcrowdedness sets me off
like a firework on new years.

the fear that bubbles inside,
panics me to the point
of not being able to breathe.

is this what my life is?
being afraid of being alone
in a crowded room?

is this what i have become?
a walking ball of anxiety,
afraid of merely existing.

it's a living hell.
why can't i just be okay?
i wish i was okay.

in a matter of moments
the world crumbling
falling to my knees

the unbearable pain,
the continual need
to cry

my strength,
it's fading
quickly

i can't hold
on anymore