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Oct 2021 · 220
Wet Pillow
Mercia Oct 2021
Spark up the cigarette, my emotions are about to hide behind the smoke
I lay my head down and tears start telling my pillow all my secrets.
Just like the sun rises and sets, this routine is my escape.
Each tear holds my fear, my worry, my happiness
How do I live on leaving my teacher of love behind
How do I continue my journey with no surety that she sleeps well?
How do I leave my protector behind
What if the teacher is tired and she doesn’t notice the protector sleeping in the cold?
How do I leave my, my parents, behind
How do I give my siblings the freedom to experience life?
Someone once told me that I have to be selfish so I can live
How does one live a selfish life with no regrets?
How is being selfish the only answer to creating happiness measured by the world and not you?
I have lived the life of selfishness, loved it, cherished it, and allowed it to destroy me.
Selfishness is wine some like it fresh and some old just like memories.
You can try to sell the stories of your life for money but certain memories won’t escape your tongue.
The reason you breathe
The reason you smile
The reason why you understand
Memories are the reason.
Memories can also be the reason you are pushed over the edge but
Memories are the reason you question
When Is it right to stop breathing without hurting everyone
When is it okay to sleep with darkness and tell your secrets while tangled up in a sweaty war of who’s the saddest
One day you’ll have the urge to leave with everyone's blessings and know they'll be there in one piece when you return.
Your mind won’t let you rest if this act is one to harm others

These days smiling feels expensive and every time I bargain disappointment dances in my heart
It's best to expect that everyone is bad because surprises are better than expectations drowning in boiled wine
Oh well, by the time you are done reading I would have bargained for the cheapest happiness that lasts until the next trigger.
Let me take the happiness and share it before it reaches its expiry date.
Aug 2019 · 219
Lets search for pain
Mercia Aug 2019
Have you ever just stared at a window and question it's strength?
How can it endure the horrific sound of man and the mood swings of mother nature?
How can it hold the cold away from the wicked that transformed it from sand to glass
It cries silently as we mold and beat it
The grain of sand once had dreams.
It wanted to be the first to see the sea before it's friends
It wanted to be part of a house near the beach
Yet
Here it is staring at the empty quad
Where students meet and greet but forget if they don't get what they desire
Friends is a new label that can only be given if you get 9/10, losing 1 mark because you no billionaire.
The same way the world stole grain, they stole a 7 year olds happiness.
Somewhere in the world, there she stands.
She sees the world through her dad’s dusty specs.
Everyday she sees a man die.
She hopes for her dad’s return.
Every night she sits in a corner wrapped around her mother's ****** dress.
Hoping she is not next
She no longer screams, her voice stolen by the men in black
She hears silence.
Ears filled with dried up blood
People see pillars falling
She sees innocent slaughtered
We see what we want to see
She sees what she is forced to see
Soon she will be next
Soon the world will mold and beat her into a slave of storytelling
She lives in nightmares we fear
Yet no help.
She silently cries and stares at a broken window
She relies on memories of good to sleep but sleep is a shuttered window that will cut you when u touch it.
Her mom’s smile is like an empty quad, it's there but it's void.
Her dad’s eyes are like the students, used to half its use. His daughter needed it most and no one understood why he couldn't see far.
Window meet Her.
Her meet your future, a window in the middle of nowhere living the life others have molded.
Im Sorry.
Apr 2019 · 123
Hold on to it.
Mercia Apr 2019
Smile.
Have you ever seen a fish frown when it's stabbed?
Have to ever heard trees cry when they fall?
Have you ever tried to catch the smile of a happy bird?
Why can’t you stick to the happy memories?
Everyday is new
Everyday a note is taken
Why do we need to have more electrons in life when we can gather all protons and be a happy nuclear?
What’s the point of trying to please a million snails when you can have one happy dog?
Why not dance to everything and judge nothing?
Remember that one smile that made u cry?
Why remember it if it made you cry.
Remember that song that made all good memories come to life?
Now play that song as you read the rest

There is no point in fighting for something that is hurting you.
There is a reason why you can smile
There is a reason why negative can be positive when equated properly
No one is perfect but you are the role model of someone else.
What you do may not affect me but it will affect those who look up to you and yourself.
Sometimes we forget that even if our role model messes up, we have excuses for them.
Mess up.
Clean up.
If they judge you, laugh because you can deal with your problems and they look at you with their luggage of problems so that they can compare to you.
No one can hurt you.
You can solve everything in your life.
You can’t be a hero to all
You can’t be a failure to yourself.
You too good to fail yourself.
So hold on to your smile.
Apr 2019 · 123
Where do tears go?
Mercia Apr 2019
Ever cried so much?
Ever tried it under the rain?
She did.
She cried as the rain started pouring.
She knew the world felt her pain as they shedded tears together.
She cried so much that she forgot that she was crying and wondered where her tears where going.
Has the world taken all the tears from her passed and showered her with it to prove she is strong?
Has her tears dried up on her skin and covered with makeup?
She looks down to the stain on her shirt. Her makeup.
She always her pain from the human eye
But never from the world's energy
The world watched her cry from afar with no ways to hold her
The world saw her smile as people pierced needles through her bruised heart
The world looked away when she puked her air out when she cried
The world cried when she thought she was happy
But not today
She cried with the world.
Her pain
Her sorrows
Her bruises
Her broken smile poured down her face as the world cried with it's own pain
Where did her tears flow to?
That’s the secret the world hides from us as we cry with it.
It holds it away from as, because we deserve to smile.
For real once in awhile
Apr 2019 · 519
Dear South Africa
Mercia Apr 2019
What happened to the rainbow people.
Corruption planted itself in government and grew higher than the Real yellowwood
Striking and burning necessities is our new flag
Strangers with the right to be here are Ashes
Strangers with plans are supported for their abundance of drugs
Hospitals are important; said the tavern
Burn it down; said the proud people
The elders should be respected; said our parents
**** and record; said the killers
Let's go viral.
Police will always help you is taught by schools
Only help after 3 hours replied Police academies
School is an endangered topic
Youth falling victims at the hands of the very people who are supposed to care for them
Children hurting teachers
Teachers hurting kids
Welcome to a journey of wonderful education that is years behind on information
You learn to **** or cheer the killers
Depending on moods
We show our competitors that we weak
We can’t stand together when we need
We frown at fleeing springboks
We smile as we step on our Protea
So much has changed
The rap game is to shame others
The new songs can't be related songs
Only hyped up words of courage in ***, an *** is an ***
Country getting touched by a man spinning in front of cops as kids get beaten and murdered right under their nose
Criminals are charged after a year
Murders have learned about bail
Justice is an old topic
Fathers being cheered for young girls
Mothers hunting for fresh boys
Cheer on, cheer on.
Who you are is not accepted unless you funny
Your gender is a disgrace unless is trending
You have no voice unless America says it first
Geniuses lie amongst us
Bullied to not think
Every day someone is shot.
Gun and Camera
A country filled with videographers and darkness. Eskom
How to record in darkness is what we do best. Our Motto
Everything is funny until it happens to us. Our reality
I wish for the world to learn.
Mar 2019 · 114
A bed of needles
Mercia Mar 2019
We all have masks on, we only allow who we dont mind being hurt by to remove it.
Everyday is a new day to create a new mask
Every night is a cold windy night to cool down while overthinking
The pleasure our mind gives us when we need silence, overthinking
Yellow little sunshine pour into my molded frown and burn me to smile cause my wounds are burns for my fake happiness. Yellow meet sun
Orange fruit give me your sour taste to help me realise the bitter sweet truth lies within me. As i hold in the truth hold hands with yellow and burn me as you help yellow brighten the sun.
Red eyes given when thinking of you. It's the colour that flows out of my body as i lie on the bed of needles, each point as sharp as my feelings for you yet hidden to the naked eye and painful for the oblivious body
Green grass the effect that calms the mind. An ingredient that kills my lungs and frees my mind is green too. I should let you go yet you give me so much comfort that the world fails to give. My opinion right.
Blue ocean. The only place i want to be, for the ocean i would leave everything. For the ocean i will forget everything. My weakness.
Jan 2019 · 288
Lifes teaching
Mercia Jan 2019
She stood still as life stood before her
Her path unclear
Her memories fighting one another
Her demons sing the hymn her heart beats
Life stood before her with claws that took lives away
She tried to run
Her blood filled with truth and depression
Causing her to stand still
Her mind filled with plans to run away
Her painful memories won
She learnt life had 3 choices
Live, run or die
She tried all and failed all
Living and breathing became hard
She lost meaning and saw a trampled heart
Her heart stepped and bruised by the people she loved
Her body used like a tissue on a hot summers day.
Only purpose is to clean up.
She searched for a place to bury her heart but only found more humans created to harm.
Her blood flowed in disappointment and regret as she ran passed life and met death.
Death gave a warm welcoming hand
With eyes that glittered the face with truth of pain
She knew death stole the identity of life
But confrontations was her weakness
She found a calmness that death gave her
A calmness that turned all good, bad
She ran back
She sat in between life and death for she had nowhere to run
The world she stole the blame from pushed her away
The river that welcomed her with wickedness was rejected due to past teachings..
Now she remains in a world of confusion and accepting of everything.
Jan 2019 · 219
Under my skin
Mercia Jan 2019
Under my skin
Cyan blood flowing through my body, sending my heart on a drumming quest for a feeling
A feeling that wants to escape through my knife tattooed wrist
We fall in love and hurt one another.
We live with hidden emotions.
We live with a camouflage hiding scars from the human satellite,called eyes.
Falling in Tim Kuilmine, creating a comfy home for the lovers of solitude

I fell into this safe haven, knowing that no one dared to enter the world of the hurt
Until life sent a Prodigy into my hollow life
He was the moon on my sleepless nights
He was the sun shining on my cloudy day
He is the rain that kisses me on a beautiful stormy day
This Prodigy came into my my life like a feather causing mass destruction

I hated this Prodigy who took me out the comfort of my hole
Who made me laugh when depression clawed under my skin pleading to be released through my wrists
He caused a hail storm of emotion when he hugged me
Here today gone tomorrow i chanted
But he was here today and tomorrow
He made me stop giving the demon a path to dance from my mind to paper
I started seeing stars after months of solitude and clouds
Prodigy became VY Canis Majoris.
Greek Gods never understood him for he was sent to save Proxima Centauri

My love for him as my depression turned into insecurity
But he saved me
For now
This poem is a poem that is still being edited. There are a few things you need to know before reading the poem.
When a colour is described/said, it will be given in the photo negative form. The poem is a mixture of love and self-diagnosed depression. Names are never mentioned in the poem. This might be the whole poem, or just the intro. (As i said it is under editing). This poem was written at 3am and is inspired by a wattpad book called Saving Everest. If you dont know the names of the stars please google it
Jan 2019 · 287
Life's rules
Mercia Jan 2019
She stood still as life stood before her
Her path unclear
Her memories fighting one another
Her demons sing the hymn her heart beats
Life stood before her with claws that took lives away
She tried to run
Her blood filled with truth and depression
Causing her to stand still
Her mind filled with plans to run away
Her painful memories won
She learnt life had 3 choices
Live, run or die
She tried all and failed all
Living and breathing became hard
She lost meaning and saw a trampled heart
Her heart stepped and bruised by the people she loved
Her body used like a tissue on a hot summers day.
Only purpose is to clean up.
She searched for a place to bury her heart but only found more humans created to harm.
Her blood flowed in disappointment and regret as she ran passed life and met death.
Death gave a warm welcoming hand
With eyes that glittered the face with truth of pain
She knew death stole the identity of life
But confrontations was her weakness
She found a calmness that death gave her
A calmness that turned all good, bad
She ran back
She sat in between life and death for she had nowhere to run
The world she stole the blame from pushed her away
The river that welcomed her with wickedness was rejected due to past teachings..
Now she remains in a world of confusion and accepting of everything.
Jan 2019 · 200
Bird
Mercia Jan 2019
Ever wished to be a bird
Travel around the world with no need of being told the beauty of places
As you reach your vulnerable stage, everyone is there
Words of protection promised
Words of eternal love tattooed on the heart
Everyone showing you what you can become
Each gift possess the piece of freedom they lost
As you reach your fledgling  stage
Your need to travel grows stronger
You start feeling the rope of life place itself on your neck
Life whispers
Promises are easily broken
Tattoos fade
You are not who they want you to be
Forced to fly but fear of rejection from the wind creeps under your wings
Everyday , pushed closer to the edge
Every push tightens the rope
Your need to travel disappears
Your need to survive becomes important
No longer wanting to travel
Seeking a way to fly away
Every attempt made when not being pushed tightens the rope
The rope feels amazing as you suffocate try to please all
The twigs stabbing your feet as you forever on edge
Welcome to the stage of learning to fly
At last the wind shouts fly my child
The higher you go the tighter the rope
Your heart breaks it's armour as you reach the top of the tree
Your iris turning white as the joy is too much to handle
As breathing can not be done
You fall
That moment of freedom is what we search for but we never remove the rope that society and family made.
Fly little bird
But first free yourself
Oct 2018 · 229
Taken
Mercia Oct 2018
Falling for the taken

The little wood set a light in her heart.
Her little hope of love burning brighter than ever.
A story of regret at the beginning.
She fell for his smile
His scent
His warmth
His words
His heart
She walks blindly on the paths he drags her
Her smile is, till pain do them part.
The intensity of the fire
Spreads wildly causing happiness to all and scars to heart
She fell for the taken heart.
Her first regret.
Everyday he is with his one
She holds the tears that will send their fire to death
She chokes on her words of love
For once, she hoped to be read.
Her wall made of dust.
Their flame keeps burning her.
She wills him to love his one as she holds him tight
Her skin melts
She feels the pain but enjoys the heat
She pains but loves
She refuses to let her mistake go
She refuses to water the flame of her love
She fell for the taken.

The heart of the taken
Sep 2018 · 557
Ms. Complicated
Mercia Sep 2018
Complicated..
That's how her life is.
Complicated.
She spoke with confidence yet
She walked in peoples shadows.
She walked with her head high only in heels.
She collects sneakers.
Her body is made from comments
Her mind slowly died from truth
Lies killed her smile.
The hate she carried was a feather
Her laugh was fake
Her happiness, nonexistent.
Complicated.
That's how her life is..
Complicated
Sep 2018 · 214
~Her
Mercia Sep 2018
There we go
Here we are
Hand in hand
Smiles greater then the milky way
Happiness unmeasurable

Him and I
Our laugh contagious
The world unable to hold us back
The dark night gives us stars to dance with

Him and I
Our happiness never gathers dust
Our smile is the highest currency
Baby we magic

Wait...

Did you hear that
Our hearts armour has fallen
Free at last
Now we dance
Now we kiss
Now we love
All stop signs demolished
Every red light means love

Fairy dust we create
All steel knives I carry
Melted
Moulded
Baby I present
The Eiffel Tower
Sep 2018 · 259
~He
Mercia Sep 2018
~He
He walked towards her
With a mysterious look..
This look held so much
But she is incapable of reading
He kept coming
She kept failing to read
He stopped
She couldn't breathe
He looked away
Her heart slowly decays
Slowly it sinks in
She's not his
Nor
Is he hers

He backs away
This painful look
He had a word written on his face
Insecurity
Their biggest enemy
She was once under it's foot
Now
He lays under insecurity

Heartache
Stress
Tiredness
Pain
Heartache
That's their cycle

He is no longer mysterious to her
But his pain is mysterious to him

How
How can it be that the prince of love
Is now a slave to insecurity and pain
Once love held so much
Now
It means so little

The story behind it is lost
Fake stories arise

Love
Value
Worth
Meaning
Lost in a battle.
A battle uncalled for
A battle unannounced

He walked away..
He is no longer mysterious to her.

They both carried what they call


A broken heart, with a smile
Mercia Sep 2018
My story.
Where do I begin? Normally people would say at the beginning, but what if the story has no beginning or the beginning has been forgotten. What if every lie is the beginning and truth is the ending, would that complicate life? Or would it be understandable. Confusion is humans main language. Before we speak we confused whether we should or not. Before we say our words our minds are confused whether it's right or wrong. This confusion is accepted if not said, but when uttered is a disgrace. But a disgrace to who actually? Is it a disgrace to those who assume you understand or to yourself for being naturally confused. Anyway that is not the story. My story is dumber and simpler then that. It's the typical boy meets girl, girl meets boy. Okay, its not that simple cause it now sounds stupid. Let me spice it up, maybe you will be able to identify too much spice. He was or should I say is a normal yet complex rubix cube. I could read him till I thought I was smart enough to scrabble him up and set him back again. Yet he has one flaw, a flaw that made him smell like garbage. This flaw was, that he lived flings, loved flings, is flings. His cube had a missing part. The red part. It was all black. Even when questioned his master mind was quick to come up with lies. How we met is forgotten yet lied about. We told the world that we met at school, but what if we didn't. We told them we liked each other. Yet we couldn't drink water without telling one another. The beginning was forgotten. My biggest flaw that he could see is that, I lived love, I love love and I was built on pieces of a buttered heart. Yet I remained with him. He would shoot fireworks of heartaches yet I would smile and pretend I'm not choking on the smoke. He would slice my buttered heart yet I would smile and say you would be a great butcher.. He never understood me and I always let that slide. I was a continuous joke and he the comedian. What was left of me at the end was truth. That no matter what, I am willing to go through it all till I find my Valentine. The world called me crazy. I was confused, am I crazy for believing or crazy because I am strong. I'm made with love. Something unbreakable. No one can take that away. Even He, couldn't
Sep 2018 · 127
Des...tiny?
Mercia Sep 2018
Hold my hand, Destiny
Walk with me down the aisle
As we walk,my story will be told
I've lost many
The ones you see,remained
We've clashed and crushed
But forever their here
As I walk down this aisle
I see who I've lost
I see whose forever
Blood has been spilt
But the heart beat forever
Courage
Love
Blessings
They are to me
Pain
Annoying
Hurtful
I was to them.
Forgiveness is our chain
Chained together;we are forever
The man I walk to
Is my man forever
We've hurt
We've burnt
We've cried
But never died
Him and I
Are hotter than lighting
Him and I
Stole confidence from the mighty lion
Him and I
Are bulletproof
He fell in love with me
His proud to be in my psychotic world
I fell in love with him
His world is my safe haven
But thanks to you.
Thank you destiny
Without you I would be blind
Without you I would be naive
But here I stand with gratitude towards you.
You are my ultimate friend.
Love friends best pain hurt random weird destiny forever sad
Aug 2018 · 260
Love, leave me alone
Mercia Aug 2018
Can I be happy
Can I see myself smile without you being the reason.
Why do you have to roam around my heart.
Why do you make it seem as if life is simple
Yet
When I see you
You with her
When I want to talk to you
I fear you in her presence
Why should I fear your wrath or pretence
Why can't you just tell me
Why can't you be honest
Why should I suffer under your pretence
Why pretend you my friend
If you only seek what you want such as work
A joke.
You and I are a joke.
Unknown to all and just an atom to nothing.
Love... Love is just a wild fire in Antarctica...
Aug 2018 · 448
Melody
Mercia Aug 2018
His melody
My melody
Sunshine
Jolly good fakers we are
Jolly good people we not
We gave the world sparkles
But we held no sparkles in heart
We suffered
We lived pretence

His melody
My melody
Darkness
Tears like the desert I held
Hidden tears he shed
Silence he pained
Oblivious I was
Silence he cries
Oblivious I am
Silence he will torture
Oblivious I will be

His melody
My melody
Confusion
He hid his pain
His fake life read by the world
No true form shown
His skin bitten off by societies boundaries.

His melody
My melody
Death
Slowly he fades
Slowly the desert waters
He gave up
He gave up pretending
He gave up giving sparkles
He gave up trying to live for those who saw
Saw the real him

My melody
No longer do I want it
My tears are my remedy
No longer do I hold it

I've lost my Sunshine
I'm losing my love
I'll lose my sanity

Melody
Aug 2018 · 186
Letter to my Best Friend
Mercia Aug 2018
Dear Insecurities.

Insecurity, my old friend.
I did not request for your coming.
Nor was your arrival the cause of joy.
Insecurity, my old pal.
You and I go way back.
From the day I understood words.
Fam, we lost connection when I met Confidence.
I heard that you and Confidence fought over me, and I see that you won.
Insecurity, I need a favour.
I need you to go.
Go far and bring Peace for me.
I always push you away and you keep pulling me in.
As ancients say opposite attract.
You messed up my mind
You messed up my life
You the most ****** issue in life.
Insecurity, you cute and all but I don't want you.
They say let go of what you love, but what do you do to the things you dislike?
I can't keep you, Insecurity.
This what we have, is poison.
You slowly killing me
Please leave.
Kind Regards
Mercia Jorge
Aug 2018 · 107
Apology to Him
Mercia Aug 2018
I told you the truth
You pained.
I apologized
You never told me if you forgive me.
Was it wrong of me?
Should I have lied to you instead?
Regret is what keeps me awake
Knowing I have ruined what was good with truth..
Was our friendship ever meaningful?
Or just a flame meant to be burnt out?
Formality ain't for us yet you use it.
I bear in me the last burst of fire.
For your friendship
Aug 2018 · 101
Lies
Mercia Aug 2018
I'm fine.
Please believe me when I lie.
I'm hurting deep inside.
I'm crying every night.
I'm not alone, but in need of loneliness.
I hate silence, but I would rather have silence than invite my best pal insecurity.
I'm fine
Please believe me when I lie.
~M.J
Aug 2018 · 140
Mr Mirror
Mercia Aug 2018
Sweet, sweet broken mirror.
Shattered we both are.
You've seen all who have stopped by
None know the secrets you hold
I see myself, my broken self
I tell you my secrets
I show you my tears
I trust you.
Broken pieces, still work
Broken me, not woke
I sing for you my sorrows
Only you know how to sway in silence
Sweet, sweet broken mirror.
You show, what the world fails to see
You show what I refuse to see
I stand before you, Mr Shattered
I wish for your embrace
I wish for your words
Broken mirror, I trust you more than myself
Thank you mirror
Thank you for taking my heart
Sorry for shattering you
For now I see, you reflecting my heart
~MJ
Aug 2018 · 236
Hey,Love?
Mercia Aug 2018
Can we fly?
Can we fly away from our pain?
Can we fly and touch the moon, for the sky doesn't interest me
Can we sit in silence and bathe each other in our breathes.
Can we just be ourselves?
Why do we have to sacrifice ourselves for others when others create art works of wounds on our backs?
We keep holding ourselves down.
We satisfy the world and never ourselves
We always ready to clean up the dirt people leave around
We stopped flying before we reached each other
We stopped laughing hoping to meet and share each other's joy
We always see through each other's mistakes
We forget we human
We heroes to all, and villains to our hearts
I wish we could have done better rather than letting it all hurt us
****** I am
Handsome you are
Sad I am
Unknown your feelings
I'm a bottle filled to the brim
You're a pool waiting for more water
You accept all
While I cry, hoping you wouldn't
I wish the world was..
I wish the..
I..
No reason for wishing when you absorb all bad
I no longer want to wish...
I will fly
My wingless self, will fly away from you
~ MJ

— The End —