It's a hard thing for me
to realize that I never
truly loved you

because love was not
supposed to be two broken
people sharing sheets in
hopes to heal their wounds

I've been dancing on telephone wires hoping you'll call me again just to hear  my name sound like a ballet as it floats off your tongue

Lets dance in the ignorant nostalgia

I wanted her
She wanted me
We both wanted each other
But......

We can get

Tattoos

And trash

Hotel rooms

Am
I
Always
Going to
Feel
So
L
  O
     S
       T
?

The inside of my head feels like TV static on full volume.

Loud and uneasy.

I told you from the start
I disappear when it gets cold
But you found a way to keep me here
With a body to hold

And I think of you
When I am drunk in the road in front of your old house
I miss what you do to me
When I needed you and blacked out

I miss you darling
Yeah I guess I'll say it
I know I'm a fool

Taking pictures while you sleep
Leftovers on the table, strangers on TV
I'm bleeding from my ears
Sneaking out while you're asleep,
Cause you're my biggest fear

It's as if you are on fire from
Within
Yet still the moon lives
In the
Lining of your skin

Much like the moon we go through phases of emptiness to feel full again

Maybe you weren't
The one

For

Me

Deep down I wanted you
To
Be

Now that
                  I
                     Know
                                You
Exist
How
Do
I not
         Love
                    You

I want the words you do not have

I can't be the love of your life
But I will be the loss of your life

I want
The
Part
Of
You
That you
Refuse
To
Give

You still live in
the silence between
my thoughts

Let go of the
illusion that it could
have been any

different

I sat with my anger long enough until she told her real name,
Grief

The wolf in my heart will never let the world see the lamb in my soul,

But sometimes you see it in my eyes

My bones will decay in this unwelcoming body as the word home will echo in some distant euphoric land
I am a trespasser in a country where I was born in to
as my outward appearance reflects the non-conformity that rages in my soul much like the hell fire they  condemn me to

The same inferno will greet them.

They say it takes seven years
for your body
to become new,
maybe then the imprints
of your fingertips
will no longer be
burnt into my skin

Use your
voice
to make a
better
life

A swiss army knife in an unwelcoming God toolbox is how I would describe myself
Versatile but cheap.
Not profound at anyone thing.
Illusionism of quantity that is mistaken for quality
Many books started but never finished
A vast resume both musical and medical
Many half played sheet music
Many diplomas full of emptiness
If started but never finished adventures could be considered hoarding I would be the sickest on earth.
The addiction of rebirth, restarting, and creation swallow me whole
Me the addict of wanting to live many lifetimes
I am the backspace bar of life
The blank sheet of paper on an empty desk resting beside a newly sharpened pencil
This, the description of the feeling I so desperately crave- absolutism

My shakey addict hands hunger for words like; blank, clean, fresh

These fuel my unhealthy obsession for second chances

I have fire inside
me
Passion that kindles an
inferno
Only to be ***** out by
Melancholy

In my head,
our shadows will dance upon
dark red walls as the lace that grazes  upon a tattooed thigh entices my imagination...

Years
will
blur
the
memories

My bones are
caging me into skin that
No longer
feels like a
home