The season of Winter
Has finally come.

Cold air and rain
Block rays of the sun.

A subtle stab to the soul,
Leaves bruising to show.
I scold myself.

‘Isn’t this memory too old?’

But I am truly bold.
For memory
Is not temporary,
But a rendition
Of a story,
We must let unfold.

And shall I feel it until the end of day?

No.

But acceptance to the blues,
Is truly okay.

Desire.
Killing softer souls
Then meets the eye.

Screaming,
Drowning.
Running,
Empowering,

I am all but there.

My mind flares
With ideas
That the heavens wouldn't dare
To declare.

For life, I do not bear.

Numb to a feeling,
Born too daring.
Unwilling to sober,
Utterly uncaring.

That is I,
And I shall be until the end of time.
Where I sit against a wall,
Dimmer than my mind.

Life,
So brutal,
So unkind,
Burning thistles in my eyes.

Thoughts cascade and haunt my mind.

But,
What a surprise!
The arrival of peace,

My hatred has ceased from the creation outside.

I let it in,
And breathe.
And finally,
I take a moment to smile.

I am lost,
Utterly lost.
A ghost,
In my own body.
A memory,
In my mind.
A restless soul,
Breaking inside.
My joy proving to be a lie.

Yet here I am.
Breathing,
Barely feeling,
Yet still alive.

I envision a dream,
Created by me.
Of a boat floating
Along a gentle sea.
No waves to see,
Nor fish I seize.
Just one with myself,

And finally at ease.

My truest darling,
I plucked a flower for you.
Vibrant,
And fragile,
Just like us two.

You were soft,
And supple,
Like these pretty petals.
I hold it closely,
Away from nettles.

I will water it daily,
On your behalf.
No matter if this breath,
Shall be my last.

And although you're beneath
The soil and sands,

This flower,
My angel,
Shall never leave my hand.

I am a floating flower,
Among the tallest tree.
My petals,
They fall once plucked from me.
My pollen
Decreases once ****** by bees.
My roots
Decay once ripped from leaves.
I am fragile,
Born from the smallest of seed.
Grown and sewn,
To the purest beauty.

But wanderer and ponderer,
Please let me be.

My company ,
Is home.
Though others fill
My battery ,
True company,
Is alone.
Taking pleasure
In silence ,

Cosy in my dome.

The quietness caresses my ears,
As each moment goes on.
The peace without my others,
Makes me feel strong.

The subtle vibration movements,
The tranquillity of the room,
Begins to bring out my feelings,
And all ends too soon.

I begin to hide myself with strong emotion,
I gave up the cure and brought out the sick.
The tranquillity flares into red fire,
As my inner self begins to play the trick.

I needed my others after all this time,
As my feelings corrupted into regression.
Every flicker of pain matched with the quietness,
As I didn't even think of confession.

The quietness burns my ears,
As each moment drags on.
The peace without my others,
Now seems so painfully wrong.

My beauty,
Through and through.
What I would do,
Just for you.
I would walk the mountains,
To save your life.
Sacrifice mine,
To keep you alive.
I would stop the pain
You feel each day.
Take the bullet,
To keep you safe.
As my love for you,
Darling,
Shall never stray.

The final day,
To a year of sorrow.

Weakness,
Now seen as strength.
Roads seem no longer bent.

A clear way,
I now create.
For change is ahead,

It is never too late.

Here I lie,
Sweetly by your side.
Hands intertwined ,
Melting in your eyes.

Can we stop and
Stay?
Life is content
When I feel safe.

My mind hushed
By your gentle touch.
Wishing the fire
Would hold our gaze.

Cosy and rosy,
Delicately dozing.
My eyes drift,
Closing for the day.

But in the midst of night,
I wake with a fright.
The chair,
Half empty.

For you have left me.

The stars tonight
Rose high in the sky,
From paths I walk
Through quiet night.

For animals they crawl
And bugs they bite,
Not a moment I would wish for
That would feel this right.

For who thought my mind
would feel so mellow?
Passing fields of green
And flowers of yellow.

Joy fills my heart
Through this hazy meadow,
Greeting others with a smile
And a sweet 'hello'!

For tonight is a night
Of joy and no sorrow,
Leaving worries and woes
Until tomorrow.

Here I stand.
And though I land
With a thump and thud,
Little whispers
Fill me with love.

And these little voices,
Replicate mine.
As love of others
Was difficult to find.

Yet I do not mind,
No not at all.
For love of oneself,

Is better
Then none at all.

I cannot breathe,
My lungs are weak.
Tears sink
Softly down my cheek.
This isn't me,
My speech is bleak.
Shaking so badly
On my seat.
Oh doctor,
Please doctor,
What could this be?
He mutters a word
Too familiar to me.

Anxiety.

Dear all,
A life lived is a task
No man can carry alone.

Life is a choice,
A choice we did not make.
But alas
We face the burden,
Once created and shaped.

We only make a turn
When our minds are at stake,
When life becomes hate ,
When happiness arrives late.

Some we lose
In the crisis of thought.
Dropping their weapons
To the battle
they have fought.

I understand you
Lost one,
For your vision is clear.
Your understanding of life
Is getting harder to bear.

Life is a challenge,
I shall not disagree.
But you are strong and willing
To trudge a treacherous sea.

I promise you lost ones
That life is a story.
One that will provide you
With an ending of glory.

Put trust in yourself ,
As you have given your all.
Life will reward you,
But we must take the fall.

Life is no straight road,
It entails many bends,
But listen to my words
Sweet souls,
As you have not reached your ends.

To rain it falls,
Gently pouring on my head.

My arms ,
Drenched in blood.

Voices ,
Come and flee.

Cold and rigid,
Like my body.

For waters,
They weep.

As do others ,
For me.

I plea ,
So deeply.
To stop the pain
That can’t be seen.
To stop the rain
From flooding the sea.
To halt the shame
Built within me.

To let it stray and welcome peace.

Your heart,
Beats with mine.
We intertwine,
Creating a tie.

One becomes two.
Bound to the heart,

Chosen for you.

We are
Born and bred
Into a life of dread.
We are oblivious
To concept,
Shaken by
Small upset.

We rely
On a human touch,
To feel at ease,
A pure ecstasy
To us.

A gentle hold,
Small movement
To and fro.
Whispers of gold,
From the depths
Of a human soul.

But we grow
And learn of self
Love,
Yet still yearn
For human touch.

But some
Do not recieve.
They must suffer
Neglect,
Lack of affection,
As one to another
Is hurt by rejection.

How purity
Is seen as weak,
Bleak,
And tossed by authority.

A desire so
Ravenous,
Brushed away
By whom we thought
Established us.

For one cannot live
In this manner of such,
As a soul becomes empty
Without the human touch.

Back to the start we go,
Life is a constant flow,
Of ups and downs,
Smiles and frowns,
To all the memories
we know.

Back to the start,
We say
As we become
lost and astray,
Tired and drained,
At the tasks thrown at us today.
Or perhaps day one
For some,
Feeling less than alive,
We sink and thrive,
All at the same time.

What a strange way to survive.

Back to that feeling,
We pray,
That it goes away
one day.
Or perhaps not,
As we sink and rot,
In the wounds and woes
Life has thrown and tossed,
To make us feel lost,
And truly unknown.

Or perhaps we are content
In life as it is now.
How wonderful it would be
For all to feel the same,
The relaxing happiness
That we strive for each day.
We pray and fret,
And live to forget
Of the thoughts that keep us
locked in
And afraid.

But as humans we grow,
Live through the flow,
Of light and darkness,
For the awaiting goal.
To finally feel at home,
Content with the flow,
Of constant changes
To our mind and soul.
But we live and thrive,
Breathe and survive,

For what a strange way we live in this life.

Who is that
I see?
Some reflection as strange as me.

Too frightened to
Be alone.
Overcome by a sad tone,
Overwhelming,
Overgrown.

But
Who is this?
Who have I become?

No one.

A fact of a stranger,
Looking through the mirror.

Uncanny,
A weak figure.

But alas,
That is me.

And I,
Have withered.

For reason,
I recall.
You were frail,
Quite small.

Your body
Hung low,
Through trees of fall.

I rush,
As you're hushed in my arms.

A thrillseeker,
I am.
For your squeal
Begins to calm.

And now you land,
On the brim of the bank.

With a thump and thud,
Covered in mud,
I haul you strong,

As you're now a swimmer,
In the pond.

Though sky of clouds grow,
Not all is lost,
Beneath the snow.
For the sun still shines,
When Winter is cold.
But we adapt and grow,
And learn to know,
Of changing seasons,
To life and its woes.

I was once told;
'Your body is young, yet your mind is old'.

I felt empowered,
But it broke my soul.

Someone once said;
'You have quite a steady head'.

I felt proud,
But I was wrongly led.

'You finally settled down',
'Your truly stronger now'.

You may be right,
But I grew up in flight.

Running from feelings,
As they were seen as weakness.

Wiser beyond my age,
So obedient
And well-behaved.

But at that stage,
It was not okay.

Suppression ,
And depression
Made a wiser brain.

No play,
No games.

Just lived as a wise man,
Each and every day.

Look at me,
How slick and sleek.
A lipstick to wear
With blush on my cheek.

A corset tied tight
To cut my breath.
A queasy,
Uneasy
Feeling lingers through my chest.

You took my neck,
One hand down my vest.

But I look my best,
As you say to the rest.

I am worthy now,

I have passed your test.

I have blossomed,
I have sewn.
From a girl of youth,
To a woman of grown.
My body
Is different.
To me it's unknown.
Though I feel
Such hatred,
For my newer mould.
But that is okay,
We all must grow.

And learn to love our beauty of old.

You are burdened
By time,
Your presence is unknown.
But what matters,
My lover,
Is how you grow.

Don’t fret,
Or try to forget
Of a time felt alone.

Be still,
My lover,
For a heartache is known.

But time ,
By your side,
Will guide your way home.

How unfortunate
One must be,
To breathe air they cannot retrieve.

Such thought
Makes my body fall weak.
Yet here I am,
Sitting by a TV.

Screens flick faster
Then measurement of speed.

Eyes roll back
Into a restless sleep.

I beg for dreams,
But I cannot see.

I am blind to vision
Of a life made free.

And here I lay
Still,
Uneasy.

For in the dark of night,
I am haunted
Continuously.

I reach my hand to touch the sky,
As I create a version,
Better than mine.

Just because
We are bound by blood,
Does not mean
We breed the same love.

We do not share
The same view,
Or see eye-to-eye.
You ponder in confusion,
Always wondering why.

Allow me to explain
These words of pain.

We do not
Share a connection,
We are not bound by the heart.

We are torn and broken,
Millions of miles apart.

We are fluent in fighting,
Storms and lightning,
Arising,
As we crash and burn.

And we turn.

Face the opposite direction,
Lost connection,
As we accept the truth.

Mother,
Bloodline is bound,
But I
Am far from you.

My vision,
Is blurry.
I’m locked in a cage.
My tears,
They hurry down my face.
My mind,
In fury,
It has me insane.
For I wish to finally breathe again.

You.
Turned to lust.
My soul,
Turned to dust.

The time is ticking,
Striking every hour.
But you
Become louder,
Seething with power.

My heart is
Poisoned,
Becoming reborn.
Intoxicates my body
Inside my form.

I am tired,
Lost,
And full of desire.
Fed with lies,
Fooled by disguise.

You have soiled me,
Openly,
For I choose
To ignore.

Flame arises through my skin,
As I burn to the core.

Darling,
What has changed?
Your eyes once glistened,
Now lock in flames.
Your heart once mellow,
Now lives in pain.
Your mind once yellow,
Now blue and grey.

And your soul,
Is cold,
And has flown away.

How joyous I would be,
If time would slow.
Take a breather,
Let us flow.

From hours to minutes,
They turn to seconds.
Living in limits,
Having no presence.

I deeply sigh,
For time is too rapid.
Too impatient to wait,
Too ravenous to stop it.

As now the clock,
Reaches to nine.
And here I lay,
Wishing,
Of a world without time.

What a melancholy night.
Thoughts so loud
They shock me with fright.
Whispers of aid,
Created by me.
Comfort alone,
By naked trees.
More touch I receive
From fields of green.
Wiping tears gently onto my sleeve.

For all I desire,
Is true company.

Nothing hurts when i'm alone.
I begin to drink that sweet poison,
That empties my mind.
Nothing hurts when i'm done,
As I run through daisy fields,
Of artificial happiness.
A smile caresses my face,
As my mind fades into blinding light.
Time flies by.
My heart races.
Not one feeling I can remember,
Not one feeling I can forget.
I wake up in a cold sweat,                                                           ­  
Of utter guilt and regret.

Sinking in silence,
My breath is shallow.
Mind is rapid
Yet still so hollow.
'Let it pass'
They say,
Thoughts will subside.
But mine continue
To haunt me inside.
My body is tired,
Brain on fire.
As pressures of life
Raise much higher.

I enter the room,
As I begin to stare.
I am enriched
And enthralled,
By your hypnotic glare.

Your hand begins to run a slow
Movement down my spine.
Tingling my senses,
Feeling so sublime.

How does one contain herself?
I ask myself in shame.
As you stand there
Patiently,
Speaking out my name.

You come closer
To listen,
As my breath becomes heavy.
I swallow
As your glare is
Driving me crazy.
So hasty
Taste me,
This love that we're creating,
Makes me shaken,
Awakened,
Stripped completely naked.

Your hot breath begins to
Soak my trembling lips,
So close,
So intimate,
I can now taste your kiss.
Your lips meet mine
So soft and divine,
Your breath,
So seductive,
And just so sublime.

I look into your eyes
As you glare into mine.
A glimmer of desire
Sparks flutters
Between my thighs.
'You are mine, all mine'
You whisper throughout the night.
As we go and flow,
With no clothing in sight.

Touching my form
As we speak no more,
We go and flow
Keeping lights down low.
Whimpers of love
And utter delight
We lose track of time
We lose track of the night.
As we crave and desire more,
Love from the bed to the floors,
Creating er0tic  melodies,
Behind closed doors.

This life I live,
Is not for me.

I wish for something
Broader,
A big as can be.

To fly through skies
Like a wondrous bird.

To step out from curtains,
And finally be heard.

And how absurd,
This life I live now.

Through the mind
I live instead,
Somehow.

Chores and rules,
I cannot choose.

I have no voice
In this house of noise.

But alas,
I bring hope.

It will guide me to cope.

Dear lord,
Please help me know.
That these feelings I feel
Will come to go.
Guide me through paths
That frost in snow.
Cover me in sun
To dim the unknown.
And lord,
Please know,
Before I go,

I feel ill at mind,
But hope in my soul.

Look at me,
Full of frills.
My milk skin
Gives you thrills.

Spinning around,
I show my treasure.
I know quite little,
But you,
Know better.

I obey and play,
On the bed I lay.
In your arms I sway,

On the shelf,
I stay.

My lover,
Don't let go.
From sun to snow,
Through seasons
We flow.

Please , don’t let go.

Let hearts be full
In times of dull.
For time shall still
As our souls fill,

With love and light for you and I.

Now take my hand,
If you will.

And don't let go.

Someone tell me,
How the mind can stall?
From thinking too much
To nothing at all.
As I sit,
Still,
Staring at the wall.
Emotions
They numb,
As my thoughts
Do brawl.
And now,
Worn out,

I am ready to fall.

To touch the dirt,
The soil,
The sand.
To feel it run gently
Through my hand.
To hear soft creaks
In the dead of night.
To hear birds sing
As they plan a flight.

Our simple surroundings,
Give solitude of mind.
For peace is rare
In this strange little life.

If I could
Be one with the mountain,
Or one with the sun,
I would.

If I could
Send love
To flowers,
Bloom them for hours,
I would.

If I could
Cherish the waters,
Clean them with my bare hands.
Count every grain
Of undying sands,
I would.

For nature,
Is given.
A present
Tied gently with a ribbon.

As the beauty of living,
Is seeing Earth's vision.

I sit
To contemplate.
A deep thinker,
If I do say.

A bare speaker,
High dreamer,
A true believer.

A small side of me speaks softly,
In undertones
Of black and blue.

Pointing the gun
And tying the noose.

Thoughts,
As I know,
Let loose.

Leaves me stifled,
And bruised.
Tired,
And confused.

Dazy and hazy,
My heart is racing.

Words of truth
I cannot unfold.

For a word shed
Is a word told.

And I,
Kept quiet,
Would feel too bold.

For my soul is now sold.

Here I lay,
In comfort.
Sweet soft blankets
Warm me up from this blizzard.

Nothing can go astray,
As I lay in dark.

Pure and silent.

But a small creak on my floor
Awakens my blindness.

A creature
With eight claws climbs clumsily
Down my side.

Frozen in horror
I peak with two eyes.

And to my surprise,
It is black and fuzzy.
A creature so monstrous,
It truly stunned me.

I begin to question
What this could mean.

Am I covered in webs
From what I can see?

Has he enclosed me in his small sanctuary?

I cannot seem to breathe,
As the silky spider spins itself
Down by my door.

I hide my eyes
Until I see it no more.

Sleep is no option
As he crawls along my floor.

I silently scream.

But alas,
He takes a route that is out and about.

Out of sight and out of mind,
I sink back into comfort
With a happy sigh.

For what a scare to endure at night.

My thoughts.
So dark
They can’t be sought.

Little whispers
Cloud my head.
Triggers straight to my head.

Encrypting
Their teachings
Into my mind.

And I,
Now fallen,

Subjected to lies.

Mother,
I am scared.
Life is cruel
And unfair.

I want to escape
This world of hate.
To lessons and dates
I fall astray.

Mother,
Please,
I cannot commit.
Not in this world
That I wish to exist.

I want to go
To the Neverland.
To fly so high
With Peter Pan.

But Mother,
I beg,
Don't leave me alone.
I am old,
I know,
But young in the soul.

For a mature thought
Is locking my heart,

I wish to feel the way I did at the start.

I shot to the ground
From a bullet,
With no mercy.
I crawled along the waste line,
With no words I could speak.
I felt your arms around me,
But I could not see your face.
Every movement tore my body apart,
And every word you spoke,
I could not erase.
Your body was made of pure glass,
Now shattered by an action
I could not undo.
I continued to crawl helplessly
As I heard your cries.
And no life did I endure
But only the end of it.