.
I’m just a lonely traveler
   on this earth
Sometimes it feels as if I'm
waiting for the sky to fall
with each passing breathe
       of wind

   Standing alone,
   a windswept tree
   leans downwind;
conspicuously wrought,
   naked and bowed
   by the grinding
      silent forces
  at nature's whim

Rootless tumbleweeds
roll by randomly:
    broken off,
spinning clockwise,
never looking back,
timeworn and tired
of resisting the prevailing
    high desert wind
and its unheld temper

Rattling the tinder
   dry sagebrush
like songless wind-chimes;
    voiceless fugitives
wreathing a bellowing silence


    Jesse Stillwater

You stand in the corner of the room,
light radiating off of your silver body.

Your head is held up high
so you can face the light bulb that
hangs by your side.

She smirks at me,
knowing you will never shine at me
the way you shine for her.

But let me tell you something.
You brighten up my world
more than that hideous light bulb
brightens up yours.
you have a special glow,
and every time you open up,
it makes me shine within as well.
you're filled with sweetness,
sugar-coating my fabric.
you’re always there for comfort,
providing words of reassurance.

but one day,
your heart will shatter
as you watch that light bulb die out.
and as the light fades away,
you'll fall apart,
shards of ice spilling out of you.
and when that happens,
give your heart to me.
i'll hold it close to mine,
hugging the parts back together as
zippers enclose our hearts-
the intricate design of complicated love.

but until then,
with all my problems held inside,
with my heart torn and worn from being unheld,
i’ll be waiting
for the day to call you mine.

I drip the blood and feel the pain
I watch as it slowly leaks
Waiting for the darkness to come and yet I'm just another soul unheld
I'm free at last to fly solo
But yet my spirit doesn't come
But returns as a bleeding butterfly
As you see it fly
Think of me and all the memories we loved to see
Come and help me by setting my butterfly soul free
Its all I need to be me
Love,
The Bleeding Butterfly

Hundreds of tiny people sit behind their perfect shutter speeds trying to capture love
I guess it could be easy.
A held hand here. A forehead kiss there. Maybe an engagement band or two.
Maybe if you captured a swoony eyed gaze.
That's love, right?
That's love?
That's what a 14 yearold girl makes the wallpaper on her disposable cell phone.
The same one she uses to plan her disposable relationships.
Anyone can capture that.
What about like?
Have you ever seen a photo of the nervous silent smiles, after a simple conversation?
Where's the picture of movie theather wishful yet sweaty unheld hands?
What exposure would be best for the simpleness of sharing a soda?
I dont know, but I'd sure like to see.

I believe that
Memories turn on themselves.
Just like the subconscious.
It takes what you don't want
To think about
Flips it
Skews it
Presents itself in a most appealing
Adam and Eve type manner
Then pulls it away.

This is for hands left unheld
For days left uncelebrated
For calls not made
Words not spoken
Dreams not lived
Tears shed when no call came at midnight.
Tears shed.
This is for falling down
That spiral that you swore
Was not for you

Too bad you don't get a choice.

Tick tick tick
Time is slipping
You're wasting time
Can't you see that time is
Melting through your fingers,
Falling through the cracks because of
The heat that pounds down on you
And your uselessness, your waste.

Your memories will turn eventually.
They were once shiny and new.
Appealing. Hopeful.
Now, they crumble like
Decrepit walls, abandoned homes,
Like hands left unheld.
Blowing away in the wind,
Nothing but ash.

Something so beautiful turned to
Something so, so hated.

There's something missing in this heap of hearts.
i'd happily admit he'd fall apart
without his special taste of what was to come
after every horror night he'd slept,
beauty truthful, I wish i'd seen
his glory days, our glory days
we breathe as one, and there's music to come -
but an unstrung guitar would yearn for it.
Something like diamonds or vague metaphors
like years of friends and friendly enemies that struck a bone like a tattooed hand a chord
something like that which fills the soul of rueful smiles and before they left -
he knew that was where he took his breath.
One day I'll come to understand why deprivation is my vice and virtue
and why good things come to those who forget -
but for now its grief for ghosts and phantom hands left unheld
that keeps us both waking during the night.

It seems tenuous. It seems
Vanishingly thin but so seems anything
Threaded across the mightiest distance.

The faith I keep in its eternity
(There is no origin as there was no beginning.)
To sustain eyes’ struggle against
Earth’s walls built of paper.

To have them look assuredly  
Into its finite but unbounded space
Beyond the interstice
That reservoir
Unheld by hands divine

Sipping from itself to hold itself
And us full
Teeming most round the brim
In being which we are fulfilled.

These are the moments poets write about, paintings waiting. Quiet city streets at sunset, building, highrise sentinels of man's unquenchable thirst for conquest, and all of us together under one sky, waiting.... This radio screaming in my ear, Bon Iver, Conner Oberst, the other poets that wander these lost, lonely alleys. Sun's rays fading, as city lights rise. The soft blue becoming the strange azure, that fades to my indigo incandescent familiarity. This nighttime refuge of lost souls, wandering the frozen streets, and becoming something more than the sun can make them. That soft, ragged, imagined power coming from within each of us, in the open darkness of a concrete river. Nothing has changed but the light, and the new light makes each of us something more than we were in the rays that preceeded it. There is nothing to take away, nothing to subtract, nothing to glean. Just this place, this almost-lostness, betraying in itself the proclaimed divinity of dark. Stepping back, without looking behind, not knowing that the fear in front of you cowers before the monster behind your back. Just. Live. Be, let the being become you, and embrace this inner-self so few have seen, so few have touched, so few have truly loved. realize that all things wear a darker form, and the things that lay in wait under these city streets are dangerous. The way a chainsaw is dangerous in the hands of a child. There is no way to know who will get hurt, and once the chain of events is initiated, there is no way to safely remove the weapon from the hands of the naïve. Things that bite, hiding in dark corners, and laying wait for the lost, weary, and heartbroken. Lighted hallways, entrances into the other realm of indoors, torch-lit passages into forbidden and mysterious kingdoms. Every stairwell lit. The bannister to the lower, and upper, a stripe on walls as I drive on. Two million bulbs of nightlight security, and still this city finds shadows in which to hide fear. Dark corners for the lonely, and blind alleys for the lost. Every heart beating, fresh hot blood, and no warmth to share. Scared and alone, wanderers all, until the burn of the light we call home beckons us there. This passing of time, a gift, from gods unseen, and hands unheld. Colded fingers for want of a lovers touch, or the precious gift of familiarity in a foreign land. Alien landscape, and this, my unfettered direction of ambiguity. Directionless wandering for want of a chosen path, and no choice but to take the offered road. The fear secondary only to the loneliness, oh that curse that comes again.

Blankets never had it so good,
and I just need someone to hold.

This Land is my Land
This Land is Your Land

...walk of Heaven

soft footsteps of the chockar  hunter
Snapping twigs across the hillside of being
..the sound of Peace

Lift
As the fluttering wings of the morning dove,
satisfied,
Just before the bullet strikes

World  of Love,  
the We of the me
both the hunter and the hunted
Free Grace
Unheld Captivity
Born of every moment
Love's Free Life

And so it is

Go ahead
Call me or message me
Tell me how you hate me

And I'll remind you
I loved you when you were afraid to be with me
Because we were only eleven and our peers opinions mattered

I'll remind you that one year later
We had our very first kiss and it was perfect
Except for the part where you moved away
And didn't tell me

I'll remind you that when you called me
I had just suffered statutory **** for the first time
And you told me you loved me for the first time
We were only twelve

I'll remind you
You stopped calling

I'll remind you
You moved back
And dated my friend for a month
And I was so happy she ended up liking girls

I'll remind you I forgave you
I tried to be friends again
I told you about my other ****
We talked about our failed relationships
We were fifteen

I'll remind you it was your idea to meet up and kiss
And how we talked for an hour before I couldn't take any more
And I kissed you and we didn't stop
We never wanted to
But you caught your breath and asked me to be yours
And as scared as I was I said yes

I'll remind you we ditched school only a few weeks later
And you told me you loved me and I never believed you more
Then in that moment by the skating rink
And I almost cried saying it back

I'll remind you that we made love
We made love everywhere and all the time

I'll remind you that three months in
You proposed to me
We were fifteen
And I said yes

I'll remind you that we broke up
On and off for stupid reasons
And that you always ended it
And I always waited for you to change your mind
And you always did

I'll remind you that at sixteen my best friend and her boyfriend
***** me and you thought I cheated
And you hid your revenge for over a year

I'll remind you that we survived months
Of long distance
And with our libido it was hard

I'll remind you when you moved in at seventeen
You promised you would stop leaving me
You would stop breaking my heart

I'll remind you that we stayed up late in the living room
Watching movies until we fell asleep there together
Because at first it was the only way we could sleep together

I'll remind you that your family's opinion of me didn't stop me
From visiting them with you one Christmas

I'll remind you that no matter how many times the darkness
Emerged from you I accepted it

I'll remind you that when we slept together you made me
Spoon you and rub your back and I always would

I'll remind you that you stopped kissing me
Stopped making love and started to pity **** me as
Youtube videos played in the background
And I would cry and go unheld

I'll remind you that you talked to her
After promising not to
Because you broke a lot of promises

I'll remind you I still forgave you

I'll remind you that one morning
You held me
Which you hadn't done in so long
And we woke up just like that
And you told me you were leaving
I didn't cry at first
But I felt every part of me break
More than it ever had before

I'll remind you
You blamed my mom
But she loved you like a son
That's just how she treats her kids

I'll remind you
You asked me out again
Not long after we had make up *** a few times
And I cried because it all felt so different

I'll remind you that with a broken heart
I ended things for the first time from eleven to eighteen

I'll remind you that I wanted to stay friends
That I wanted you to prove you loved me
Because I always stayed when you ended things
And you disappeared like you always did

I'll remind you that our story is messed up
But that we loved each other somewhere in that mess

I'll remind you that you will always be first in my heart
And that nothing can change that

I'll remind you that I forgive you
Because I love you
Because no matter what happens
You're my best friend

You were the first person to show me
Just how happy I can be

You taught me so much
And my heart,
It'll always be yours
Even when I mess up too.

I have a special superpower
Shall I tell you what.

Let us make a game of this
I'll let you guess my lot.

When the night is ripe and freshly raw
You can brandish me about.

Throw me at your demons dark
And their presence you will doubt.

When the piercing light spills over hills
You can point me at the flame.

Watch the rise of steam unsheathed
None can beat me at my game.

Can you guess who I am now?
Or what I can do for you?

I'll bet you wish you had me now
But you haven't got a clue.

When your string of life drops all its beads
You can roll me on the floor.

Pick ones you choose from off my skin
Rest will meld into my core.

I can be your crutch when you limp unheld
A pillow when resting your dreams.

I can be your sword slashing unseen foes
Or cup filled from meandering streams.

When all is done and tucked in its place
Fling me far to sightless edge.

I won't intrude but hold onto hope
You'll remember where to dredge.

Do you know what my power is?
Do you have me figured out?

My power lies in your need for me
I transcend both hope and doubt.

With mercurial blood
I'm a formless form
I am what you need me to be.
Close your eyes and
Summon my being
I am exactly what you see.

i want
this stream of consciousness
to pool around me

but its rushed feed of tumult is
only mine to thumb through

i dip one finger in
eddies pixelate skitter strip

look and
catch a glimpse
of brilliance yet

ultimately
bleed
into a

scream of conscience

i
am
funneled toward a

delta
leading my unheld hand off
to a sleepy deep dive into nothing i know im

drown
ing

Hello? Are you there?
I can't hear you
Can't see if you care
All I see, from where I stand
Is an empty email box
And an unheld hand
After all that I have done
All that I have given
I am still only one
Hello? Are you there?
Are you ok?
Do you want me to care?
I think I'll leave you alone now
I'm too hurt
Too afraid of this emotion somehow

"There's No Kiss In Your Eyes..."

You ever notice how you purrrrrrrrrrrr
when you focus on

- thought I was going to say me didn't you?
  well I didn't...

puppies and kittens.

How the sun FEELs so **** good
in your eyes...
how that first taste of
cold winter's air just bites
and makes you FEEL so
...alive.

I make snowballs
- still -
and throw them
hard
and **** accurate too
- and laugh
and duck
- well - for ANY age.

No one asks me to make a snowman anymore...
I miss that.

I don't curse the snow I shovel
- never have, that's strange I guess
but
I like snow
and how it feels, tastes, touches me back.
Seems theres a Snow Angel in every bank...
and the feel of crystals
each as unique as we.

Its not the taste of coffee
that draws me
holds me
- nor its aroma
as the wisps meander to heaven
- one cup at a time...
Its the thought of the anchor
that binding HOLD
that keeps me focused and from floating off and
...away
and yet it still gets cold
while setting unnoticed and unheld and
...untasted and unwanted after all the herald's smiles
and teasings told.

I don't like water... theres no HEART to water
no ...squeezing GRASP to be had
no ...warmth shared
no ...bitter dregs to be mind-chewed
and eye-candy.

I never want to be told
"There's no kiss in your eyes..."

Chris

celine wrote some thick books
'Death On The Installment Plan'
'Journey To The End Of Night'
my plan was to read them but i never did

i got as far as the titles
then got stuck

they've been packed away in boxes
for the past 5 years,
i had no need to unpack them

maybe if they had been  thinner

what can i do
what can i do
i just don't want to
i just don't want to

everyday i feel so unheld
together

life after life

This time of year soon comes to pass,
Where once again, we gift and praise,
The one who gave us life itself,
Shaped our thoughts and weaved our ways.
She who bore the fetal flesh,
To feed the hungry nursling so.
Love so deep, that knew no bounds,
Planted seeds that came to grow.
The child, too soon now tall and aged,
Yet in the heart still sweet and new,
Her ***** now a memory passed,
But bones are strong and ties long grew.
Disgruntled teen, a storm of ways!
And yet, foundations last the waves,
Survive the hurt of natures' wrath,
Oh, how the twist of time behaves!
Mature and wise, her work is done,
So on this day we sing our truth,
To hold her high and thank her so,
For precious time and sparkling youth!

But this was not the case for you,
The title held but duty missed,
There was no home of joy and love,
A heart unheld and face unkissed.
Shame fed the soil in place of trust,
The heart was sealed from infants grasp,
Insults hurled and cries unheard,
Where hands should link, a missing clasp.
The whirling growth of ones' own mind,
Insulted deep and made you loathe.
The seed you sewn and path you paved,
Forced then to feed and clean and clothe.

But know this Mother,
I hold no grudge.
For I am now a Mother too.
So have this day,
I thank you still,
And know I am much more than you.

The cities of man are filled with senselessly cruel and harsh words,
Never more, that voice which was hushed and washed away,
Transgressed and mutiliated, given no rights of its own.
A brutality of the past taking form in the pages of modern day.
The streets were grounds for carnage and blood,
Unheld rage and lust were predator,
Never more, that voice was hushed and washed away,
In memory of your spirit, we take this pledge.
It's time to say goodbye to this casual everyday life,
Our days of sunshine were lost in the wake of dark brutality.
This drizzling fog hides the sun and steals the light.
I was lost, with nothing left to believe in, but.
In the wake of darkness, I cannot forsake the light.
Never more, no matter how dark the days get,
I know the ones who keep the light alive are not alone.
I'll find it, the most precious thing I lost.
Never more, it's as if I can hear your voice - it's guiding me.
Its forcing me to forsake the monster I once was.
Yet how can I forgot all the blood I bathed in?
The burden of my sins is greater than I could have borne alone.
I used to believe in foolish ideals when I was young,
but before I knew it I'd forgotten those most important words.
I searched and sought all through this restless world,
and at last I found them in the depths of my heart.
If I keep riding the tides of my life and time,
I feel like we shall never meet again.
Although I assure you, even amid all the confusion, if you'll call out to me, I'll pay you heed,
I'll believe in your smile and the bonds between us. Never more, no matter how far, your heart will reach me.
These travels of mine, their only destination may be endless sleep.
Grant me this wish, I ask you, grant me a corner in your memory,
I'll be there. I'll believe in you and start walking.
Toward the beat of your heart, and the warm glow of your smile.
I shall never forget the stain of our days together.
Never more; no matter how dark it gets, I know I'm not alone.
I'll find it, the most precious thing I lost.
Never more, it's as if I can hear your voice - it's guiding me.
Even now I still remember
The night when I touched you, still
A beautiful memory
I'll always remember

I never tried to hurt you, I never ever wanted to hurt you. There is no way that you can write without drawing out the best parts of the warmest and most loving hearts, but every time ones such as yourself draw from me (without your even knowing it) the best I have to give in response, I still somehow end up ******* it all to hell.

There is no way whatsoever that a person who conveys their innerworkings and trauma the way that you do should ever slip through the cracks-- unloved, unheld, and un-cared for by loving, supportive hearts.. (and I'm not talking about romantic love..)
I have an idea who it is that you are in real life, by what you have chosen to convey of yourself and your story throughout the years.. but that doesn't really matter either, I guess

because history tells me that my unfiltered way of talking would just **** that up also.

But if an honest struggler such as yourself wanted a ****-up artist to never give up responding from the heart.. if that is what it takes to help keep the wild, unfettered ones like you (at least, writing-wise) from slipping, alone into despair, then that is what I will do.. not give up either.

But trust me when I tell you, babe.. I am burned out also.

Never, ever give up believing. If there were enough ones such as yourself (as to what you are writing here), or even just you, alone-- continuing to write open-heartedly the way you have in the past, and again here.. I promise that I would not give up also. If you want to be held closely when the ravens come and have picked your hope clean, then that is what you will most likely receive.. and I dont necessarily mean from me. I have studied your heart and spirit through your chosen posted words almost since the very first day I got here.

There is no way that others cannot both see and feel those things also, kid.

Hold on to that.

the coal
left unheld
without it's eon
having passed
never crystalized

Don’t Fall In Love With A Warrior
15/01/2015 by jamiecatto
Don’t Fall In Love With A Warrior

As his love will cast such blazing illumination upon you

That the darkest edges of your resistance will be etched too vividly for you to ever ignore again.

You will be faced with yourself in his reflection, and fixed with his gaze.

His care will trigger weeping for all the unloved places that had ’til now been left unheld

And you will be faced with your grief and your rage

And there will be a melting.

But though he’ll never save you from your pain

He will sit beside you, matching your breath

Supporting you invisibly until dawn rises again

Until your ribs ache with the opening

Revealing new spaces for your heart to reinhabit.

He will call you back to yourself from the caves where you’ve hid

Hid your power from the world, and from your self,

He’ll plant a question in your soul

And demand an answer.

Are you ready to love yourself so deeply and be matched in that love?

He’ll burn all your maps of the past

Dissolving the paths that led us here

To fix upon the only moment where love resides

Will you surrender to his fingertips?

Even when you fear the echoes of your past urging you to escape?

For he’ll touch your cheek so lightly that your memories of violence will rise so they may fade.

Can you feel safe and powerful without being needed?

As he is complete unto himself and knows how to hold himself on his own lonely nights.

Can you be held without being grasped?

Can you be led without *******?

Can you be an equal?

When he points to the horizon can you see what he imagines just beyond sight?

Will you join him on a journey

Deep into your raw and aching hearts

To discover treasure and Union and surrender?

He will penetrate you to your core

Eyes locked

Nodding so slowly as he

Sees you

Held firm.

For he’s discovered your hiding places

And remains undaunted Patient.

He’s seen your crown that you pretended was a veil

He’s seen the wounds around your neck transforming into jewels

And will never let them take you again

To that fire.

He waits at the base of the tower

Open handed

Ready to ride.



www.jamiecatto.com

infringing upon my rights
i smoked them all away
frayed hearts and unheld hands
watching deep red curling flames

little strings upon my fingers
a marionette to do the bidding
of a world that ***** itself time again
then spends a life time on forgetting


i fold to life
my hand is ****

The road, once one, becomes two.
They split and a choice is made
To live or die,
Withered and writhe,
It becomes you.

A heart, but fragile, is made anew.
Uncertain, unheld, I am afraid,
To live a lie,
Riddled with strife,
And madness for two.

Desires felt, and emotions to rue,
All in time, they had forbade.
To live by and by,
Coupled with indifferent blithe,
Deficio defero with you.

I need you here, but I don't want to.
I don't want to see you fade,
To live and lie,
Baffled by the compromise,
I still just want you.

Trying not to fall in love
with you
all over again
is like to trying to creep
from the path
of a speeding bullet train.

It's but a construct
in my head.
I can take
my empty bed,
and my unheld hand,
if it means
I don't have to feel the shame
of loving you to death.

But I'm in no danger
of falling in love again,
dear,
while I hold another boys heart.
There's lots at stake,
decisions to make, so
turn the dial
from engaged to vacant,
and just maybe, I'll
fall into his smile
the way I did in yours.

And your words and wicked ways
can wash over me, dear
but the effect is not the same.
If I can't burn and smoulder
with desire
I realise that, at least
I can't be eaten by the flames
and fire.

So next time you call
for my heart, dear
the flutter of your breath
will not create a stir,
and all you'll hear will be
the faint rattle
of a love that used to whir.

I've been standing in
this ticket line
for far too long,
this grey love
has made me sick
your chance to love this girl has gone.

The point of view of the young lover in the movie "The reader" where Kate Winslet plays a **** guard to a prisoners camp... and her 20 years in prison. This verse is the young lover's thought, who finally let her go, when he meets her first at the court house and then again at her release day... and she committed suicide at the end of her prison term, when he comes to pick her up.
________

I let her go
Where I could have changed
Changed her destiny
Can I live with it


I could not
And took the role Of "The reader" again
To let her live
And Outlive my shame
Of letting her go
And she did


How I let her go
To die alone
In her pain Again
She took
The memory of her
Out stretched hand
Unheld in my hands
As the kiss of death


How small things
Change and grow
In that void of cell
To burn "a desire"
To learn and communicate
To me, through my voice
Ringing in her head

How big part
I was
Of her life
And
How I cleave it out of her heart
In the end


How she held on to
The last straw
Of my reaching out
Again
How things change
How people change
And
How cowards like me
Let her go so quietly in pain
In vain

Beauty
What if a Mark was Listening
And a Paul was Simply Grace
A Tesla Tiger
Angels Wings
To Take us into Space

And Musics Life
A Dance Divine
With Thee
I turn  to Arms
Now Mine
Our Love Unheld
By All but This
Our Time so Sacred
Only Bliss

This Travel Real
Beyond all Known
For You
I SHOW
My Wings
Now Grown

A Woman
For a Man
CLAIM Man within this Flesh
A Heart for Woman 's touch as Well
Our Rhythm's Love
A Calling Bell
I ask our Soul
If this is True
It says to me
Done Unto You

.
In the jealous night, love
Unraveled my very soul.
Was I never alive?  The world,
Even the world was newborn,
Fresh and crying in a void,
Unheld in a frightful moment,
Before the heat of any touch
And even the stars were shook,
Time unsealed the heavens,
Light rushing from a singularity,
Eyes became knowledge
Collectors of concrete miracle
And the earth stopped turning
When the lost birds swooned
And the ocean quaked in tune,
Little goddess so awful, mighty
Held the stars in a celestial
Bouquet, a night immortal,
Impossibly true for any
Unbeliever.

Sunburnt skins and moonkissed hearts, Pouring rains and heel-clicking walks.

Rough edged pages and unplayed tracks,
Carved pumpkins and ever burning lamps.

Unkept hair and pretty sundress,
Cold meal and unheld hands.

All the way up
All the way up
is a fairy tale
is a night for sale

All the way up
in disbelief
All the way up
coming grief

It's a pinnacle
of *****
This airy thing
being brief

Or any belief
unheld
broken welds
silly thief