F Unting Charlie Kilo

Jul 10

Arlo Disarray

nothing good ever lasts
all the nice feelings
and big smiles
are gone way too fast
and it hurts,
you know?
it stabs me in my gut
always feeling inadequate
and like i’m alone
no matter what

i am so afraid to show myself
to take the masks away
always terrified to peek out
from the shadows
and let myself be seen
in the light
i know there’s a lot about me
that just isn’t right
and whenever i think
i have someone
in my life
who not only accepts me
but understands me
it’s just false hope
that i’m fooling myself with

there’s too much
wrong with me
and my feelings
are constantly
attempting
to suffocate me
i guess i don’t know
how else to be
so i’m sorry
this is the me
that you’ve
had to see

#depression #anxiety #lonely

Jun 16

Arlo Disarray

underneath

cracks form all around my body
like an egg shell
and the icky, gooey bits
underneath begin
to seep through
to the surface

my heart hurts so much
as it bleeds
filling me from the inside out
with thoughts of my
pathetic needs
creeping up on me
every night
while i’m trying to sleep
and reminding me
why there’s so little
in which i believe

i spread my teeth apart
to form gaps when i smile
trying to let my secrets out
one drop at a time
but every time i bleed
i keep picking at the wounds
instead of letting them heal
there’s nothing scarier in this world
than admitting how i feel

#depression #anxiety

Jun 15

Arlo Disarray

what really needs to be seen

i don’t always know
if it’s worth the fight
what is wrong
or right?
should i open my eyes
in the morning
or
do i continue the night?

i don’t want to know myself
as well as i do
and there is still so much
that i hide from
but what i know to be true
is awful
and there is nowhere to run
but further inward

which is becoming harder
and harder
to achieve

because
you see,
there are so many masks
layered on top
of me
keeping my eyes covered
and causing blindness
to what really needs
to be seen

but admitting
that you’re afraid
of yourself
is stupid
and who am i
to stand between
me
and myself
and all the
crazy things
that
i dream

#depression #anxiety

Jun 11

preston

Childhood

Sparkles and stars,
there is a brilliance in the sky
and a darkness, all around it

Child of wonder
child of Light
Oh my Lord, child

Please hold on tight

The worst of monsters
come out at night
A wingless child

Cannot take flight

Wonder, young child
Let the Light  in you
emit from your wild

Chasing all you have known
that causes  such fright

A grass covered field
A rolling, green hill
On your back,  you look up

To a sky, brilliant blue

Until the blue  I see
becomes the vastest  of oceans
now, below me

On a windless, cloudless day

Wonder, young child
And watch all the monsters
float away

I looked up at the tallest building
Felt it falling down
I could feel my balance shifting
Everything was moving around
These streets so fixed and solid
All shimmering haze

And everything that I relied on
disappeared

Downside up, upside down
Take my weight from the ground
Falling deep in the sky
Slipping in the unknown

All the strangers look like family
All the family looks so strange
The only constant I am sure of
Is this accelerating rate of change

Downside up, upside down
Take my weight off the ground
Falling deep in the sky
Slipping into the unknown

I stand here
Watch you spinning
Until I am drawn in
A centripetal force
You pull me in

Pull me in

https://youtu.be/WZ2hY6Fetw0?si=WvZY6UMU_-MxApkX

ovo xo

#love #childhoodtrauma #magic #joy #peace #light #dark #beauty #eternity

Jun 8

Josh

Once upon A moment

Your words
Stick like dried glue
Held in my head,
I felt your hands without ever touching them

I miss the vision of what those words
Led me to believe
About you,
And the way your eyes matched with forest green

We talked briefly,
But a lifetime was told
Like an infinite book written with no pages

Your words stay as a reminder, though
Of the notes between the lines
Encased in a deep well within,
Where the water permeates my soul
And never dissolves the feeling shared in that moment

Jun 8

Josh

The Swing and the Tree

An empty swing hangs from a tree
Drifting in airs varying touch
Vacant in his mind,
Where light shines upon the grass,
Stretching and leading
While shadows kiss the base of it's warm bark
This tree has a memory,
As the swing longs in its drift

This place
Where she used to reside,
Radiating magic and captivating flowers,
Remains dormant

The swing longs,
The tree mourns
The light, slightly dimmed and muddled

While remnants of her enchantment
Leave the scent of life and beauty embedded in every space
Her words once touched

May 30

Arlo Disarray

growth happens slowly

each new day
is an opportunity
to do better
than the day before

challenge accepted

growth happens slowly
but i will cherish
each and every
new piece of myself
that i may
finally take the time
to know

#growth #change #sobriety