Vancouver Bay, viewed out the front
window, as out the back door,
the snowcapped Olympics loom..
A beautiful ocean breeze here
in Port Angeles.. and amazing
warmth, in the sun.
Hours long visits with my Mother
yesterday and today.. and then us
finding a long lost cousin on
ancestry . com when we get back
to the house. Pictures of dad there
when he was young before the war.
Stories and memories from Mom
about before and after, everything
And pictures, pictures, pictures
of before it went bad..
but none after.
I feel the distance of the memories
but not the pain. I hold Momma close
within the knowledge that nothing
whatsoever has a hold on me. Elaine
is serving meals and catering to
our mother in her Rainman-like
attempt, to keep all her pain at bay;
She is flesh of my flesh..
blood.. of my blood.
There with me from the beginning--
amidst the horrors far beyond
a child's innocent vocabulary
Back home she opens up
ancestry . com again as Harlan talks
about his adoption and attempt at
reconnection with his blood family,
once he finds out who they are. Few
even want to acknowledge his existence.
The distant cousin of ours
wants to tell Elaine about Dad
right after the war.
After she responds, I **** on her
leg and then wave another, directly her way.
She's trying to keep from laughing
as she fakes throwing up.
I **** on her one more time
just to show her who's boss..
She's like a machine in her need
to take care of Mom. We take pictures
when again, back over there..
I keep messing the timer up
on my phone's camera,
I think Mom wants to be left alone.
I don't think Mom ever
wants to be left alone.
She straight-arms me when I try
to help her up from the table.
I step back,
but don't take it personally.
Back on the couch.. she's
she's cranky now, because the
current New York times arrived
with a tear. She opens up the
business section and I tell her
Warren Buffett is my new boss.
She's very pleased with his ownership
of our company, and then immerses
herself into her newspaper.
Elaine says its time to go.
She will ask Elaine again tomorrow
morning if I was really here.. or
was it her imagination. I will show
her again tomorrow that I am very
real. There have been horrors beyond
description. There are years and years
and years, of my letting go.
Back at the house, I sit on the front
steps and stare out at the bay.
Victoria Island is beautiful.
The Olympic Mountains are breathtaking.
Time with Harlan and Elaine as the
sun goes down. I wave a **** one more time,
her way.. for good measure.
She brings me Rocky Road ice cream
because she remembers its my favorite.
I muster up one more **** her way
before heading off to bed.
She comments about my strength.
Back down in the guestroom,
you are on top of me--
your beautiful thighs straddling my hips..
You've been working out, beautiful girl
that firm ***.. feeling so incredible
in my hands..
You ease your beautiful, warm wet
slowly.. down on to me
in your desire to bring about
for each of us..
the most beautiful, deep release.
You kiss me deeply, as our bodies writhe
in deep ******--
Beautiful ****, to my chest
as I pulse the warmth of my *****
deeply, in to you..
"This is the death of all death, beautiful girl"..
I whisper into your weary spirit
as your beautiful *****.. gushes deeply
all over my warm, pulsing flesh.
..And suddenly we are *******
in the warm, pouring rain--
You are overcoming, beautiful girl.
..and I have become addicted as ****.