Death was not unfamilar to me. I'd killed my share of things classified as monsters. I wasn't complaining really, my job kept the humans safe. I just felt guilty, I was practically a monster myself. They call us Warriors of the night, we're not Vampires, we are born with extra strenght and a long life span. I was born a long time ago, I was raised to **** monsters that terrorize the human race. Since I was six, I'd been trained to ****. I was a killing machine, best of my kind. Yet somehow, even though what I do is considered an honor, I don't feel proud. I've been doing my job much to long, and lately I'd began getting sloppy with my work. God knows Rowan would be one ****** of boss if he heard about me letting the group of baby Werewolves. I wasn't a complete heartless ******* to **** a bunch of babies.
    I might've been two years ago, before the whole incident happened. I layed my head in my hands, I couldn't go there, not now. I needed a clear head. My small apartment in Master Singu's house was getting messy. I hadn't had time to clean lately with all of the monster attacks that had been popping up lately. Ghouls, Goblins, Oni, Ogre, you name it and it's been attacking. Wasn't much we could do with the Banshee, they were more of a signifier then a monster. A signifier of death, and usually they gave me a heads up if the person who's house it's been surrounding, is gonna die. Banshee were cruel looking creatures, never gotten to close to one, they make **** sure of that. Not sure I ever want to. They were ruled by the one and only, Death. And i will gladly stay as far from death as possible. Haven't heard too many good things about him. Death is one of the Four horsemen. Scariest ******* in the underworld, and I would gladly never meet any of deaths brothers or sisters, what ever the gender their welcome to stay away. There was a soft knock on my door, io glanced at the clock on the wall, it was already three. Warriors worked night shift basically, since thats the time most monsters like to come out.
    The victorian styled door was a black cherry carved wood, with a ancient symbols carved in so no evil spirit couls cross into my apartment, so I wasnt worried any monster was at my door. But I was suprised to see Cameron when I opened the door. Cameron and I used to work the nights together until he'd gone off and gotten married to Sylvia, who was a vampire. Vampires were only considered monsters when they didnt follow the rules. No feeding off of unwilling people, only donors, and they couldnt go around killing people. Their biggest rule though was not to tell any human what they were, Warriors like me had a lot of people to execute.
   "Cameron, never thought I'd see you around here anymore," just as I was talking to him I realized, Cameron looked scared and desperate. Unlike someone who spent his life killing evil monsters that were twice the size of him. " What's wrong Cameron?" He shook his head and walked past me, through the door and into the living room. "It's Sylvia, Theon please help me," Camerons voice was going all thick and his eye's all watery. This was deffinetly something bad. " Tell me, what has happened with Sylvia?" I needed Cameron in his most focused form to help me out, but as I looked at the shaking man I knew he was beyond that. " You remember the king vampire we took down to save Sylvia?" Cameron said quitely, but I knew instantly what vampire he was talking about. That vampire had killed Abelia. I quickly swept that from my mind and focused back on Cameron. " Yes I remember, "  I had no idea where Cameron was going with this. " You remember his brother than, the one that got away, he said that we would both pay. He, ah, made you pay that day. I never thought that he would carry out with his threat. He kidnapped Sylvia, and Sylvia is pregnant, " Cameron almost lost it right there.
    I never thought that, pip squeak of a vampire had it in him, but he was smart and possesed powers we hadn't known about until we had come across them. Their king that we had slayed, had been capturing girls of all species and abusing them in such barbaric ways.
We had to put an end to his affairs, and we did but his brother wasn't too happy about it. He'd done one of his tricks and manifested behind Abelia and snapped her neck. Everything for me had stopped, all I could hear was the blood in my veins. I didn't breath, I could still remember the deafining roar I had unleashed as my monster had gripped me, took the reins and killed all of the mans servants.
Blood had bathed the walls that night, not even the crickets dared to sing. The sun rose late that morning, and I sat inside this very apartment, on that very couch, and cried. For the very first time, I had cried until my eye's swelled shut, until my throat could bare no more. Until I passed out.
    "We'll get them back Cameron, don't worry. For now get some rest, we'll start investigating later tonight, I have meeting to attend," I was going to **** that ******* when I found him. He had taken my only love from me, and he would pay this time, I would make that absoultely certain. Cameron nodded and headed for the door. It was a long way back to his house, and he crossed quite a few bridges. I didn't want him making any bad decisions, " Cameron you can crash here, I have a guest room your welcome here man," I say casually so he doesn't get all prideful. He stops and looks at me for a moment then nods " Yeah, thanks man, and also thank you for agreeing to help me on this I know it's a bit of a touchy subject for you, just know i appreciate it." He made his way down the hall, I listened for the soft click of the door shuting before i went to leave.
    I grabbed my coat, and the keys to my Ducatti and ducked out the door. The hallway was long and at the end of it was two flights of srairs, I lived on the third floor. My motorcycle was parked right were I left it, it was a beauty. Black and red sleek metal and nice leather seats. I loved the bike so much I had named her Racer. I loved to drive fast, and so did she. I tore off out of the parking lot and listened to the purr of her engine on the way to Rowan's , my boss, office. It wasnt to far, but I wasn't in a rush either so i took the long road just to stall. I knew Rowan planned on giving me a partner. Probably some ****** that didnt know his way around a swiss army blade, let alone a sword. Warriors didnt use guns unless absoultely necessary. I loved the feel of my sword slicing through the air. I didn't, however, enjoy the noisy bang of a gun. A sword was like another limb, you have to trust it to take you were you need to go.
    Rowan's office light was on, and I could make out the form of three bodies. Great, I knew it, Rowan was going to assign me a partner.
I hated partners, the only one I'd ever slightly enjoyed had been Cameron. I got off my bike, patted the seat for good luck, and made my way into Rowans office. When I pulled open the door I was ready to yell at Rowan for even thinking of giving me a partner, instead i dropped my hand off the doorknob. " *******," was all I coluld say. I was stunned to silence.

being poetic sometimes just comes to you naturally. the words flow through you onto the paper in a beautiful rythmic way and they paint an emotional landscape of thoughts and feelings but then someone sees it finds all the flaws all the things that made you feel it was yours that made you feel unique ruined. you feel exposed, hurt, scared. you hide from yourself you won't let your muse out for fear of having your art distroyed altered and corrupted. so you change you pick up a brush you dip it in the paint and you let the flow begin again. your strokes are thrown at the canvas where you feel the anger, your strokes become detailed and gentle when you feel happiness or calm emotions. but then someone sees it they see only the flaws they tear it apart and you along with it. where the lines are jagged from your anger and disappointment they only see uneveness and imperfection. where the shading is uneven from the sadness and the pain they only see imperfection they can't see what precious beauty lay deep inside the painting and the use there words to hurt you to make you feel like you were wrong like your not doing good enough. so you swear never to touch a brush again you will never let yourself flow with emotions like that ever again you tell yourself. but then you change you learn to play the piano you learn to make your fingers glide across the keys in the same was a figure skater glides across the ice. and with each key stroke you heart beats a note that flows out through the piano like blood through your vains. it feels natual it feels good it makes you feel alive you let go. everything comes out everything you feel and think flows through your fingers the notes of your heart beat expressed through the notes of the piano. the feel of the ivory on your finger tips becomes unnoticable you beome one with the flow of the music your heart beats in time with the rhythm of you soul of your music. and then someone hears it they come in and they take a seat and for a while they listen then they stand up and without a word they leave the room and you continue to play you let your flow continue you pay no mind to the person who just left the room. they return they have brought people with them and they sit quitely and say nothing. you stop playing you stand nod to each aknowlegeing their presense and then leave because the music wasn't for them it wasn't for them to judge even though as you leave you hear the people talk about how amazing they felt you were you no longer care they approval or disapproval means nothing its no longer about your art being good or being acceptable its about being...

You think the painful sound
of goodbyes,
are the worst,
that there can't be
anything more unimaginable,
than that,
but I cup my ears,
a sound more deafening,
as eardrums break & my heart,
brought every time in the leaving
death isn't the only way,
but as I lie here next to you
in the silence with your back turned to me,
I contemplate that thought,
connect with me emotionally you say,
I've tried,
I'm not a mind reader
after all,
no communication,
will **** it every time,
so true,
not matter how intelligent I am,
the cold air so telling,
where'd we go anyway?

We act like were good,
such a stupid show,
stupid girl, stupid love,
I say well done,
my dear,
I say to you,
hey bravo,
that young man was here today,
again,
I didn't ring him,
he did just stop by,
I think,
and he sure thinks I'm special,
& I am,
don't you know?
he kept saying so and that you didn't,
he sees what you didn't notice,

I heard a soft grumbling in his voice,
a sweet wondering,
sounds of temptation,
relieving of frustration,
calling my Gypsy heart,
I'm faithful
but you give me a loving kiss,
& a hug, say how wonderful I am,
we look so happy,
I play along,
laughing,
oh you praise my hands,
my cooking,
my sense of humor,
how charming,
very talented,
a poetic license to ***** me over?

He says, I'm beautiful too,
he sees,
they do,
oh & I can dance, wow,
except,
too bad you never dance with me,
even 2 left feet could hear the beat,

& those boys you keep telling 'em,
'till they're green with envy,
and wanting a piece of that pie,
tongues are waging,
all over this town,

I hope you're,
not wonderin' why,
I know that you love me,
I do, I truly do,
but the fact is,
passion shouldn't be so elusive,
or a club you belong,
one so exclusive,

I don't want to be objectified,
don't you see the tears I've cried?
you know, you must,
how hard I've tried?

stop saying those things,
I'm much more than that,
like good poetry is?
you don't want to touch me,
and why?

Loving is free,
and I wish you knew,
how much I wanted you,
I don't NEED anything except
your touch,
but I need it very much,

  I know you don't think that's true
used to seem worthwhile,
had value,
we ached for alone time,
snuck it in,
stolen moments,
stored for later,
you're hibernating
it's all used up,
used to be so optimistic,
now I'm just realistic,

I'm so sorry we disappointed each other,
Love is not so easy,
you asked me to leave,
then said I left you,
a constant tug-of-war,
& constant sorrows,
I never know
exactly where I stand,
seems you left a long time ago,
I just can't figure it out,
gone in empty demands
I quitely folded my hands,

I prayed & I stayed,
my heart never strayed,
even when I was betrayed,
until today that is,
until the unbearable wasting,
eats me whole,

& maybe,
baby,
time to stop this unpoetic rhyme,
I think it's now,
to let this Gypsy spirit to go,
time for me to head,
get on own the road,
time to hit the dusty trail,
that driveway is a callin'
I hear that highway,
hummmm,
and the wind in my hair
& ain't that I don't care,
as my tires are sinking,
here into the sand,
not quite what I had planned,
I put that water bucket down,
cause I'd be likely here to drown,

I just want to be wanted,
the way you want her,
the way he wishes I wanted him,
and the way that he wants me,
to be the only girl that you want to touch,
that you want to kiss
feel, that you want me again,
emmmmm...I can taste it now,
so sweeeet,
I can feel it too,
but I ain't warm no more,
I closed that fridgid door,
and I know that I'm not the one,
you'll never be alone,
you got your memory of her,
a fear of getting close to me,
all to keep you warm this winter,
like a bone,
she'll never leave,
or let you go,
it's interesting lovers treat each other
the way they never treat a friend,
but you're my friend, until the end,
and I'll never really say goodbye,

You & I know it's time for me,
to say farewell,
I grabbed my keys
and I grabbed my coat,
cars waiting, gotta go,
still nothing,
nor a peep,
quiet as a church mouse,

Sang all the desperate love songs
written all the Poetry I can,
you were the centerpiece
of my obsession
I wrapped around you,
like you were my whole world,
thought I was still waiting on your arms,
your touch, a kiss
just turnaround,
but I know now,
that's not true either,
can't change it, can't go back,
or get there from here,
and there's someone else out there
who's wondering and waiting for me
still,
I feel it, like a beat
calling me home,

thank you for sharing yourself,
what you could,
I learned so much
to want more.

My goodbye wish?

I hope you find that too.

Cherie Nolan © 2016

I'm planting seeds in December
I planted One for love
Two for peace
Three for every moment I felt the breath of eternity
slipping through your lips as I brushed mine across your flesh
gracefully grazing with my fingers
the curve in your back
Healing the strain and tension that your work had let in
I held my left hand above your skin
and prayed the pain that had sunk in
would flow into me
I drew it out persistently
I took it all in a heart beat
and I watched as your mind drifted off quitely
Hoping it would lead you into serenity
With my right hand I projected
all the beauty I had collected
while watching the sun decend sleepily into the sea
and I witnessed you exhale all the trials you faced recently
My hands now taking you into a vast journey
Your conscious mind lulled into sleep
and I talked with you telepathically
Tracing the points sensationally
Touching upon subjects that needed to be
Soulfully blessing the night with a gift of insight
My love I felt everything
Unthawing the earth with the spark of spiritual empathy
I planted four seeds for always
and five for our hopes
The six I had left I repeated the first three
and I watched them grow
Two bonded effortlessly
into One being
Corresponding
Equilibrium
Perfectly
Forget-me-nots began flourishing

There lays a man in intensive care
Without a care in the world

He said:

He sits aside
As the world grows old
For he has accomplished everything he's wished
And rests assured in a state of bliss

Achieving this if oft missed by the masses
Who peer through panes with clouded glasses
So protect a future of achieved potential
Only live and love with your time
Someday you may be lucky to share
This sublime perspective of mine

He smiled gently and quitely sighs
As we both left the room with tears in our eyes

How soon is too soon
to dance under the moon
stars for angels
your eyes the reason to smile
or are they the reason for all the positives ever?
Quitely so
I like you a lot
more than you realize,
and not so much you-
your role in this physical 3D world
or even your actions, words
but mostly just the sum total
of all you have been, are becoming
the energy you unknowingly give me
an essence I suppose
of someone greater than man
aand yes you are one
a **** fine specimen to be exact
but it's as if I am subliminally attracted
to your very existence
on a level that makes me believe in a God
in beautiful souls,
yours being the most divine
and I can feel it
the moment it enters a room
near or far
anywhere in the world
I know that you Are,
your physical self holding all that is You
and every second is made more perfect, serene
because you are gracing this world
with your being that is so right
I am willing, no grateful for the chance
to be vulnerable to such a person,
bow in your presence,
feel all you are
and to offer up all I have
to make you happy, prove my worth
and in the moments we are together
I can assure you
all the atoms in my body freeze,
my heart becomes still
for you have such a calming affect
that all I can do is smile
and hope to all that is in the universe
that I may somehow give you
as much happiness
as you selflessly give me.

Dawn slipped through the dusty blinds
of the chipping white condo
in the middle of the city
Soft, pale light
like the sallowness of her late son's cheeks
stuck in broken bars
to the far wall of the living room
The tiny yellow canary
in its iron prison
did not sing
A newspaper
with boldened headlines
lay open on the kitchen table
unread
The neighbours ignored the fake white lily
laying quitely on the cement,
cracked with cold,
the blue recycling bin
that had never been taken from the curb
the letter in the mailbox
that had never been read
The murmur of the news
floating from the television
that was always buzzing
filled her head with the static of
Nothingness
And her head, it seemed
was at the bottom of
Everything.
Slowly, the electric blue light
was lifted with white fingers
from the grey sky, through the blinds
She sighed heavily.
She hated watching television in the dark.

the world is screaming at me,
no, no, no!
it's screaming at me to die,
to leave because i should never have been here in the first place.
so i call myself names in my head
(over and over and over.)

the world is screaming at me,
why, why, why!
it doesn't understand why i'm here
it thinks i'm good for nothing
it thinks i'm a waste of time
(i am.)
so i hit myself and i punch myself right in the face.
(over and over and over.)

the world is screaming at me,
you, you, you!
it thinks i am bad
it thinks i am responsible for the terribleness,
and i am.
so i hate myself
hate, hate, hate myself
until i can hate no more
until i fall asleep and dream of more terriblenes.

the world is screaming at me,
die, die, die!
and it doesn't stop
so i hide in my bed and shrink instead of growing
and in that darkness,
that dark comfortableness,
i quitely go to sleep.

The maniac is moving down Main.
An umbrella raised, but there's no rain.
The sun in distain, is laughing at his face.
He shades the pain, from the human race.

The maniac enters the store.
The shoppers stop, and drop to the floor.
They hear him sigh, and begin to cry.
What did he even go there for?

The maniac's at my window.
I hide inside, and pray he'll go.
He rattles on the pane, now there's a steady rain.
But I tell myself Hell No.

The maniac is in my head.
He entered while i dreamt in bed.
He'd found the hidden key, he entered quitely.
The maniac is in my head.

She was their World,
Her presence made their hearts run wild,
Her smile melted the iron bars,
Holding power to manipulate time.

But she slept,
For eternal rest.
Leaving behind all her memories,
Eloping to a World,
That cannot be approached, without pain.

The red rose in her garden,
Shed tears every dawn,
Wanting the touch of a hand,
That caressed its petals,
With deep love.
Every dusk it cried,
'Come back! Come back, dear.'

The old tree that stood for aeons,
Withered its leaves,
As if eager,
To reach a destination.
That would make it,
Meet her.
Acknowledging that actions were
Futile,
It said, weeping,
'Come back! Come back dear.'

The dresses in her almirah,
Stood still,
As if lifeless.
They didn't move,
Not even when winds,
Blowed,
Still shocked,
That she left them,
Not even a tear dropped down,
But they quitely prayed,
For her to come back.

The house was dull,
As if blood was,
Withdrawn from its body.
No voices,
Only eeire silence of longing.
The incessant darkness,
Inside it,
Only wanted her light.
And it wished,
For her to come back.

Then were they,
In the niche,
Crying for what they lost.
She was their blood,
Their soul,
Her smile made them smile,
Her pain made them frown,
Her worries made them worried,
Her satisfaction made them satisfied.

But she had left,
Taking all their emotions,
With her.
Only leaving them with,
Unending tears.
In their hearts of hearts,
They wished for her,
To COME BACK.

church sunday morning
i met a guy like him
i said that he was beautiful
he told me to go to hell

and i sat down on my seat
a hundred hymns in my hand
oh i thought he was a god
but he was dying like a man

and the priest blessed us all
but i don’t need to be blessed
if only he was there
i wouldn’t be so obsessed

and we sung for the lord
our words turned into gold
religion is a masterpiece
it saves our souls

and when the ritual was done
i quitely went home
to talk about faith and belief
to him i worship the most

and on the way home to him
i couldn’t wait to arrive
and i prayed to god for him to still
be alive

but when i saw him laying there
bleeding on the floor
i just knew that god was dead
it didn’t matter anymore

And I bow down to him,
In excitment and grace.
Smiling, loveing,
Praising His name.
The One that I can thank for it all,
The One that proves,
He'll catch me if I fall.
The closer I get,
The bigger the smile.
I have never felt like this.
Forevers been a while.
This is what I've always been looking for,
He quitely waited for me to choose the right door.
He'll be with me Forever.
Give me eternal life.
No one understands
Hell is as cold as ice.
Find Him now.
He's patiently waiting.
Do it now,
There's no need for debating.
He will show you the love you've forever searched for.
Wrap his arms around you,
You'll need nothing more!


Foever doesn't mean
Love of life.
It wasnt invinted
For husband and wife.
I now know
He is the something Ive always searched for
The statement is true
One that closes opens the next door!! :-) Have a Blessed Day!!!

The broken girl,
She used to be lively once,
And love the world around her,
She used to sing and bounce,
As if she was a living princess there,

But when she grew up,
She faced the hardest truth of her life,
Her perspective of people loving the way she was changed,
She realized that she wasn't fit for the world,
In the view of everyone she was a big fat dumb ugly headed girl
No one cared how she was inside,
All wanted the ****** beauty,
She loved too much,
forgived to much,
And it always seemed that she hurt too much.

Not even her father thought her to be good,
He never saw how she starved and never even had one glass of water,
He didn't see her dying of her insecurities of being fat.
And he one day said its okay if I dont have you perfoem good,
But I want you to be thin.

It peirced her like a nail,
Forever engraved in her heart,
She would carry her scars to her grave,
She quitely swallowed her tears,
And thought that his father want a beautiful thin little girl as her daughter,
Not her.

She had never said anything about anyone's,
Physical appearances,
Never blamed anyone,
Took all the blame on herself ,
But yet people commented about her face,
Her smile,
How it looked like a rat,
People always criticized her,
And she swallowed it everytime
Thinking it to be her fault.


Not mentioning about her scars,
And how she waited for everyone,
But no one turned up in that storm of hers,
Her friends got ****** at her and left?
Doesn't she has the right to live her own life?
Is physical beauty everything?
Why?
She was broken from inside,
Even tinier than those atoms of chemistry,
Where  bonds were stronger,
She knew she wasn't fit for this world of dogs,
And always questioned god why he had sent her where she can't bear the pain?
Where people even with her beating heart and flesh,
wasn't satisfied,
They wanted her to be the way they want,
To crumble her into ashes,
Where only her essnce of lost  attle would linger.

Sh knew only she can bear that much of pain,
No one can go through it ,
yet she blamed herself for noone loved her ,
No one could help her get up.
Everyone ditched her,
Evem with her walls up high,
She cared too much,
She didnt go close to anyone,
Be it physically or emotionally
But still she was crumbled
And got entangled in the confusion
Of how rude this world was
And wanted to die..
To live since she believed she wasnt worth it.
No one stayed with her not even her friends, her lover her parents.
She was left alone .
Each and everytime.
She was hurt but smiled with that broken smile.

Those squinty little eyes
everytime she smiles
Those sullen teary eyes
everytime she unreasonably cries
That walking on streets
holding each other's hand tight
Those silly silly things
over we love to fight
Those endless talks, that nonstop chattering
But being with her; everything is worthwhile

That staring her silently
When she laughs insanely
That enjoying watching her in bed
When she snores so quitely
Sheltering under the blanket
Snuggling each other tightly
Kissing each other against the cold
That warmth we could see in each other's eyes precisely
These little little moments are the reason
This life seems so worthy and lively

Wish all this could be true & not creations of my mind's illusory tunnel
Cause in those cozy moonless nights, I really wanna hug her tight and cuddle
Why this life ain't Just simpler than simple?
Why our feelings has started Judging over looks & pimples!
We live in the world where everything is blurred & puzzled
Thus it feels so safe living in your own imaginary bubble
Yeah, it’s a dream I wanna dream every night
Cause it feels like livin' in a dark paradise
Cause it feels so good livin' in a dark paradise

I've never been good with
Women or girls
Never brave, never able to speak
Mumble was the best I could do
And I did that too quitely
And too often
No... never good
Lucky enough though I guess
With the wild ones
The ones that didn't play chase
Or damsel in distress
The ones that wandered the night
Hungry for life and pain
The ones able to see me hiding
And mumbling to myself
Being shy in the corner
The ones that weren't afraid to strike first
They bought me drinks until I was drunk enough to forgot who I was
Or that I was shy
They lite the matches and the cigarettes and the fires and the madness
Took me back to their homes smiling
I was always too innocent and naive to know why
Until I woke up naked beside them in the middle of the night
And we would do it again
And in the morning too
Sometimes I got lucky for months
Sometimes years
And sometimes I got lucky
And fell in love
Thank the gods for the crazy ones
The stark mad lunatics
Crazy for the beautiful pain of being alive
I never would have known love without them
Would never find it again if they weren't still out there
Dancing in their darkness with their demons and heartache
No I've never been good with women or girls
But I've been lucky more times than one man deserves in a lifetime...
Still, it would be nice to fall madly in love one last time
Just one last first kiss from lips burning with the madness of love
Just one last time...

I realized
I must have lost
My spark
Along the way.
It's time to rekindle
That spark
That resides in my heart

But how?
With my dreams so far off from me
Right beyond my reach?
But I must be brave
And get up on my feet
And reach over the abyss
Of my longing
To take hold of
And manifest my desires

Adulthood squashes ambitions
Under it's steel toed boot of expectation
It pushed my worn and bruised body down into the dirt
But my spirit didn't die
My mind and heart and body were exhausted
But I still clawed at the soil beneath me
Making a tunnel to my freedom
Through the inky darkness
Barely breathing, every cell of me parched
Clinging onto the very last thread of my life
That beat steadily and quitely
In my heart

I've finally
Emerged
Caked in dirt
This place is unfamiliar,
Foreign
But I like it,
It's new
There aren't many people here
So not very much pressure
There is a lot of vibrant green leaves
Rustling in the crisp air
The sun is bright and yellow
The sky,
Baby blue
I think I could stay here for awhile
Without much to do
I'll curl up next to this rock
And rekindle my dreams
To once again
Light the fire in my heart
That once roared when I was a child
I'll forget the world
Of arbitrary expectations and rules
And drift off into my dreams
While my eyes delightfully scan
The canopy of trees.

the more I push, the more I pull
I play smart but you made me a fool
the more I swim, the deeper I drown
I lost myself but it's you I found

falling hurts but it's the best part
you destroyed my walls with a single dart
baby won't you just walk away
before I beg and bribe you to stay?

dear Lord, I do not want to love again
but somehow with you, it quitely begins

I saw the clouds
In the moonlit night,
Dark and flimsy
Moonlight shining through.

They looked so sad,
Engulfed in the dark sky.
Taking form
Of the whispering monsters:
My slumbering nightmares,
Quitely growling in my mind.

They were mourning
The death of daylight,
As the moon roared bright;
Soaring through the sky
To meet my eyes.

My vision raged through the sky,
All the way home, seeking rest;
Yet the clouds, forgotten,
Stayed unmoving
Still, high up in the sky;
Like their dead kin
In hushed smoking rooms,
Stuck and stranded;
Held prisoner
To the silent endless black.
In sad, starving human minds...

My bed is empty but my heart is full
I know it must be foolish but I can't stop
dreaming of you
The air is cold but my bones are warm
They belive the illusion of you in my arms
My mouth lets out a gentle sigh but my lips still smile even though they know the risk
How much longer can I dream and fall
Its not this feeling I question
Its just my complete lack of sense
I know even when I'm forced to wake
That I'll have to accept my hearts fate
Every broken piece...
Every heavy sigh...
Every tear...
Every part of me will still go on and quitely
dream and quietly fall
And no matter the risk and no matter the
fate and no matter how foolish
I'll always be blindly, madly and impossibly in love
And my bed may never know your scent
And my bones may never know your warmth
And I may only see you again in dreams
No matter how emtpy this space may be
My heart will always be full and be grateful to have been blessed to have had such a beautiful dream

I was lying wooden in the house of woods,
And imprisoned in the servitude of solitude.
The outdoor elements were not in their elements ,
Sitting tight awaiting their merriments.
Strength and hope was under the umbra of duskiness,
The soul was clueless about the cloudlessness.
The smiling rays of light were in the shackles of dark heavy clouds,
The euphorious rhythms were longing for their warm touches and euphonic sounds.

On this greyish gloomy sight,
When the heaven started showering something white,
As my heart caught the sigh of this light,
A voice came from inside,
Hey !! Get up my child !!,
Lets step out and empower the inner child to play outside.

As i stepped out of my darkness,
I got face to face with an awareness,
The view is so beautiful outside,
If you pay attention to the love of darkness and light.

Light compassionately requested the darkness,
O My beloved !! Go and spread some awareness,
And light the lamps of hopes with happiness .

Spread an awareness about the blessings in disguise,
An awareness about the treasures inside,
As this awareness throw some insight,
A wisdom comes in light,
Try to see the upside of your ride.

As the sun dies for the moon to rise ,
The moon dies for the sun to rise,
Together their love complete a day,
Full of darkness , sadness , lights and gay,
Likewise ,Darkness after light,
Light after darkness,
then again darkness and again light,
As the soul wears the ring of darkness and light,
The ride towards completeness begins there then and right,
Moulding you into a charismatic gem that shines bright.

As the white snow was flowing towards me,
With open arms and closed eyes my heart was dancing in glee,
As the cool and soft cotton touched me gently,
Something happened quitely,
The gloominess died in the the arms of
Cheerfulness,
The soul started getting clues about the cloudlessness.

As the snow melted with me,
My heart started feeling more free.
The vision before my soul began the jouney of  changing its hue,
Slowly slowly it started turning into white and blue.
As it was sailing through this change,
My heart took a calming sigh that was beyond any range.
Tears rolled down from my eyes ,
As everything was under the haven of blanket that was white.

I was sitting and cherishing this delight,
The vibes of serene silence were flying like kite,
As the silence of serenity,
Touched my sea of tranquility,
My soul got enlivened up with a child like purity,
And there emanated a sensibility,
When the soul wears the ornaments beaded with purity and serinity,
It glows with the Rebirth of genuineness and integrity,
Freedom breaks the shackles of slavery,
Wisdom inspires to stand up with bravery.

As the Rays of strength and hope were riding through the clouds,
Infusing life in my soul,
My soul awakened from ignorance,
Darkness got vanished in the flambeau of awareness.

My eyes started shining with a soul nuturing smile,
That was so genuine and divine,
That the heaven stepped down,
To admire the sublime beauty,
As it saw an incarnation of deity.

As the heaven stepped down,
The rhythms found their soulful touches and sounds ,
The outdoor elements came in their elements and bowed down,
For offering thanks to the almighty,
Spreading the vibes of divinity,
Embellished with the beads of love , peace and harmony.

Evil isn't hiding under your beds or in your closets, it's not lurking around the corner or down some dark alley.  It's not in the blade or the handle of a knife, it's not in the bullet or the gun or the bomb or the boom.  Evil only lives and breeds in the heart of  men and it is kept alive and well generation after generation, handed down to our sons and daughters as they are taught greed and fear and lust and hate.
So next time bullets go flying across the school yard or bombs fall from the sky and find hospitals instead of their "targets" or a child is beaten or murdered or ***** by its father or preacher or mother or sister or teacher or brother or friend... and you wonder what kind of monster, what evil would allow?
Look in the mirror, stare into the darkness in the pupils of your reflection and listen to the soundless echo of the blackness you find there.  Do not blink, do not turn away, let your eyes and mind adjust to the horror staring back at you... The evil infesting and rotting away at and in your own heart.  It's been living and thriving in the silent bubble you've built around your days and nights.  All the years you quitely ignored your hearts cries for help as evil made itself at home.
Every time evil made the front page news, instead of fighting back, you decided to just turn the volume down.  Knowing it was there and knowing it was wrong...  Were you hoping it would go away while feeding it your doubts and fears and hate?  Did you think that you could make it fat and satisfied and it would then find somewhere new to roam?
Don't look for the devil to blame or the absence of prayer in the classroom or the sky you claim to be empty of god... Stop petitioning deities to save you from the evils of the world when those evils are your own monsters walking and dancing and playing in the blood of your own heart.

He found her at the bottom of a broken dream drowning in an ocean of tears and he stripped his soul bare and fashioned it into a rope and dove down through the raging waves and torrent undertow of her sorrow
he found her barely breathing with blue lips and broken pieces of her fragile heart bleeding through her chest
she was perfectly human with  beautiful flaws and her love was pouring out in storms of loud roars of electricity and silent screams of thunder
yet she was still more alive than dead
but wanting to not have to feel anything at all
he reached out his hand and waited for her to reach back
and she sat there quitely trying to hide all the tears that surrounded them both
and the longer she sat without moving the deeper he felt himself fall
he wanted desperately to fall by her side and hold her close
and tell her she would be ok
but he knew she wasn't ready to be held or comforted or to leave yet
so he waited with his hand outstretched and he would wait until the end of time
not in hopes that when she was ready she would fall too
but because he had already fallen so far that nothing else mattered more than being there for her for whatever she would need and whenever she would need it
and love had never quite felt as beautiful as it did now as it beat wildly for her in his chest

I saw her over the shelf at the book store

quitely reading her book, wanting more

slowly she lifts her head

trying to find something she hasn't read

from where she was seeing me

it seemed like eternity

she read my mind like a book

all it took her was a single look

one by one she turned the pages

as if she knew me since ages

she had a list on her mind

of things she wanted to read

of every kind

i was pushing forward to get close

wasn't a choice that i chose

was it me or was it her

that was making my world blur

she was standing there like a book of mystery

seemed wasn't what i see

she looks at me and i look at her

neither of us knew what to do

she was done with what she came for

i paused the world as she left the door....

everything carries me to you"
my handwriting
her body
the perfection in simple affection causes a chain reaction
that's taken back, back before I knew the breath that will breathe upon my neck
...even back then my imagination of future foundation between us was seeming to be just a future of imagination and dreams.
no one seemed to make sense in the senseless nonsense we carried on with, yet we did it regardless
life lessons learned of Truth and pain and beauty and hate
the rage in wrong decisions always made opposite of our floating hearts that caused eyes always unable to ever depart from
simple stares that tore through bodies in hallways just to be noticed for brief moments
it was (and must I say about 2 life times ago) did I wondered where all this passion did go- till a slick Indian summer night my eyes caught reflection through liquor stained sidewalk puddles with an incidental interaction rebirthing all attraction of my soul.
my breath, along with all confidence i carried that night (and possibly years past, )vanished and left
at the moment when glances glared there were no longer the fire eyes staring like stars I had expected.
how could one think the same Jean jacket cigarette stink with hints towards a kiss looked more like a jab in my jaw as only absence in silence crawled from my mouth.
that night you carried past me and it
was as haunting as if you walked right through me.
how was I so numb to society I couldnt even feel my soul missing?
my soul missing, reminiscing of backseat young lovers kissing,
now pulling at each seam of anytime line I tried walk back up hoping for forgotten hope.


then instantly and all embarrassingly (but only to me) did I tightwire walk across town
looking for flight as my counting crows count down died down and flamingo dancers with grey guitars became pretty words that had amused but no longer moved because it wasn't the chorus or vocals -it was what was tattooed to my mental that made a muse -I remembered moving too and waiting to swoon but too soon did it come and go
I bet to lose and had to chose and chosing at 17 (so confused) was the worst thing my heart strings detaching would have to do.
but as years past and each pretty picture with a thought of "what if" past by my nightmare life I made of "what ifs", simple secret lines would drift and sometimes whisper
they would whisper and make the air more crisp than sea shore breeze on chapped lips (bring me back to where we would kiss) how could this be
happiness
uncertain for most is unimpressively the most renowned and complimenting place horror hangs hollow in fog shaped mirrors cracked with regrets...
but taped up, scared, scarred and silent so often terrified of my own inside voice -i paddled to Hades by choice- chasing cars from lyrics once with mixed with meaning , purpose, souls teeming and consciously tangled it seemed i began to drown in misery tag teamed with desparity cold and screaming.
the darkness only getting worse
the "if onlys" playing from start and starting over every time I roll over trying to sleep for more than a few minutes but to myself I always keep -I kept- I raged I wept, I broke down and then burnt myself alive to see if i could even for myself, maybe, mourn.
but one morning by some saving grace
a backyard walk to get some space led me back to your face.
so serendipitous at first thought
waiting for reality crash upon me and once again remind me of this life i fight and often lose.
but losing you again wasnt something I could bare to do...
even as I quitely awaited the gates of my misfortune to close I couldn't close my eyes with out you staring back at me. like fire in rain and a baptism cast in colors uncaught by even perfect prisms
this hell of a prison I understood as life decisions didnt have to bind the beauty beyond the cage once affiliated with.
wishing this poison carried a separate antidote for falling deeper for you again
I washed sin from within with whimsical laughs 800 miles away and breathtaking conversations spaces to far away.
all over
all over
all over and for once out of every second chance that could take a stand and stand the chance
I'll chance it all 3000 fold and over flowing to feel this overpowering presence of my hand written fairy tale dark Knight existence.
these grey eyes blue again, these blue eyes looking straight at you again
knowing what place is meant for me to fit in
my fears fidget themselves out of cares because all I can care about is this.
this moment even if not forever will never go treated unnoticed.
unrecognized or pardoned pushed aside or lost in the way side - my high tide, let me sink to the bottom of your soul for a second and fill your lungs with love again floating on top of waves crashing and flying past any hazy grey dismal day that spark you the way you are meant to glow.
where ever you go
everything carries me to you
not just your kiss but the dreams of your lips
not only your words, but the world you've found that forms them
it's more than your perfect imagine I've imagined asleep more than a million times
it's the smile I see when you are genuinly thinking about me
it's more than the giggles and good times awaiting to no surprise but fights and cries that haven't happened but will bring us closer and much stronger than... stronger than, stronger than the destiny that was meant to (so clearly now seen) be for all eternity
grains of sand cannot grasp the ineffable number of any type of anything trying to describe the unfathomable perception of clarity in your beauty and love.
my eyes will never burnout again
my will is for you and cannot give up again
my lips and skin are made only for you
my heart beats solely to match rhythm with your pulse so I know my way home
and my words will always uplift you and shine on you like the stars and sun
so you always feel safe and blanketed even when the light is gone and the day is done
I loved you yesterday
I love you today
And I'll love you forever and always

Steppin on the beach of nana’s shed floor
was like reaching land just off the lawn.
behind unkempt borders edged a
ribbon of flowers as a flush of memories
drifted.

A muffled whisper washed sepia toned moods,
twisted broken things seemed to talk
dummy like quitely in their boxes, rejected by
flighty owners now themselves discarded.

On the windowsill a porcelain cup caught
my eye – watermark of grime told me
where tea once floated. Nana leant
over in crisp white linen while old
China rested on the ledge.  

Lost without its handle useless article –
banished from the cabinet. Where a
scrolled  handle sprung there was
now a clean break, tossed up here
relieved yet wrecked.

A lifetime ago tea was served for
the up and coming set nana with
fixed ideas of dainty cakes swept
away drips on my face.