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Matalie Niller Mar 2015
Freedom is
like earth to the shore
eats away, becomes part of
mosaic tiles of all
pieces in every flavor
no not humans
not there
but anywhere
I can see
the perfect one it is for me
cut me loose
and like a bird
a messenger to the wild
listen to the fragments,
light and air and cold and trees
what are they all?
They are free:
free from the burden of choices, which
slowly erode
never showed
the passion in a moment's pass
barely contain my enthusiasm
Matalie Niller Mar 2015
I would never
or would I
hard to tell
when it's you
easy to analyze someone on the outside
doesn't need all the facts
a proper conclusion
but from the inside
can't really say
how you feel about the day
or if it even matters
or if it should to you
difficult to know for sure
if the bugs bite for your blood
or because you're already decomposing
so what is it, exactly
which is more accurate
are you alive and thriving
or slowly rotting inside
each step closer
to a less than legendary hault
Matalie Niller Mar 2015
Confounded by the notion-
tough calls made by high hitters
holy rollers
pushing perps towards methods
needles and thread
heart of lead
logs split the stems of the reasons,
sob stories, trust issues
daddy problems
it's all the same
to some
the proletariat
guilty and prestigious
what a winning combo
lacked freeness, full of this knowledge
can't write worth a ****
**** poor,
not anymore
since passion was absorbed
a dried up, muddy ******
spring is coming! spring is coming!
One if by land
you if by me.
Matalie Niller Oct 2014
On nights like these
when I feel the absolute singularity of my soul
I sit
and I think
of anything I possibly can
but you-
can't say why exactly,
I don't think of you often,
not explicitly,
but I know that you are always in the deep recesses of my thoughts
you are no longer who I knew,
you are a concept
not alive but merely subsisting on my former affections-
I don't know who you are today
or why I feel
that even though we belong not at all to each other
I feel responsible
left out
and yet I know
if I were to know
just what you do between the hours of awake and asleep
if I knew what you were seeing in your dreams
I would fall apart
millions of shattered shards of pain
I would rather never see or speak to you again
than to know the truth of your existence without me.
Matalie Niller Jul 2014
I want to move on
I want you back
I desire for time to be rewound to the time last year
we were laying on my bed
the sun was going down
and we were just talking
listening to music
being in love
but I think you've forgotten
you want me gone
and I don't understand-
it's so easy to me,
if you love someone, love them.
End of story.
If they're worth it
you will fight.
But it seems to me
that you forgot how worthy I am
orphaned heart left to learn how to breathe again,
to go about each day
beating weakly,
to grow stronger
to forget that it was forgotten
to just get by
and hoping
you'll remember
just what it is
that makes being apart so painful
Matalie Niller Jul 2014
Where are the men?
Not the boys
the guys
the dudes
I'm talking "men";
I don't want a cowboy,
no guns or big cars,
though a gym membership would be nice,
a respectful m-a-n
willing to fight for love
to look a woman (me) in the eye
and say "I'm scared"
to cook dinner every once in a while
to write a heartfelt poem
and remember that you like wine and not beer,
to plan special dates for your anniversary
to treat you like the intelligent woman you are

I know they exist
maybe met a few before
I just wish
they could teach my heart
to stop pining
for a little boy
whose heart moved on before I grew up.
Matalie Niller Jul 2014
you say you love me
then you say I hold you back
you say I'm amazing
then you laugh about how I thought "this" would last
you ignore me until I break
then you hold my hand and say you missed me.
you are more messed up than I ever imagined
and I feel embarrassed for continuously fighting a battle
that you left months ago.
I wish I could be as heartless as you-
just shut my eyes and hold my breath,
try to forget until it all just disappeared-
but I know you.
I remember when you were by my side while I cried
I remember when you told me I could never do anything to make you stop loving me
I remember
when we were just a boy and a girl, so innocent
first meeting
first kiss
first admission of love
I remember
but you want to forget
want to run away from difficult feelings and responsibility
you don't care about how I feel
and I feel an awful lot of awful
as you leave and erase me
I ache and break.
I. Hate. You.

but why can't you just love me like you used to?
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