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"hypochondria" poems
You don't see me but I am There, I have numerous ways To take you, Hold you, Control you, You'll not even know I was there, I am a conqueror of flesh. Feeling... Sickly, siphoned, strained Both body and my brain Doctor said it's just a cold Nothing but a passing pain Is this hypochondria, Or is there something in my veins? Your insides are my playground To cause you much anguish & pain I'll infect you slowly at first, Have a little fun within your Organs Muscles Thoughts I aim to control, invisible To the eye, but you know I'm in here, your losing control. Today I coughed up blood Cold sweats come in floods I'm drowning in my own bed As I clutch my feverish head There's an inferno in my skull I'm taking Vicodin to null Whatever it is eating at me I know I'll be better in a week. You apes think size is intelligence, This was your undoing from the start, I replicate myself, as its my time to move on, I leave apart of myself here As its time too Infect Multiple Spread My gift to those around, You sneezed You coughed Upon your sweat, I am Now on everything you touch, Time to end the play, "Business calls" Be Proud of your self Patient Zero, dear human You were my first, But its time for me to move on...
0
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 6:44 PM UTC
Intelligent Killer (Collaboration with The Excellent Frank Ruland)
Strep throat. Out of nowhere really. I went to a meeting on Friday, interviewed at PaperSource on Saturday afternoon, and then just slightly later an awful toothache. I never suspected anything so out of the ordinary to occur. Saturday night, two to four a.m.ish, i thought it was caffeine pills, or not drinking enough water, or even, worst of the worst, an attack of hypochondria. I kept lighting up Marlboros though, tasty red branded things that make writer's mouths happy. Two days in and I'm pretty sure my ***** are a fever below my body, droopy like snoopy. Super soft droopy ***** that's a sure sign of a fever or a great BJ they taught us in 6th grade science, and I wasn't getting my favorite ice cream social. I hadn't talked to the gf in a couple days, and missing her company I made the phone call only discover that my voice had turned into a baby turtle shouting English from the bottom of a stuffed baked potato. Garbled. Discussing. Useless. I promptly hung up, and began texting. But it was too late she heard me and called back, and I had to give it all I had to put together a few words. An hour later I was dropped off at the ER, the benefits of Medicaid at 30 is never being able to just go to the doctor's office. Within 2 hours they told me it was strep. Four nurses, two residents, one first day resident, and a 2nd year resident, and the ER doctor for a swab and a spray, and the take home Z-pack. Then she said she'd come over even though I was sick. That's real love. "If I get sick from you, it's still worth it." 3 days on antibiotics, no more sore throat, I feel great- I think tomorrow I'll be having an ice cream social for someone who I love dearly. Maybe we'll even skip the ice cream.
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Jun 26, 2014
Jun 26, 2014 at 9:24 AM UTC
Strep
Strep throat. Out of nowhere really. I went to a meeting on Friday, interviewed at PaperSource on Saturday afternoon, and then just slightly later an awful toothache. I never suspected anything so out of the ordinary to occur. Saturday night, two to four a.m.ish, i thought it was caffeine pills, or not drinking enough water, or even, worst of the worst, an attack of hypochondria. I kept lighting up Marlboros though, tasty red branded things that make writer's mouths happy. Two days in and I'm pretty sure my ***** are a fever below my body, droopy like snoopy. Super soft droopy ***** that's a sure sign of a fever or a great BJ they taught us in 6th grade science, and I wasn't getting my favorite ice cream social. I hadn't talked to the gf in a couple days, and missing her company I made the phone call only discover that my voice had turned into a baby turtle shouting English from the bottom of a stuffed baked potato. Garbled. Discussing. Useless. I promptly hung up, and began texting. But it was too late she heard me and called back, and I had to give it all I had to put together a few words. An hour later I was dropped off at the ER, the benefits of Medicaid at 30 is never being able to just go to the doctor's office. Within 2 hours they told me it was strep. Four nurses, two residents, one first day resident, and a 2nd year resident, and the ER doctor for a swab and a spray, and the take home Z-pack. Then she said she'd come over even though I was sick. That's real love. "If I get sick from you, it's still worth it." 3 days on antibiotics, no more sore throat, I feel great- I think tomorrow I'll be having an ice cream social for someone who I love dearly. Maybe we'll even skip the ice cream.
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4
Who's **** about their **** You are, Virgo. In fact, you are so **** about your own *** hole that god forbid you ever run out of baby wipes or are unable to scrub-a-dub-dub after your daily **** But of course, that will never happen to you because you have planned out exactly where and what time you are to take a **** If you're working overtime, so is your **** No one can tell your *** hole is throbbing because you have perfected the art of the, *No, a **** is not slipping in and out of my *** hole right at this very moment* poker face. Not only do you have an irrational fear of a ****** *** hole, but you must examine every inch of your **** for any sign of potential disease or parasites.(with gloves on, of course.) Your ruling planet is Mercury, which means you probably know exactly how many times you have taken a **** in your life up until this point. **** *** Your worst ******* nightmare. Advice: Chill the **** out. The only condition you're suffering from is a mental one and it's called Hypochondria.
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Jul 1, 2015
Jul 1, 2015 at 3:23 PM UTC
VIRGO: AUGUST 23rd-SEPTEMBER 22nd
As the wet wind hums its way through our two tower six-cylinder apartment complex. Birds fall from their naked winter wept branches, braced by stiff bones, mapped out in Alexandria, carrying notes from El Salvador. The corner market is closed, never opened. A hair salon stands in its place, it wrings out the "R's" from a Philadelphia warshing. And like every night, hot air cakes on an extra layer of indecipherable red dots up the arms and around the neck, minute pustules of hypochondria that steal my finger tips from the keyboard. I scratch and tip them, looking under their fiery scarlet caps for, I-don't-know-what disease. Paul says It's that magic school bus melanoma, typhoid drip, it comes at you from a computer screen and eats at your nervous system until you've got the wambles. Tuesday's used to be the worst, until I OWNED THAT **** I make a pronoun out of aluminum foil and wear it as a hat on a first date. Tinder is not bad for conceptual art projects. I carry it within me like an anodyne complex, out into the frozenness; into my mouth the air comes around my teeth, behind my uvula until winter freezes my voice and I am breathless. I abandon my miniature house to enter the pyramidal pinetum to the North. Wild paradise shrubs gather with songless animal noises watching as I take naked photographs of my father to preserve his body from anything less than his great immortal end. He lives on black moss and water from a nearby pond, he authors the face of Anthony Hopkins, thrown about, another casualty of fervid and blurry dreaming.
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May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 3:30 PM UTC
Hologram Father
As the wet wind hums its way through our two tower six-cylinder apartment complex. Birds fall from their naked winter wept branches, braced by stiff bones, mapped out in Alexandria, carrying notes from El Salvador. The corner market is closed, never opened. A hair salon stands in its place, it wrings out the "R's" from a Philadelphia warshing. And like every night, hot air cakes on an extra layer of indecipherable red dots up the arms and around the neck, minute pustules of hypochondria that steal my finger tips from the keyboard. I scratch and tip them, looking under their fiery scarlet caps for, I-don't-know-what disease. Paul says It's that magic school bus melanoma, typhoid drip, it comes at you from a computer screen and eats at your nervous system until you've got the wambles. Tuesday's used to be the worst, until I OWNED THAT **** I make a pronoun out of aluminum foil and wear it as a hat on a first date. Tinder is not bad for conceptual art projects. I carry it within me like an anodyne complex, out into the frozenness; into my mouth the air comes around my teeth, behind my uvula until winter freezes my voice and I am breathless. I abandon my miniature house to enter the pyramidal pinetum to the North. Wild paradise shrubs gather with songless animal noises watching as I take naked photographs of my father to preserve his body from anything less than his great immortal end. He lives on black moss and water from a nearby pond, he authors the face of Anthony Hopkins, thrown about, another casualty of fervid and blurry dreaming.
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5
pap pap pap I can't breath my stomach is bubbling like hot cheese on an fresh oven pizza my legs feel skinny I want to lean into a wall the floor looks spinny the wainscoting is squint my vision is blurry because...tears? Why is there worry in my middle? I feel fine, my mind is sound this fear isn't mine what’s it doing here? What is this panic? Fight or flight I understand, but this is plain manic. I need to go at top speed or maybe hide? Either way, be freed from this distress. pap pap pap Push someone over, human shield that **** reduce my exposure to hyperventilation. Shallow in, shallow out, I feel akin to sprinting Mufasa Pure distress acute discomfort, a proper mental problem. Nonetheless, it’s strange to foresee the diagnosis. It’s as if I’m watching from someone else’s skin as alligator clamps are botching holding my physiology in. A sunburn on my innards, a paperweight within you’d think I’d feel pride for finally having something wrong. Hypochondria being accurate the years of inventing doom, suddenly isn't aberrant those fabrications had substance. Or maybe all these thinks are symptoms in themselves after sifting through piles of shrinks, maybe I can finally get some help. pap pap pap Look at my pretty framed prescription, doctor certified, messy handwriting, this will take some decryption... don’t worry, take your time, this pathoreaction won't go away. I’m told desolation is a temperament set to stay until after eighteen simple payments. I’m inclined to reject treatment of drugs that fiddle with the mind I’d rather stay present, continue inconsistency. I would like to try narration, see how many kilometers I can recall. I can deal with frustration, so let’s talk about my childhood. Public transit without destination sends me on a revere, an absence of crippling desperation. I've found peace before it was between yellow poles, in the outside pocket of a backpack on parole. It smiled at me quietly. pap pap pap Apparently, it’s the small things that help you deal with anxiety.
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Jun 23, 2013
Jun 23, 2013 at 6:10 AM UTC
Anxiety
pap pap pap I can't breath my stomach is bubbling like hot cheese on an fresh oven pizza my legs feel skinny I want to lean into a wall the floor looks spinny the wainscoting is squint my vision is blurry because...tears? Why is there worry in my middle? I feel fine, my mind is sound this fear isn't mine what’s it doing here? What is this panic? Fight or flight I understand, but this is plain manic. I need to go at top speed or maybe hide? Either way, be freed from this distress. pap pap pap Push someone over, human shield that **** reduce my exposure to hyperventilation. Shallow in, shallow out, I feel akin to sprinting Mufasa Pure distress acute discomfort, a proper mental problem. Nonetheless, it’s strange to foresee the diagnosis. It’s as if I’m watching from someone else’s skin as alligator clamps are botching holding my physiology in. A sunburn on my innards, a paperweight within you’d think I’d feel pride for finally having something wrong. Hypochondria being accurate the years of inventing doom, suddenly isn't aberrant those fabrications had substance. Or maybe all these thinks are symptoms in themselves after sifting through piles of shrinks, maybe I can finally get some help. pap pap pap Look at my pretty framed prescription, doctor certified, messy handwriting, this will take some decryption... don’t worry, take your time, this pathoreaction won't go away. I’m told desolation is a temperament set to stay until after eighteen simple payments. I’m inclined to reject treatment of drugs that fiddle with the mind I’d rather stay present, continue inconsistency. I would like to try narration, see how many kilometers I can recall. I can deal with frustration, so let’s talk about my childhood. Public transit without destination sends me on a revere, an absence of crippling desperation. I've found peace before it was between yellow poles, in the outside pocket of a backpack on parole. It smiled at me quietly. pap pap pap Apparently, it’s the small things that help you deal with anxiety.
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90
My friends a hypochondriac, doctor twice a week. He looks so strong and burly, but feels so sick and meek. He heard there is a cure out there, that heals what ails him so. I just don't have the heart to tell him, he's taking a placebo. My friend is big and mighty, and the sugar pills do work. He says he's never sick now, no aches, and nothing hurts. I'm happy for him, really, though I wish he'd known much sooner, that sugar pills have what it takes, to heal the kids of boomers. Our parents taught us to be weary, as they had had no means, to heal themselves in the time of war, when they were all just teens. But times have changed, and we can now, heal most every sickness. But still there are hypochondriacs, needing sugar to cure weakness.
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Dec 5, 2014
Dec 5, 2014 at 3:10 AM UTC
"Hypochondria" - 6-Minute Poem Series
*She's a firefly; so fragile and weak, but her light shines brightly, always.* **She refuses to see why she should fix her Anxiety; Hypochondria and other things** *I only want what's best for her so that maybe someday she'll see the embers*
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Mar 8, 2016
Mar 8, 2016 at 11:02 PM UTC
Firefly
Health anxiety. You google one thing and it says another. You have a headache and it says its cancer. Countless trips to your family doctor. The test was negative, you will recover. Everything is fine but you’re feeling awkward. Maybe everything IS fine, perhaps you’re like an actor. Acting out the symptoms you should get an oscar. Sue me for feeling like somethings not right, get me a lawyer. To everyone around me, i’m like a destroyer. I need to rebuild my life from being an over reactor. Theres a fine line between normal worry and anxiety. Theres a fine line between being labelled from society. Theres a fine line between being sick and being healthy. But even those who are wealthy are not protected from being unhealthy. And thats where this fear has developed. Knowing the highest of classes still are not protected. CEO’s can get cancer. The president can get Alzheimer's. Investors can get tumors. Is it really so peculiar that I fear that this will occur. Occur in me? Effect my family? Increase mortality? Maybe i’m not a clinical case of a hypochondriac, but I feel that sometimes I can be. Maybe i’m not a maniac, but I know I over worry. These thoughts don’t keep me up at night, but when I’m sick I always think... What if its this, what if its that, what if this thing can **** me. But I guess thats just normal anxiety. Evolutionary instinct. Our human kind won’t go extinct. I don’t need to talk this out with a shrink. So this cold is lasting more than a few days, maybe i’ll just go to a doctor. Stop fearing that this is the end, see someone and you’ll feel better. You can get sick from being stressed, or even change from weather. Its not strange if you catch a cold, no need to worry it won’t last forever. When you feel like the doctor is wrong, please try to remember. A runny nose isn’t cancer, forgetting to check the mail isn't alzheimers, and a headache isn’t a tumor. Those are all just internet rumours. Google isn’t your doctor. Worrying isn’t hypochondria, no need to add that to your self diagnoses list. While disease is a real thing, worrying is the real *****
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Feb 14, 2016
Feb 14, 2016 at 3:33 PM UTC
Hypochondria
Health anxiety. You google one thing and it says another. You have a headache and it says its cancer. Countless trips to your family doctor. The test was negative, you will recover. Everything is fine but you’re feeling awkward. Maybe everything IS fine, perhaps you’re like an actor. Acting out the symptoms you should get an oscar. Sue me for feeling like somethings not right, get me a lawyer. To everyone around me, i’m like a destroyer. I need to rebuild my life from being an over reactor. Theres a fine line between normal worry and anxiety. Theres a fine line between being labelled from society. Theres a fine line between being sick and being healthy. But even those who are wealthy are not protected from being unhealthy. And thats where this fear has developed. Knowing the highest of classes still are not protected. CEO’s can get cancer. The president can get Alzheimer's. Investors can get tumors. Is it really so peculiar that I fear that this will occur. Occur in me? Effect my family? Increase mortality? Maybe i’m not a clinical case of a hypochondriac, but I feel that sometimes I can be. Maybe i’m not a maniac, but I know I over worry. These thoughts don’t keep me up at night, but when I’m sick I always think... What if its this, what if its that, what if this thing can **** me. But I guess thats just normal anxiety. Evolutionary instinct. Our human kind won’t go extinct. I don’t need to talk this out with a shrink. So this cold is lasting more than a few days, maybe i’ll just go to a doctor. Stop fearing that this is the end, see someone and you’ll feel better. You can get sick from being stressed, or even change from weather. Its not strange if you catch a cold, no need to worry it won’t last forever. When you feel like the doctor is wrong, please try to remember. A runny nose isn’t cancer, forgetting to check the mail isn't alzheimers, and a headache isn’t a tumor. Those are all just internet rumours. Google isn’t your doctor. Worrying isn’t hypochondria, no need to add that to your self diagnoses list. While disease is a real thing, worrying is the real *****
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40
my roommates are plotting tonight. "oil wrestling," says Tookah. "mud fights," says Darby. "let's be strippers!" in unison this time. they fake enthusiasm well enough. so well i'm not sure if they're kidding. i put in my headphones and disengage. it's electric, combined with some pseudo thinking. but i have to admit, my hypochondria subsides when i'm overtaken by their banter. Broken Social Scene is in my head. smoke between my lips. American Spirits. coffee on my tongue. tea will come later. Lauren will get off work soon and i'll feel complete again. but until then,  i will sit here and record this **** needlessly clean my vinyl, maybe clean the apartment, consider buying a new guitar, immediately dismiss the idea, fiddle around on the piano, pick up the fourth and final roommate from work, wait for my heart to stop beating in my head, and for her to come home to me.
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Feb 4, 2011
Feb 4, 2011 at 2:42 PM UTC
"let's be strippers!"
Everyone is high On self pity and Hate Self diagnosed with A terrible Fate No one knows How to be sad Without writing it off As extraordinarily bad Happiness isn't A permanent gig It's always there If you bother to dig Everyone is sad Because the world is ****** up And no one dares To see the good stuff A world of pessimism Breeds angry babes And they all start to believe Theres no Other way So load up on drugs Get high in the rest Because that's when the world Looks its ******* best No one was taught How to smile Despite the world Looking dark for a while So we all slit our wrists And demand sympathy From a world that never cared If you were down on your knees
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Jul 22, 2015
Jul 22, 2015 at 10:01 AM UTC
Hypochondria
Do you ever get deathly afraid of your heart exploding? Maybe you haven't felt like yourself and you worry maybe you're nearing your end. You sit up at night thinking about this phantom illness that chills you. You crank the heat, but you shiver in fear at the thought of leaving this world. In times of sadness, you thought it might be okay to be dead. That in comparison to the suffering darkness would make it all okay. But as you think this sudden change could by some percentile mean your death. You long for all the years ahead of you and shed tears for your children you'll never meet. You cry in terror until finally spared by sleep, and maybe feel better when you awake. You may even get some long-term relief by way of some doctor assuring you that you're fine. But it will only be a matter of time before your anxiety convinces you yet again that you are not long for this world. And you feel stupid for essentially worrying over nothing. But you do hope with all of your being in spite of past suicidal thoughts in spite of the heartache you've experienced... You hope with all of your being that you might just manage to live a long, happy life.
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Apr 9, 2021
Apr 9, 2021 at 1:58 AM UTC
Hypochondria
It starts with a thought My body tense familiar that feeling of anxiety in my belly again I Eat half a bowl of rice at 9pm my meal of the day and You're gone again for the summer my life is starting i am ready It starts with a thought I clean the scissors off they are sticky i check the mirror for evidence of fat loss i Try to go jogging up the hill but i am too tired too starved My faulty heart thuds and my lungs shrink i can't do it i'm not healthy enough It starts with a thought I count up my days calories one coke half bowl of rice I am disappointed with the number i can do better i can really starve and then i'll happy It starts with a thought I think of HPV hypochondria lymph nodes pregnancy I grab the scissors tie the band around my hair It starts with a thought the blades close around my hair long blond natural soft shiny crowning glory 10 inches down my back I hear one last snip and the ponytail is free I shake my head the hair is short so short and happiness wells up in me i feel so light i feel invincible It starts with thought and I'm not ******** you I did it I did it.
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Aug 17, 2014
Aug 17, 2014 at 10:47 PM UTC
Scissors
"Run down the list, if you please." "OK. Doc, let's start with these: An earwig with shin splints, a worm with heartburn, A cockroach with a cold-" "He should have wrapped up like he was told!" "-A bee with hay-fever." "She never listens either..." "A centipede with a migraine, A fly with wing sprain And a woodlouse with suspected vertigo."   "Is that them all?" "Well, no. There's an elderly spider with a blister on his *** He can't spin a web to build a trap or home. There is a grub with possible depression, A slug with a stomach bug And a ladybird with gout."   "Too many greenflies, no doubt." "There's a butterfly with signs of hypochondria due to a swollen antennae, no matter what I say he's certain he is going to die. Now, the last is a delicate imposition: the Queen ant wants birth control, Because she is sick of her pregnant condition."
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Aug 12, 2014
Aug 12, 2014 at 7:39 PM UTC
Insect Vet
As the wet wind hums its way through our two tower six-cylinder apartment complex. Birds fall from their naked winter wept branches, braced by stiff bones, mapped out in Alexandria, carrying notes from El Salvador. The corner market is closed, never opened. A hair salon stands in its place, it wrings out the "R's" from a Philadelphia warshing. And like every night, hot air cakes on an extra layer of indecipherable red dots up the arms and around the neck, minute pustules of hypochondria that steal my finger tips from the keyboard. I scratch and tip them, looking under their fiery scarlet caps for, I-don't-know-what disease. Paul says It's that magic school bus melanoma, typhoid drip, it comes at you from a computer screen and eats at your nervous system until you've got the wambles. Tuesday's used to be the worst, until I OWNED THAT **** I make a pronoun out of aluminum foil and where it as a hat on a first date. OKCupid's not bad for conceptual art projects. I carry it within me like an anodyne complex, out into the guzzling wind, the air that comes into my mouth and looks for any breath within me that it can go out of me with, and I'm breathless. I abandon my miniature house to enter the pyramidal pinetum to the North. Wild paradise shrubs gather with songless animal noises watching as I take naked photographs of my father to preserve his body from anything less than his great immortal end. He lives on black moss and water from a nearby bourn, he's the mien of an Anthony Hopkins, living in a hologram I saw in my dream last night.
0
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 6:25 AM UTC
hologram father
As the wet wind hums its way through our two tower six-cylinder apartment complex. Birds fall from their naked winter wept branches, braced by stiff bones, mapped out in Alexandria, carrying notes from El Salvador. The corner market is closed, never opened. A hair salon stands in its place, it wrings out the "R's" from a Philadelphia warshing. And like every night, hot air cakes on an extra layer of indecipherable red dots up the arms and around the neck, minute pustules of hypochondria that steal my finger tips from the keyboard. I scratch and tip them, looking under their fiery scarlet caps for, I-don't-know-what disease. Paul says It's that magic school bus melanoma, typhoid drip, it comes at you from a computer screen and eats at your nervous system until you've got the wambles. Tuesday's used to be the worst, until I OWNED THAT **** I make a pronoun out of aluminum foil and where it as a hat on a first date. OKCupid's not bad for conceptual art projects. I carry it within me like an anodyne complex, out into the guzzling wind, the air that comes into my mouth and looks for any breath within me that it can go out of me with, and I'm breathless. I abandon my miniature house to enter the pyramidal pinetum to the North. Wild paradise shrubs gather with songless animal noises watching as I take naked photographs of my father to preserve his body from anything less than his great immortal end. He lives on black moss and water from a nearby bourn, he's the mien of an Anthony Hopkins, living in a hologram I saw in my dream last night.
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5
Stay in bed Close the blinds **** the lights Listen to your breathing Listen to a faint pulse Listen to blood gushing through your ears Listen to your head The thoughts you can't describe The blood in your ears And try to breathe But anxiety lays on you like a heavy blanket And your chest heaves to no avail Blood in your ears Get up and move but there's no where to go Limbs are too heavy Blood in your ears Pulse elevating Suffocating under some invisible demon Gasping, gasping ***Blood in your ears.*** When you're on the hunt for your own blood, You'll beg hypochondria to **** you.
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Jul 3, 2013
Jul 3, 2013 at 8:51 PM UTC
Hypochondriasis
HYPOCHONDRIA The feeling so real So disconnecting: the mind and body surreal So encapsulating: the connection of fear to the assumed infirmity So enchanting: The assuring gestures of certain saneness "I'm ok. Its ok." James GIBEK Jude.
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Apr 20, 2015
Apr 20, 2015 at 1:57 PM UTC
HYPOCHONDRIA
A sharp pain origins unknown surprise in the disguise of keeping it cool am I to die from this? I look to you for comfort the reality of us in a dream like state a fear that it will all go away disbelief in your eyes an incredulous smile dying to escape the lips I hold dear something about your face was cold this is all too familiar and the fear reached a point I just could not take could not keep my heart safely in place it leapt in my chest at the sight of that face and the sharp pain came tenfold pinned me down to your bed woke up groggy pain faded fear instilled wish to stay frozen to have just been killed I am alright body is better mind is in trauma wish my heart was a feather so I left it in your bed tortured and tethered
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Apr 28, 2014
Apr 28, 2014 at 8:59 AM UTC
False Hypochondria
Get drunk any morning you like or afternoon or evening. Enjoy unlimited naps. Never be a wage slave again. Take up knife throwing. Don't worry about climate change, you'll be dead before you have to swim. Learn to juggle just because you can. Become a Professional Poet. Forget the difference between night and day. Get discounts on **** you don't need. Squeeze the taxpayers for all you can get. Never help anyone move again. Stop worrying about dying young. Act the curmudgeon; people expect it. Revel in hypochondria; any pain could be terminal. Begin every sentence with "Back in the day..." Remember: there is no 'future,' only the 'near future.' Act accordingly. Don't worry about getting drafted. Constantly forget what day it is. Say "I'm too old for this **** often as you wish. I've forgotten: did I mention the unlimited naps? ~mce
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Dec 15, 2015
Dec 15, 2015 at 9:29 AM UTC
A Few Joys Of Retirement
and if the myth be true, that the devil tempted with a fruit of knowledge, that man then was able to fathom like the ancient greeks atoms, then god tempted the devil by placing a mirror in the devil's domain, turning the devil's solipsism into narcissism, and thus devolving three dimensions into two, subsequently making the evil one a hallucinogenic. hypochondria is the weirdest kleptomania, you never steal anything but you're adorned by such prizes as non-existent cancers, headaches, itches, gnats of conscience, flu & irritable bowel syndrome; etc.
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Jan 14, 2016
Jan 14, 2016 at 6:04 AM UTC
grandfather's hypochondria
I can’t seem to catch hold of what’s next I’m digging in year old treasure chests to try and help me find a map to adapt along society’s throng the one I was born into and will die out of All of the questions being asked in my college classes pertain to inner opinions and oppositions I guess I struggle with this because in philosophy I learned self-love is the only superpower I have and I don’t want to talk about finding the balance between good and bad anymore my apologies Socrates, you’re the opposite of a bore but I’ve had enough of this question everything crap that I cannot even appreciate how simple this class is In English, I know writing will always be my salvation but motivation, I lack in motivation maybe I need my ritalin back but that’s a question for December that’s a question in whether I’m human enough to get up off my *** and ******* do something but every time I try to “do” something I feel like it’s ******** Oh Haley, that’s just your depression talking! and my self doubt and hypochondria and my eating disorder that I’ve been teasing with for months Recovery is a beautiful fallacy and honesty is for pages and strangers My apathy disgusts me and I’m stuck between an insatiable thirst for the past and appreciation for the luck I have
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Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 2:01 PM UTC
recovery is a beautiful fallacy
What is true surrender? How to stop fighting? I only know the why. My heart is aching Because I try and try and try ... Constantly starving myself From love Permanently thinking That I am not enough "Oh my poor self" This is self-pity "Why can't I be as Beautiful or pretty?" "This is so selfish You're superficial" This is the judging voice Sounds like an official "Making yourself dependent On looks. On other's opinions, On not your own truths" "Of course, you know best" -that's the submissive one. Digging deeper a knife Into one's own throat. "Whatever it takes I will express myself" -this is the fighter, Not giving up. "We need to stop, This is too much" The fearful voice Afraid of touch, "Uh you're so pathetic" That's the ********* Self-hurt multiplies When it arrives. "Let's do this again!" The optimistic tone, And there's the naive one "I'm in, yes, yes, yes!" "You can't be serious" The everlasting anger Trying to diminish Whatever one thinks And disappointment Arises and lingers In the air, One is thrown into mist. "I am so lost. I cannot see" That's overwhelm Coming over me. This is where all the voices at once Scream at me, talk to me, Not one by one. And overbearing with the emotion One starts to drown in the dark and deep ocean, Foggy the vision, nasty the mind, One deeply lost, blurry and blind. "Now are we satisfied?" That's the expectation, To make something outstanding Out of every creation. "Nah, could be better" The perfectionist, Trying to please... Forgetting ease. "My chest is burning" Hypochondria churning, Maybe the pressure is Simply too much. "You're so incapable!" The inner critic, Makes one feel hateful Towards oneself. "Wow, that's a lot" Finally self-compassion, Emerging slowly, Comes into action. "Burning" - exhaustion, The energy released And the heat in the body- Increased. "Is this awareness? What's my next step?" Carefully wondering, Still full of regret, This is distrust, Losing patience fast... Helplessness howls, Fear kicks in deeper, "I think I can't breath," Anxiety croaks. "When will it end?" I ask and reply: "It will not end, Until I die."
0
Jan 6, 2025
Jan 6, 2025 at 11:44 AM UTC
Surrendering to a thousand voices
What is true surrender? How to stop fighting? I only know the why. My heart is aching Because I try and try and try ... Constantly starving myself From love Permanently thinking That I am not enough "Oh my poor self" This is self-pity "Why can't I be as Beautiful or pretty?" "This is so selfish You're superficial" This is the judging voice Sounds like an official "Making yourself dependent On looks. On other's opinions, On not your own truths" "Of course, you know best" -that's the submissive one. Digging deeper a knife Into one's own throat. "Whatever it takes I will express myself" -this is the fighter, Not giving up. "We need to stop, This is too much" The fearful voice Afraid of touch, "Uh you're so pathetic" That's the ********* Self-hurt multiplies When it arrives. "Let's do this again!" The optimistic tone, And there's the naive one "I'm in, yes, yes, yes!" "You can't be serious" The everlasting anger Trying to diminish Whatever one thinks And disappointment Arises and lingers In the air, One is thrown into mist. "I am so lost. I cannot see" That's overwhelm Coming over me. This is where all the voices at once Scream at me, talk to me, Not one by one. And overbearing with the emotion One starts to drown in the dark and deep ocean, Foggy the vision, nasty the mind, One deeply lost, blurry and blind. "Now are we satisfied?" That's the expectation, To make something outstanding Out of every creation. "Nah, could be better" The perfectionist, Trying to please... Forgetting ease. "My chest is burning" Hypochondria churning, Maybe the pressure is Simply too much. "You're so incapable!" The inner critic, Makes one feel hateful Towards oneself. "Wow, that's a lot" Finally self-compassion, Emerging slowly, Comes into action. "Burning" - exhaustion, The energy released And the heat in the body- Increased. "Is this awareness? What's my next step?" Carefully wondering, Still full of regret, This is distrust, Losing patience fast... Helplessness howls, Fear kicks in deeper, "I think I can't breath," Anxiety croaks. "When will it end?" I ask and reply: "It will not end, Until I die."
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95
I can't breathe. My heart is beating five times a second. I'm dying, help me, please, please, I can't breathe. ... .. . The doctor in emergency said it's just anemia. The lady in emergency said it's just anemia and heartburn. The man in emergency said my heart is fine, fine, fine. I don't believe it, I'm dying. There are bumps in my throat and my nose is running I'm sneezing and coughing and fatigued I don't have a fever but my chest is killing me My jaw, throat, and head hurt periodically. How can I not be dying? ... .. . "Psychosomatic." . .. ... **** you. **** you for that. I think I'd know **** well if I'm panicking by now. This is real. This is what death feels like. This isn't in my head. I'm not crazy.
0
Mar 25, 2017
Mar 25, 2017 at 10:15 AM UTC
Hypochondria
well, a bit sidewinder a bit of anything, fast pace on daddylong legs on the guitar, pitch perfect translation instruments on the legs... played the harmonica with my heel and played the panflute with my toes... foxes running, shadows running, english suburbia... the perfected example. hypochondria costs the n.h.s. more than alcoholism... don't mind me, i can defrost cheese and make a **** good curry with original ingredients. that "self harm" on my right hand is actually from fighting with my cat... so i told myself... listen to the whole album while skiing with a six pack and get the gem out, the link's there, it's called: jackie mittoo's drum song. there was something else i might have neared to in the necessity of mention... but then... there isn't... there's cold whiskey... the cold orb surrounding the moon in custard cloud blotches... and me thinks... had the sun been closer to the earth requiring the distance of the moon to the earth as translated... it'd be as big as the orb of light exfoliated by the moon... otherwise the designated synchronicity before sunset... or sunrise. well the loon transgressed the laws of noon by dancing to the sight of solitary streets, and said against nietzsche the ******* without the cheese that there are to maxims worth forgetting if not worth implementing other than: modesty extinguishes vanity - apathy breeds no known pathology - surely enough i'm not looking for god like nietzsche's madman looking for god with a candlelight in broad daylight in the marketplace... no... i'm looking for diogenes... who's looking for an honest man!
0
Nov 24, 2015
Nov 24, 2015 at 7:55 PM UTC
http://bit.ly/1lIrIAx / jackie mittoo's drum song
well, a bit sidewinder a bit of anything, fast pace on daddylong legs on the guitar, pitch perfect translation instruments on the legs... played the harmonica with my heel and played the panflute with my toes... foxes running, shadows running, english suburbia... the perfected example. hypochondria costs the n.h.s. more than alcoholism... don't mind me, i can defrost cheese and make a **** good curry with original ingredients. that "self harm" on my right hand is actually from fighting with my cat... so i told myself... listen to the whole album while skiing with a six pack and get the gem out, the link's there, it's called: jackie mittoo's drum song. there was something else i might have neared to in the necessity of mention... but then... there isn't... there's cold whiskey... the cold orb surrounding the moon in custard cloud blotches... and me thinks... had the sun been closer to the earth requiring the distance of the moon to the earth as translated... it'd be as big as the orb of light exfoliated by the moon... otherwise the designated synchronicity before sunset... or sunrise. well the loon transgressed the laws of noon by dancing to the sight of solitary streets, and said against nietzsche the ******* without the cheese that there are to maxims worth forgetting if not worth implementing other than: modesty extinguishes vanity - apathy breeds no known pathology - surely enough i'm not looking for god like nietzsche's madman looking for god with a candlelight in broad daylight in the marketplace... no... i'm looking for diogenes... who's looking for an honest man!
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40
do you think that you are beautiful? the question filled the room the question mark, so stark digging into my ribs like a phantom pain that everybody else calls hypochondria that i call invalidation i grab the question mark with a fierce fist of indignation i change the words around an attempt at self love promotion i throw the question mark away pull out my bold persona YOU DO THINK THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! EXCLAMATION POINT! CAPITAL LETTERS! BOLD! do not question my beauty. do not question my existence. do not fill the space that i dare to embrace with a question mark when you could be making magic when you could be dancing in the light of your own healing yes, i do think that i am beautiful you shouldn't have to ask
0
Aug 8, 2021
Aug 8, 2021 at 4:14 AM UTC
question mark removal