By day the fear defines me;
By night it envelopes me,
Perpetually reaffirming it's hold,
Refusing to release me.
Escape would be the sweetest taste,
more so than this surrender
to which I have become accustomed,
and to which I have not the strength to nullify.
We are given this inadequate kit,
of alternate emotions and yoga poses,
with which to fight the fear,
as though we have a chance.
Yet no matter how tense my anger,
how jubilant my happiness,
or how serene my meditation,
this fear has found a forever host.
From adolescence we are told
that this fear is a human construct.
Oh, the absolute worst kind;
this kind has no solution.
As teenagers we are herded into groups,
and told they are what will ease the fear,
and yet, the same emotions exist in all.
So what then is our option?
Is it to find love?
A kindred spirit whose fear mirrors our own?
I do believe so.
Oh, I do believe so.
As young adults we are told this is wrong.
We should be independent;
searching for love will certainly lead to heartache.
We must just live a little longer with the fear.
In our 30's the advice is more rushed,
as though we really do have timers.
We are now told the time spent afraid,
was time wasted.
What a sick joke,
that we are given false testimonies,
and are bombarded with warnings,
all most surely unsolicited.
I will not listen.
This fear is mine, not yours.
It has been my dearest friend for so long,
but it is now my choice to leave it behind.