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Amarys Dejai Jul 2018
Isn’t is strange how we notice things when it is too late?
This is probably the last time that all of us will be in the car together. There will be no more midnight drives from hillside theatres. No more 2am dinner plans at kerbey lane.
This is the first time that I have noticed that you twirl your hair when you drive. My eyes have shifted from cityscapes flying across backseat windows to watching you wrap your hair around your finger.
It’s not slow and flirtatious, but quick and desparate, as if you're trying to distract yourself from the fact that we are growing up. It’s making me anxious, but I can’t look away.
This is the first time that I noticed the change in our silence. We are driving down nearly empty highways, and we are leaving behind our time. We are no longer laughing, and this silence doesn’t feel like it usually does. For once, none of us have anything to say. Or maybe, we know that there is not enough time to say all of the things that we should and want to say.
This is when I noticed how much I love driving down empty highways at midnight. Everything is slow, there is no rush, and, for once, there are no expectations of me.
I am finally, truly noticing that there will never be enough time to tell you all that I love you,
to hear you talk about science,
to hear about your travels,
to talk to you about your struggles,
to drive, and laugh, and cry with you,
to watch you twirl you hair.
Now, we have grown up, and our distances will strain our years of friendships,
and there will never be enough time with you.
George Krokos Oct 2014
General Note:
This is an autobiographical poem, given here in seven parts for reading convenience, which mentions some personal events of my life and the names of a few spiritual masters that I have read and studied a good deal about, the main ones being Paramahansa Yogananda and Meher Baba; the latter I have also written about in two other poems titled: #1 “The Highest Of The High” and #2 “The Universal Divine Plan” which are also posted on this website.*

Part 1
Even as a little child I do now recall
You often would respond to my call.
And whenever I was filled with sorrow
about certain things feared of tomorrow
You would comfort me in some natural way
assuring me there wouldn't be such a day
and then my heart would experience much joy
almost just like acquiring a long expected toy.

Together we would have laughter and fun
like a couple of children playing in the sun.
Though You did reproach me when I was bad
then lovingly forgive me when I'd be so sad.
You would always try and point out to me
the good things around there were to see.

You always were the one I called on when in need
beseeching You as no one else believed me indeed.
You were more or less my constant companion and friend
and together would see things through until the very end.
Now and then I would go my separate way and depart
but sooner or later I would remember You in my heart.
It seemed somehow, You had a permanent place in there
as if it would be impossible to leave it empty and bare.

Part 2
The days did pass by and as I was growing up with age
You would sometimes come and offer advice like a sage
especially when found out doing naughty things some days
by my elders, at the time, being not agreeable to their ways.
They would, by inflicting pain, try and get the message across to me
that what I'd been doing was particularly not very pleasing to see.
Those were the times when I would hide and cry my heart out,
wailing with remorse and anguish I would doubt You were about.
Blaming You for my misfortunes I would try and close the door
not accepting Your existence and then declaring a private war.
When all would become quiet and my mind's rage did subside
You would try and reason with me to put all my weapons aside.

Often were the times when I would listen rapt with awe,
to words of wisdom coming from deep in my heart's core.
Little did I know, at the time, that they would prove to be true,
as only to realise, much later in life, that they came from You.
Yet then, many a time, I had the temerity to pass You by
and meeting with troubles and difficulties wondered why.
The hardships I encountered seemed only to confirm in my mind
that You were a figment of my imagination better left far behind.

My alienation from You increased to such an extent,
as I grew up, becoming a storehouse of ill-content.
Associating with those very much in the same boat,
I began to drift and sink in life's tide rather than float.
Such was my plight, I realised, turning my back on You
ignorantly, yet willingly, tangling with a desparate crew.
That worldly ocean contains very many surprises in store,
for the unwary traveller, going away from the home shore.
By living an unnatural existence in a stormed-tossed sea
it's everyone for themselves disregarding their humanity.
But there were the moments when You would shine through
via members of my family and others advice on behalf of You.
Little did I heed though, what they would concernedly tell,
as I plunged headlong into a self-created, God forsaken hell.

Part 3
It was only through repeated experiences, I would learn
that, where I was heading, would surely make me burn.
Tempted with fancy indulgences my mind would lead me astray
and going from one extreme to the other in weakness I would stay.
Involved with those called 'friends' who really didn't know any better,
being like the blind following the blind, with many an unseen fetter.
It was living a life of sense pleasures; mainly that of wine, women and song,
which seemed to be what everyone else was doing, as each day came along.
Now and then I would stop to reflect on the state I found myself in
but, though I tried, didn't have the determination to leave and begin
a new life which would bring out and develop my real self
instead I wallowed in the mire of this worldly life like an elf.

Then the seemingly unexpected happened, while reeking with taints
I stumbled onto some wisdom through the words of one of Thy Saints.
Paramahansa Yogananda was one of Thy true and recent devotees;
mystic, philosopher, poet and saint, through Yoga he was all of these.
The story he told of life, in a far distant land, awakened my sleeping soul,
overwhelmed my mind with inspiration and taught that You were the goal.

He made the words of the New Testament come alive for me,
with patience and love, showing how real they could easily be.
Without any coercion he helped me realise the truth they contained
for many years escaping my attention though now readily attained.
By dispelling my ignorance he was leading me gently back to You
with Divine knowledge and practical wisdom, I did follow him too.
He helped to turn my gaze inside so that I may see the Inner Light
and by acting on his advice was able to behold that blessed sight.
Transforming my existence, he told me that which I hungered for,
ignorantly looking in the wrong direction not knowing any more.
I began to know the meaning of discipline, in a persons' life by which
any individual could rise from the bottom of existence and so reach
that state of consciousness from where all problems were resolved
through perseverance and grace did get myself seriously involved.

Part 4
He opened up a whole new world of possibilities and life to see,
while reading and comprehending his words power flowed in me.
Then one day at work almost at the turn of a new year,
I heard someone mention a name they held quite dear.
It must of remained in my head like a dormant and potent seed,
because it was associated with a person of a very high breed.
As it turned out an incident happened, involving someone dear in my life,
which I recognized to be more than a chance to end some personal strife.
So, early in the new year, I became determined to give it a go,
that is, live up to my highest aspirations, forsaking much woe.
In order to remove the distance between myself and that which I aspired to
many things were done, impossible it seemed, while keeping my mind on You.

With the knowledge and courage garnered by Yoganandaji's grace
I began to come closer to You at quite a remarkably steady pace.
A lot of things were given up, mainly those holding me heavily down,
and other things were taken up, suggested by Your chosens' renown.
Purification of body and mind was the main way to achieve that end,
sublimation of all actions, inner motives, Your Will I could not offend.
You had to become my One and Only, all else I had to give away,
all that I thought was mine belonged to You, having the final say.
You were everywhere, in everything and also in everyone,
I sought to please You only, like Your Own Begotten Son.
This was more easily said than done as I soon began to see,
that I virtually had to cease to exist and live totally in thee.
How I were to do this was beyond my situation at the time
though I tried with a little success in that favorable clime.

Part 5
Then I remembered that name mentioned just a short while ago
and thus made some effort to find out more as I needed to know.
I came across and even bought a few books relating to that name,
thus began another chapter in my life which wasn't quite the same.
What I began to read was the culmination of all that had come before
and by maintaining a steady discipline realized incredibly much more.
My expectations and joy increased so much so in what I had found
all else meant nothing to me, it seemed, coming across Holy ground.
The words I read were so beautiful, loving, very profound and true
I was dumbfounded to realize they were coming directly from You.

The books I read were by and about a person called Meher Baba
whose name in English was translated as 'Compassionate Father'.
In actual fact He never wrote those books at all as such
but dictated the words on an alphabet board in his clutch.
He would spell every word out to one of His close ones patiently,
by pointing to each letter in the words, moving His finger quickly.
His close one would then record what was 'said' each time by Him
for the benefit of those who would come later, such was His Whim.

He did not write or speak during the greater part of His life,
communicating with silent gestures, not even having a wife.
The words that He 'spoke' were of the highest wisdom and Love,
bringing down Divine Truth, with which to awaken us, from above.
He confirmed and corrected what all the others said about You,
knowing more than the others did, but also respecting their view.
His was the highest philosophy that's ever been described by hand,
by anyone before or since, in this world, anywhere inscribed on land.
He was The One I was always looking for everywhere to find
You were really Him being the latest Unique One of The Kind.
He was also from the same league as Zoroaster, Rama, Krishna, Buddha,
Jesus and Muhammad, but appearing this time around called Meher Baba.

Part 6
You, Him and all the Others were the same One, it was emphasized,
but each time You'd come down were so very differently disguised.
Each time You would come heralding a New Age and New Humanity,
which was what some of Your Saints were preparing mankind to see.
By discipline, meditation, study, prayer, purification of body and mind,
one could devote them self to You in daily life, so not to be left behind
in the coming New World Order which shall abate the rushing tide
of ignorance and selfishness, being a part of mankind's lower side.

We have all seen and should know how bad its really been lately,
with all the wars and power struggles that have passed belatedly;
causing so much destruction, pain, loss of life and property
Your words would ring through my brain jolting my memory:
You said 'such are the pangs and symptoms of spiritual rebirth'
and that all would be affected by Your presence on this earth.
Which is due to mankind's forgetfulness, of its divine origin, and is instead
all engaged in asserting short lasting and false values lodged in its head.
These are based on illusion which is the reason we are grossly misled
being the cause of much evil, having ignored what You previously said.
It's only by living a divine life while here on this earth that we can all
fulfill life's purpose thus being not required to come back any more.

You compassionately stated the importance of following a Perfect Master (See Note #1)
by surrendering and obedience to Him/Her anyone could get there much faster.
He/She was someone who had already achieved life's purpose and Divine goal
and was the very embodiment and shining example of man's Highest Soul.
Only by becoming as dust at the feet of such a living true saint,
seekers could gain His/Her grace and so attain a life free of taint.

Part 7
Your advent here amongst us was like the 'spring tide of creation',
when everyone gets a gentle 'push forward' to a higher life station.
The work You did while here was often very intense and exhaustive
so much so that many times You remained very aloof and seclusive.
Undergoing a great deal of suffering while working within the inner planes
uplifting mankind's consciousness by removing the vitiating mental stains,
that have accumulated over all the years to such an enormous extent
obscuring the Light of Love and Truth revealed by Your last advent.

The words You gave came from the Source of Truth and have real meaning
and those who are ready to receive them there's a rich harvest for gleaning.
Though You did say that You 'have come not to teach but to awaken'
and it was because of Love, in this present form, Your Spirit had taken.
You showered on those who came before You of Your Love, peace and charity
not forgetting the good humor and Divine Knowledge imparted out of necessity.
Continually exhorting Your dear ones that by remembering and loving You all would be well
because You were the God man (See Note #2) Who was the slave of Your lovers; by Grace one could tell.
You did mention many times that You were not limited by this apparent human ****** form
and that You used it only to manifest Thy compassion being more accessible than the norm.
Coming down to be amongst us on our level so that we could catch a glimpse of You as before
appeasing our spiritual hunger; by sight, touch, words and deeds, thus confirm our faith for sure.

_________
Note #1
A Perfect Master or Sadguru (Satguru) can be either male or female and is on the 7th Plane of Consciousness (Involution).and has achieved full Self-Realization and is one with God. Also called a Man or Woman God. He or She live the life of God in the world and wield infinite power, knowledge and bliss. A person who comes into contact with a Perfect Master is helped to progress on the spiritual path.
See also ‘Discourses‘ and ‘God Speaks’ by Meher Baba

Note #2
Also known as or called an Avatar – a direct and full Incarnation of God in human form. The Avatar appears on earth (is brought down) every once in a while - from between 600 to 700 years or 700 to 1400 years - when there is a great upheaval or turmoil in the world. The 20th Century was marked by two World Wars and the threat of Nuclear Destruction.
See also ‘Discourses ‘ and ‘God Speaks’ by Meher Baba.
halfheartedsoul Jan 2015
Built up tears,
A dam released,
Violent movements,
Punching bags.

And all at once,
It liberated itself
Of its confining chains.

Alone,
An empty house,
All that movement in still air,
Very much hoping to be heard.

And the irony
of not knowing how to explain.

Harsh tears,
Ripped heart,
A voice made coarse,
Anger,
Frustration,
Fused a total meltdown.

An agonising cry,
Desparate movements replay
On days when feelings numb down,
And a hole widens from deep within,
Projecting from an empty shell,
Onto a vastly absent world.

All the kicking,
The punching,
Sore knuckles,
Aching knees,
Swollen eyes,
Dripping sweat,
An utterly spent heart.

And a hot scalding bath later,
An hour or so,
When souls filled a place called home,
It was as though nothing ever happened,
Simply a day well spent,
Rather eventful.
Star Gazer Mar 2016
When Pablo Neruda does it, it's beautiful art.
When I do it, it's cringy and desparate.
When Van Gogh does it, it's dedication.
When I do it, it's insanity and a restraining order.
When Picasso does it, it's cubism.
When I do it, it's scribbles.
When Robert Frost does it, it's wisdom.
When I do it, it's 'Facebook Garbage'.
hey Mar 2015
People tell me I'm desperate because I want true love...
It is time to give that-of-myself which I could not at first:
To offer you now at last my least and my worst:
Minor, absurd preserves,
The shell's end-curves,
A document kept at the back of a drawer,
A tin hidden under the floor,
Recalcitrant prides and hesitations:
To pile them carefully in a desparate oblation
And say to you "quickly! turn them
Once over and burn them".

Now I (no communist, heaven knows!
Who have kept as my dearest right to close
My tenth door after I've opened nine to the world,
To unfold nine sepals holding one hard-furled)
Shall - or shall try to - offer to you
A communism of two ...

See, entry's yours;
Here, the last door!
Jenn Yeo Aug 2013
So here it goes, a message to the lord
A man whom I've talked to few times before
Although I never really believed in him, the thought was quite hysterical
Until the day I needed a miracle

They say you're the man I need to befriend
To change my life and give my torn heart a mend
And so I hear your power Is greater then we can ever know
I challenge you to let your powers be shown

I was in love you see and he was only sixteen
He had a troubled mind and he struggled every night
I told him that I loved him and that this pain wasn't sempiternal
But he did something that was said to be eternal

He took his life, his spirit sent away
To another thought in time and space
This is where you come in; just hear me out
Let me tell you what this really is about

He saved me every night so why couldn't I just this one time
It didn't have to be this way; grant me the grandest favour of giving back his life
I promise to never sin or disobey your words
If you are true, show me my voice is heard

I know there's other in need but lord you don't understand
That boy was the biggest part of me, he made me who I am
Without him I have nothing, he was all I had
Tell me great one, can you bring him back?

It's a lot to ask, I realize this but I'll give you all I have
I'll be what you want me to be, no questions asked
If you're real don't letter me suffer or drown in sin
Bring him back and let him be what he should have been

The choice Is yours but I beg of you, think well and long
I'll be your humble servant if you cant prove this theory wrong
You're all I have to turn to, my last bit of hope
Please don't leave me on this earth rotting alone

If you don't accept my offer I must warn you there will be
Another angel at your gates waiting for you to meet
So it's up to you, but just know if you decline
I'll be joining him, for I promised I'd never leave his side
♥ rest in paradise Martin ♥
A Machele Aug 2012
'07:* girl meets boy, senses shocked—
life as she knew it forever swayed by his rash and carefree decisions
she grows, leaving the world she knew behind
metamorphosing rapidly, shedding the comfort of her caccoon..
sprouting wings where legs once grew

'08: time passes yet their feelings have not come to fruition
another man enters the picture, bringing new hope to love
squashing all ideas of it before it even has a chance to flourish
gone, never to be heard from again; back to the drawing table..
her flight path altered slightly, regaining composition—slowly but surely

'09: her light shines bright now, thru numerous trials and tribulations
enter: a new boy; his style & grace caresses her to the core
his soul intertwines with hers, pouring brightness over the dark times
little does she know the darkest are yet to come..

'10: their obsession grows, littered with dishonesty & mistrust
an obvious love affair; tainted relationships append a broken start..
the girl—confused, lost in remorse—negates the power she knows exists in their love
he fights for her & she pushes him away, hopelessly overwhelmed by her guilt

'11: a new year; old habits—the glow of their love almost completely diminished
hearts broken, new relationships envelop their mistrust; loss, gain, loss gain
guilt finally replaced by regret, she realizes what she knew all along..
slightly shaken, she mends her heart & bandages her bruised ego
—in honor of the child now growing inside of her

'12: a beautiful boy brought into their world; blinded happiness—
a sudden change of heart from the boy, torn apart by his own insecurities and emotions
a bitter & resentful girl, grasping at the wind; no reciprication
finally—a break in the void.. hopeful at last, she is hesitant to be too greedy..
should she fight for him as he did her? or will their destinies choose themselves?

'13:* a twisted plot: boy #1 re-enters the scene; lost, desparate, & reminiscent of the past
tear-streaked and beautiful, the girl—now a mother—makes the decision she knew would never make itself..
squashing all traces of lingering hope in her now-adamant beau, she takes their son & leaves behind the life they knew; it is her turn to be greedy
dreams as fragile as rose-petals are crushed beneath the eyes of the friends she once called family
slate cleared; it is over before it began.. homeward bound—to the family she calls nothing

to be continued
If I see you
—walking down the street in the arms of another,
staring at them like they were the blessed mother,
holding them like fragile equipment—
I'll trod along, pretending to never have known you were there in the first place

My love, will you let me stay slave to loneliness,
will you continue to shun me in your desparate attempt to move on?

The thought of you in the care of someone else
irks my mind and pains my soul
It punctures my armor scathed
like the claws of a lion that fell itself

The very sight of your iridescent face
gleaming like a multifaceted gem
struck by light in a way it shows
life in glamorous technicolor burns my thoughts

The way your hands are clasped with theirs
Contrast to mine holding my own
together in prayer that you are mine alone
but what I wish differs from what I see

My love, will you let me stay slave to loneliness,
will you continue to shun me in your desparate attempt to move on?

If you see me
—strolling pass by you, trying to catch a glimpse of your face,
admiring you like you are a dancing sun,
trying to catch your image in my memories—
trodding by, just pretend you didn't so it wouldn't hurt any more than I have already hurt myself
Read more of my works on: brixartanart.tumblr.com
You take all the light
leaving desparate shadows
that congregate down below
Your breath as hot and dust
a desert on the go
Your intentions as devious
Every motion shuns

Picture a rose out in
New Mexico
Withered in thirst
Strangled in weeds
that have no roots
with no sins to bear
No redemption cleansed clear

Catch the thorns
on cati high
As the midnight blooms
Let the blood flow
from the punctured wounds
From the soul undone
to the desert below .
One with the ruined sunset,
The strange forsaken sands,
What is it waits, and wanders,
And signs with desparate hands?

What is it calls in the twilight--
Calls as its chance were vain?
The cry of a gull sent seaward
Or the voice of an ancient pain?

The red ghost of the sunset,
It walks them as its own,
These dreary and desolate reaches . . .
But O, that it walked alone!
TOD HOWARD HAWKS May 2021
To create, to mate one with another,
to form a whole out of desparate parts,
is what the Supreme Being did. Why?
To try to let all know that each is connected
infinitely to all others, that though there are many,
there is only One. When we come to see this
spiritual paradox, when we realize paradoxically
that this seeming paradox is no paradox at all,
we shall attain Enlightenment, we shall finally
become Truth.

TOD HOWARD HAWKS
ANTLIKE STRENGTHS
A poem by Tricia Hague-Barrett 1993

An ant carries its large load across the cracks
in the path on its way homeward
Nothing gets in its way
Nothing prevents him from succeeding,

If only I could have seen the end in the beginning
where struggles are frequent but passable,
testing but not breaking my resolve to give in
to the desparate feelings of loneliness, tiredness.

Ant-like, I too have to learn to carry the heavy load,
The Teaching load, the Administrative load,
carry it across potholes, ditches, mountains
and through distant valleys of calmness.

Turbulent tests, stumbling stones,
each there to guide me along the way
Like guardian angels, each one
Heralding the Dawn of a New Day.

Ends.
(C) 1993
Caleb Jaren Feb 2010
Excrement of the intangible
The iron ****** lung
The sharp inhalation - raspy reality
The thought that all is too much
The repressing of doubts in the hollow
The incommunication at the office
The freezing of the faculties
The desparate sigh two chairs away
The sensation of lost in a maze
The plaintive face of misunderstanding - and
The allocation of the assets
The incessant attempt at grubbing funds from already empty pockets
The sneer of the Tax Man
The ineffectual Cops and
The stern eyes of judgement
The remainder of all that was sacred
T Nov 2014
it is an injustice
and when it happens
your fists clench
teeth grinding against each other
as you bite down hard
and hold back the voice that
they've already silenced
you see
there are three kinds of people that the world loves
four kinds if it's a good day and the sky is blue
five if you squint
six if you close your eyes
seven if you never listen to the screams
eight if you stop being able to feel sorry
for the dead boys in the street
and the girls whose hijabs are starting
to resemble bandages on top of war wounds
like their existence is something that
some enemy with more guns than compassion
can't bear to see
but there are three kinds of people that the world loves
the rich
the white
the cishet male
it seems if you have money
then you get what you need
if you skin is the color of cream
you get what you want
if your body matches the on/off binary
that some dead white guy built up
in a desparate attempt at stifling
a world he didn't understand
then you get safety
if your love can fit neatly
in teh confines of a church
whose god is more disappointment
than righteous anger
because the time for anger was years ago
the time for anger was dead men and women
people with stars in their front windows
and people with triangles on their breastpocket
the time for anger
was a young girl
staring at a young girl
as her parents threw her to the dogs
as her flesh was torn for teh sake of blessings
as her body was cursed for the sake of god
as her existence was removed
erased
ignored
for teh sake of someone else's comfort
you see the world is a bad place
full of battles that no one wants to fight
full of wars that no one wants to see
and you will stand some day
in front of a sea of people
and try to profess yourself a prophet
you will proclaim your news good
you will paint peace across your forehead
like that will distract from the blood on your hands
but by your silence they will know you
by your soft steps
your late entrance
your blank face at the sight of their dead children
they will recognize you for what you are
and their fists will clench
their teeth will grind against one another
as they bite down hard
and hold back a voice that they
that you
already silenced
Ashley Singh Jul 2016
Ever since I was young,
I wanted to grow up to be a cigarette
Because it was the only thing my father could never let go of.
Something he could always show off.
And Be proud of.

Ever since I was young
I wanted to grow up to be a cigarette
But I was nothing more than just your ash tray
How you would dump me on the floor
You swore I was nothing important to you ...

Wait...
Wait now, ash
Sit back
Relax
Don't forget to breathe, if the smoke doesn't get to you first
And picture yourself sitting on the side of the street again
That day
You fell on your knees
And realized there was no one there to help you get back up.
With tears in your eyes, you saw a cloud of smoke arrive but it floated right passed you.
This desparate want that I had was just a feud
But phew!
I knew it was something I would eventually get through.
I guess, after all, you just really really wanted to be the cancer to my cigarette.
David Watt Aug 2011
Keep me busied until i'm blind,
So I cannot see the divide of yours and mine.
Whisked up in desparate uncounted steps,
Unfeeling unhindered by lonely threats.

Cough up and out all the black,
The taint the stain of all I lack.
Distract me so I see no ill,
Dillusional I live like on some blissful pill.

Stop the clock and it all hits,
In disconnection my happiness sits.
Away from heartache crave and despair,
Unhealthy obsessed and blissfully unaware.

Give me distraction at every moment,
To save me from future lonely atonement.
Kathleen D Weibe Nov 2009
I drove from I-95 over to I-90/94
Yes you can say I put the metal to the floor

Drove all day and into the night
Guess I was going to fast now smokey is in sight

He stopped me and laid on me one hefty fine
He said slow down and be safe wow! he was kind

Went back to the driver seat to color in my log
Rolling down the highway pretending to be a big dog

Have a hot hot load and no time to spare
Running my face on the CB acting like i have something to share

All ready 3200 miles into this trip
Just hoping and praying that I just don't quit

Oh lord the chicken coop is open and pulling me around back
Lucky me Mr. DOT man letting me know I have a missing stack

Shut down of course till the repair guy fixes my truck
Have to call the company now just to pass a buck

Down too many hours wore out and beat
What can go wrong? have a broken air-ride seat

No border patrol or radio stations here in Montana
Have only one Cd why on earth did it have to be Santana?

Jamming to the only tunes, my truck doing all bit of 68
Driving illeagle to get there and cant remember the last time I ate

I'm in desparate need of real hot shower but I'm almost at the receiver
Stopping in to get some fuel, Just my luck got bit by a golden retriever

This has been a trip from hell no doubt about that
What else can go wrong? what that sound to notice I have a flat

I'll limp the rest of the way  have 10 mins. to get check in
After I get unloaded and the tired fixed I"ll do it all over again.
Q Jul 2014
Sometimes I feel this one vessel can't contain all these experiences, all these emotions.
This one trip isn't enough
This one guy isn't enough
This one life isn't enough

What then?
A higher peace?
A believing remedy?
Blind blind apathy.

I try. I tried. I became. I become.
I'm a fool. A servant. I'm a slave to these emotions.
They turn on me like the light from the atoms in the night sky.

What are these?
These experiences.
What is their mount?
What is their worth.

I try to desert the hurt then thwart the pain..but of course it enters through the memorized corners of my gaping heart.
It swallows my pleasure, happiness, reason to be until there's just a silence.  Desparate acceptance.
Yes. Yes. I'm a willing slave of this pain.
What else can you call a non-doer.

Cecelia was right.
Indecision is decision.

                                                      ­            *s.q.
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;

Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard"



.
CharlesC Apr 2012
A home
un-bounded love.. and light
with growing
dark hidden fissures
from stabbing inquiries..
each day's exhortation
to depart and exhale..
fierce need to locate
the source of his
heart's agitation...

Inheritance pleaded and won
exceedingly more than
the packet he carried..
exaltation.. expanding.. exhaling
a journey begun with
destination promising the
solutions he sought...

Arrival unease..inquiries
begin to unfold..
gathering clouds.. dark
shadings of fear and doubt..
questions persisting once more
desparate need.. to inhale..

At last recalling inherited light
remembering.. immediately
he knew..
a season now ending
his identity now clear
confidence leaping.. inhaling
electricity flowing
home-bound...

A welcoming light
celebration and feasting
soon shaded by
a brother's irritation..
sharp glances absorbed
with joyful glow..
he recognized an echo
of recent ventures below..
brother's birthing pains
a gift
of precious in-sight...

New departure now pending
spring's budding and fragrance
life breathes with seasons
inherited light
zestful.. exhaling
new creation.. calling
from those places
below.
Judy Ponceby Oct 2010
Ancient wise and fearsome, Dragons grab the mind.
Rend the soul. Open your eyes to the delights of gold.*


Reaching forth with one glistening claw,
scraping the earth in a foot deep furrow,
It opens an eye to gaze upon the foolish
who seek its treasure.
And seeing before it a young boy,
gazing in awe, total amazement,
smirks in silent humor.

Puffing out a wisp of smoke,
enamoring the boy even further,
it slowly stretches wide its winges,
making shelter from the icy weather,
for this fearless child of Man.

The gold tinted, rustling scales,
shake the child from his reverie,
and gazing into the creatures eye
He asks in a timid shaky voice,
Mighty one, can you spare a coin?

Staring sharply, at this young sapling of a boy,
daring to request such a heavy toll,
from one such as he.  
The Ancient One, with eye whirling,
reaches under his massive belly and extracts a pence.

And to the boy, breathes "for a price childe, you may have such as this"
The emaciated filthy boy, looks hopefully up at the dragon,
wondering what a price would be for this pence.
And, yet knows that he has no choice but to pay.

For at home, his family suffers terribly from the poverty
brought on by invading tribes from the farlands.
Food taken, cattle slaughtered, family treasures destroyed.
Like so many others, suffering under this retribution,
desparate for the basic neccesities of life.

And from this suffering, born in this young boy,
Courage enough to approach the Ancient One for assistance.
And, so he steps forward, shaking, and bowing his head, asks,
"What price do you require, Ancient One?"

Rumbling deeply in its chest, the dragon considers,
this lowly life form, its obvious need and desparation,
commands, "Return tomorrow, with a robin's egg
and you shall have this pence."
And, closing its eyes, lowering its wings, became still as stone.

And so, hope sprung forth in the young lad's heart,
as he raced to share the news with his family.
That such a treasure should be within his grasp for such a simple request.
And, so begins the story of mentor and student.
With hope for a better future for family and friend.
Tashea Young Oct 2016
Have you ever crossed paths with a person who's words were kind?
Then when you are not paying attention they strip naked and robbed you blind.
When all along they had you thinking they were a person who was truely divine.
Listen to my story as I press Rewind.

Once upon at time,
He was my rhythm and I was his rhyme.
I fell in love with him but I barely gotten to know em.
Our relationship was like words scripted from a love poem.
Its started off as a sweet song, harmonized tone, with a beautiful melody.
It was blissful, so euphoric, and heavenly.
Almost like a fairytale story told in a musical symphony.
It turned into more than what i imagined it would be.
Intensely!
Our eyes would lock and make love passionately.
Almost as if we were saying I'm in love with you telepathically.
Our minds, our thoughts, our spirits were attractive intimately.
I yearned for his touch,
I wanted him to love me just as much.
We had laughs and smiles that last for miles and miles.
I even Envisioned me walking toward him in white dress down the Asile.
Then he turned to me and said, " You stole my heart without even telling me. Now I must arrest your heart and charge it with a felony."
We sky dived head first into love and we were drunk in it, madly.
Obsessed with him, I was desparate and felt I needed him badly.
He saw beyond what every man couldn't possibly see.
He surpassed the physical state and Met me spiritually.
Thats when he took the key,
Loosen the cuffs and set it free.
I thought God must have sent him because I prayed for and Angel to come Rescue Me.
From then on I thought I knew we were meant to be.
Unfortunately,
Its was never love it was just lust.
It was the evil spirits we were secretly fighting deeply rooted inside of us.
Our demons recognized each other and discovered and attraction.
Thriving and preying on each other's compassion
Just to get a negative reaction.
Living together in Sin with much dissatisfaction.
Maybe we got too close.
Perhaps, your love was a toxic drug and I begun to overdose.
Felt like you were the parasite and I was the host.
Feasting upon my heart and emotions as if they were a juicy tender tasting *** roast.
We were cutting each other deep forgetting that we sow what we reap.
We went from loving human beings to acting vengeful and savagely mean.
Fighting each other Exceedingly in a way that was filthy and unclean.
Towards each other we grew apart, cold and keen.
The false love lead us on wild goose chase actively searching.
From that moment when I followed him to the bedroom and I gave to him a prized possession most call by the name of "That One Thing"
We both became Undeserving.
That "One Thing" is something that I should have been preserving.
The time i spent serving,
Is when I should have been picking up on you and learning.
I was trying to prove to for you I would do almost anything.
So I gave myself as a offering.
I even bared two children a male and female offspring.
But it didnt mean a thing because I was only suppose to be a fling.
Dear Mr. Lying King
     Has the taste of my love left upon your life with painful sting.
Even though he seem to be suffering,
still to me he still tends to cling.
He needed me like the violin needs its strings.
He would stay stuff like, "You belong to me."
But Someone please tell me How could that be?
How Could I be his Good thing,
For upon this Finger lies no wedding ring.?
We both became vulnerable and open.
We were confused over the words we have previously spoken.
The words that were spoken about love being a precious token.
But we were both victims of being broken.
Broken like a glass cup being thrown at concrete wall.
I took a step with him but he just sat there watching me as I fall.
He stole my youth, my peace, and everything that was wrightfully mine.
Left my world dark cold and lonely because he took Sun shine.
This is where I draw the line.
This had me wondering if this a modern day lynching.
Due to These feelings Im witnessing
Got me thinking, Could this be my death sentencing?
Symbolically your mental physically and verbal abuse. Has me Feeling as if I'm hanging from a tree as my neck is wrappped with rope from a noose.
Screaming, "Somebody help me cut me loose."
So I close my eyes praying for my repentance. Struggling, finding it hard to breathe with each statement and sentence.
Father Here I am seeking you once again humbly.
At this point I know you really should be done with me.
I know you are probably tired of hearing me cry.
Even asking myself A thousand and one times, "why man why?"
I know you are tired of hearing me complain and wine.
But Im tired of hiding behind a fake smile knowing that I am not really fine.
Lord give me a signal or show me sign.
All these thoughts are pacing rapidly thru my head and im slowly losing my mind.
As I pray GOD my life realign.
I put all the bad things away Im leaving it all behind.
For God has put me on another case, which he reassigned.
I came across scriptures, poetry, songs and books and I read it and this is what i find.
My story was just a tale of 2 souls that became one combined.
"How" , you ask because they're souls turned into 1 soul intertwined.
Thats how it was originally planned to be designed.
The one becomes the others rib and the other becomes the backbone/spine. But if you are unequally yoked and not spiritually inclined
It will all be just a mere waste of precious time.
So the next time somebody ask you for *** before marriage would you immediately decline?
Yeah he/she may be fine,
Maybe he/she is even one of a kind.
But all of that means nothing if you can't love their mind.
Dont walk around here being loved deadly and blind.
i chaw a trifle
a quid of desparate thoughts
soon hawked on a page
Senryu
No, i do not chew tobacco
halfheartedsoul Nov 2017
I want to disappear and never surface
I want to wake up and not feel
I want to smile without an aching heart

Was this heart broken by me or had the world crumbled it's light?

I see the mirage of a future, a vibrant past but as I look around I see nothing but the blurry depths of the sea, currents pulling and pushing, water forcefully rushing down my throat, filling my chest as I struggle in reflex.

It was such a cold night, too cold to be alone.

I am a failure, one who'd given up on life and was given up upon and as my body sinks deeper into this dark abyss I prayed to God for warmth.

There were days I felt relief under the torrential rain, some, light headedness as sun rays kissed my skin. I was made euphoric with simple pleasures. And in that degree, I felt pain all the same.

I resigned to the sinking of my body and the lost of sight on this lonely path but just as much I was desparate for salvation.

With effort, I came up and was washed upon the shores. It was cold, too cold. Water came out of my nose and I coughed and heaved.
Laura Jul 2013
You’ve only ever came to me in my dreams
I’ve created who you are through my imagination
You’re perfect in my eyes;
A loving creation

But when one steps into reality,
They’ll notice you’re on the other side
You’ll never cross over;
You’re a slave to your pride

You won’t let your status fumble
Embrace the popularity, leadership; it all
Disregard the other side
And let the bridge between them fall

After all this time I’d spent gaining courage to cross
Or waiting for you to meet me half way
My chances are slowly fading
With the light of each new day

And so I’ll stay and wait and watch over you
Heavy hearted and hurt inside
Desparate that someday soon you’ll come and build up the bridge
And coexist with the other side
this is actually published holla
Elijah Dec 2014
coffee wouldn't soothe his pain
blood wouldn't flow right in his vein
books are his love, his companion
the pages were the reflection to his dominion
*********
His body took a long walk of despair
his thoughts so paralyzed, no spiritual repair
melancholy triggered his burning bridges
no recall or a sight of purity
life and death was lying next to him
heart so cheap, so unfortunate
but his soul reached out
and whispered, "clarity is a state of mind"
Deception broke his happiness to bare
a goth's retreat would never compare
the darkness inferiorated his peace
kindness was so rare - death called his name
heart so desparate, so lost
but his soul reached out
and whispered, "clarity is a state of mind"
Ear occlusion and concussions were his gravitation
reluctant sadness killed his meditation
no recognition or understanding from his peers
body kindled its way to the hearts of people
he know not his worth, his birth
heart so fragile, so irregular
but his soul reached out
and whispered, "clarity is a state of mind."
#depression #sadness
Tashea Young Oct 2016
Its Pitch Black, so lonely and cold
There's not a single hand here to hold
Nobody Not Even A soul.
Stuck in the deep dark hole.
But I know My God is Still in Control.
As my head begins to pulsate thanks to my migraine Headache.
Just then I faint upon my intake.
Realzing I'm Unconscious, no longer am I awake
I can feel the firery hate in all the words that Everyone had once spake.
Spiteful words glide ****** my mind slithering like snake from behind.
Satans hoping that I might take the bait so he can unwind.
Feelings of being Mistreated and misused
Being Mentally, Physically, and Emotionally Abused.
The feeling of abandonement after being used
In desparate need of someone to talk to
Sinking without you......
I'm lost.... feeling hopeless.....
Lord I cant even begin to cope with this.
Help me to stay postive and gain back my focus.
Father please dont let my prayers Go unoticed.
Im suffering from this massive Heartache cant you feel my heart beginning to break with each breathe that I take.
But it was my Mistake.
Knowing I had Everything to lose at steak.
Now Im Experiencing my life shaking in an Earthquake.
Forgive me Lord I love you with all my heart and soul. Make me whole and console
I know that My God is still in Control.

I shed so many Tears
Especially within these past few Years
I have faced my biggest Fears.
Suddenly I hear 2 different wishpers in my ears.
Satan: "Girl, Can't you hear?“
God: "Have No Fear For I am Here!"
Satan:" You can't and won't Do this!"
God: In all Of This I am In the midst!
Satan: Throw in the Towel,Give up, Quit!
God: You have me and you Are fully equipped, My Child you can make it.
Because I didn't give up I didn't quit. I fought with grit of the holy spirit. And God protected me from Every blow and hit.
This is a spiritual battle From Within......
As Long as God Is on my Side Satan Can't And won't Win.
Max Neumann Nov 2019
a daughter
named seble
seven years old

being in a coma

she couldn't hear her
daddy's words

she couldn't see him
fog in front of her eyes
covering differences of
sleep and wakefulness

oneday seble's father
who was desparate
put headphones
on seble's ears

lyrics from two tall germans
they are called the
"wildecker herzbuben"

"herz" means heart and a
"bube" is a boy

seble
closed eyes
slowly breathing

seble's father is called
brhane
rapidly breathing

brhane was pressing play
and after seconds
among lurid lights

seble
harvest
moved her head
seble closed eyes smiled
as the wildecker herzbuben sang:

"Ein letztes Glas'l mit alten Freunden
die geh'n allein nach Haus.
In den Straßen
in den Gassen
geh'n langsam die Lichter aus."

a last drink with my buddies
who go home alone
in the streets
in the alleys
the lights are vanishing

seble moved her head
no windows but
her daddy was there

sebles mother is not alive
anymore
brhane prayed
holding his daughter's hand

seble opened one eye
looking at brhane

seble came back to reality when
brhan had finished his talk to
god

the end of seble's and brhane's
story is wordless
Camila Jul 2013
Whatever you do, do not fall in love.
No matter how charming he is, or how much he makes you laugh. Remember; all of them started that way.
No matter how hard it is to contain your happiness when he is around, or how long it takes you to fall asleep when you think of him.
Do not let him be the reason you wake up, do not count the seconds until you see him again.
Remember all the times you got hurt? Replay it in your head everytime you want to jump onto his arms. Be scared. Be cautious. Because either he is the love of your life or he will carve another scar in it.
Your heart has been weakened (or strenghted) by all the other loves of your life, the armor around you has grown thicker and thicker.
But, who I'm I kidding? We all know you will fall. Your soul has been desparate to find its mate for so long that when his fingers slightly put your hair away from your face you will know you lost and all the others will disappear from the back of your mind, and you will throw yourself at him and give in to all the love you have been keeping locked in.
No matter how many times your brain insists on not falling in love, your reckless heart will.
Riche' Sep 2014
When someone asks you "How are you doing" and you respond saying "good". What is good really? Good is a defintion that disguises hurt and pain, laughters and smiles all at the sametime.
I can tell just by the way she carries herself. She is "good". She is trying to takeover both sides of the scale, trying to be "just right" at the sametime trying to be sarcastic and attractive.
They're miles apart and she jumbles all her feelings into words but why do she bother when its just going to make her look desparate for love. She's passed hurt and confused. He treated her like an old dusty coin he just happend to find under his bed and living this fairy tale life. She feels as though something was missing like a variable from an equation when she has sacrificed her life for him and in return he has nothing. Instead of saying this was a bad beginning but rather say a lessoned learned ending when she asks him the question he says that he is "good"
Dakota Schmidt May 2010
One love ends,
Another begins.
Begging to be forgiven
For all my sins.

One too many heartbreaks
To call my own,
Desparate for the love I've never known.
The more I think, the more

The pain starts,
As hate begins to rip at the seem
Of our molded hearts.
Time will erase my feelings

For him,
As one love ends and another begins.
I was having writer's block on this one, but I don't know. Tell me if you like it(:
Always Ally Jul 2017
I want it to be love
Oh desparate heart
I want it to be you
But what you is real

If you hold my hand
What a great start
If you be closer
I know you would feel

For me, a thousand kisses
For you, a golden throne
I want it to be real
But I'm really
All
Alone.
Do I only love the you in my head or you as you truly are
I'm so desparate to find the next little taste of the appropriate words at the timing, the correct article of clothing?  what do you take me for?  I see a beautiful girl who looks at me with confidence, and my friend pushes me towards her, and I swoop around her back and hold her close to me, look her in the eye, and her boyfriend uses his body to counter,

I step back with a  gentelemns pose

I enjoy this game of cat and mouse, of power, the initial stages of sexuality seeping out of every orafice and contained with a simple little cat and mouse game, flinching like a cranked out rooster
ha ahahahahahhaahhahhahhaahaahhahahhahah
Dakota Schmidt Jul 2010
We have to be apart.
Don't take this the wrong way.
I'm doing this for my heart.
You came into my life and turned

My whole world upside down.
Because of you,
In my tears of despair I'll drown.
You stand by as my once bright

Life fades to a darkened black.
You stand there and watch my
Desparate thoughts and bad habits
Come back.

The place in your chest where your
Heart should be,
Is filled with cold hard stone.
I watched you turn and leave.

Showing me I'm alone.
I pray one day I'll wake up
And this will all be a bad dream,
Like I never met you,

Like the people I love
Didn't have to hear my anguished scream.
I'm so tired of being here.
Waiting, listening, for my shadow

To remind me of the mistakes I've made,
Whispering in my ear.
The pain in my soul is too much to ignore.
Take it.

Take it all,
I don't want this life anymore.

— The End —