I want to run, run away from this thing called life,
and make my way toward a new me;
a renaissance to believe in and hope for.
I’ve grown impatient with the meaningless days and sleepless nights;
dreams that disturb and work unsatisfying.
Frightened of change, for there is comfort and familiarity
in the desperate misery I’ve become accustomed to.
The uncertainty of tomorrow is beyond my vision,
Yesterday has undone me and tortures me stil.
You were my hope and my future.
Now I must go alone through life’s dark alleys
without your light to guide my way.
All poems are copy written and soul property of Vicki Kralapp.
Brighter than the blinding flares of the sun, shimmering outward with power of thousands of stars
Filled with oceans crashing and wild, turning over ships, rushing under a powerful storm.
Filled with wonder and curiosity, yearning for the unknown, desperate for enlightenment
Eyes so wide, so deep, filled with delicate roses, the power of mighty warriors, elegant as the flowing dress of Venus, filled with souls of thousands, with passion, with yearning, with desire.
Filled with beauty
Filled with you.
I’ve been hiding my life away, a being only half without you.
Seeking with outstretched arms, searching eternity for you.
Endless dead ends and trails I’ve traveled with only hopes and dreams
and desperate thoughts of you.
All poems are copy written and soul property of Vicki Kralapp.
My knees shattered from beneath me
The ones standing next to me seem to not notice or care to hear
With no ground under me I continue to run
Legs pound with no air to balance my breathing
Suffocating is the option presented
I might take it, if my knees won't ground me
God just let me go free
Nothing holding me
Only life letting me taste its spirituality
I fall in love too easily
Feel pain too quickly
I let my heart flutter too simply
Feel torn too hastily
Is the what LOVE is?
So one-sided. unrequited. desperate.
In these foolish feelings
I am like a lost child in a hide and seek game waiting to be found.
Hoping one day you will see me as more than just another vaguely
But I know i was never on your mind...
Please don't feel guilty.
if you ever think of me even for a second.
I’ll be here waiting.
All I want is to sit in a dark corner and cry.
But I have no tears my ducts have run dry.
I've had this feeling for months and months. I can't lose him, my devil still hunts.
Voices in my head trying to put me under his spell. I know one thing, I do not want to carry out their instruction, and perform there near-death stunts.
But you see, my resolve is week so it begins, through flesh I will saw.
With this there is no big mystery, there is only one conclusion one must draw....
This girl simply wishes to hurt no more.
"Please don't revive me!" She would implore.
From her final resting place; the bathroom floor
love was never so terrifying
til i met you
cause i never realized
how much i needed it
and now i cant let go
cingulomania: a strong desire to hold someone in your arms
don't tell me to not care
it's never that easy
don't tell me it wil pass
it's never that quick
just please help me
i'm begging you please
i need some advice
but please not this
tell me what to do
tell me what to say
i can't walk down there
and just ignore them
i can hear them. they're there
i can feel them. they're there
just... please help me
they won't ever die down
just tell me what to do
but please not that
It's never that easy to do it, it never goes away that fast. Just please help me
I poured you out into the sea of my mind
desperate for you to feel something for me
I thought if you were surrounded by me
you would feel me
in your head and in your heart
and you would love me
but you threw yourself out of the waters
more revolted than before
and left me to drown in my own mind
One inhalation of the sky
To separate the murky sea
And reassure you as you cry
The clouds still hover by your knee.
Two puffs of moonlight left behind
As products of the midnight rose
Then let your sorrow be refined
As angels let their weak wings close.
Three champagne bubbles of a laugh
A courtesy sent by a friend
A flash of lightning in the dark
Like vaulting over to the end.
Step four is harder than the rest
As it depends on nature's strain
Abandon sunshine on your quest
And wallow in torrential rain.
And halfway there it's number five
And rhythm marks a saddened truth
A little song to drown alive
A beacon in such inky youth.
A devil's dance at number six
Invest in favouring your greed
Some crime electrifies the mix
Prioritise things you don't need.
At seven let yourself break free
And choke in sympathetic arms
Unscrew the lock and break the key
Because your friends contain some calm.
Except, at eight you'll be alone
Reciting old quotes that apply
And spending hours on your phone
Relating till your eyes are dry
At number nine then, here it is
The scent of fear that smells like grace
You tune your blood to lightly fizz
And brush the tears from off your face
Ten gashes end the whole ordeal
Of shortened breath and shaking hands
Though sunsets bleed the way you feel
No one else will understand
It's not a choice, it's a command.
Now your mind is stressing less
You've cured the chaos with a mess.
(Please don't follow number 10)
i’m trying hard
to keep it together
desperation is my middle name
and hopeless days
i can’t do enough
can’t be enough
to keep up this juggling act
everything is falling apart so spectacularly
a fire of blues and reds and purples
one that only i can see
so i play a little game with myself
let’s see how well i can pretend everything is okay
i’ve gotten good at it recently
as my plans for my future start to crumble in my palms
i can still feign interest over a friend’s passing fling
i’ve even been able to pretend
my self esteem is going up
even convincing myself i’m not a failure
it’s laughable, really
a ******* like me,
who can’t even keep
her life from falling apart,
finally loving herself?
not gonna happen
so i laugh
as everything falls apart
Wowee everything has not been good recently, and someone has made it worse, but I cant let it show bc I’m basically the therapist of the group
I’m supposed to be the emotionally stable one, the one you can always ask for advice or help in school work and I don’t know how long I can keep up this facade of being okay
Wanna help me?
Look at me with care.
Look at me with love.
Keep your arms around me.
Keep your proximity close.
Give me a kiss on the cheek.
It doesn't have to be weird.
Wanna help me?
Listen to what I say.
Tell me the feelings I describe.
Express your reactions.
Tell me you hurt for me.
Wanna help me?
Show me that you love me.
Please help me...
I didn't ask to be like this.. Or did I?.. I don't know.
We don’t use diaries anymore -
those are meant for secrets,
and we have none.
We let them spill out of our bodies,
and pour onto blank white sheets.
We swear it’s the only way
we are going to heal.
We turn our pain into poetry.
Anything that hurts this much
has to mean
And even though we are desperate
for anyone to listen,
our language is in the letters
that we will never send.
We romanticize pain like it’s the
only lover we will ever know.
Love is our god and we are each our own devils.
Too fragile for this world,
ceremoniously destroying ourselves
before anyone else can do it for us.
Yet we still can’t understand why we’re so broken.
I am so very alone and I can't cope with it.
I'm isolated from the world in a place I know nothing about and it's making me insane.
I need someone before I call it quits.
I really thought I could handle it all.
I really did.
But, I always seem to forget how weak I actually am
and how easy it is to relapse.
Being alone is terrifying.
I am terrified of myself and my thoughts.
They always sneak up on me during the night and try to persuade me into falling back
and I’m not sure I can resist it anymore.
Small and insignificant...
Insecure and shameful...
Weak and sad...
Unremarkable and transparent...
Unlovable and ****...
Remedial and simple...
Angry and jealous...
Lovesick and lonely...
Sick and Tired...
Unstable and self-destructive...
Vulnerable and trusting...
Hopes and dreams...
Smiling and Laughter...
My golden years are a retrospective view
Doubtful, not sure, might be a last dance
One day I was gum-chewing with my Batman yo yo
Now my soul is rubber, and it leaks on the outside
Faded away from the youthful days
Once giddy pleasure
Now it’s all so serious
The teen lifestyle washed over within seconds
Sure it’s fun to friends
Entertaining to have enemies
But the squabbles and meanders slow you down
The pitiful liars and desperate seekers
Worship through blasphemy whatever they care
Limbs don’t respond
Thoughts and actions don’t line up
You see it for what it truly is
You’re in danger
Forgotten and dazed
Sitting in a broken armchair
It's difficult seeing through the fogginess
Finding the missing hours
Difficult on a drowse
...I work only weekdays (don't we all)...
...Fantastic gatherings on Sundays (family days)...
...Jimi Hendrix, he's good (bit of an understatement, mate)...
....He's the kind of guy I wish I could...
the most luscious of
blessings and the rarest of
secrets to the most desperate and
thirsty of souls, for He delights to place
the loveliest of wings on the lowliest of worms
"You make known to me the path of life;
You will fill me with joy in Your presence,
with eternal pleasures at Your right hand."
~ Psalm 16:11
"'Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."'
~ Matthew 5:3
Oh, that sweet,
after one-time use.
I want it
I need it.
You keep the drugs.
You control the dose.
I’m just a desperate ******
who’s in love with you.
There’s nothing worse than a girl desperate for love:
A girl that pities herself enough to think she is so intrinsically broken
she couldn’t even connect with someone biologically destined to love her;
A girl ****** enough to learn that love is a reward that she must earn,
yet frantic enough to always work too hard for it;
A girl that overcompensates. Begs. Forces.
A girl that claims she ‘Doesn’t know what to do with love’
when it comes along, so that, naturally, she can smother it;
A girl who’s biggest fear is abandonment, yet is an expert on expecting too much;
A girl that’s waiting to be saved, but would tell you she doesn’t deserve it;
A girl that still obsesses over ways she has been bruised
when surrounded by people that have helped her heal;
A girl who’s self involved, with no sense of self;
A girl that cries. And cries. And cries.
There’s nothing worse than a girl desperate for love.