A face spoke exposing
curled roads rising, rolling
Sweeping in all directions
Gentle shapes misleading
Echoing possible folly
questioning every turn,
disbelief bridging the errors
Yesterday's unremarkables
Left till now neglected, distorted
caustic and uninspired
victimized and untrusting
recognizing silouetted wrongs
made promises and failed at it
this road of folly, rewards, all contrary
to the words that face whispered
to lead one astray, to decieve
to make one face the unwanted.

Invoices received.
Aristocratic atrocities of hypocrisy
Thier voices mock & decieve
Place thier stock in your creed
Cash your check and then leave
No wonder you don't believe!
Through this;
What has been achieved?
Wheres your heart?
On your sleeve?!
If life is pain,
whats it mean to relieve?!
"HERE! just take (2) aleve,
And when it's over you'll see
What I need you to be."
   -thee enemy

Who is that?
In my tree?
He's green and round.
He's watching me.
What should i do?
walk away?
Oh I know
just what to say.

"You there sir,
not much of a sir,
why are you in my tree?
Aggressivly moving around
then you're still,
but look like you want to be free.

You hold on tight
like your afraid to leave,
yet you look so angry and scary the same
i feel my eyes decieve

frantically curling up small
then opening up and spreading your wings
who are you,are you mean?
are you one that stings?

i move in closely
and as i **** theres a huge relief ,
the terror drains as i shout
its ok guys ...its a leaf!

The secrets that I carry,
Will forever reside in my soul,
They will be buried,
For my innocence they stole,
They tear me up inside,
Until they get what they achieve,
They no longer want to hide,
They want everyone to believe"
The degration I feel about the molestation,
The derranged look in his eyes,
When he stole my innocence,
I am not one of revenge,
But I will seek my vengance,
How could it be,
An older man after a mere child,
He was my brothers father,
To make things more vile,
He enjoyed every kick and scream,
He is not behind bars,
It feels as if a nightmare, or a twisted dream,
It will forever haunt me, just like the scars
I am never believed,
They dont care what I say,
They think I try to decieve,
I never thought they would care anyway

i feel so tired
there seems to be a lack of oxygen
have the demons all conspired
to make me their kin?
is it their whispers that sway my opinion?

i fight back the tears that my heart wants to release
i fight a battle of the mind, and all i want is peace
but it sickens me to think that i have this disease
so the medication seems to be working,
but the dosage is what they might have to increase

you don't know.
but thats quite alright.
it is mutual, and i don't think of you as my foe
please, i don't want to fight
i have the scars all over my body
that tell of past pain
and deep inside i know that i'm a druggie
use and abuse, just like any other ******

my heart feels as if it's sinking into an ocean
but inside i feel i have an inkling notion
that i have to fight this war
i have to survive through the bombs, and than even more
the swords pierce my flesh
i quickly wish that i was dead
but all of this, it's all just in my head

i keep going.
the words are continuously flowing.
and here i am, not even knowing--
what i am supposed to do next
when i feel as if i'm so terribly vexed
but to keep on keepin on is what is best
i don't even mind if i fail the test
we'll just have to find out whats left of the rest...

and i don't write these words for you to read
i write them because i feel the need
to let it out
before i turn into one of those demons;
to begin to scream and shout
for i do not want to hurt you
the way that i have been hurt
but even the most beautiful of flowers need the dirt

so i push my way up through the soil
all of the worlds gravity feels as if it's weighing me down
i am soon facing the hatred and turmoil
but i try not to frown
and i feel as if the smile is faux--
like the ones on a clown
painted up to decieve thee
all to make you think i am happy
and i am.
i am.

i am only human.
i am, and was born into sin.
i am no where near perfect.
i am an addict.
i am kirsten.
i am an enemy, but i want to be a friend.
i am bipolar.
i am living on the border.
i am faced with trials and tribulations.
i am prescribed numerous medications.
i am happy.
i am sad.
i am the words you are reading.
i am the smile thats so easily decieving.
i am the epitome of me;
does that have a meaning?

now the tug of war seems to be misleading
i am swaying from side to side
while others see my pain, i see them grieving.
but my emotions are what i try to hide.
i don't want to have to see them leaving;
i feel so alone inside.

i have a pain only i can feel,
and no, i do not want you to understand.
and no, i do not want you to walk in my shoes.
but won't you please take my hand?
help me forget all the past abuse...

Let's agree to disagree ,
With  the thoughts in my head ,
About  you not me .

You lie to decieve ,
You eat to get relief ,
And yet you still haven't  paid me back my money,
You ******* thief .

You say you love me for who I am ,
But yet you have no time to be  with me mam.

It’s only a myth, a story told by others.
A feeling that’ll make life run through your veins,
The white & black world will be painted with colors.

It’s fiction, all the characters lie and decieve.
They say they’ve found their long lost other half;
I have not. Why on earth should I believe?

A fairytale, written in rhyming poetry and song.
The sun shines and roses bloom when she appears.
You sigh. You’re finally at the place you belong.

…

Real life, feels so dry, cloudy, incomplete and grey.
Perhaps, they did tell the truth after all, but I was blind.
Of the one that’ll enchant my world, I dream night & day,
My fairytale, my fiction & myth, I desperately wish to find.

####;;;;;###########


Trollin' trollin' trollin'
Keep those doggies trollin'
Trollin' trollin' trollin'...

... The LIES!

If they are believin'
Then you can decieve 'em...

You'd better not receive 'em


... bye BYE!!!


SoulSurvivor

When I couldnt take it anymore
When life knocked me to the floor
She reached out and grabed my hand
And Alice brought me into Wonderland

Down the rabbit hole we fell
Farther and farther down past hell
To a place where imagination strives
And only your deception keeps you alive

Alice and I travled in awe
Amazed at all we saw
Not even our thoughts were safe
Everything is heard in this place

And when the Queen looked our way
We couldnt think of what to say
She yelled "off with their heads"
Then I woke up safely in bed

Was it only a dream
And even Alice wasnt what she seemed
I couldnt bring myself to believe
That Alice would ever decieve

So I continued along
But never forgot Alice and her song
I knew she would come back some day
And she would be here to stay

And when life became too much to handle
In order to escape the lies and scandal
In hopes that this too shall pass
I followed Alice through the looking glass

I asked why she had returned
She told me I had a lot to learn
That I needed this place more then i knew
I agreed, nothing could have been more true

And even though I was scared
I knew that there was a reason she brought me there
And as I tried to emrace my surroundings
I could only hear my heart pounding

The sky captivated
And the flowers beauty devastated
The wind had its own power
And there was no clock to mark the hour

It was as if time did not exist
And I absolutely could not resist
All that this world did possess
But Alice told me that I did digress

She told me to really take it in
To let the emotion come from within
I breathed and I breathed deep
It almost felt as if  I was asleep

When I opened my eyes
I nearly cried
I was back and Alice wasnt there
And the pain was more then I could bare

Then I realized that she couldnt stay
And I simply had to wait for the day
That I could imagine being back again
Imagine a life with no end

And there Alice would be
Smiling and waiting for me
We would walk through the glass hand in hand
And skip along the streets of Wonderland

Nails dig deep within the peel,
Gently peeling; flesh back
Revealing rawness; a scent of sweetness
Taking each part with great care.

Gently peeling; flesh back
Baring,  all we look for,
Taking each part with great care
Tears of a monsoon fall.

Baring; all we look for
Eye's that can no longer decieve,
Tears of a monsoon fall
Sunshine warming too ripen the moment.

Eye's that can no longer decieve
Revealing rawness; a scent of sweetness
Sunshine warming to ripen the moment
Nails dig deep within the peel.

Swat the butterflies whose wings
Decieve the poem and inscribes
Its colored brilliance on gilded flights;
There is no grace to his clunky
Flying and brings repetitive hooplah
To the natural poem and steals
Its personable voice.

Every language has a flow of poetry
Whose inner soul derives of the
Course of one's harmony and rhythm,
And using a star of butterflies in every
Poem brings about the very sameness
We all suffer from daily.

See the beauty in a vulture
Whose glide is magnificent
Spreading his wings in silent
Flight above rolling hills.

His beauty is not that of the
Butterfly, but it's flight is undeniably
Graceful and finding its natural
Poetic flow is deeper still.

Why must you judge me?
The thoughts hidden in my head,
And you can't see my soul,
Can you hear this plea,
Please let me be free.

Why must you control me?
It's my path that i tred,
It's under control,
So why can't you see?
Please let me be free.

Why must you protect me?
Trust me instead,
That should be your role,
That is the Key,
Please let me be free.

Why must you decieve me?
it's lies that you've fed,
My happiness you stole,
You and your jealousy,
Won't let me be free.

Why must you forsake me?
Our friendship is dead,
It's lost in the hole,
It's the way it must be,
I choose to be free.

You ******* away
with the games you play,
and I cant seem to see
why you do this to me,

Why?

I don't get in a relationship, fall in love
and expect you to leave,
but you did..

You see i'm content to live in this fallace,
that I hope and pray will come true some day,
so I hold on..

Because letting goo, to me, means
believing I was wrong about you

You..

You were thee one or so it seemed,
happiness for us was no longer just a dream,
no distant resistance as far as I could see,

You wanted me
back then..

What changed and when.?
answer me this please and I swear i'll leave
you alone

"its for thee best"
or so you say
I still haven't seen how they correlate

but in you I trust all though, I know,
it isn't wise..

Please don't ignore my cries
for closure.

*Please don't decieve me.

you brung order out of chaos
welcome to the land of oz
I am the great and powerful
Pay no attention to the fools

I create lightning from fingertips
I create stars from magick
I've been fighting the good fight
The end shall not be tragic

This is the ode
To the one who never shows
Unless you know the code
And then you can know

You may call it darkness
I just call it mystery
We all go down in the same ship
It's been forever our history

You may call it deception
Maybe your eyes are wide shut
brought on by the correction
Of the power hungry glut

This is the ode
To the one who never shows
Unless you know the code
And then you can know

It's been this way for so long
We keep on singing the same old song
The one that never seems to end
I hope someday they lose and we win

calling forth to the one I can't ignore
To the lands of enchantment I go explore
I love him so deeply and forever will adore
No reason to decieve he knocks at the door

This is the ode
To the one who never shows
Unless you know the code
And then you can know

I - In the active perspiring of
Manhattan dirt

& now I tell ya
The monkeys lost his surpreme gavel
& intimacy finds a false place
Within the youthful realm of transience
(the wide grove of
Grass slowly growing into golden cherries
To be picked apart and criticized by ones who'd gladly describe themselves as Angelic)

A ladder topples over a nightly bistro causing its windows
To ever /so //slight/ly crack
The owner & his two daughters take themselves

(along with his displeasement)
to the basement to conjure up a lawyer made of wax

Meanwhile Queens experiences rain as a cataclysmic shower occuring everywhere
Even the barred 1st floor apartments /

Nearby stabbings\

(74 people watching
  and the screams for help were audible nobody did a ******' thing. We call this the 'bystander effect')

I am long-awaited and less stressed in comparison to the last time I broke the barrier of clouds,
Which decieve America into thinking its
Worth only greyness
& worrying about bathroom Mirrors//srorriM//

(sorry!)

The cinema will show you otherwise!

Minnesota causeway glittering with
Luggage carriers
Alike we are and have been
Bundled together
To read poetics or the sad paper
About elephants in an empty zoo
or the flammatory lawns of Washington

WRAP YOUR TROUBLES
IN DREAMS
(audible from a brunette protected by last year's scarf, the cabin pressure decreasing
my ears feel full of eagerness)

Trunk of the elephant I read earlier
Lets us thru to Airport
The hollowed organics of this passage
Cause my spine to crawl
There are flies bespeckled like
The jewelry of decay

      But soon we are clean again
Yet still without a forest to
         Confess in
               Comforted by shrill wind echoing 'round the wood
              
(as one would say patience is a virtue)

II -   I have missed the first
Haze of every mornings gentle mouth

Strawberries press themselves harshly to lobes
Like oriental jazz
& a collective yawn
As the ground becomes
        nobody
        Wait! Look down there!
        It's my friend welcomed to wifehood!
              Ballads of a long time ago,
                   Humid run-ins with the twinkler
                   Performing a theatrical
                 Tearduct expression

Valleys of varying shades/
Orchards & the Apple of my eye
      Nectar and beggar
      Some Disney story Swiss town
      Operated by
      Language,
       I am tired which causes me to write
       I am writing which causes me to tire
       I am which writing causes to tire
       I which am writing tired causes to
       (the shoreline of a dream where
       Socialists wearing straw hats created a whole scene involving a loud child
       Unaware of what movement he was being indoctrinated into
       And a pocket full of change which was later tossed to the sea
       The image of which caused My Mother to
       Wake from her fainting)

Seance in voluptuous turmoil
Only confronted by
       A vision of the sky transitioned to earth
       & shadow dancing
       Accompanied with the sun,
        its last inkling of lemondrops
        Spread in buttery fashion to my personal
        Horizon
      __________

Fr­ee from(in the) the properties of
Textbooks and
Inflated intellectualism(vast pastoral landscapes)
One can
    Allow themselves to truly sleep in
    Peace
       (of the air)

White as a sordid awakening
Hollow, shallow, swallows
Me like an aged cavern

When mother comes in
She is scared to find me
Pale and blue

The window is a hole
Curtains like bedraggled women
Clutch at themselves

She stumbles through a gathering
Of talkative charcoal
And pastel on the floor

Scattered and sallow
Turpentine twists in sweet sashes
Round and round her neck

She calls, wavering already
Diving obliquely through the sea
She reaches for me on the mattress

In the bookshelf,
Behind easels,  pallete
Beneath the bridge of the table

A thousand gales of hues blow
Ruffling a thousand shadows
Thousand murmurs decieve her

Into breathing relief.
I see her heart a flickering flame:
Waves of my deathlessness

Shove her around.
Mother, mother, come closer
I call from the lean wooden

Parapet of the canvas
I dance her about in the sky
Stroke the hair, as

She cries, holding my solidity
Thin, bony; her hands shake
Like factory floors

Rancid blooms of a stubborn faith
Scotch her oak-brown skin
And all the walls watch our show

Disintegration occurs
As she searches for me
Kicking clatter and dust around

I a pebble in the pebbles of me
She picks, examines, throws
Picks examines, throws

All while tumbling
Into into into the stench
Of my keen blue decay

Brushstroke, word, scream and plea
She takes all the noise along
Into the beautiful world

Gaunt, I crawl clawing out
I am monster now
And she is painted.

She is a mystery
She is.. the greatest form of poetry
She, who would rather hide than be seen
Holds no beginning and knows no end
She comes to life when everything around her appears to be dead
She makes me feel a high, electric, body rush
She creates goosebumps down my spine with just the slightest touch
She dreams
She believes
She is someone you can't decieve
She sees the lies, beneath your eyes
She is someone you can't run from or can't hide
She is the never ending memory that takes refuge inside my mind at night
She is gold
She is light that fills my soul
She is peace that keeps me in control
She is gentle
Her body is a temple
Mounted on the highest pedestal
Without reason to ever feel resentful
When I'm high
When I'm coming down
When I'm feeling sentimental
She is there
She is pure
She is rare
She is someone for whom I will always care
And through it all
She just might
She just maybe
                              
                              *The One

I know you don't love me
Like I love you
I'm just another stupid
Boy to you
Skipping over words
Getting tongue tied
Shaking high school fingers
At your ***** line

Stupid boy
Shutup you don't know what love is
It's not something you put in a poem
Or a stupid metaphor about roses that are blooming
While others fall apart

I learned to keep my mouth shut a long time ago
Children seen and not heard
Keep that mouth shut and your ears open
And you learn a lot about the world
How people treat you and decieve you
And leave you for dead
Stop looking for good samaritains
They don't exist
Take why you can
The world is done when you die
Bite the hand that feeds
Then spit in his eye

Yeah they say
They say
They all have somethin to say
And if you dont believe something
You follow on anyway

I know one thing though
That I do love you
And I heard when you said
"Id leave you for dead
If I ever got the chance to"
You said you would rob me blind
And leave me broken
Rub dirt in my eyes
Give me a curse  
At the side of the road where no one will stop you  
Left to lick my own wounds
And bleed out under glowing
Silver full moons
Yeah
You've told me
I've heard what you say
That doesnt mean I'm not gonna love you
Anyfuckinway

I try to understand
to make our world shine bright
don't push away in anger
lets keep tending the light

It hurts when you put me down
I'm already on the ground
I'm not the father of your son
I have always hoped to be one

When you belittle me
it sends fire into my veins
by eternal love we're bound
our heartbeats make one sound

I hate to see you sad
hate it when you make me mad
you are the reason life is beautiful
dont make me feel alone

all my hopes and dreams are you
and me forever
no one could come close
don't burn my heart like you burned the toast

when you try to rise above me
makes me wonder if you love me
we are on the same plain
my words are not in vain

your love has saved my life
soon i hope you'll be my wife
i would never leave you
i never would decieve you

My heart is fully open to you
please let me in and trust me
don't cry over pains not real
I truly love you
Thats how i pray you feel

Why do we judge from the outside in
As if that has to do
With the fact, the way we act
When our looks don't give a clue

You could be a crook with the best of looks
In a three piece suit
Or a millionaire with unkept hair
In a line for soup

We need to realize it's the eyes
That so often decieve
And from the start look with the heart
If we're to truly see

And not bat our eyes at the outside
But instead look deep within
After all a person's soul
Is not made up of skin

So many feelings so many failures. I'm up im down I'm here I'm now. When I'm there im gone. Inside, outside, upside down. Here I come again.  Always leaning on my own understanding. That I'll be always with me. In my captivity. Feeling so human. I wonder how my senses. Can decieve my honesty. I have walked down a dusty road been goin through things I don't like talking about just to find my start out there. Thank god for freedom. If there wasn't an option I'd probably hate him. Right now I need more than before. So many tours I have taken. Ohh now my mind is thinkin bout where to go from here. Can you make the road seem clear.  This rollercoaster I've Been holstered needs a new engineer. I hope you hear that I'm not the best person to feel, for the pieces I left to fix. Myself in this mess. Dont close My grasp to tight. Cause it will cut me like glass. Somewhere in the clouds. I can the trumpet sound. Calling ne out my shell. Father to seek faith to believe that something could save me from hell. And in the cold I know your hands are my deliverence. To get away from my skin. The only thing that beings me falsified try. I've need to denied my own life. I'm up I'm down I'm here for now. There but gone. Seen but not heard. Was my direction. Inside outside, upside down. Lays me turning my head around. To catch a glimpse of the crowd. Who have battled through thus walk that I'm on. At the end of it I'll reach them where er they are. I thought I was Fallin apart. Submitting to my flesh  But now I've know I was really crumbling in your arms. Choosings to take a chance. In know youve Always wanted what's my best  Letting you mold my heart. You moved away the rocks. That gave me reason to believe in your voice. And choosing to follow your love.

If so how much?
Would you die for me?
Would you put down the drugs?
Would you answer my questions?
Would you answer them truthfully?
Do you love me?

I dont know why I ask
You cant hear me
Your dead to me
You died when you walked away
Leaving me in soiled diapers
Hungry and crying

How else am I suppose to feel?
Why did you do it?
Was it easy?
When were you goiong to comeback?
Do you love me?
Or are you just bullshiting me?

Whats the point of this?
Always feeling ander and hate
Pain is the reasons for them
Because Im still that lost kid
Still looking for his mother
But she's passed out on the couch

Did you try to quit?
Did you really want me?
Was I even important?
Do you know anything about me?
What were you thinking?
Were you thinking at all?

Your nothing to me now
Just the woman who gave me life
I dont have to love you
Or waste my time with you
You dont know me
And I dont care to learn anymore about you

Do you love me?
Did you ever?
Is my father my real father?
Did you decieve him as well?
What did I ever do to you?
Is my life worth living as your son?

You lied to me
You decieved my siblings
You tainted my world
And ruined my heart
Im sick of you
So for once tell me the truth

No more questions
Because I know you wont answer them
Your pathetic you know that
You dont love and never did
So why bother
Thinking about you everyday?

Time heals all wounds
Or so the story goes
But sometimes its only objective
Is to help us reach new lows

Time takes everything
Leaving only memories
But sometimes memories lie and decieve
Making time our greatest enemy

Time moves both fast and slow
It's never in our control
It likes to keep us waiting
Pain; its only goal.

Time will always win
Its waiting for us to die
And on that day
The only thing left to do is cry.

Fabricated.
Fictitious.
A fake floating feeling
Falls short
Of my fleeting fantasy.

This insidious infirmity
Isn't what I intended.
I've been inflicted
With internal indisposition.
In need of an ideal identity.

Who am I without
This ****** to make me whole?
How do I heave my heart
Away from this hole?
Have you seen how hard this is?

But it's been short of a year,
Of believing I can simply be.
And before I break
Bleed me of my bane.
And for me, bear no malice.

Tightly take me
Away from my terible tempest.
Time tells me it's time to stop.
Too long I've tortured my tenemet.
Tame the tantrum tearing through me.

Sober seems strong,
But it's systematic survival.
Stopping the surrender
To something stimulating.
Learning to stand sedated.

No I'm no longer numb.
No longer neglecting my need
For new novcane.
Knowing I'll never need
This vaccine again.

You are all my ambition.
Dispelling my ailments
And afflictions.
I am hard to adore, I know.
You are my new addiction.

You have me dreaming,
Praying we are real.
Made me feel.
Don't decieve my brittle belief.
Keep me, don't leave.

I'm not the kind to fly.
For you i'd try to dive.
Unafraid I might die.
I don't hide from the night.
This is what I've been trying to find.

My eyes didn’t become blue on their own.
You wouldn’t think they were quite as pretty
If you’ve seen every single thing they know.
Yes, my blue eyes have seen the greatest days,
but they have also seen blood and way too many graves.
My eyes are often glossy, like glass that may shatter
You think they look like ice, is appearance all that matters?
My eyes have seen true love, my eyes have seen you at your best
But have you looked deeply into them, can you see the memory of death?
My eyes are like an ocean, hypnotically blue and alluring,
but don’t let their appearance deceive you- for there may be demons lurking

Broken flesh, infected in dissolute.
We tend to dispute our vision of the world seeing only black and white.
Our eyes decieve us blatantly concealing the harmonic view of a one race with different shades.
Philia filling my heart with philosophies of what love actually is.

Conforming to the emotions of our soul drifting towards carnality.
Seduced by the luring sweet scent that our desires tend to offer often leading to our spirits fatality.

A promise is yet to come. A sacrifice made for us with the Annointed One hanging under inri. We forget our mistakes are not irreversible and He gave us the chance to live with Him for eternity.

Agape. The love so beautiful its tangability pushes us towards Him even when our lifes are resisting. His love being the cure to my absence and His peace being the sustainter of my life...so who am i to barricade you from His real love.