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CautiousRain Jun 2022
How does it feel to be desired?
How does it feel to have your skin brush against mine?
How does it feel to finally give in?

Maybe our hands are tired of being pushed so far apart,
And our bodies deserve to finally interlock.

When I have you,
everything else falls into place.
Mar 22, 2022
CautiousRain Jun 2022
Tell me, what's it like to recognize yourself?
Does it feel like you'd remember it?
Why not?

With all of the years blended together,
my reflection blurred across the spans of time,
stretching apart any resemblance of self.
My reflection is a black hole that ***** away any knowledge of who I am and regurgitates a flat, shiny depiction of someone else instead.
May 20, 2022
CautiousRain Jun 2022
The sound of wind bounces against my bedroom window,
and the roar of thunder soon follows,
but despite all that noise,
all I can focus on is you.

Gazing down into those gentle green eyes,
I know that I'll never want anything else.
I could see everything through you,
and the softness in your look
is enough to never let go.
This was written May 23rd, 2022; posting my drafts today lol
CautiousRain Jan 2022
Do you really know me like you say you do?
I don't like existing in memories of others when I cannot remember my own.
You can't possibly remember me.

It makes me so angry when you tell me that,
angry that I can't verify it,
angry that those ideas of me still linger,
angry that my past exists at all.

I want to purge this dissociative self
I used to be from all consciousness,
and it isn't fair that you can still remember her.

I am so mad that you can compare me now to me before
and that you can clearly recollect all the signs.
I am so envious that I couldn't have seen the signs myself when it was happening and that I still can't now.

I envy the way you can tip your sight backward to how I was before and that you can see the progress.
I want to see it too.

I am so angry
and this feeling burns my throat
when you remind me of what you know.
I just regained my ability to feel anger, and it's a doozy, to say the least...
CautiousRain Jan 2022
Why did I think you could cure
all the aches and pains
I had held for years and more,
when you were never my remedy?

Every dose I took
was another ******* placebo,
and you'd have thought
I could tell this treatment wasn't working for me.
This was from Nov; I am trying to clear out my draft folder...
CautiousRain Jan 2022
Did you love me in a past life?
Is that why you made a pact with me
to conjoin this time in a karmic unraveling?

What did you intend to learn from me?
Our energetic ties implied we should have known
how this would all end;
I felt it in the beginning,
that this might not be sustainable,
but I persisted and so did you,
dragging our feet into the trenches.

Did you care what the end result would be?
Was it satisfying enough to watch the soft shell
surrounding us crack?
Karmic cycles on repeat, look to you and love again.
CautiousRain Jan 2022
I'd be such a good girl for you,
making sure to cram and compartmentalize every piece of me
into whatever shape you'd prefer;
I've never known any better.
It's what I've always been told.

If I'm not here to make you happy,
then what is my purpose?
I've never known to take care of myself,
but I would take care of you in a heartbeat.

I don't know how to stop,
I don't know how to love correctly,
and I definitely don't know how to be loved.

If I keep giving,
what does it mean if you give back?
I think I'd feel nauseated knowing
you spent so much energy into me.
I'm not your sink, I'm the output source
and I'd never let it be the other way around.
And this is why I need to heal and get out of the fawn response. I don't have to do this to be loved.
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