hold it in your chest
hold it in your lungs
hold it in your heart
how long does it take to fill
release your chest
release your lungs
release your heart
how do you feel
how could you
Frantically reaching down for some grounding,
Feeling lighter than ever.
Feet firm, fingers stretched.
Eyes frantically darting around,
Looking for a hook or
Something to hold on to.
Grasping at the sticky air.
Not giving up.
Lose control in order to gain control.
Wander alone for security and wonder,
What happened to safety in numbers?
No voices getting heard,
All drowning in conversation.
Head up, mind back.
Dizziness is relieving.
Lost in familiar places,
Home but not quite.
A lone ranger, alone,
Yet still not lonely.
My mind's a Tetris I can't solve.
Puzzle pieces with no straight edges.
Always a vowel short on the Scrabble board.
Three in a row when all I need is four.
I am cold,
Or maybe just hollow.
But I can feel the change as the duvet smothers my shell.
My external is warm but still
I am cold.
Watching the sun rise through salty, stained glasses.
I laugh with a cider smile as my heart forms ***** tears.
This is a pain that knows nothing of its root.
A blank smile.
There is a weight on my chest.
Or not, maybe I'm pushing out.
I'm not me, you see.
Well, obviously I am but the real me is safe,
The real me is secure and organised and knows what's happening.
But the now me doesn't know,
And the real me has no control.
I am a self confessed mess,
So please wait this out with me.
One day maybe I'll be good again
But for now,
I am a self confessed mess.
You taught me to think.
To think for myself,
A search deep within.
Find my thoughts,
And make them mine.
I used to think streetlights shone on to the road,
But perspective says the road was the one shining,
Albeit under the streetlight.
Then again, sometimes the light can be blinding,
And the road shines brighter in the rain,
Imagine pathetic fallacy.
You taught me to sink.
To see how wrong I always was,
My deepest enemy is myself and not you.
You told me your thoughts
I made them mine.
In solidarity with my brain,
Is giving up.
Closing for business.
Until they cease to exist,
Far beyond a mere memory.
Maybe we all need a bit more solidarity right now?
What really is time?
If not enough for people,
Then what is time for?
Rebels rise to take to the streets
With sickening thoughts of powerful cheats.
"We can show resistance to their cowardly words"
But, God forbid we offend as we curse.
Defy, refuse and disobey orders
Maybe one day we'll find ourselves in warmer waters.
Whilst the suppressed may just nauseate,
The depressed don't even have the will to debate.
The revolt may not be the action we take,
But the feelings we get from liars and fakes.
These statements suggesting the minority can overthrow
Well, they're big,but they're certainly not for show.
My stomach churns for the people on farms
Claiming that we should take up arms.
Waiting for the day the firearms cease
Though we may never face just one true peace.