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"agonizingly" poems
This cave is my sanctuary; cold, damp, filled with minerals and creatures. I sit cross legged peering out through the crescent shaped doorway mama nature has created. I have never been more at peace than I am when I’m here. The water crashes hard on the barnacle covered rocks beneath me. The mist from the waves whirls its way up to sooth my aching skin. The sea calls my name in the way that an angel calls you into the light. At first it’s just a delicate whisper. The voice is so charming and playful that it begins to lure me in. As i begin to drift further, letting the voice carry my thoughts, the waves pound harder and the symphony the sea has written me rapidly grows in volume and intensity. The tension becomes so strong that the sky starts to erupt. The clash of the clouds creates a prismatic light sequence leaving the sky looking magnificently iridescent. I sit unstirred, reveling in it's beauty. The sea is now agonizingly screaming for me to succumb to its cool paradise. For a while I just sit and enjoy the elegance of the symphony. Once the sky starts to lower its darkened veil, I know it is time to go. I stand up with more certainty than I had ever felt before. I slowly take three steps forward, embracing the feeling of the dirt in between my toes. Two long strides, and then I leap. The thick foggy air caresses my body as it swiftly careens downward. The symphony ends with a splash.
0
Sep 3, 2012
Sep 3, 2012 at 3:30 PM UTC
Seaside Symphony
this night was different; there were more moments spent looking back then forward, panic always pulsating in the crook of our throat like some giant, out of breath beast waiting in the hollow sweat, and gnarled tree branches reflecting black against the slightly purple sky. it was too quiet to mask our echoing footsteps; boot on pavement no rain to soften the blow. we made it in thirty minutes to the gas station, where we unzipped our jackets and let the lace show out of our drooping shirts blinking like a warning sign to the drugged up cashier, words mumbling over his body, strings mixed up. men entered and i saw that look that i always see in men who look at me; its hungry, a type of lusting mouth with no feeling, **** trusted more than his heart. the kind of look that says, “i want you feeling my biceps in the back of my truck, and i want to feel your tightness all over me,” the only problem is i play along, pretending to be seductive and then leaving with an agonizingly frozen stare, and a quickened pace just to show them who's actually in control. a pack of Newports exchanged over the counter, another lighter; this time with a green and red flower on it; dahlias of the night. exoskeletons of black jackets and tights like some shadow riding vagabonds, inside guts made out of swallowed cigarette smoke and bravery. we smoked and walked, watching as headlights flickered toward our slim frames, and men leaned out from trucks with salivating mouths like dogs, inviting us to their burning desire in the cold, shrinking night. under the layer of skin that tells the girl beside me that it would be stupid to heed to their invitations, i admit to myself that all i want is for a stranger to wrap around me and kiss my smoke stained lips with a different fury, so i can whisper a fake name in the depths of their ears, and show them that i will kiss better than all the women that have wrapped themselves in their limp bedsheets, and leave them wanting more as i disappear into the night, leaving nothing but a longing burn on the tips of their tongues. but i don't give into my fierce desires, and we simply turn around, smoke five more cigarettes, and climb up the fence to **** her hand, and run across the raging freeway like the Klamath itself.
0
Feb 17, 2014
Feb 17, 2014 at 12:44 AM UTC
dahlias of the night
this night was different; there were more moments spent looking back then forward, panic always pulsating in the crook of our throat like some giant, out of breath beast waiting in the hollow sweat, and gnarled tree branches reflecting black against the slightly purple sky. it was too quiet to mask our echoing footsteps; boot on pavement no rain to soften the blow. we made it in thirty minutes to the gas station, where we unzipped our jackets and let the lace show out of our drooping shirts blinking like a warning sign to the drugged up cashier, words mumbling over his body, strings mixed up. men entered and i saw that look that i always see in men who look at me; its hungry, a type of lusting mouth with no feeling, **** trusted more than his heart. the kind of look that says, “i want you feeling my biceps in the back of my truck, and i want to feel your tightness all over me,” the only problem is i play along, pretending to be seductive and then leaving with an agonizingly frozen stare, and a quickened pace just to show them who's actually in control. a pack of Newports exchanged over the counter, another lighter; this time with a green and red flower on it; dahlias of the night. exoskeletons of black jackets and tights like some shadow riding vagabonds, inside guts made out of swallowed cigarette smoke and bravery. we smoked and walked, watching as headlights flickered toward our slim frames, and men leaned out from trucks with salivating mouths like dogs, inviting us to their burning desire in the cold, shrinking night. under the layer of skin that tells the girl beside me that it would be stupid to heed to their invitations, i admit to myself that all i want is for a stranger to wrap around me and kiss my smoke stained lips with a different fury, so i can whisper a fake name in the depths of their ears, and show them that i will kiss better than all the women that have wrapped themselves in their limp bedsheets, and leave them wanting more as i disappear into the night, leaving nothing but a longing burn on the tips of their tongues. but i don't give into my fierce desires, and we simply turn around, smoke five more cigarettes, and climb up the fence to **** her hand, and run across the raging freeway like the Klamath itself.
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69
I am a ***** of the very worst kind Not of *** and promiscuity A ***** of my own Creation You come up on my radar Latch Seek Destroy And you will never know Each and every one of my Dead lovers Never loved me back Tear them up Spit them out Abandoned Just like me But I hurt I feel emotion Like clods of dirt Inside my chest Rip it open Scream at each Small thing Wrong thing I want only this That I can never have Curses Plagues Dead Ex-lovers Stars in their eyes That look past my Efforts Hints Advances I am invisible Invincible Or so I like to think The invisible ***** You never saw me coming Till I cry these three tears Drop Drop Drop Two from the right One from the left Just like the rest So many to name That wouldn’t even know my Hurt Abandonment What have you done to me? Nothing It is I Only I Want so desperately To touch To be touched 3 little tears come from Within this cold hard Clenched fist Wetting my palm Trying to escape Flung at your calm Silent face. I want to be empty I want to not feel this Gift. Emotion. In the pit of my stomach Back of my throat Behind these eyes Sick And they fall One Two Three The time it takes to Break Die Latch Seek Destroy I am on a rampage To eat each man up Bone by bone Flesh and blood Thoughts and loves Till I spew it all back out To every person I meet I am a ***** of the very worst kind I’ve been everywhere Nowhere Inside everyone No One You cannot pay for me. I’m too cheap. You do not want me I am curse Brought on by Liars Abusers Molesters I am the product of A past Mistakes And I want you to Make me better But I become Worse Liken me please To those on the street Full of disease Because I am worth Nothing Of your time Energy Nothing And I expect Nothing more Than this Agonizingly Painful You Are just like Everyone else That I never wanted you To be So much more than Dead Ex-lovers Death from their lips In long streams of wire Attached at my wrists Ankles Binding me Cutting deep Blood Red Stains like my shirt Cutting me Scarring me Until I feel so much Nothing And uncountable tears Flood cities Destroy taverns Come knocking Breaking free Again And again And again And you are The same As those Starry-eyed, wire binding Dead Ex-Lovers So much alive Reminding me of every Failure Each scar on my wrist In the form of a name And now you join the rest In this shallow unmarked grave You are alone With them And I will Consume this hurt Like a breakfast Of nails and tacks Each bite will puncture The last remaining composure Till I am nothing once again Radar Radar Detecting Latch Seek Destroy All over again The very worst kind
0
Aug 13, 2011
Aug 13, 2011 at 6:58 PM UTC
*****
I am a ***** of the very worst kind Not of *** and promiscuity A ***** of my own Creation You come up on my radar Latch Seek Destroy And you will never know Each and every one of my Dead lovers Never loved me back Tear them up Spit them out Abandoned Just like me But I hurt I feel emotion Like clods of dirt Inside my chest Rip it open Scream at each Small thing Wrong thing I want only this That I can never have Curses Plagues Dead Ex-lovers Stars in their eyes That look past my Efforts Hints Advances I am invisible Invincible Or so I like to think The invisible ***** You never saw me coming Till I cry these three tears Drop Drop Drop Two from the right One from the left Just like the rest So many to name That wouldn’t even know my Hurt Abandonment What have you done to me? Nothing It is I Only I Want so desperately To touch To be touched 3 little tears come from Within this cold hard Clenched fist Wetting my palm Trying to escape Flung at your calm Silent face. I want to be empty I want to not feel this Gift. Emotion. In the pit of my stomach Back of my throat Behind these eyes Sick And they fall One Two Three The time it takes to Break Die Latch Seek Destroy I am on a rampage To eat each man up Bone by bone Flesh and blood Thoughts and loves Till I spew it all back out To every person I meet I am a ***** of the very worst kind I’ve been everywhere Nowhere Inside everyone No One You cannot pay for me. I’m too cheap. You do not want me I am curse Brought on by Liars Abusers Molesters I am the product of A past Mistakes And I want you to Make me better But I become Worse Liken me please To those on the street Full of disease Because I am worth Nothing Of your time Energy Nothing And I expect Nothing more Than this Agonizingly Painful You Are just like Everyone else That I never wanted you To be So much more than Dead Ex-lovers Death from their lips In long streams of wire Attached at my wrists Ankles Binding me Cutting deep Blood Red Stains like my shirt Cutting me Scarring me Until I feel so much Nothing And uncountable tears Flood cities Destroy taverns Come knocking Breaking free Again And again And again And you are The same As those Starry-eyed, wire binding Dead Ex-Lovers So much alive Reminding me of every Failure Each scar on my wrist In the form of a name And now you join the rest In this shallow unmarked grave You are alone With them And I will Consume this hurt Like a breakfast Of nails and tacks Each bite will puncture The last remaining composure Till I am nothing once again Radar Radar Detecting Latch Seek Destroy All over again The very worst kind
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182
i light matches on non flammable things and start fires i cannot extinguish, i start all consuming love and then tear it apart viciously and tiredly and try to put back the pieces of my heart in this sacred chest at the bottom of wherever my skeleton ends because that is where it belongs, alone and protected you were a cigarette i denied myself the pleasure of smoking you were an old record player that i would dance to by myself at 2 am just because and you were strawberry hill wine in the middle of the park that tasted agonizingly sweet on my tongue and scorched my throat into believing this was happiness i still whisper your name whenever i drive by your house in prayer that i will never see you again, you are still a ghost in the corner of my mind and i have a feeling you will always be (h.l.)
0
Dec 12, 2015
Dec 12, 2015 at 3:46 PM UTC
i'm searching for something that i can't reach
The shadow moves above my eyes. I'm blindfolded from sight, handcuffed from touch. The warm feeling of these lips upon my skin - ******* nibbling, biting from this excessive ****** lust and the crude tongue, playing a lecherous percussion of the forbidden dance on my ***** and ******** all this a tantalizing damnation, then this weapon I've been wanting, needing, craving is punched into me, pulling back and forth from horny-lovers lane. It lingers, simmers, agonizingly feeding my sexually crazed desires. I feel as if I'm crawling, brushing, climaxing my ***** and all that is around me. I let out a slow, mournful growl as I'm drawn to a constellated galaxy of ******** rush. Then I  release myself through the milky-way returning to Earth, back in the beige-walled room. The blindfold is now off: free to sight, free to touch. I take a deep breath, look down upon my *** - I want to see him, the Mozart of my ****** pleasure; but instead I find her sitting there ******* her finger,wearing nothing but a smirk.
0
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 6:03 AM UTC
Facade
time with him went by 5 centimeters per second: from the games that kids play, to the words that adults say, from the cherry blossoms falling from the tree, to the rain agonizingly dripping on me, from the way our feet danced without a care, to the way our hands are grasped pairs, from the way i fell in love with you. and to the way we parted when we didn't want to.
0
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 11:23 AM UTC
5 centimeters per second
Time trickles by agonizingly slow tick tock tick tock frustrations grow They are playing the waiting game Stung by fate life's little trick the sweetest boy so very sick Tick tock tick tock, time is just a game Hands aged with fears bound tight; she prays fingers shivering a grandmother softly says God keep him safe and end this waiting game Friends and family kneel down in faith praying together In God's love they bathe Knowing soon that time is almost here Fate is fate and we are all bound by destiny but in my heart of hearts I pray that he will be your happy, healthy grandson once again *to Wanda, you and your grandson are in our prayers
0
Sep 29, 2013
Sep 29, 2013 at 4:47 PM UTC
in faith we pray
The high priestess issued a religious order against us both, We were punished for being dearly in love with each other, They apprehended and executed the two of us lovers mercilessly. Our heads dropped down to the floor in a pool of blood, The bodies of ours tossed about so very much agonizingly, For my heart heard our connecting string break into two pieces. I was made to watch as the axe was felled on your neck, What I failed to do for all my lifetime with you was happening, Tears were jerking down my cheeks relentlessly refusing to stop. I felt that I saw your soul taking-off from the body, She appeared smiling and beckoning my soul too, Soon my head was severed from my body too. My soul joined yours and then on we are hosted by the temple, Now they have started worshipping love in our form & face, Fabled is our story of love & entirely unknown to all of them, Our souls still brew the hot coffee of love behind those altars.
0
Apr 2, 2014
Apr 2, 2014 at 2:20 AM UTC
Hot Coffee Of Love Behind Those Altars
A different kind of cold settled in them as they poured through the door into the bleak grandiosity of the lobby. A group of grievers: Her ashen husband and their two daughters, 12 and 20, Her two sisters dressed in black fleece and Her mother with freshly bruised knees. The night was agonizingly short once they arrived. Prayer and hope for rehabilitation between questions about resuscitation. Her mother clung to the cruel Almighty While Her husband clenched his fists at the chaplain. A Stroke of an instant induced a transformation of lives as Hers ended beneath the blinding fluorescence.
0
Dec 3, 2011
Dec 3, 2011 at 4:03 AM UTC
A Scene from the ICU
For it is this love, that I feel, Sleepless nights, restless days, letting play the reel Of film that shows how my life does look and feel. Oh for when I see this form Adonis may it not be similar to, But Aphrodite has something up her sleeve, a thing or two About how this network of unrequited love will just end up sad and blue. I do wish you the best of luck in everything you love, Sadly I can't wish you to love me, to the heavens above. It is now that I should try to let go of this dove. To this dove that I loved endearingly, To this dove that was close to me adoringly, To this dove that I will bid farewell agonizingly. I just keep on holding on To this love that will dawn upon Me the finality of this feeling that will be gone. But it's you why I keep on hoping That our love is just in the making. I hope I won't be forever longing.
0
Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 2:13 PM UTC
Confused in Love
All the poems about anxiety-- Never had I understood them until now I'd warn my relatives and friends I'm horribly stressed and agonizingly anxious-- And of course they'd nod and tell me To calm down, it'd be alright That I was overreacting It was such a fixable plight For years I've heard of the pain Being alone, in an ableist world **** it up! Don't you know? You're life's so fortunate! Some are beaten, some are starving, Some are trapped in their lifeless bodies You? You sit there, like a child, Clasping your arms Until red, raw bruises surface Why on earth? You're older now! Take care of yourself!* So this is what the anxious experienced. With this, they solemnly dealt. So much of this I've heard about Read and dreaded the talk But now… The fool I was, to never pay heed, To never once ask if a friend is all right, All fine,—of course not! Still they’d ask for the sake of mine, And never could I grant the slightest help for good return Somedays I’ll watch people jest Even with the severity of anxiety Perhaps they’re coping, But many fellows don’t manage the same Now the public’s ignorance Runs dry my bottle of patience I won’t live until they know The expense of their deplorable actions
0
Aug 26, 2014
Aug 26, 2014 at 6:02 PM UTC
Never Until Today
It's cold and it's empty, this hollowed out feeling of pleasure... I focus on the rush of desire - desire for the sensations alone... The sweet friction in my center, the pounding force of what is you, merely a tool for my cravings' fulfillment; an object for nothing but my physical satisfaction; a satiating of my burning lust... You're worthless to me outside this externally needful task... Not my heart, neither my soul, have even the smallest holding pocket, cradling some sort of love or care for you... Tell me, please, why we do this to ourselves, over and over, again and again...? Are we honestly contented by the passionless movements of our graceless pieces and parts? Is this animalistic ritual the solution for what we so desperately search for; that for which we agonizingly struggle, crawling down confused, tangled paths, looking without knowing exactly what we seek, despairing, sickly, exhausted, and so pathetic; so pitifully weak?? Are we satisfied with ******* Just ******* could that be the answer to the question that, from existence becoming, the human being has been, from the depths of the soul, constantly, repetitively screaming? I cannot bring myself to believe such a notion could hold a sand grain's worth of truth, but you seem to have accepted this joyless, hope-crushing idea, and as for myself, I know I'll only continue ignoring that which my heart keeps urgently speaking with a driving, whispering voice, from my inner-most recesses, and continue on with the oblivious dance of this pretending; this charades game all the world eagerly strives to play... I will bottle the juices of my self-deceiving, self-depriving fruits, borne of my guilt, my denial birthed shame... Yes, of course! I'm absolutely satisfied with the act of mere ******* Feelings of wholeness sweep and flutter, butterflying the insides of my body's unseen puzzle pieces, and I'm simply overflowing with this ever so peaceful calm... Lies, fiction, deception, robed by willfully grasped ignorance, keeps us marching, two-by-two, silently miserable husks, just living until it's time to lay in another void-like place, this one our grave, lonely and cold... And now it doesn't seem like there's anything left, for any one of us, to say...
0
Sep 15, 2013
Sep 15, 2013 at 7:52 AM UTC
Satisfied with *******
It's cold and it's empty, this hollowed out feeling of pleasure... I focus on the rush of desire - desire for the sensations alone... The sweet friction in my center, the pounding force of what is you, merely a tool for my cravings' fulfillment; an object for nothing but my physical satisfaction; a satiating of my burning lust... You're worthless to me outside this externally needful task... Not my heart, neither my soul, have even the smallest holding pocket, cradling some sort of love or care for you... Tell me, please, why we do this to ourselves, over and over, again and again...? Are we honestly contented by the passionless movements of our graceless pieces and parts? Is this animalistic ritual the solution for what we so desperately search for; that for which we agonizingly struggle, crawling down confused, tangled paths, looking without knowing exactly what we seek, despairing, sickly, exhausted, and so pathetic; so pitifully weak?? Are we satisfied with ******* Just ******* could that be the answer to the question that, from existence becoming, the human being has been, from the depths of the soul, constantly, repetitively screaming? I cannot bring myself to believe such a notion could hold a sand grain's worth of truth, but you seem to have accepted this joyless, hope-crushing idea, and as for myself, I know I'll only continue ignoring that which my heart keeps urgently speaking with a driving, whispering voice, from my inner-most recesses, and continue on with the oblivious dance of this pretending; this charades game all the world eagerly strives to play... I will bottle the juices of my self-deceiving, self-depriving fruits, borne of my guilt, my denial birthed shame... Yes, of course! I'm absolutely satisfied with the act of mere ******* Feelings of wholeness sweep and flutter, butterflying the insides of my body's unseen puzzle pieces, and I'm simply overflowing with this ever so peaceful calm... Lies, fiction, deception, robed by willfully grasped ignorance, keeps us marching, two-by-two, silently miserable husks, just living until it's time to lay in another void-like place, this one our grave, lonely and cold... And now it doesn't seem like there's anything left, for any one of us, to say...
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75
Light streams through the window, Beckoning her to come out of the dim. A spotlight on her blank canvas; She was yearning to see him. Oil, water and paint blend With her blood, sweat and tears, Slowly and agonizingly dripping From her brush, brows and ears. Then there he is, tall and bright; A sun-kissed face dressed in a golden vase. She painted his image in sunflowers: He's her masterpiece no one can recreate.
0
Jan 26, 2018
Jan 26, 2018 at 6:17 AM UTC
sun, flow, her
Sadly this woman with the biggest heart Has to rip out her most loving thoughts She must turn cold For over her, people just rolled She alway knew they would But she still did what she could She so desperately wanted to belive That everyone that was truly in need Would appreciate what she did She had the faith of a little kid She believed there was good in most everyone But now with all of that, she was done There finally was that last straw Finally a line she had to draw This decision was agonizingly painful After this, she didn't know what she would live for, would she be able The pain of this was greater then all that had came before This killing of her own soul hurt so much more Than what any human monster had inflicted With this her heart would truly be restricted She took the broken pieces of her being Ground them to dust as tears down her checks kept steaming She knew with this final self inflicted act There would be no coming back There would be no more love, no hope If not for drugs, how would she cope With one last sigh One last cry She pounded what made her, her to dust She felt no other way out, it was a must The chain that bound her to helping others just turned to rust It broke and fell away She wondered why on this earth would she now stay For with all the good she had tried to spread into this wicked place She sincerely thought it would be returned when difficulties she faced Only to find No other human would act as kind Every single person she tured to Only replied "what can I do" "I would help, but I must put myself first" Her loving heart made her feel so utterly cursed So she decided that was it No longer with the afflicted would she sit No longer would she put others before herself They could all fall off the ******* shelf This decision was not freeing It was gonna **** her completely, her fragile soul, her being It was gonna break the ties that held her to this life But when she need help, no one was there to end the strife Now this woman with the biggest heart Has to rip out her most loving thoughts Now she is as cold and heartless as the rest But look really hard, there is still the stain of tears upon her breast
0
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016 at 4:21 PM UTC
Helping Hand is no More
Sadly this woman with the biggest heart Has to rip out her most loving thoughts She must turn cold For over her, people just rolled She alway knew they would But she still did what she could She so desperately wanted to belive That everyone that was truly in need Would appreciate what she did She had the faith of a little kid She believed there was good in most everyone But now with all of that, she was done There finally was that last straw Finally a line she had to draw This decision was agonizingly painful After this, she didn't know what she would live for, would she be able The pain of this was greater then all that had came before This killing of her own soul hurt so much more Than what any human monster had inflicted With this her heart would truly be restricted She took the broken pieces of her being Ground them to dust as tears down her checks kept steaming She knew with this final self inflicted act There would be no coming back There would be no more love, no hope If not for drugs, how would she cope With one last sigh One last cry She pounded what made her, her to dust She felt no other way out, it was a must The chain that bound her to helping others just turned to rust It broke and fell away She wondered why on this earth would she now stay For with all the good she had tried to spread into this wicked place She sincerely thought it would be returned when difficulties she faced Only to find No other human would act as kind Every single person she tured to Only replied "what can I do" "I would help, but I must put myself first" Her loving heart made her feel so utterly cursed So she decided that was it No longer with the afflicted would she sit No longer would she put others before herself They could all fall off the ******* shelf This decision was not freeing It was gonna **** her completely, her fragile soul, her being It was gonna break the ties that held her to this life But when she need help, no one was there to end the strife Now this woman with the biggest heart Has to rip out her most loving thoughts Now she is as cold and heartless as the rest But look really hard, there is still the stain of tears upon her breast
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53
It came like a sudden darkness, storming up and snuffing out the already fading light of dawn, When I found myself floating, above the ground suspended on the backs of blue clouds that kissed the purple sky like a clinging lover Chasing the movement of birds before my eyes I turned to stare down at the blackness beneath my toxic cloud of color, at the puke green sea covered in the orange foam of soda where what looked like the remnants of my breakfast that morning road the frothy waves. Pink, Pink Pepto-Bismol stained whales attacked the early air blowing bubbles filled with what looked like Oreo cream screaming happily the music of contentment A cry a loud mewling filled the acid induced happiness of the moment, yowling agonizingly, as if possessed by the spirit of pain itself. Thumping, Screeching clash and the ***** of nails had me blinking away from my floating tea party within the sky and looking rather questionably to the hunky dream boat pouring me a fresh glass of tea, His smile plastered by the very gods themselves didn't waver, and in my dreamlike stupor I thought nothing of it But the terrified yowling, hissing, strange purr-mewl didn't stop. The sky no longer a pleasant purple faded to a nasty shade of plum conjuring two disembodied chillingly green slated eyes Frantic with irrational fear I panicked falling off my blue cloud to plummet towards the angry green sea below Falling, Falling ever faster staring up at the sinister glowing ambient green eyes, whilst hearing that terrifying screeching yowl, from the Cheshire maw Slamming awake with the tingling sensation of a ghostly belly flop, I find myself still staring up at those eerie green eyes. This time surrounded by a flowing mane of toffee fur and speckled with tan zigzagging stripes of inky black, Buddy, with his demanding meow of attention, insistently pawing my forehead with the command of a gentle rub, Plucking my wings, and crippling me with a cuteness that only he can have.
0
Nov 21, 2012
Nov 21, 2012 at 4:17 PM UTC
A Dream
It came like a sudden darkness, storming up and snuffing out the already fading light of dawn, When I found myself floating, above the ground suspended on the backs of blue clouds that kissed the purple sky like a clinging lover Chasing the movement of birds before my eyes I turned to stare down at the blackness beneath my toxic cloud of color, at the puke green sea covered in the orange foam of soda where what looked like the remnants of my breakfast that morning road the frothy waves. Pink, Pink Pepto-Bismol stained whales attacked the early air blowing bubbles filled with what looked like Oreo cream screaming happily the music of contentment A cry a loud mewling filled the acid induced happiness of the moment, yowling agonizingly, as if possessed by the spirit of pain itself. Thumping, Screeching clash and the ***** of nails had me blinking away from my floating tea party within the sky and looking rather questionably to the hunky dream boat pouring me a fresh glass of tea, His smile plastered by the very gods themselves didn't waver, and in my dreamlike stupor I thought nothing of it But the terrified yowling, hissing, strange purr-mewl didn't stop. The sky no longer a pleasant purple faded to a nasty shade of plum conjuring two disembodied chillingly green slated eyes Frantic with irrational fear I panicked falling off my blue cloud to plummet towards the angry green sea below Falling, Falling ever faster staring up at the sinister glowing ambient green eyes, whilst hearing that terrifying screeching yowl, from the Cheshire maw Slamming awake with the tingling sensation of a ghostly belly flop, I find myself still staring up at those eerie green eyes. This time surrounded by a flowing mane of toffee fur and speckled with tan zigzagging stripes of inky black, Buddy, with his demanding meow of attention, insistently pawing my forehead with the command of a gentle rub, Plucking my wings, and crippling me with a cuteness that only he can have.
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17
Pain was confused with Pleasure as Pleasure was confused for Pain. Pleasure was related to Pain and praised for being painfully pleasurable. Sweet, old Pain was remembered for being pleasurably painful. Pain kissed Pleasure whenever and wherever he could. Pleasure beautifully made love to Pain whenever and however she should, that way whenever Pain and Pleasure touched, ever so briefly, they would always keep a piece of each other, while never forgetting how close they are and will ever be. Pain and Pleasure danced away their original definitions to come up with something more creative as intricate as their relationship. Pain would smile and kiss away Pleasure’s tears and Pleasure would warmly bite away Pain’s infinite bruises. Pleasure was agonizingly painful when she would attempt to show her love for Pain with her masochistic kisses and hugs. Pain would lick Pleasure’s wounds in such a burning way, she would scream with delicious delight. Pleasure told him: “I only let you kiss me and touch me if your lips and hands are full of intention.” Pain told her: “I want every nibble to feel as though you are intimately writing the story of our lives on me.” They naively thought the warm vibration between them was love: their bond that would eventually **** them both.
0
Jan 11, 2018
Jan 11, 2018 at 9:40 PM UTC
Pain's Pleasure
Messiahs and martyrs And saviors And saints Sacrosanct Sanctimonious False idol feints Behind gates, Palace walls Fortified in a lie An elaborate, Enduring Mythos we contrive And apply To the lives Of misguided lost souls Filling holes With the answers Of what never knows How to be of this world Without more to assign What is so picture perfectly Flawed by design Intertwined with The years we spend Spacing in time Agonizingly trying To find Our own kind Out among the expanse Starry satellite trance Higher intellects seek And destroy To advance The agenda, to claim A new age Under orders Anointed upon The consent Of the heaven-sent Nuclear bomb
0
Feb 8, 2019
Feb 8, 2019 at 9:31 AM UTC
Oppenheimer's Lament
When you look up at the ceiling, As you lay in your bed, What is it that you see? Do you see the cracked and peeling paint, The water damage stains, The tarnishes of time and neglect? What is it that you see as you stare upon your ceiling? It has been days since your gaze left the above. What are you looking for? Are you looking for that one little area, That is still pure in its color? That is free of spoil and coated in care? You lay there, motionless, staring. Searching, in your own creation, Agonizingly probing your aged canvas, In fear that that's all you'll ever see. Ever know. But you search, and you search, You scan every inch of that ceiling, In hopes of a small, blank slate of plaster, In which to smother yourself in. In which to call home. _ '10
0
Dec 2, 2010
Dec 2, 2010 at 8:02 AM UTC
Ceiling
So many things unsaid Pretending its just fine. Wonderful you are. At least to me. Anger boils throughout time wondering if it was all just a game. Silly game we played called friendship. Where did it go? Where do we go from here? Nowhere. That time has passed, I have begun to accept it. No longer agonizingly painful. Almost completely forgotten, what we once were. Never going to let it happen to me again. This thing called love.
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Sep 28, 2013
Sep 28, 2013 at 4:08 PM UTC
Unsaid
ice water shot through through my veins that's almost as cold as the barren landscape of my mind. one by one every single cell in my body, becomes numb to the point of insanity. arms no longer move. head unable to be lifted. so you stare at the agonizingly white ceiling, and try to keep your eyes open long enough to see something with any sort of meaning. something my brain can hold on to for fear of losing the humanity that's left. so I paint your blue eyes with the will I still have; trying so hard to capture the light that the sun himself injected straight into them. and by fate or by chance, I can sometimes get the color of them exactly right. the one and only shade of any color that returns some feeling back to me.
0
Dec 19, 2013
Dec 19, 2013 at 9:10 PM UTC
Paralysis
When you flick the lever does it strain you? Does it stave you? So agonizingly close to the truth? Cynical is the nature. Mame to **** fool not fill, mind over will. To quarter intrinsically, Stutter intellectually, Engrosse enternally. Oh untimely vapire! Vibrent like the moon how you steal from the heavens, iluminating the path of shadows! You! Sending mankind to the gallows! Oh promises you gave were shallow! Every like every follow, will this only end in sorrow?
0
Jun 2, 2018
Jun 2, 2018 at 2:30 AM UTC
Skinner's Box
Time creeps by here Lazily waving goodbye, dear And it slides agonizingly near Before moving on to the next year
0
Jan 26, 2016
Jan 26, 2016 at 2:53 PM UTC
Whirring
I'm hung on the same shelf Night after night, that shelf That old, dusty shelf My strings bundled up So I can't leave this retched place But in the morning you come for me Untie my strings, and drag me away The floor is cold under my feet The lights burn my eyes The cheering crowds hurt my ears Then...the curtains open And so the show begins Master pulls my strings I jump, dance, wave, kick myself and fall But does anyone hear my cries for help? They can't over their laughter The humility is hurtful The strings agonizingly painful At war with the puppet master But once again have failed The curtains close And I'm back on that old, dusty shelf
0
Jan 10, 2013
Jan 10, 2013 at 6:13 PM UTC
Puppet Master
I’m tired of watching. Gaping at this cinematic reality as it slowly sinks into my sensitive skin like hot rocks on a not-so-relaxing Sunday morning. Disappointment after disappointment, I tap my foot with impatience, awaiting a ship that never docks, yet instead, tantalizes me as it nears the harbor but changes its course midway. I’m limp, dangling over the wishing well in my bathroom that swallows as I heave; attempting to rid my body of all my pathetic hopes and expectations and watch as they are flushed down the toilet. You are a dagger and I have closed my eyes, preparing myself to die; allowing my flesh to surround your malicious blade as you pierce agonizingly through my shattering heart. I am (or was) a majestic sailboat and you are a bulwark placed dangerously in my path, resulting in a complete wreckage causing my sail to sink miserably to the bottom of the ocean. Tired of seeing. Watching each face blossom with happiness as my stems overflow with jealousy; I stare at the reflection of my forlorn face, painfully plucking each of my withering petals and allowing them to fall to the ground in defeat. Feeling my chakras disintegrate as my large intestine absorbs my heart that melted at the sight of your hands entwined with ones that aren’t mine. I’m suffocating, gasping for air as I hug myself until I am strangling my waist, searching for that comforting lungful of compassion. Tired of noticing. Releasing my last breath, I let go. Allowing my body to be consumed by the numbness that started at my heart as it froze.
0
Oct 8, 2014
Oct 8, 2014 at 7:10 AM UTC
Tired.
I’m tired of watching. Gaping at this cinematic reality as it slowly sinks into my sensitive skin like hot rocks on a not-so-relaxing Sunday morning. Disappointment after disappointment, I tap my foot with impatience, awaiting a ship that never docks, yet instead, tantalizes me as it nears the harbor but changes its course midway. I’m limp, dangling over the wishing well in my bathroom that swallows as I heave; attempting to rid my body of all my pathetic hopes and expectations and watch as they are flushed down the toilet. You are a dagger and I have closed my eyes, preparing myself to die; allowing my flesh to surround your malicious blade as you pierce agonizingly through my shattering heart. I am (or was) a majestic sailboat and you are a bulwark placed dangerously in my path, resulting in a complete wreckage causing my sail to sink miserably to the bottom of the ocean. Tired of seeing. Watching each face blossom with happiness as my stems overflow with jealousy; I stare at the reflection of my forlorn face, painfully plucking each of my withering petals and allowing them to fall to the ground in defeat. Feeling my chakras disintegrate as my large intestine absorbs my heart that melted at the sight of your hands entwined with ones that aren’t mine. I’m suffocating, gasping for air as I hug myself until I am strangling my waist, searching for that comforting lungful of compassion. Tired of noticing. Releasing my last breath, I let go. Allowing my body to be consumed by the numbness that started at my heart as it froze.
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12
I want love. Hand holding, eye smoldering, heart folding love. I want someone to fall in love with my nose, the embarrassing pimple that grows, the stuttering word that flows clumsily out of my butterfly-filled mouth. Fall in love with my bare face, the way my hair is never in place, the sound of my heartbeat as it loves to race when I breathe in your deoxygenated air as your lips dance eagerly across mine. Take me to the future where your favorite song will be my jagged laugh, not the sound of my keys as they type “lol” on my mouth’s behalf. I mean, take me back to the past back when relationships would actually last, so that I can yell at you on the park, as opposed to typing “I HATE YOU” exclamation mark. Fall in love with the touch of my soft palm, the way that I get angry but always remain calm; and I’ll fall in love with your precious words, as we soar through the sky like love birds. Imagine us flying, standing on the porch crying, being exceedingly scared of losing the only one that’s ever cared. Fall in love with my voice rather than the arrangement of my sentences sculpted into emotionless bodies on a screen. Tell me that you hate my profile picture because the lifeless image captures not the breathtaking beauty of my flawless imperfections. Substitute your ****** with a dagger and pierce me in the eye agonizingly slow. Stare into my soul as you go in for the **** to verify that your choice still remains at execution.   I want to kiss the creases of your brow as they spill emotion all over your anxious face as we sing our first “I love you”. I want you to wipe my tears away as we split paths and wave at our hearts as they whisper their final goodbyes. And when I look back on our amazing journey, I want to remember you and your words better than my inbox ever will.
0
Oct 23, 2014
Oct 23, 2014 at 7:29 PM UTC
Profile pics.
I want love. Hand holding, eye smoldering, heart folding love. I want someone to fall in love with my nose, the embarrassing pimple that grows, the stuttering word that flows clumsily out of my butterfly-filled mouth. Fall in love with my bare face, the way my hair is never in place, the sound of my heartbeat as it loves to race when I breathe in your deoxygenated air as your lips dance eagerly across mine. Take me to the future where your favorite song will be my jagged laugh, not the sound of my keys as they type “lol” on my mouth’s behalf. I mean, take me back to the past back when relationships would actually last, so that I can yell at you on the park, as opposed to typing “I HATE YOU” exclamation mark. Fall in love with the touch of my soft palm, the way that I get angry but always remain calm; and I’ll fall in love with your precious words, as we soar through the sky like love birds. Imagine us flying, standing on the porch crying, being exceedingly scared of losing the only one that’s ever cared. Fall in love with my voice rather than the arrangement of my sentences sculpted into emotionless bodies on a screen. Tell me that you hate my profile picture because the lifeless image captures not the breathtaking beauty of my flawless imperfections. Substitute your ****** with a dagger and pierce me in the eye agonizingly slow. Stare into my soul as you go in for the **** to verify that your choice still remains at execution.   I want to kiss the creases of your brow as they spill emotion all over your anxious face as we sing our first “I love you”. I want you to wipe my tears away as we split paths and wave at our hearts as they whisper their final goodbyes. And when I look back on our amazing journey, I want to remember you and your words better than my inbox ever will.
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14