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Priya Patel Feb 29
I didn't know how bad I was
how my laughter could hurt you
and how my smile brought you pain
how you needed to beat me again and again

You needed my pain,
to cut me with knives
my blood was your air
and my screams breathed you life

I didn't know how bad I was
that you had to lock me up with fear
gagged, tied, and burnt
from my head to my ears

You needed my pain
to take away yours
so you killed me each day
again and again

I was only eight years old
and I could finally breath peace
I knew I was dying  
I love you mom, I'm sorry I was me

~ Priya ๐Ÿ•‰, Feb 29, 2020

In memory of Gabriel Fernandez, a story and a boy that has forever changed me
I wrote this immediately after watching the Trials of Gabriel  Fernandez.    A true story of the worst possible evil imaginable and of heartache that such exists.
Priya Patel Feb 19
I love how you make plans,
smiling like an anxious kid
floating on clouds
that only rain for me
excited for the weekend to come
and for all the amazing places
you want to take me
Even through all your
personal torments,
you look happy

I watch you from the side
as if I wasnโ€™t even a part of the plan
as if all my confusion and doubts
that we just talked about
was all in my head
as if you forgot
everything that was said
I watch you make plans
I feel like itโ€™s all for you
but deep down, I know
I know itโ€™s all for me

I wonder,
do you see what I see?
Priya Patel Feb 19
I accept, I'm in denial,
head over heels, madly in love
with living each day in the dark
The bite of truth is so much harder
then the occasional sudden bark
It's easier this way
It hurts less, makes the truth
seem so much less important;
until it's not
Denial felt safe
but never truly real,
and now the bite
I can finally feel;
the ripping of flesh
bit by bit with subtle nips
of truth
Dark was good, but grey ...
this frightens me
I have too many questions
that I'm too scared
to find answers to,
too many clues
that leaves me asking,
What do I do?
So yes, I'm living in no
Let fate question the answers ...

~ Priya ๐Ÿ•‰๏ธ Feb 19, 2020
Hiding from the truth makes being found, that much harder to accept.   Denial is just a temporary fix.
Priya Patel Feb 11
My moment best

Just as the sun, soft and gentle,
rises into the day,
so did my son
Half walking, partially sleeping,
occasionally stumbling,
slowly creeping his way
across the cold tiled floor
until silently,
he stood swaying in my doorway
In the tiniest voice, he whispered,
"Mommy can I sleep with you?"
I opened my arms like the branches of a tree
and like a baby bird to his nest,
as soft as can be
he lay soft against my chest
I knew from then
that from all the moments
and memories of today,
that this would be my best
With his hands wrapped around my waist,
and his breath soft against my chest;
I knew from then
that from all the moments
and memories of today,
that this would be my best

๐Ÿ•‰๏ธ ~ Priya
Priya Patel Feb 11

My rock,
my one and only rock
is slowly slipping away
The rock that held us all up;
that surrounded us with years
of protective care,
is struggling to stand tall himself
I feel helpless;
helpless that I can't fix
all the circumstances
that life has forced upon him,
helpless that I cant heal
that which cannot be healed,
cant change that
which cannot be changed;
helpless that I cannot
bring his roses, tulips
and all his laughter back
I feel helpless
Helpless that I can't bring Mom back
I can only pray
that now I can be his rock

~Priya ๐Ÿ•‰๏ธ
Priya Patel Feb 11
Whispers in the wall

The walls in my room,
where my thoughts fester
like decaying bacteria,
have changed shape
They seem shorter,
like the ceiling is dropping
and suddenly, I can see
where old paint is peeling
and a cobweb I didn't see before
is now making a home
by television on the wall
My room is no longer a place of rest
not when your silence next to me
is slowly pushing me out
I can feel you next to me,
can hear your deep breathing,
inhaling, exhaling
but the warmth that once enveloped me
is now gone
So I bury myself
between the cold blankets
and listen all night
to the festering thoughts
that whispers to me from the walls

~ Priya ๐Ÿ•‰๏ธ
Priya Patel Feb 11
Your words

Your words, so cold
as you spit them in my face
Freezing embers
burning my heart
Like festering ants
multiplying words
a wall now built
tearing us apart
Your words, so cold
have frozen my heart
and I can't get the hurt
off my mind
Your words, so cold
and you don't even know
you don't even know
what you said

๐Ÿ•‰๏ธ - Priya
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