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May 2014 · 1.8k
Spelling and Grammar
It's not all that hard, it's so easy to learn,
Each and every one of these simple rules.
You see, I'm not even American,
But not even us Mexicans are such fools.

I know this language like I know myself,
I never laid hand on the shelf,
Where everyone placed their literature books,
Just to drop it for looks.

It's easy to remember,
Why can't you see,
English is so easy,
Or is it just me?

No.
That wouldn't make sense.
Spanish was my first language.
Yet I've come to know English better than my native tongue.

You're not North American, British, or Australian?
Alright whatever, I'll let it slide.
But really, born and raised here?
Come on, it's a free ride.

Deosnt it btoher you taht erevy wrod is speled rong?
Notice can't that you is order your wrong?
Proud to be an American, it isn't really saying much.
Cuz it lik jus syin I cn bearle evn speek such.

Yes, I think you're stupid, every time you spell wrong,
Because it's so easy to fix even a word that is long.
It makes me wonder wether your autocorrect's off?
Because that simple thing, knows each time that you're off.

Is it really so hard to put in that one vowel,
Or put in the consonant so your spelling's not foul.
Or correct the double-negative, you know it's not true,
It's easy to do, just proofread right through.

We all have the ability needed learn,
Yet it seems your ability's been placed in an urn.
You've got a big brain, so why don't you use it?
Trust me, I know, you shouldn't abuse it.

If you have pride in nothing else,
That's fine,
But it's good to have pride in the fact that you know,
YOUR LANGUAGE.
Be proud that you can communicate well,
Be proud that even the nerdiest of nerds can't use words you won't understand,
Be proud that you know how to use correct punctuation,
Be proud to know where "ph", "gh", "ou", "eau" and the silent "t" are used,
Be proud to know which words comes first, and which one comes last,
Be proud to know English, you can learn it all fast,
Be proud to know the art of words,
The art so many ancient cultures knew,
The ancient Japanese, and Romans, and even the French,
Yet America has forgotten how to use words.
Be proud to be a leader of the generation in the USA,
The generation that brings back knowing our own tongue,
So that foreigners who come don't know us better than us.
Be proud to know the beauty of language.
It really bothers me, it almost ****** me off, how much people seem to go out of their way to not learn their own language. People can compose great poems, but if you can't spell, or if the order's all wrong, your poem begins to lose its meaning and artistic value, it doesn't even make sense anymore.
Has he no sense of morality?!
Does he not see you are not a sinner?!
I deserve your suffering far more than you do.
Death's aim was off when he shot those cells at me.
But why didn't he take them out of you?
Does Death not see that you're special?
We all just want to be truly free,
Of all the hatred and misery.
But the limitations of humans, you see,
Is that we can't decide what's meant to be.

We can't control what happens around us,
Not even prevent tragedies that faze us.
And while happy and sad are simultaneous,
It seems only the depression becomes contagious.

Life is hard, and we all know,
When only a mask, can we show.
Only one can relate and help us grow,
But the breeze carrying love, will rarely blow.

I just want to live in happiness,
Feel nothing but the eternal bliss.
But the only thing that brings me this,
Comes from her lips, that one special kiss.

But what do I do when she's not here?
She may not return, that's what I fear.
Her time to go, seems to be near,
But I can't let go when I hold her so dear.

Each day that passes, what grows is her pain,
And as  a human, it's what I can't contain.
I'd love to die, but I must refrain,
Because that would just drive her totally insane.

We don't want to be, not at each others' side,
But The Lord didn't make that for us to decide.
To know this just happens, sounds like genocide,
Losing her is like breathing cyanide.

We can only see through our own eyes,
We can't comprehend another's demise.
It's this very limit that I despise,
Because I'll never know when her soul cries.

The limitations of being human,
Make us permanent catechumens.

Only she could restore my faith,
But lost I will be, shall I see her wraith.

She is all that matters to me,
Together forever, we wished we could be.

My soul can't escape the depths of this Hell,
Without her, there I'll eternally dwell.

But her soul being a pure white dove,
She saves me with her beauteous love.

So I beg thee great Lord, not bound like us,
Save her, it's You to whom, her I entrust.

She's the one who takes away,
The sins that always lead me astray.

Lord, you know, for you are not I,
She's my Angel, I see in both eyes.
Indifference
Let's do something different. Let's not give this one a form, or try to create structure, a pattern, a format in which to read this. Let's not try to make an art of this. Let's just let the words spill, so that they are all said before they're forgotten. Because this brilliant brain you were given and abused, Victor, well it's not quite the same, it's hard for it to function right, it's hard for it to be what it once could have been. So yes. It is rather weak, and everything leaks out rather quickly, memorization isn't much of a possibility. You can't even remember the words your love says to you. Your wife's words are the sole consolation to all the other **** that life throws at you. Clearly your brain doesn't see the importance of seratonin, or endorphins, or dopamine. 'Cause well, it's holding them all back. Your brain seems to have its own philosophy, that everything works fine, and depression is a myth. And so your "heart", (which is really your soul, which isn't physically existent, so it could be said to be a figment of your imagination, produced by your mind, which perceives  everything that is physical after your brain has processed it, but your mind also cannot be touched, so it may also be nonexistent, does this make me a nihilist?) takes all the consequences and lets it all run through you and take it's toll. So yes, everything just feels like ****. And you really just feel dead. But it can't be said that you are, because you don't know if you are. Your Angel is the one who reanimated you, who suddenly reintroduced the color that you didn't notice was fading from the world. But you see, you've just ****** yourself up so much that you can't get your hippocampus to do much of anything. So now that you've finally met your wife, and now that you love her more than it's even humanly possible to love, you find it increasingly difficult to hold on to what she's giving us. It's like we're trying to carry sand in a fishing net. I can't retain my only happy memories. As she drifts further away, my memory decays along with my soul and my body. Everything I was, everything I became, just goes to ****. It's all a waste if she's not there to receive everything you've worked to create and give to her. You know, Hell is beautiful and sulking in sin is bliss until you've been to Heaven. And I was there. I keep slipping off and falling only to find that she was already waiting to catch me. But each time, she lets me closer and closer to the ground. I'm scared of the day when she won't catch me. But the fear is dull. Everything is dulled. Before she came, you were suffering all the time, every moment, intoxicating yourself so that you could force yourself to be a normal person. Because you were so not normal, that no one could relate to you. And although I deny it, I just want someone to understand me. I want someone who's felt the exact way I feel, so they can tell me how not to feel. Well, you don't feel now, Victor. You don't feel anything, feeling is for humans, and you're not human anymore. You're just the shell of the egg, waiting for the chick to hatch, without feeling that the fetus has already combusted down to ashes, a body without a soul. Incapable of making it anywhere in Life. Because you are me, and I am you, and we are I or you or me, and that's not the way it's supposed to be. All you can do, only because of muscle memorization, is stroke the strings of what's been called an instrument but to you is the extension to your body which you use to voice your soul. That, and attempt to end what you've loathed living, which is a life without her. I had more to say, I have much more thoughts, but let's be honest with ourself, Victor. Anyone who's read this far is probably tired of all your ******* about how you hate your life, being a typical teenager, even though you're hardly that anymore, even though I'm around the corner of having some of what I say be taken seriously. But nobody truly cares, people just get tired of complaints. I don't know why I'm still writing, nobody will read this far. I don't even want to write anymore. I just lack so much motivation that I don't even want to complete this, I don't want to express everything else I was thinking. It's just too much effort for something I don't even care about. Nor does anyone else. I should change the title from "Indifference" to "Depressing Thoughts You Don't Want To Waste Time On". This totally strayed from my original thoughts. I was gonna say something but I forgot. I forgot everything I was going to say. I just feel empty and emotionless now. I hate leukemia. I hate Adam and Eve for committing the sin that ****** us all over, I hate Satan for tempting them, I hate these events. If they just wouldn't have happened, my Angel, my love, my wife, My Azami, she would be okay. Every type of cancer, every type of sickness or disease, could never have hurt her. And we would know she'd make it though this alright, well, it wouldn't have happened in the first place. We'd know we could be together forever. But I'm writing too much. Again. I keep forgetting no one will get this far. Whatever. I guess it helped a little to let some of it out. I just ******* hate this. That I might have to live without her. I hate it so much. I need to drug myself, I can't stand so many negative thoughts and feelings. If only I had been born with a normal brain that acknowledged the need for happiness, and to release seratonin. Whatever, too much again.
Because they're not your thoughts or problems, so why would you care? You don't know me and it's not affecting you, so you should just leave me to myself. It's too much effort to try to help a depressed drug addicted masochistic freak who's probably just in a "phase" and will come out of later. Of course I'm a kid, and nothing could really have any significance, it's all just stupid teenager issues. Whatever, **** it, **** trying to make a point or caring or anything, trying to say things that have a meaning, **** everything I once loved. Just forget it.
May 2014 · 307
I Can't Lie To You
I would love to say that I still have hope.
I would love to say that I still have faith.
But I can't lie to you.
This has hurt me too much.
The me you brought out of me left.
I don't have the will anymore.
I don't even have the will to live.
Apr 2014 · 277
A Tendency
My mind often drifts,
To the appealing mystery of Death.
What we see as the End,
Attracts my mind but raises questions.

What happens when you die?
Will anyone care when I die?
Will I feel different when I die?
Is Death the better choice for me?

When I run a finger down my wrist,
I can see blood flow through the place,
Where the soft skin and tissue,
Has been ruptured by the knife.

I can rub the blade lightly on my throat,
And imagine what it feels like,
To let the steel dig into my flesh,
And see the red for an instant.

When I ****** the 7.62 round against the temple,
I can feel the bullet tear through everything,
Cross from one side through to the other,
Destroying the beauty I've been given but waste.

And all those images  attract me.
My morality says it's wrong,
But my philosophy asks why not.
It's just not an easy choice to make.

What if it's not what I imagine?
My atheist past tells me it will,
That everything just ends,
And that nothing will hurt.

But my current faith is not so sure,
For it teaches The Lord forgives all,
But as well that taking ones's own life,
Is almost the gravest of sins that lead to Hell.

I'd prefer the empty and black End,
Where there isn't fear of pain.
But I believe the loving, forgiving Lord,
Who can condemn me to suffering.

I feel in my heart both sorrow and love.
It's a conflict between the good and bad.

A depression dwells in me,
The chemical imbalance that I cannot change,
Which reminds me I'm alone,
Because the one I love is leaving.

But the love in my heart,
It shows me the happy future,
The dreams I can reach if I pray to Him,
That she may recover and come home.

It's for her that I live,
She's the one I love.

As long as she lives in this world I must remain,
Despite the sadness that I cannot relieve her pain.

But when she leaves along with my cause,
I think it's the time that the curtain draws.

I've felt the purest and truest of all loves,
And she has brought me happiness.
But I've also smelt the fumes of the fluid,
The chemicals that bring an ultimate bliss.

Many tries, all the while, I have been alone.
But the truth tells me no, I should not condone.

My habit is to think,
That no one will care,
But to not cause her pain,
I must avoid the tendency.
Originally this was just gonna be a set of 2 and 4 line stanzas, with form and a bit repetition being the only devices tying it together. But towards the end I was able to throw in a few awkward rhymes. So it sounds kinda weird. But I'll just leave it that way, because the original is always better than the revision. Otherwise, I may change my thoughts and then it's not even the same work.
Apr 2014 · 1.6k
Lady Kiritsubo
"I leave you to go the road we all must go.
The road I would choose, if only I could, is the
         other."

The Tale of Genji, Murasaki Shikibu
Apr 2014 · 4.1k
Te Amo, Mi Amor
I love you.
I loved you then,
I love you now,
I'll forever love you.
I love you more than the light, I love you more than the dark.
I love you more than the silence, I love you more than any single sound.
I love what little I knew of you, as well as everything I didn't.
I love the night and the day I spent with you.
I love what I saw of you, but more everything I didn't have time to see.
I love your eyes, I love your hands, I love your flowing black hair, and those sweet lips, which were never mine.
I love your words, and the sound of your voice.
I love your smile, and the laughter it holds.
I love your beauty, and all that came with it.
I love your character,
I love your personality,
I love your life.
I love your life more than my own.
I only wish I could give mine for yours.

From: Me
To: You
I love you, Azami.

I love you now, and I always will.
Because the truest of love is eternal,
And although you will be still,
I'll continue, just as you will.
I love your heart,
And I love your soul.
And your dreams,
And each one of your goals.
I love what we once wished we could have been,
Just as much as I love what we are now.
I love what we soon will be,
It won't be long, just wait for me.
I love each second I thought of you,
And each one I hoped you thought of me.
I love you Azami.

Though this is not goodbye,
You will ascend up high.
And though I cannot go with you,
I'll hold your hand, all the way through.
You needn't worry what becomes of me,
For only shortly, you'll come to see.
I'll be everything you dreamed for you,
And everything you dreamed for me.
My new goals were then yours,
You left me all these open doors,
Through which I will go to you,
So please, just see it through.

The love that flew from me to you.
The love that grew from you to me.
I cannot wait until you see me,
I love you so much, Azami.
Apr 2014 · 444
Tersio
Don't leave just yet,
I'm not ready to let you go.

Don't let the pain overcome you,
My love will be your strength.

Stay just a while longer,
That our last encounter may be the greatest.
Apr 2014 · 382
How May I...
You have been my source of light,
You have been my source of love,
You have been my source of life.

And now you plan to leave?

I suppose you are not wrong,
You have given me so much,
I am in debt to you.

But answer me this:

How may I find my way to you without your light,
How may I return the favor without your love,
How may I serve you without your life?
Apr 2014 · 233
Why Did You Choose The End?
Why did you choose the beginning at the end?
Would not an end at the beginning have been better?
Yet again,
Your reason
Prevails over
My own.
I would have have liked more time though.
I still have so much more love to give you.
But you,
Predict the
Difficulty of
That end.
Would it really have felt worse to start sooner?
Would the attachment really have been greater?
Yet again,
You have
Proven me
Incorrect and
You perfect.
Apr 2014 · 332
An Anxious Serenity
I am finally calm.
I am happy,
Awaiting your next reply,
Awaiting to receive your love.

And I can finally accept the situation.
What is to come is to come.
Not you nor I can change that.

I love you.
Wether you make it through a stronger person,
Or I must say goodbye for a time,
It does not change the truth.

The truth that you are the only one for me,
That I will not seek another,
That you were the one I chose to give my life to,
And that it is true now and forever.

It will greatly sadden me to see you go,
Shall the time come now.
But I promise not to disappoint you.
I will become one truly worthy of you.

Shall The Lord permit us another day,
Then I promise we will have our time,
And live it to the fullest,
And not have one single regret.

All this because I love you.
You are my purpose for life.
You are my direction and my guide.
Be with me or above me, I love you.
Apr 2014 · 1.3k
Depersonalization
It's a bright new day,
There's dew on the grass,
The sun is shining,
A slight breeze rustles the leaves,
It's not too cold,
And not too warm,
One might say it is a perfect morning.

Yet why don't I feel it,
The joy and peace of nature,
Why do I,
Who has trained his soul,
Who knows his soul,
Who is one with his soul,
Only feel the darkness,
The sorrow and the loneliness,
The depression.

One might say there's something wrong with me,
Indeed, maybe there is, but would I know?
I would not,
Because all I see this day,
Or éveryday for that matter,
Is that you are not with me,
That you do not want to be,
And most painfully so,
Not for you, but for me.

You said,
     "If I leave him now,
      He will lose nothing."
But this could not be further from right.
Shall you leave me now,
I will lose you.
Which is to say,
I lose everything.

Please, come back.
You can make it,
This I know,
For I shall be your strength,
You needn't move one step.
I shall go to you,
Just hold on a couple more nights.
You needn't worry,
I will relieve you of
Ev'ry trouble.

We will be together,
We shan't say goodbye yet,
We will have our time,
And we will be happy.
For you have said you love me,
And I, even more, love you.
Apr 2014 · 313
91.
91.
91 .
Quite a time.
Should I continue?
I love you so much.
Surely you know.
But what to say now...
I'm talking to myself.
I know not if you're there.
Maybe I'm not enough.
Probably.
I never was.
It would explain
Why I've always been alone.
Apr 2014 · 273
92
92
Maybe at 100 it will cease.
Maybe you don't need me.
Nobody has.
Maybe I tried to hard.
Maybe you've grown weary.
Maybe I'm just a bother.
Most would say.
Maybe I shouldn't have loved you.
Maybe I followed the wrong path.
Maybe my punishment for my sins,
Maybe, is losing you.
For that, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to cost you.
Maybe I was wrong.
You were always right.
I'm so sorry.
Apr 2014 · 350
Untitled
I'm scared, Azami.
I am nothing without you.
I have nothing without you.
Please save me.

I'm alone, Azami.
I have no friends without you.
I have no family without you.
Please save me.

I'm tired, Azami.
I cannot make it without you.
I cannot live without you.
Please... Save me.
Apr 2014 · 272
How Much May I Love You?
If my soul kisses yours will you feel it?
May my soul rest next to yours, and embrace you?
May I whisper my poems of love to you,
See your smile,
And kiss your lips?
How much may I love you?
Apr 2014 · 651
A Caress Of The Soul
May my soul reach out and hold your hand?
May the other be placed on your cheek as I look in your eyes?
How much would you permit me to love you?
Apr 2014 · 214
Untitled
Ah, the words you speak.
The words from the lips of The Angel.
The words that never cease to amaze.
The words with the warmth of a lover's heart.
I love these words.
With these words,
I know you're still here,
Here with me.
I feel your warmth,
I feel your love,
I feel everything you have to give.
But I also feel your weakness.
Don't push yourself to love too much.
Save some energy for yourself.
I shall replenish the rest,
With my love.
Apr 2014 · 1.1k
A Promise
If the moment comes,
Will you promise
That your soul shall rest with me,
In my heart,
And beside me every night when I sleep,
And holding my hand as I walk throughout the day?
Apr 2014 · 740
You Are Only A Man
It's the one you love most,
Who you will hurt most.
She's the one you will give everything for,
And she will be the one to open your eyes.
You will do your best to give her everything,
And she will show you the mirror.
What you will see will weaken you,
It's what she knew the whole time.
She'll make you see that
You are only a man.
Apr 2014 · 596
A Wish and a Request
I wish I could ask you to stay,
but that wouldn't be fair to you anymore.
So instead,
I'll ask you to hold me closely
and tightly to your heart,
and to guide me the entire way.
So that in the end,
we may be together again.
Apr 2014 · 363
Uncertain Salvation
From the depths of Hell,
Right before the very bottom,
Just before the foot stepped,
Into that last ring,
The Angel came.
With such a beauty,
With such perfection,
With such a will,
To save one soul,
From the King of Demons,
Who called himself Lucifer.
The soul was lifted up,
Returned to the path,
And continued to follow,
For she was the Light.
As he drew near,
The Angel exposed herself.
And in that instant,
The moment their eyes met,
And their souls embraced,
Through each sweet word,
The Love was born and the Life became.
But it seems,
Such was not fate.
For The Lord,
Was already calling her back.
And the soul,
Had not completed the journey yet.
The Master of Deception,
And the Lustful of Sin,
Was prepared for this,
And presented his plan.
And so was seen,
With such a darkness,
And such a sorrow,
The fork in the Road.
But this time,
The soul had no Angel,
To guide him through,
The dark haze of Death.
So it became the final moment,
The one to choose which side,
Might be the one of Love,
To bring the Angel and the soul,
To Life once again,
And to Love for Eternity.

— The End —