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Feb 2021 · 68
A Vignette: Everclear
Jonathan Feb 2021
Maybe one day I will share Everclear and orange juice with a stranger. Perhaps it will be at a bus station or in a backyard south of Rio Grande, hell, it could be tomorrow on my smoke break by that one dumpster; the one that nobody notices because it smells like forgotten space and unwashed feet. Regardless of where it won't take much to warm the belly and cloud the chaos. Maybe a small splash into a glass would be all I need to look over at the stranger, who happily shares it with me, and say what I can't when sober. A splash for us both, so we can hear our naked thoughts and see we are the same in mind, body, and spirit. We are no different. We are but two fleshy hearts sharing forgotten space, looking for love, and finding ourselves; but as to how? That is never clear.
This is not a poem.. oops
Feb 2021 · 52
This Is Pack
Jonathan Feb 2021
I fall in love
With everyone I know
I give this heart away
Freely I give mind
Body and spirit to follow
You will know I am yours
When you hold me
Close and in your hands
When I let you take it—
In pack not in part
Wholly you have me
My undivided loyalty
Feb 2021 · 45
Yours
Jonathan Feb 2021
We can make love
Or talk about you
Whatever you want to do
My time is yours
My body is too
To touch and soothe
Or to hold my tongue
Feb 2021 · 40
Have Our Fill
Jonathan Feb 2021
I have worked the wrench’n’hammer
To the bolts’n’nails of rich men.
As their machines mutter’n’purr,
I am left with pennies to spare.

I have crawled under their buildin’s,
Face down as if I’m their grease’n’dirt,
To make their water flow on for them,
Havin to skip my meals for their dollar’s whim.

I hold my tongue like the best of’em
And fold my calloused hands politely.
When asked what I believe, I simply blink;
lettin’em think I’m a chain with’a missing link.

I drive 45 minutes home to an awful town
But it’s cheap an I can stand it.
I ****, shower an shave, an wait for my baby.
She’s a whip smart mind, my beautiful lady.

The days are similar an not so excitin’,
They grind on an on till the point is dull.
But with her around me, I’m a lucky man,
Cause she sees life not ‘as is’ but as ‘we can’.

One day we will stop all this dreamin’
An cast off to the winds whirlin’ whisper.
As it tells us where, when, an how, we will
Go on together an finally have our fill.
Nov 2020 · 72
S.A.D
Jonathan Nov 2020
That fog was a wet sock,
Shoved deep into their mouths.
A cold day and a bundled heart.

They choked on wasted words,
Words that would have spilled out,
Had the sun warmed their lips.

The frosted park of leafless trees
Sang silence in a tune too quiet.
They walked, feeling every stone unturned.

The simple scarf she wore,
Just a pretty noose around her nape;
He would have kissed her there if he knew the knots.

His gloved hand was a fortress,
Tucked and tightly hoarding heat.
She found no invitation at that leather gate.

As they walked in the mundane,
Surrounded by winter’s mystery,
They both longed to run back and kiss with a summer sunset.
Nov 2020 · 55
It's Winter
Jonathan Nov 2020
I would rather have ice in my veins,
To water down the liquor,
Than pump all this blood
Just to remind me I'm not dead.

Aren't we here to feel something?
Bottle after bottle
After bottle after
Bottle after bottle.

I would rather shiver at your touch, naked,
Than feel nothing under clothes.
It's winter out there, dear,
And we are starting this fire.
Oct 2020 · 101
Mourning
Jonathan Oct 2020
The rain was my mourning,
As it sifted through the misty air,
Landing with purpose
On cracked cement.

Leather boots splashing
In the wake of fallen tears.
As if god could learn empathy
And cry with his fleshy maumets.
Oct 2020 · 374
The Grown Up
Jonathan Oct 2020
His knuckles were knots.
Round, tight bunches,
Tied roughly, taught
By the lessons of men;
Who seem only to brutalize
The beauty of the body.

His heart was chiseled.
Stone in the stead of flesh,
Fixed to a function. Grounded,
Not in hope, but the kiln’s capture.
Heat, the blistering rage, resolved
In all the hand’s heartless work.

His mind was not his. Home;
A house of helplessness. Now,
The mental mutiny made know.
Year's of yearning for youth, only
To forfeit all faith of the future,
In exchange for hard truth.
Oct 2020 · 139
Prayer and Pulp
Jonathan Oct 2020
If you want to sing your song of retribution,
Face me with your empty eyes wide open.
If you demand that I pay my full restitution,
I’ll give you my penance along with my sin.
I’m not here for your old, dead institution,
I don’t give a **** about the piety of your men.
If you really are the end-all-be-all resolution,
Then simply strike me down and take your win.
Oct 2020 · 113
Your Breath
Jonathan Oct 2020
I think of your breath,
As it would have sounded,
Grasping sterilized air, as you emerged.

The way it sounded in a crib,
An infantile gasp,
Facedown, not yet knowing how to sleep.

Short disgruntled huffs,
Learning to say so much with no words
As you pouted in petty defiance.

Hard panting in the gym,
As the teacher pushed the limits
Of your strong slender core.

I think of your breath,
The way it trails behind
Each pitch-perfect-note you sing.

As your hands shook
And your words left you alone,
Grasping anxiously at wind.

Like a message in a capped bottle,
The way your lungs expand
With breath that contemplates tender words.

The thick sweet moisture
That filled our paper-thin distance,
The first time you shared your lips.

I think of your breath,
As you sleep, with thoughts
Wild and unknown to me.

The tickling whisper
Of secret air shared
As you invite me in.

The hard and heavy sigh
That looms in the living room
When your day beats you down.

A trumpet of surprised sound
As laughter congregates,
Demanding you to inhale.

I think of your breath,
How familiar it will be  
When we are bed bound with our air tanks.
Oct 2020 · 425
But
Jonathan Oct 2020
But
If it is a dream
And not real,
Then I too,
Am a shadow
Behind closed eyes.
                                       But,
                                                   If it is reality
                                                   And true as the sun,
                                                   Then I too,
                                                   Am a glimmer
                                                   Behind eager eyes.
Oct 2020 · 122
Clouded Air
Jonathan Oct 2020
I won’t always be there
For you
For me
For the ever living sea
That rages behind your eyes
As the surf pulls me in
To you
To me
Towards your fierce plea
That wayward hand beckons
Through clouded air
For you
For me
I won’t always be there
Oct 2020 · 267
We Dig
Jonathan Oct 2020
Is it blood or birth?
Too dark to tell.
Is it heathenism or hope?
Too dark to tell.
Is it faith or freedom?
Too dark to tell.

The night is now
Too dark to tell.
In the trenches, we dig
Our graves of friendship.
Oct 2020 · 604
Sunny Day
Jonathan Oct 2020
Sun lit
Eye slits

Sun slit
Eye lids

Sun sits
Eyes lit

Longing for the night
Oct 2020 · 331
Night | Day
Jonathan Oct 2020
Dark dreams
                                                          ­    Smokey night
                                                           ­   Behind eyes
                                                            ­  This evening
                                                              I fight

Misty morning
Milky sky
Silver lining
One day
I die
Sep 2020 · 333
Wellspring
Jonathan Sep 2020
To the wellspring
I ask,
“Where are you?”

As I pour out my last drops,
My last ounce to offer.
I give it willingly
To those who have forgotten the taste of water.
As I drain myself
Of all I have to share,
Now, I too join in thirst.

To the wellspring
I ask,
“Where are you?”
Sep 2020 · 129
Gripping
Jonathan Sep 2020
My hands hold more wisdom than my brain.

It is true—

I knew it the moment I first held you.
#love #wisdom #friendship #thankful
Sep 2020 · 245
I Was
Jonathan Sep 2020
I was a bigot,
My body wrapped in red and white,
With blue eyes on stardom.

I was a saint,
Satan's servant with a Bible,
A man of God's war crimes.

I was a fundamentalist,
Funding mental lists of hate
With money stolen from the poor.

I was a colonist,
Carving out sacred land
For the benefit of my white body.

I was a misogynist,
Marking my territory like a dog,
******* on the other’s freedom.

I was an American,
A white straight man,
A brutal prodigy of the patriarchy.

I was
As he was,
A lineage that will be broken.
Sep 2020 · 181
What Was Real
Jonathan Sep 2020
”I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
To a child who only knows life
And distant lessons of death.
A boy learning to builds walls
Out of plastic bricks—
Defending against feelings.

”I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
To the one who falls asleep
Next to the voiceless dog
As it's quiet breath whispers
Instinct and unknowing—
Young ears open to all things.

”I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
To the son who knows no difference.
Climbing to the tendriled top
Of his trusted tree friend.
Swaying in what was real—
Falling and the warm Midwest wind.
Sep 2020 · 389
The Chaos
Jonathan Sep 2020
The air gave us away,
Thin and frigid.
Motionless,
We sat,
Silent.
Behind our eyes,
The chaos,
Watered
Down,
Made seeing
Each other, impossible.
Sep 2020 · 508
Whiskey Night
Jonathan Sep 2020
It was a whiskey night—
All nights were at this point.
It was the closest thing
He could bring to his lips
That even remotely felt like her.

As the sky turned from pink to black,
So did his thoughts.
As he drained the last glass,
He chased her into his dreams.
Sep 2020 · 268
Sweat and Dust
Jonathan Sep 2020
As the dust settled on the dim-lit floor,
So did the bodies of two.

Neither side saught out a victory,
Both were content in just knowing.

As the last splinter of sunlight faded,
Sweat joined with the dust on the floor.

Movements and minds were molded,
As pieces of passion collided Into place.
Sep 2020 · 183
Old and New
Jonathan Sep 2020
He looked him dead in the eyes.
In his dead eyes, he looked at him.

“You are not helping, you are hurting.
You are not helping because you are hurting.”

A son to a father, as old lessons are taught.
A father to a son, as new lessons are lost.
Sep 2020 · 324
Take Care
Jonathan Sep 2020
I will carve out a cave and leave them there,
Only with you, will I share.

What pieces I have left of my heart, you bear.
Do what you will, take care.
Sep 2020 · 69
Seeing Red
Jonathan Sep 2020
The sun will be gone till Friday,
At least that’s what I was told.

The houses will be gone forever,
at least that’s what I’ve seen.

As a deep red tint blankets the west
And ash flakes litter the cities,

The prayers are prayed in vain,
At least that’s what I fear.
#PNW #wildfires #loss #sad #fear
Sep 2020 · 277
A Year
Jonathan Sep 2020
A year that feels like ten.

A never ending road of broken glass.

With shredded feet and calloused progress,

We march on.
Sep 2020 · 190
Without
Jonathan Sep 2020
He pressed his nose up to a mirror—
No matter how close he got,
He still only saw who he could be.

He peered into a magnifying glass—
Looking longingly at his hands,
He still only saw who he wasn't holding.
Sep 2020 · 78
Lights Out
Jonathan Sep 2020
He stood naked in the doorway.
Night was dark enough to bite.

He stood alone for a moment.
Right then, his memories came to fight.

He stood with an empty bottle.
Lights out on him forever, goodnight.
Sep 2020 · 408
Time
Jonathan Sep 2020
I will be there,
As love precedes.

Though, I will impede—

As hate recedes,
I will be there.
Aug 2020 · 40
Call Me Home
Jonathan Aug 2020
A day away from you,
Runs on forever.

With no shared laughs,
From the one who truly knows me.

With no warm air,
From the one whom I share.

A day away from you,
Will always call me home.
Aug 2020 · 57
Clingy Friend
Jonathan Aug 2020
I long for that part of each day,
When I die slowly on the cushioned couch.
After work, after a day of giving a ****.
You and I will sit together.
Oh, Ambivalence, my clingy friend.
Aug 2020 · 60
Inhibitions
Jonathan Aug 2020
If I could listen to my body

I would lose my mind


My heart would beat faster



My eyes would grow wild




My hands would be yours
Aug 2020 · 96
To Glimpse
Jonathan Aug 2020
They sat and smoked alone.
Thinking of nothing,
Because in silence,
Their eyes were open.
Aug 2020 · 228
Short Eternities
Jonathan Aug 2020
Tobacco and timidity
Silence and serenity
Whiskey and sublimity

—Forgotten pain

A straight-back chair
A cool breeze
A warm summer night
Aug 2020 · 73
All I See
Jonathan Aug 2020
If eyes were oceans,
I would not swim in yours.
To do so would starve me of reality.

Time would be no more—

Dreams would be

All I see.
Aug 2020 · 482
What I Can Give
Jonathan Aug 2020
In total,
I think I know nothing
                           Of you.
In part,
I think I know all
                  Of you.
Together,
I think is where I’ll start
                          With you.
Aug 2020 · 236
Your Fair Darkness
Jonathan Aug 2020
I will embark
To share, in part,
The wonder of the moon.

Their dark side there
And just as fair,
Is forgotten in their light.  

Their shining face
Holds the gaze
Of wanderers alike.

But as for me,
I dare to see,
The beauty of their dark side.
Aug 2020 · 53
Surrender
Jonathan Aug 2020
Bind me tightly
Blind me slightly


Do me right
Do me right

                                                  A void in my heart
                                                  Avoiding my heart
Aug 2020 · 59
Every Iota
Jonathan Aug 2020
I desire to know you
Like a language never penned,
Like a book never read.

A perfectly curved plot line,
You’ve captured me.

Invite me in.
Tell me your story.
Every iota, a glimmer of glory.
Aug 2020 · 55
Steam
Jonathan Aug 2020
Shower beers—
Life long fears.

Hot water—
I return to the thought of you.
Oct 2019 · 129
Smoke Signals
Jonathan Oct 2019
Nicotine in the bloodstream
And nothing in the heart.
Hands holding tight on this journal,
We’re light years apart.

I’ve stapled together old words about you
And I’m about to burn them all.
I’ll rub the coals on the sides of my house,
And watch for you as the timbers fall.

When it is just me and motionless memories
I’ll remember that forgotten day.
The one that fleets and flies bye,
When smoke signals couldn’t keep you away.

So cheers,
to the old and the new,
The broken and the blue,
The lonely and the few.
Cheers to you.
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