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472 · Nov 2014
One of those days...
Tatiana Nov 2014
It's one of those day
when I look in the mirror
and I question if it's even myself anymore
on the other side.
471 · Aug 2013
It Does Get Better
Tatiana Aug 2013
It does get better.
I used to never believe those words,
because they were just words
and there was no action backing them up.

It does get better.
After months and months
of the world crashing on my shoulders,
I learned how to carrry it.

It does get better
Even though the world can be
so dark and cold sometimes,
there is light somewhere.

It does get better
The light starts inside you,
and once you find it,
you can move on and spread your light.

Everyone who is suffering,
just remember your light inside,
and remember that,
It does get better
Ironically, I wrote a poem several months back talking about how it just doesn't get better. But recently I learned how to carry the weight on my shoulders, and I learned that all that weight shouldn't stop me from being me. I'm not ignorant of
my problems, I have just grown strong enough to handle them and try to solve
them.
I hope everyone else who is suffering, whether in silence or not, can find their light
and shine once again.
Tatiana Feb 2019
The ground is dimpled with different footprints
large and small
deep and shallow
human and animal
Some have more depth than others ever could
having walked miles and miles.

To be light on ones toes
is a characteristic
of those not old
of those not tired
or of those who are sneaking.
I'm not sure how to decipher these prints.

But we can learn much from the steps of others.

There is truth in how we walk
with strong, deep steps
or light strides
weighted with experience
or floating in the feeling of living.

The reason behind the steps we take in life
are sometimes never known
are sometimes never noticed
we keep our heads down
but we don't see that we're walking
on a path that has been walked before.

How come we walked like this?
Who walked and tripped?
Who stepped in the trap?
How did the earth disappear beneath them?

These footprints are ancient,
preserved to reach a modern time
but their reasons were left far behind.

Sometimes we are left with all the evidence.
Sometimes we have all the facts,
but none of the reasons.
Sometimes we vow to find those reasons.
Sometimes we are content to let it remain unknown.
Since the english language counts Y as a vowel, sometimes, I might as well include it in the series
470 · Oct 2013
No Need For a Title...
Tatiana Oct 2013
Water cascading,
over perilous rocks.
Where you were seen fading,
and falling like blocks.

Straight to the point,
you're ending your life.
Sleep now anoints,
your eyes and strife.

Down you go,
into the dark.
Your mind flows,
and forever it embarks.
...
On its own journey...

*To be continued
Thoughts that will continue in later poems. All the poems related to this will start with "No Need..."
470 · Mar 2021
Idle Thoughts
Tatiana Mar 2021
My brother asked me,
"Do you want to shoot a gun?
We can go over safety.
How to load and unload one.
You may never have to
use one in your life
but this is America
knowing this could save your life."
I told you before,
I don't trust my hands when they're still.
If I know the code
to the safe when I'm ill
and how to load
a gun when I'm scared,
will I remember
who I am and who cared?
So my brother,
I fear what I'll become
if I learn this will I
get control of my thoughts?
Will it bring me power?
Will it bring me peace?
Will I be in control
when I turn off the safety?
My brother, I want to know
but not enough to hold
this answer to the question
"When will the pain go?"
It's so finite.
So absolutely cold.
The barrel in my hands
so still with idle thoughts.
©Tatiana

Another song I wrote.
470 · Oct 2013
No Need for an Applause...
Tatiana Oct 2013
Your mind dances on the stage
and you love the way it feels.
But you trip and feel rage,
and your mind starts to reel.

You're frozen in place,
you have made a mistake.
You feel like a disgrace,
everyone thinks you're a fake.

But that is not true,
watching eyes are filled with compassion.
But you have no clue,
that people have this kind of passion.
...
To never kick someone when they're down...

*To be continued
467 · Dec 2012
Lost Souls
Tatiana Dec 2012
With vacant expressions
and blank stares,
they live in a dead end
going nowhere.
One is lost
one is halfway there,
can we save them?
Do they even care?
How much can they take,
from all of the fakes?
Will they get a second chance,
to take a stance?
and end the cruelty,
and the waste.
Of small children lives
when they're under five.
467 · Mar 2014
The Glory Days are Over
Tatiana Mar 2014
The glory days are over,
nothing lasts.
There is no such thing as forever,
look at the hour glass.

This was going to be metaphorical,
something that would make an impact.
But my life is too confrontational,
to even make a solid pact.

I know what some people would say,
that i'm sixteen, and have not faced real problems.
But do you know what problems are in my way,
that block the garden that no longer blossoms.

Everyday I wake up,
I look into traumatized eyes.
These poor children who are seen as a hiccup,
a mistake, that has been made by the unwise.

I do not think they are a mistake,
but I sometimes wish they weren't born.
Abusive homes that made them ache,
echo in their souls that are torn.

How do you fix something so broken?
When you are still trying to find yourself.
How do you get chosen,
to watch shells of children beg for themselves?

Am I a kid?
I can't be one in this situation.
I put on a lid,
and shut out my childish temptations.

Too much too soon,
it suffocates me.
I love them so much that I swoon,
when they cry from the pain that won't leave them be.

I try, God knows I do,
to help them live.
We helped one before and he has become new,
but the others, I fear, can not understand what we give.

How do you teach a child creativity?
Or teach them that hitting, is not love.
How do you teach them to act independently?
When they act as one to not get smacked from above.

When does this madness end?
Can it all become normal?
Forever, changes and bends,
I should have known it all would crumble.

One of them is afraid of the dark,
another is afraid of closed doors.
The monster in the dark is real and it sparks,
the other to be locked in rooms alone, fearing the war.

The security blanket was burned long ago,
it must be knit back.
Patch by patch we sow,
and hope to God they don't enter the black.

The glory days are over,
they have been for a long time now.
I hope I can help these children find a four leaf clover,
they need the luck, i'll help them, I won't bow.
One can chose to be complacent.
But one could never be.
One must be given and give,
love and responsibility.
Or one shall never achieve.
466 · Jun 2018
Redemption
Tatiana Jun 2018
...
..
.
Redemption.
Redemption.
I don't know why I'm chasing it.
I don't know why I'm chasing it.
.
..
...
© Tatiana
Tatiana Jul 2020
I don't believe in bad omens.

A black cat crossing my path isn't a bringer of poor luck,
otherwise I'd trip down my stairs far more often,
or get whacked by a stealthy sheathed paw
with more dreadful precision when I ascend them.
It's just a game this cat plays,
as if they guard the upstairs to keep intruders out.
I live here, this is my house.
A flock of crows doesn't bring me to fear the day
as old warnings say
they're just dark birds gathering together.
On Autumn days I pretend
they're investigating their ******,
casting wild accusations with their raucous cries,
and the final judgement, no matter the distance,
reaches my ears with clarity
like a church bell tolling when its time to pray.
"Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!"
And what of breaking mirrors?
Mistakes happen, reflective material shatters.
If I let my mind run with that one time
I knocked a mirror over, well I'd
never let go of the damage I caused.
Pieces of an old reflection live within me
embedded in my skin like shrapnel from bombs
dropped on my head,
doesn't matter if I saw them coming.
I could only shelter; never dodge.

No... I don't believe in bad omens.
©Tatiana
Or maybe I do
464 · Jul 2013
Fire
Tatiana Jul 2013
Harsh, bright lights,
rise into the smokey night sky.
The red is so bright,
and no one knows why.
Fire

The flames explode,
and there is an earsplitting scream.
You feel yourself implode,
as the pressure trickles in like a stream.
Fire

A wall of heat and you're pained,
it blocks your way out.
It can not be contained,
and you're starting to doubt.
Fire

There is no escape,
the water is trying to cut through the raging wall.
But it can not scrape,
enough flame away at all.
Fire

Could words even describe,
the ashy, smoke-filled sky.
It penetrates you like a jibe,
that shoots you down when you fly.
Fire

Now you're surrounded,
being saved is no longer an option.
And oddly, you feel calmed,
by the flames that threaten to make you a part of their concoction.
Fire

As you prepare to die,
you lay down to rest your head.
The fumes make you close your eyes,
and you pass out before you're dead.
Fire

As enchanting as it is,
it could **** you brutally.
The flames and fumes are dangerous,
and you won't pass silently.
*Fire
461 · Dec 2012
Life Is Beautiful
Tatiana Dec 2012
In life,
there's an 'if' and a 'lie'.
In beautiful,
there is a 'beat'
and a 'F' and a 'U'.
Life is tricky,
you will always question it,
and people will lie.
There are too many people in life,
who will try to deceive you.
Being beautiful is harmful,
you will always 'beat' yourself up,
and 'beat' others
who are prettier,
or more presentable,
than you.
You will curse them out,
with a 'F' and a 'U'.
But you must accept
where you are in life.
Its not a competition to be beautiful,
and what does "being beautiful"
truly mean?
You must accept
that people will lie,
and you will question your choices.
Once you understand this,
then you'll realize,
that,
life is beautiful.
460 · Dec 2013
I Heard The News Today...
Tatiana Dec 2013
Pain hits home hard this year,
and it's hard to spread that holiday cheer.
Especially when death takes hold,
of lives we swore would never grow old.

It's hard to imagine someone full of life
a couple days ago,
could be gone and leave us in strife
and how it happened, we do not know.

His grandsons are too young to remember,
and it will always seem like December.
The December without the same cheer,
is what I fear.

He was only 57
he was quick with a joke and a story,
How can someone full of life be sent to heaven
and become a part of our family history.

I heard the news today,
of how he died and it's not okay.
My last words to him were 'Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year'
and I gave him a hug and he smiled from ear to ear.

His last words to me were
"Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year. Safe home, i'll see you next year."
The thing is I won't see him.
He was my nephews grandpa, and I knew him for several years.

It's just hard to accept that someone is gone.
453 · Jun 2018
Not Happy
Tatiana Jun 2018
It's 11:34 pm
and I'm drinking by myself again
because I'm 21 now
still living at my parent's house
and I don't know when I'll move out.
I'm in a permanent panic about my education
because I ended up hating what I was majoring in.
I still don't know what I want to do with my life
my heart is heavy with strife.
When I was little my dreams were plenty and full
of color but now they are always dull.
I can't imagine myself having a career
so now I'm stuck at home for a year
working part-time at a retail job
and doing my best not to sob
at every little upsetting thing
and I can no longer sing.
My throat has been hurting for far too long
is this really the end of my song?
Just feeling lost and wondering if I managed to damage my vocal chords
451 · Dec 2012
Up Again
Tatiana Dec 2012
It's dark out by me,
but I don't really care
because to me
the sun is still shining
and the birds are now singing.
The moon is rising,
and the stars will come out
because it is dark,
But it doesn't have to be dark.
I see the light,
I see the stars,
I see the moon,
and to me they are bright,
they light up my night.
They show me the way
to healing,
and learning how to live again.
Nature is beautiful,
its a natural medicine.
Eventhough,
by me,
its so dark,
and so cold,
mother nature,
is lending me her strength,
to let me follow her path,
through the dark.
And I know I will heal
because I can not be knocked down,
and broken,
for long.
I'm done with being sad, i'm done with it all. It will take all the strength I have, but I will heal, I will persevere, I will never say die on anything. I can not quit now, I have come to far for that, and I will never achieve my goals and dreams when I keep being sad and depressed. But now I know that the only way I can keep going. Is up :)
451 · Nov 2015
Thank You
Tatiana Nov 2015
Thank you all for your support
I take strength from your words
and from knowing that I was heard
and that means others will be heard as well
So for that
Thank you
449 · Dec 2012
Hunger
Tatiana Dec 2012
A deep dark pit,
contains a low rumble,
that rattles the insides,
of a young child,
a small child,
with large, blank, eyes,
that fade with every rumble,
that the pit produces.
The pit is relentless,
biting at the insides,
shriveling into nothingness,
slowly dying
and falling to pieces.
The light that once lit
the child's large eyes,
fades away,
until the eyes,
are sightless,
glazed over,
looking towards,
the endlessly blue sky.
445 · Jun 2018
No Good
Tatiana Jun 2018
There's a body on that park bench,
the new attraction in this town.
They don't know how it got there,
but it has certainly been found.
By passerbys who were passing time
seeing the body sitting there
and not saying a word to anyone
because no one cares.
It's just another body
and it gets recorded in the system.
Writing off a human life
as another simple statistic.
Because that's what we are to most
a number thrown around carelessly.
Twisted, abused just to make a point
normally by political parties.
Funny how the body was not reported,
not recorded as a public statistic.
Until the smell of what once was
turned rotten and horrific.
Then it could not be ignored anymore,
people reported its presence
and glared with arrogant eyes
at a shell that once contained a life.
The lack of compassion so evident
that it could make those of good heart
turn to more evil spirits
drinking until they fall apart.
Then the spectators open their mouths
and words of disgrace would escape
assassinating the character of the dead.
Killing them all over again.

I'd have killed them if I could
people like them are no good.



© Tatiana
This was dark.
441 · Nov 2012
The Moon's Promise
Tatiana Nov 2012
"I'm tired."
Whispered the moon,
her glow seemed to change,
to a ****** red.
"Come back!"
The ocean cried,
but the moon was fading,
and the ocean felt weak.
The wind sighed,
for the weary moon,
and trees bowed their heads.
"What's happening!"
A voice cried,
As the world was bathed
in an eerie red light,
the moon promised,
one little thing,
"I'll be back soon."
441 · Apr 2018
Like Leaves and Rain
Tatiana Apr 2018
Leaves fall from trees and land softly on me
my head tipped back, I catch them on my face
their death anointing me delicately
I absorb their own kind of fall from grace

The woods are red from autumnal disease
my bones are like leaves, so weak, so brittle
leaves rustle and wind howls, those sounds don't cease
dark clouds overhead are not so little

The weather is neither just calm or cruel
it changes, wet one day, the other, dry
I stand tall in this emotional duel
that shows one day i'm fine, the next, I cry

I fall like the autumn leaves and the rain
I can not live a life free from this pain
© Tatiana
441 · Jul 2015
Where?
Tatiana Jul 2015
Mountain ranges and valleys,
two extremes,
yet it is easier to sink into one
than it is to climb up the other.
The distance you ran is so far away,
away from me.
But can't you see?
That wherever you went
you took me with you
and yet I can't find you
because I don't know where you've gone
and I don't  know where I have gone as well.
Did you take to the heights?
Or sink with the ground?
I feel like I might know.
Where are you?
Where am I?
Where is home?
Where are?
Where?
Where...
When and why still coming
439 · Dec 2017
Right
Tatiana Dec 2017
If I wrote a book would people read it?
Maybe
Maybe not.
But I need to write.
I really need to.
I should probably do what's right
and write.
I'm very much trapped right now and I need to write
438 · Jan 2014
I Dare You To Reveal
Tatiana Jan 2014
Thousands of mirrors,
you're everywhere.
Or is it that i'm everywhere?
Who are you?
Who am I?

The mirrors are shimmering,
nothing could be prettier.
Except that I know it's all a lie.
I dare you to reveal,
you're true self.

The mirrors lost their glow.
Now there are shadows everywhere.
...
*My reflection, the end is coming, you'll see
438 · Jul 2017
Beach House
Tatiana Jul 2017
This beach house is blue
Yet it feels gray.
A sign on the wall points to the ocean
But actually it's pointing to the bay.

The walkway is lined with seashells
That are broken, jagged, and painful.
The front door doesn't even open
The force needed is almost shameful.

The feeling inside the rooms upstairs
Relates to its dark and boxed-in design
The oppressive weight of dead eyes
Watching for one step out of line.

Its uncomfortable and terrifying
Hardly a place for relaxation.
But each gray year we come here
To get more depressed on vacation.
It just feels so heavy. My anxiety worsens greatly when we come to this house and I'm just wondering if it's something in the house that is influencing me a little bit. It's a constant battle to stop feeling so depressed while I'm here.
 © Tatiana
437 · Sep 2018
No Malintent
Tatiana Sep 2018
The cranium persists even with a bruise on my brain.
No, I do not wish for an ounce of pain
    and no, I do not feel like I am a strain.
There is no malintent that flows through my veins.

The rib cage persists even with a bruise on my heart
No, I do not wish for both sides to fall apart
    and no, I do not feel like I am able to restart.
There is no malintent that flows through my art.
© Tatiana
434 · Oct 2015
It Stays as a Draft
Tatiana Oct 2015
I'll build up to it
I've hinted at it a tiny bit
But the words don't come out right
They look ugly
And that's how I feel when i write about it
But I know I didn't deserve it
But it still takes time to come to terms
With the whole situation
And I don't know how long it will take
Because one day I'll share it
And it will hopefully help others learn
That they're not alone
And I won't be alone
And then we could all speak out
Together.
Please don't try to guess what the "it" is because I can not confront it right now. I just want to see if it's ultimately okay for me to share something so personal. Maybe not now or not even in this month... but eventually.
433 · Nov 2012
Unknown
Tatiana Nov 2012
No expression,
lights up their face,
but their blank looks,
darken them.
They don't like the light,
they live in shadows,
where their blank looks,
thrive.
They come out,
and no one knows what to think,
they're scared,
were scared.
Faceless,
that's what scares me,
no eyes, no mouth, no nose,
I can't read them.
They're inexpressive,
I don't know what to think,
its like they are always covered,
masking their lives.
No expression,
lights up their face,
so to them,
I must close my door,
and never open it,
cause they are,
unknown.
431 · Jun 2018
Migraine
Tatiana Jun 2018
I like your mind
but I don't like mine
It hurts me all the time.
A mind like mine makes migraines
last forever, never ending pains.
In my skull
they reverberate like ringing bells
chiming every hour
my own personal Hell.
Your mind is pleasant,
warm.
The kind of mind that adorns
its walls with trinkets
that express lovely sentiments.
I adore your mind
and I'm glad it is not mine.
I would not wish this Hell
on anyone I knew well.
But yet I will not tell you
that I can't think well.
I tried to take medicine
But I can't let myself in
as my head hurts so much.
I can't bear it!
I have not a grain of brain matter
left that actually matters
in regards to healing this pain.
I feel my energy drain
as it does its best to hide the strain
and fight my mind's migraine.
© Tatiana
I had a migraine a couple of days ago and for obvious reasons, I couldn't write about it then. But I can do so now, so here it is.
431 · Dec 2020
Seeing Spots
Tatiana Dec 2020
I'm seeing spots
when I stand
up too quickly
time passes by
slowly when I
watch the clock
tick in circles
hands search for
each other and
for one minute
they will meet
and provide comfort
©Tatiana
430 · May 2018
Procession
Tatiana May 2018
Here comes the procession.
They march through streets muddied with rain.
They're lead by figures dressed in black.
People look on in fear at their raven masks.

The birth of the daughter was sad,
because there's a sickness that plagues this land.
It feeds on those doomed to a horrible fate.
Though they start out their lives in innocence.

No one knows when it will end,
how does death take one's hand?
Those figures dressed in black take off their masks,
to reveal humans who have been put to task.

But people move on and pretend,
that this plague does not prey upon them.
Only a certain few must suffer the memories,
and they'll question the silence of this land.
© Tatiana
This is a continuation of my poem "The Curse of Mankind" https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2493827/the-curse-of-mankind/
429 · Jul 2019
Oblique Breaks
Tatiana Jul 2019
To avoid the hurt welling u    p in my chest
I needed to keep moving t    o avoid it
So I climbed my way to t    he top
of the cruel mountainsi    de
while rain fell down o    n
my pale, wincing fac    e
and I laced my fing    ers
together in a sort o    f
embrace and shiv    ers
began to race up     my
spine, so with h    aste
I began to pac    e on
top of slick r    ock
not paying     attention
to where I     was stepping
and I slip    ped and fell
the tears     began to well
up in m    y eyes
no sur    prise
I bro    ke myself again
whi    le I was trying
to    hide
f    rom
    him
©Tatiana
I break bones like I break myself; Obliquely.

Decided as of right now that this might become a series that I'll reference as "The Fractured Series" because that could be fun
428 · Jan 2014
Why Can't I Save You?
Tatiana Jan 2014
Don't* you understand what is happening here?
You are growing cold.
Ever think that you're hands will slip?
Let your hands grip the edge.
Go, just don't let go.

If your hands do slide.
You will fall into that dark cavern.
Do you think that I want this to happen?
You'll miss me trying to save you.
Die, please don't die.

But can you understand?
That's only the beginning of you're pain.
Not knowing when you'll hit the bottom.
The cold, dark, bottom.
End, it won't ever end.

You're a mind that will become something else.
A 'something else' you won't ever want to be.
Floating like a dark mass of thoughts.
Empty is how you would be described.
Feeling, I can't have this feeling.

You're supposed to be the one with the feeling.
Killing that thought is harder than you think.
My head couldn't hurt any more than it does now.
Guilty eyes are cast all around you, cause I can't hold onto you anymore.
Mind me please, and hold on tighter.

Don't fall.
Lose your grip on everything, just stop.
Your weight is too much for me to hold.
Life, why can't I hold onto your life?

Don't die.
428 · Dec 2019
Snakeskin
Tatiana Dec 2019
In a burrow a snake lies
to itself
about its health,
if lids could cover its eyes
then maybe that would help.
But scales have formed
where human lids
grow on kids,
and shivers have wormed
their way through its body.
When the time finally comes
to shed its skin
what's left within?
Will life's pleasant hums
attract it outside?
Or will the cycle start again?
What was soft, scaly, and thin
has hardened
against the cruel nature I've yet to pen.
The snake always leaves behind its skin.
©Tatiana

What was within your skin?
424 · Aug 2019
Stairwell
Tatiana Aug 2019
Within the confines of the office building
is a dark and dusty stairwell.
Used less and less by those unwilling
to take a trip no longer fulfilling
as the elevator is easier and does not smell
and it moves too quick so one can't dwell
on the feelings that flow like an ocean swell.
But there's a fear a machine is instilling
for if there are a sudden halt and no dinging bell
and one is stuck when the power is killing
itself; would one think of those stairs so very chilling
and what their day would be if they took the stairwell?
Would they even survive to share a tale they can't tell?
Or will the cables break and they'll arrive faster in Hell?
It'd be too late for souls to know they were unwell.

The lack of control is frightfully thrilling.
No one tells them why they fell.
©Tatiana
Well, long story short, if there's a stairway to heaven then there's a stairwell to Hell, and elevators scare me.
424 · Dec 2020
I'm Drinking Honey
Tatiana Dec 2020
My throat aches from goodbyes I've held
behind my teeth; I'll never tell.
The friends I miss say, "See you in Hell."
Without a word uttered from their lips.
Contain it in my stomach; a terrible acid.

So I'm drinking, honey.

I sit on my bed, pictures in my hands,
and a bottle looming on my nightstand.
I read once honey can soothe
rough words into sweet and smooth,
tooth-rotting platitudes.

So I'm drinking honey.

There's no way to fix the tears I made
pieces of film fall from my hands.
Onto my floor, I know what to do,
I lift my rug and I grab a broom.
What good are these to me and you?

Stop drinking honey!
Stop drinking, honey!
©Tatiana
A bit of a mix between the excessive drinking I grew up around, acid reflux, not speaking when I should have, and all the problems that happened as a result.
423 · Nov 2017
Too Many Sounds
Tatiana Nov 2017
The paths through forests are covered in leaves
that crumple loudly beneath my feet.
Wind makes those that still cling to the trees,
shiver with a subtle musicality.

The paths wind around homes of the birds,
who ruffle their feathers and always chirp.
But danger creates a silence to endure,
Ignorance leads to being interred.

The paths lead to a mumbling brook
rocks part the waters where they were put.
And they move loudly beneath my foot,
pressure forcing sounds and I shook.

The paths loop around and attach
the sounds jar together like a scratch
of a record that suffered a sudden impact.
I cover my ears and try not to react.

The paths are suffering from this dissonance
my ears are damaged and blistering.
Why is the music of nature distancing
from me, can it be I'm just not listening?
© Tatiana
A bunch of near rhymes and too many thoughts
423 · Aug 2013
Save One Life
Tatiana Aug 2013
My passion
has been re-awakened
from it's dark slumber.
It now lives,
and breathes,
with the flame it once held.
The spirit is stronger,
kinder,
and more secure.
It remembers who it wants to be,
what it wants to do,
and the the drive it will need to get there.
It's all coming back,
like a rush of adrenaline
it shoots through my veins endlessly.
This restoration
of my passion,
makes me remember
one of my goals.
The goal that originally drove me
towards the path I am now taking,
Save one life.
Has been my goal
for a long time now,
and it is an endless goal for me,
one that I will strive to complete,
over and over again,
on the path into medicine,
that I lead.
I have a passion for medicine. I either want to be a pediatrician, or a paramedic. I just have this strong passion that was shot down by myself not too long ago, but an incident happened that made me realize how much what I love and what I want to be, is truly worth it in the end. All my hard work will pay off, and then I can strive for my ultimate, endless goal, to save one life.
420 · Dec 2018
Toxicity
Tatiana Dec 2018
××××××××××××××××××××××××
Keep guard in your garden
××××××××××××××××××××××××
Lethal lean leaves
seem to stick to their trees.
Scraggly-looking and furnished rather sparsely,
its roots still dug deep into the earth;
Absorbing all moisture from the dirt.

Leaving it
                   dry,
                   cracked,
                   broken
Like lungs;
                    unable to breathe.
Like hearts;
                    unable to beat.

A leaf falls and gets caught in a sudden breeze.
The wind not realizing what it released,
for attached to the leaf were its lethal seeds.
Ready to spread their toxicity.
×××××××××××××××××××××××××
Keep guard in your garden
×××××××××××××××××××××××××
© Tatiana
Apologies for being away for so long, it's been pretty crazy. I hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving! And if you don't celebrate that, I hope that was a good thursday!
Anyway, beside thanksgiving getting in the way (and work), my sister has been having a very difficult time in the relationship she's in. It's an incredibly toxic (and in my opinion, emotionally abusive) relationship. I don't know what to do other than to be there for my sister. Apparently, he has apologized and is going to try harder, but I don't believe him. He's said stuff like that before and everything is fine for a week and the next thing I know I'm getting a call from my sister about how he's treating her like crap. It hasn't been a fun month. Everyday I want to go up to him and threaten him with god knows what and I probably will do so. My sister always had enough heart for the both of us. I've always had enough rage for the two of us.
So this is just a warning. Please do your best to keep toxic people out of your life. Let your garden grow in a healthy manner.
But if you ever need someone to go to war with to help someone you love, I'm your girl.
Tatiana Mar 2013
It's time for spring to come,
I have had enough
Of the snow and cold winter nights,
yes they're beautiful,
And everything shines like crystals in the winter,
But I want spring.
I was born in the month of May,
The heart of spring to me,
And I feel this tug of anticipation,
As spring comes slowly.
March is always in like a lion,
And out like a lamb,
Well that lamb better come soon,
Because I want spring to come,
And make everything new.
416 · Jun 2019
MY FRIEND
Tatiana Jun 2019
May your final riot inspire
everyone near desperation
©Tatiana
I write the story so they'll know the truth.
.
Have you caught onto my theme?
.
Troublesome looks **** peace, my friend.
Tatiana Dec 2019
Hey Lord, I hear him.
He's not whispering.

"Dear Lord, I'm nothing but a pile of bones
picked clean by the crows
I want to go home."


Oh Lord what will you do?
I still hear him crying out for you.

"Lord, I know I'm a sinner at best
but please let my heart rest
they deserve to know."


No, he doesn't know how long it has been.
His heart has crumbled with his flesh.
His body won't be touched again.
Lord, if he is a sinner
then what does that make me?
I don't pray. He pleads to you on broken knees.

Lord what have you done?
His voice has left my head.
Have you shown your mercy and let him rest?
Or did you take away my senses
so I no longer have to deal with the dread
of a sinner's regretful heart again.
©Tatiana
I feel like the poem I originally wrote has so much to say and I'm not done saying it just yet.
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3414788/a-skeleton-remains/
Link ^ to the original poem so you can get the full story.
415 · Mar 2018
Spectrum
Tatiana Mar 2018
Not all of us are great.
Not all of us are evil.
So where do you fall
on this spectrum in life?
I fall right in the middle.
© Tatiana
414 · Dec 2012
I'm Trying
Tatiana Dec 2012
What a great day,
I thought to myself,
while the sky was blue-grey,
and the weather was not too cold,
and I was walking on a path,
that would lead me to home.
I was quite happy,
if I remember correctly,
nothing could stand in my way,
nothing could bring me down.
I was going to be happy today,
and no one could stop me,
or at least that's what I
thought.
Then it happened,
it was quite a long call,
and most of the time
the silence was long,
cause I feel I could not speak,
and you were begging me.
"Please say something,"
"Please don't let me feel like i'm being mean"
and yet I still couldn't speak,
and another long silenced,
appeared before us,
and I remember hearing you gasp,
"Are you crying?"
"Please don't tell me you're crying."
and somehow I found my words again.
I remember whispering,
so slowly,
"I feel if I talk, then I will."
there was a horrified silence,
and he kept repeating,
"Please don't cry"
and my only response,
between my gasping breaths was,
"I'm trying."
Tatiana Jan 2015
I read most of my poems again
to see what I tend to avoid.
Well, what I am about to say
really isn't a surprise to me.
I don't think I have ever written about Love
in a happy sense.
Love.
What even is love anyway?
There are many different types of love.
But why do most of my poems that deal with love
end in tragedy?
Is it because I do not believe in love?
But it can't be
because I do believe in love.
The familial kind,
the friendship kind,
those are the types of love that I have experienced.
I know what it is like to ¨like¨ someone
I have had many crushes,
but I couldn't tell you what it is like
to love someone
in that way.

So to me that type of love
is a tragedy waiting to happen.
I like to think
that I am better off alone.

But is being lonely truly worth it?
I'm not too sure anymore.

*To be continued...
That was part 2 of this little poem series.
412 · Dec 2012
Fear
Tatiana Dec 2012
Pale brown eyes
wander around,
with a slight daze,
watching everything around them.
Their gaze swept over a girl,
that I was standing next to,
then those eyes lingered on me,
unnerving me,
scaring me.
I didnt trust those eyes.
The girl and I left,
and I ran to my friend,
he was horrified,
I have never seen his blue eyes
Alight with so much anger.
A protective arm came around me,
he glared those pale brown eyes down,
until they faded,
down the road,
and around the corner.
We ran,
never had I run faster,
those pale brown eyes
were filled with chaotic,
malicious, intent,
and my gut was screaming
to get help,
and run,
just leave this place,
and never return.
I felt those eyes watch me,
as I ran with my friends
down the road,
through the woods,
back to my friends house.
His blue eyes were angry,
with just a hint of fear.
Fear for me,
and the girl,
fear that those pale brown eyes,
would find,
and hurt us.
And seeing that,
I breathed a sigh of relief,
because right now,
that means I am safe.
412 · Jul 2014
Two Horses
Tatiana Jul 2014
Two little horses
one the color of chestnuts,
and the other was as white as snow
saw a lifetime of change.

They saw an escape from their country
in order to achieve freedom,
the freedom that they so desperately desired.

A chance to run free
and feel their legs move ,
and no longer be stiff and unmovable.
They wanted to feel the wind,
breathe the air,
eat the lush green grass.
But they couldn't,
for they were only figurines.

They sat above a fireplace
in foreign lands
during a time of war.
They saw the bombings that broke their legs
and their hearts.
But they were glued back together constantly,
by the love of a girl.

She was only sixteen,
just reaching her prime,
but sounds of gunshots filled the air,
and riddled her with strife.
Her only happiness were the two horses,
and if those were broken,
she would be too.

She clung to them for many years,
too many to count,
and now the little girl is old.
Her hair was no longer blonde
but it was now the color of ash,
her skin lost it's healthy hue
and was replaced with the pale whiteness of the moon.

The two horses watched her grow up,
they played with her
they made her feel safe
and in return she loved them.
She made them feel as if they were alive.
But the sand in the hourglass was always falling
and nothing was changing that.

The horses watched the old woman,
the war no longer troubled her,
it was the illness that controlled her humble life.
Sickness overtakes
the ones who savored every moment.
Disease pities no one,
it just destroys the good.

She has numbered days,
and only God knows when it is time.
But we're all left waiting,
unsure of when the clock will strike the hour of death.
Uncertain of when the hour glass runs out.
The little pieces of sand seem to fall faster
and the clock is so loud.

The two horses can't bear to see it.
She loved them,
and she's fading,
and they are left behind.
If they broke,
then she suffered.
But if she disappears,
then the horses will fade away as well.

The two little figurines sat above the fireplace,
staring at an empty house.
She had left them with only a few words.
"You'll love her, and she'll love you. Just like I did."
and she walked out the door and closed it behind her,
for the last time.

The two horses waited
but she never returned.
The door opened one day,
and the horses were excited,
as the light from the outside world
illuminated the rooms.
Bringing a sense of hope to their dismal existence.
But it wasn't her.

Some other woman came and scooped up the horses.
They were shocked.
They were leaving their home,
they were waiting for the old woman to come back,
but she wasn't,
and they were forced to leave.

Jostled around in a small box,
they feared where they were going.
She left them alone,
and she won't come back for them.
They felt betrayed,
forgotten,
unloved.

The box opened and the light shown through again.
But it did not bring the same hope,
their hope was crushed by the blinding light.
The two horses were taken out,
and placed into the hands
of a seventeen year old girl.

She was gentle and careful,
she held the horses lovingly,
and regarded them with respect.
She murmured to them as she walked up the stairs
and she placed them on their own special shelf.

She whispered to them lovingly,
"I'll do my best to care for you two and love you two,
as much as my Grandmother did.
I promise."

Then the two horses hoped,
that maybe their hearts would be glued back together,
with the new love,
that was the same
as the little girl that they first knew.
407 · Jul 2019
Aftermath
Tatiana Jul 2019
.
.
.
When you hear the whistle
of the terrible, dreaded missile
shooting far over our heads
and when the birds enter a silence
that not even the morning light can break.
Do you grab the graying hand
of a lover that you did not have
a chance to wed?
As the flames burn us all at once
and leave nothing
but ash in our place.
I whisper to the fierce, man-made winds
and hope my new, clear words
find you in our nuclear world
I will see you again
in the aftermath.

.
.
.
©Tatiana
406 · Jan 2013
A Gift
Tatiana Jan 2013
Just to start off
may I say,
that I hope you had,
or will have,
a wonderful birthday.
I do not know,
precisely when it is,
but I hope you know,
that this is my gift.
People should not gift,
only to receive,
you told me so yourself,
but you deserve it
more than anyone I know,
because of who you are.
You are kind,
and caring,
and always do what you believe is right.
You are an amazing
friend,
and i'm proud to call you that.
You listened to my problems,
and gave me your advice,
you really helped me through,
a tough time,
and that makes you
a brilliant person,
an awesome friend,
that's who you are.
This is the best I can do,
in return of the beautiful gift,
that you have given me.
This is for you Timothy :)
405 · Apr 2019
J'ai vu Notre Dame brûler
Tatiana Apr 2019
J'ai vu Notre Dame brûler
comme si elle était une sorcière
sur un bûcher,
comme si elle était des balles
perçant le peau,
comme si elle était les mots de bigoterie
coulant de la bouche des monstres
J'ai vu Notre Dame brûler
et nos coeurs aussi
Seeing Notre Dame burn has been horrifying. Hopefully it can be restored.
Again, french is not my first language, so any mistakes are my own.
402 · Nov 2013
No Need For a Thought...
Tatiana Nov 2013
Leaving backstage,
you take the last door.
You're escaping your cage,
that kept you chained to the floor.

You're running forever,
you don't plan on stopping.
Then in your hand there's a feather,
and it leaves you gawking.

That feather is white,
and an owl flies overhead.
The peace you feel is bright,
and yet you still imagine the dread.
...
Of the next choice you will make...

*To be continued
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