Lift up to fire
keeping the brazier alight
Independence
I rack myself
Selfishness
I rack myself
Pride
I rack myself
I rend the insides of viscera
in the name of

Who finishes
my sentences

Bring back the heartache
to windy peaks to sing
he hasn't left for anywhere
but for the topside
into life

A forest
center of
the dais
my bare feet
I sing
A forest
encircling, closing
the world
from minutes we spent
I'm alone here
with the well of painful lost causes
lent to
memories missing
memories drifting out
as the trees close in

dreamless, I'll be here
sleepless, restless, near
yearning for clues in the mist time brought, yearning
for you

Never thought how I feel would reveal me
for how desperately weak I am
despite individual moments
of being the sword to fall
in intense situations.
Growing colder and older,
growing heaviness depletes
the energies I may spend
on myself.

I heard you were in the mood for company.
Could I be
the sword for you, if you'll save me?
The warm for you, if you'll warm me?
I heard you were traveling, companionless.
Could it be
that wandering brought you past
the burrow where I sleep,
for one reason, to complete needs
untended in my home
in equal exchange
In trade
for what may deface the road?

Across the sky, dauntlessly, watching,
Shoes in cigarette stems while I
Wonder what flight's like.
Would I transition softly with the means?
Wingspan cutting resistance leaving me freedom
to fall, or better, to land when I see
earth worth tasting in the air around
mirrors in sanctuary.

Across the ground, dauntlessly, watching,
Shoes in cigarette stems while I
Observe my life like
Stone in the wind, steady as the leaves blow
Leading and closing the shows before and after
to end, like weather, and begin again
Forces to withstand time while I walk
sit, or lie where I go

What it looks like
What it is
Ends and means,
unanswered wishes
What it looks like
What it is
Ends and means
within reach will I take,
Palms wide open

Oh running water, take me
with your gentle waving
from the path from whence I bravely came
running
running, myself
Oh, life in footsteps along, in lively strides,
through the deadly passes taught me well
and at last, I passed, so please
Oh running water, take me

Wrapped up in this circle, still, hurting while you
wait for haunting when I'm gone
Pay the spirit flame forward, will you?
--And allow me to leave taking the memory as
a boon and blessing. Soon I'll arrive to
watch you leaving, till then
you wear my blessing, too.

All while waiting to pass,
may you pass through well

Here's where the line goes
for the show, maybe
Although I'm fairly sure it is
and I know that I'm first
Here's where the worlds collide
and the lies in their songs unfold
Forest of feast and tactility
Do I love you and need you?
Well, false to both, though
I admit you're my favorite

A veil of secrets
keeping you bleak and
numb, vacuous, and dumb
Are you in deep with the rhythm or open and bald
of your original skin and placement?
A different life, or would you say paradigm?

I was born a bitter man squalling from the womb
with happiness discovered spryly I assumed
from wonders
beholding innate anguish
the urge aims to **** us with
what we cannot evade
from under
neath despair's sweet, sweet blanket
I ovulate

Tonight, I feel lucky like I got Lamia at my side
Twilight will see justice and wrath meet
From virulence who could truly hide?
Tonight I ride in under the rain,
like under thin skin pushing blade
Anguish within replete in collecting like a memory
In time fully bleeding and reaping
A time limit on sun and moonlight
Tonight I ride in delivery
of thousands
hurting
for pain in payment

My mother was not right since the longest I recall
with the sickness to which you bound her, enthralled
For the daughters and the sons and for guardians who once
enjoyed their unity, who well beside themselves with grief
won't ever pray for harm

Tonight I ride lucky, Lamia,
as I collide

If living here is really so bad for you
then maybe you should just go
on a holiday, far away,
so you can see just how bad it is
how bad it is

But I, I believe, you'll feel the wind of home come invading through your window
wherever your heart takes you
And in return you'll come back after no end to pestering
I do believe you'll feel the wind of home

You know what sounds nicest?
In your bed lying covers half drawn.
Afternoon bath just as I'm waking up.
Your notes upon nightstands and mirrors.

I hope you understand that I'd do
unspeakable deeds and make deals to
realize this vision --

but I'm only human,
you lecher

I'm not the one distributing kisses
I'm not the one love has found you
in paper and ribbon
I'm a companion for us
lonely ones, called suckers
I'm a ******.

All that you know adjusts in moving so slightly closer to you
Did anyone think to mention I'd be falling so long before they pushed me?
If anyone dreams of the cell I'm stuck in I'd so love if you could wake me.
The walls rearrange, the halls rearrange
Message in a bottle:
You're in me

Black.
If it's the light you want it's in the pit of this
Nonsense lifted veil.
I'll be there.
Run a bit closer.

My stool is black again, I've been smoking
She said, "I thought that you quit"
I said, "I never meant-" cough "I never meant"
She said, "You said you could anytime, anytime"
But what's the worth of words spoken,
when you never meant, you never meant

To give the impression
you'd follow through
Only to sate the voice of reason in a poisonous
miasma of destructive and ambivalent
tendencies held too long and too deeply pressed

Uh oh
Cough, cough, cough, cough

. . .Cool.

I'll be going home without leaving
tonight,
inside
we all are wrapped in dust
as if
the love
we create in all our small spaces
cannot provide the instances of growth we need to feel whole
I beg
you, realize the end you wander to in time

Jessica went away with all the lurching other guys
just to wind up growing older in a slow roll, home well before midnight
every time he or she wonders what in wandering they would have found
depression in a sick head worries what with your shadow not around
might happen to me, to me

Living a life for all these selfish reasons
love, lust, blood as it must be passed on
wondering why we ever felt this way
sitting on logs watching the world go by
populace of sixty, two by two,
until done in their homes through the night
i'm dying if you're dead, I'll be flesh for the bones in your bed
beside, if we ever find

"Don't you want to talk?"
I said,
caught you whispering something
you'd rather waste your breath
reclusive screaming your spit at the world

Though in the future come we stand here breathing
looking in mirrors we don't know how we own
giving all our passion to day
light, away in exchange for the length we
once before jeered and despised

"I love you, but you're quiet,"  
I said
You'd rather be dead than alive
If I fell through earth to hear you
speak once more and stayed there
I doubt it would be a surprise

If he was just the same as you
the decision wouldn't matter
as much as it presently burns
standing in the ashes, silent and single
Would you
ask me what I would say
already knowing?
Already watching my steam rise in the rain
beyond the windows

Flick the flame.
**** you.
I'll **** me.
Revelers of temporary
It's all right,
okay?
Up and shot me--
Didn't need that vein, anyway.
Punctured and ruptured,
expecting me to drown

and with what blood to bleed?

Cold infiltrates my inhalation
with menthol cigarette smoke rushing as
boldly dressed parents do just the same
in their final week's preparation to shine

Where are you?
Where are you this Winter?
I'm lonely. Not alone
Where are you?
Have you never slept with someone who
made you want for another?
I'm in this world I've built
while you do whatever you do.

In my eyes I rescue the heat in my chest

Crushed inside under one collapsed lung

Living in glow, so faintly, off of my breath

A mirror placed before me in silence I can

Only see deep  so when I look, lonely,

what do I see?

A shred of truth

With what could I bring

a pulse of truth from so low

up to the level?

I've seen a little light through the crack at night,

when the others relieve

the drinks that put them in bed, maybe I’ll use that

old song to move on and when I implode,

would any blame me?