Two households warranted an aggression for one another for years,
so much so that some weren’t even sure what the Kingsley and
Callahan household feuded over, but among their vivacious
feud they also presented beautiful daughters.

Rebekah Kingsley, a woman of bold nature,
one with locks of hair as dark as that of freshly hardened obsidian,
skin the color of a soft caramel, lips plump,
and taunt cheekbones that seemed to have been sculpted
by the creator towards the heavens themselves.
She was a fearless woman, brave, taking others by storm,
but her passion and capability for love was ever so fervent.

Juliana Callahan, a woman of fine nature,
one with the need to adventure, and soft features that
delicately spawned from the swells of her cheeks,
her doe green eyes, and the petite frame in which she presented.
Juliana had hair the color of freshly fallen hazelnuts,
skin that was the color of a peachy cream,
and lips that were a natural shade of pink that mimicked
roses at the height of their first bloom.

Two women, two powerful components of the family’s
ongoing war found refuge in one another, hiding their identifies
at a masquerade, able to parade around as who they could be,
not who they had to be in public, and their affections were not
warranted, not in such a time period, but that didn’t stop
their immediate connection, the immediate spark of fire that ignited
even when the slightest brush of fingertips aligned
with one another’s exposed collarbones.

They talked, sharing a connection of one they had never found in
another companion, one they had never felt so deeply in
the swells of their hearts and the depth of their beings.
The were infatuated with one another, so lost
within a blissful cloud of desire, lust, and affection.

Their renditions of culture and rules had become obsolete since they
had laid eyes on one another. They had forgotten their rules,
the public strictures that were placed on them,
aspiring to talk to one another, to share words of
love, of affection, and of a deep connection, and they did.
They spoke, realizing that they couldn’t live without one another,
but such an infatuated love couldn’t survive with the ongoing
war between the Kingsley and Callahan family,
no love could break apart a feud that had been so engraved for years.
No love could be accepted, not in a society where
the romance between two lovers was considered unholy
if it were not between a man and a woman.

Such a feud lead to the death of the poor lovers,
one that was tragically poetic of their love, of their story.
Rebekah’s father had found out about the affair,
exalting his energy in kicking her out, shunning her,
making sure to never see her beloved once more,
but the two had already married themselves to one another
since the moment they laid on eyes on each other.
Rebekah couldn’t handle such an outcome,
so she took it upon herself to retrieve her own
means to end her life.

Rebekah harbored a poison, one potent and as strong
as the thorns that clip at ones skin when procuring
a freshly blossomed rose.

The Kingsley Lady let the poison trickle down her throat, staining her lips,
allowing it to seep into her skin.
Juliana found her lover, cold and hardened, lifeless
and inanimate. She kissed her to ingest the poison,
but it had been too late; the poison had layered itself
deeply into Rebekah’s lips.

A cry escaped Juliana’s lips, and then a whimper proceeded
afterwards, revealing the phonetic boundaries of her broken heart, for
she had nothing left, she had no passion,
no love, no desire, no want. Her lover, her supposed bride
laid before her, dead within her arms.
She was weeping heavily, salty tears staining the tenderness of her
rosy cheeks, so Juliana looked to that of her lover’s corpse,
taking the dagger which rested to the left of her.

She reached out, her shivering palm and fingers clasped
around the object, tightening her grasp as she let her eyes
remain attached to Rebekah’s body as tears streamed down
her face at a persistent manner; she brought the blade up,
uttering her love for Rebekah, telling her
“We shall not be parted forever, doth not leave me,”
she whispered with trembling and chapped lips,
plunging the dagger into her chest.

I was an idiot back then,
those trips to Rebekah's hovel.
though they did make me sentimental,
for the days when her dad had taught me guitar
for eight weeks when I was thirteen.

she told me of a suicide dream
that utilized her iron deficiency.
I told her I would tell her parents
if she started pushing it in motion,
that made her cry,
though in retrospect, I wanted her to die.

I was at that misery factory age
when your heart pumps nothing
but razorblades and jealousy,
and the death of some overly-depressed
girl would at least give me a story to
tell.

I was a pseudo-lover,
writing page upon page
of poetry for Sheila,
I used an alias for her:
"Nature's Criminal".
It felt appropriate.
what she did to my
emotions seemed rather
unnatural.

we would kiss on dark, dirt roads,
and duck when cars would passby.
she would always preface
our encounters with,
"remember this doesn't mean anything."

now, Rebekah only writes to tell
of artists signed to Saddle Creek.
she got married to some diabetic,
acne-marred, ***-fiend that
bares the burden of a pet peeve
that revolves around bananas.

now, I only see Sheila,
when some boy is ******* her,
when she feels beyond used.
in her parasitic apartment,
I always remind her
they don't mean anything.

I've only been on this earth for 17 years
But already had the good honour of experiencing
evil and good from the youth of my peers

My precious vessel, you deserve nothing but the best
learn from my mistakes and make your life rest

One: The acne on your face does not determine how beautiful you as a person
Neither you're weight, height or stature. Your skin a shade of wonder, wear only the (dna) makeup of me and your father

Two: Your body is your temple, not a museum for those who want to feast on your flesh, for those dead eyes are shady and they want nothing less.

Three: Fall in love with everything around you, the stars, sky and moon. The sound of laughter, the rain drops too. Look from balconies and trees at the veins of the cities. And take pictures of people and weddings, savouring silver white memories.

Four: Make your own mistakes and learn. You are allowed to feel pain, there is still blood in you veins but don't let that sweep you away away away on dandelion heads

Five: Dearest, don't worry for a moment what they think; be prepared when they want to see you sink, respond with dimples, sunshine and light. For this is what makes the darkness strike

Six: Finally My girl love yourself, for all that you are and want to be; the music you love, the food you detest, those long family outings and that boy that you like best.

The list could go on and on with verse and song and book and word but Dear Daughter let this be the basis of your life. Carry it and write it on your flesh beating heart. For your flesh beating heart deserves life in it fullest.

©Rebekah Lazarus 2014

Knotted Cord

Rebekah- Hebrew, meaning - Captivating; knotted cord. Wife of Isaac in the Old Testament.

I am a knotted cord,
Of chattering reactions,
and alphabetical perceptions
straining to elude me.
A tangle of cerebrum crammed to my cranium
snarled loops that hear light in code,
or see voices through pulsating synapses.

I am a knotted cord,
A grey rope of countless nucleotides;
fashioning my own skintight survival manual
from my own regenerating song.
Rough edged coils of yesses and noes,
Spiraling into collected silence.

I am a knotted cord,
A scrambled array of ambition,
Stitched with the lethargy
of an unraveled thread.

My dear friend received a letter from you.
A note written by a deceived elder,
Whose words were motivated by goodness,
Sent out of your pastoral duty.
But, you must be oblivious to the hate in your ink.
A warning,
An invitation,
To excommunication.

Excommunication.
The threat found on your paper,
Missing from the Bible,
And your Book of Mormon,
And your Doctrine and Covenants.
Appropriate for legalistic religion,
But the polar opposite of Christ.

Fornication.
She left her father and mother
And is united to him.     1
Before each other,
They knew no one else,
Promised to each other
Forever.
Reminiscent of Abraham and Sarah,     2
Isaac and Rebekah.     3
God doesn’t see certificates,
But committed love.
Can you?

Alcohol.
Noah made use of his vineyard,     4
And Jesus made wine from water.     5
Encouraged for ailments,     6
A blessing bringing joy,
Can become sinfully abused.
God can tell the difference.
Can you?

Tattoos.
If she cannot mark her body with ink,     7
You cannot cut hair at the sides of your head,
Or the edges of your beard.     8
Were the vegetables in your garden,
Or the fruit from the market,
Forbidden for three years,
Before you ate them?     9
All these ancient commandments,
Are found in the same chapter.
Jesus looks passed them.     10
Can you?

Gossiping.
You have heard of rules broken,
Number those proven.
Your ear leaned toward gossips,     11
As you rejected the woman slandered.
God sees the people behind their sin.     12
Can you?

Hypocrisy.
Woe unto hypocrites,     13
Charlatans,
Frauds.
You deny communion to her,
But did you do the same for your daughter?
Was she rejected when she birthed your grandbaby,
A *******?
Or was your daughter, like my friend,
Repentant,     14
Tired of being told who God is,
In the throes of figuring God out?
When you partake of communion,
Are you worthy?     15
Jesus allowed Judas to partake of His holy sacrament,     16
And invites us all.     17
Can you?

She loves Jesus,
To whom she prays,
Her boyfriend,
Who sleeps by her side,
Her friends,
Who she shares an occasional drink with.
The tattoo on her foot,
Reads “Love”
In calligraphy as beautiful
As the love in her soul.
Jesus sees this.
I hope you see it, too.

Love your God with all your heart,
Soul,
Strength,
Mind.     18
Love your neighbor as yourself.     19
We both are praying for her,
But I’m also praying for you,
To know the God of love,     20
Who is jealous for her,     21
And for you.
He wants you to love Him,
And He wants to love on you,
But your worship of religion is getting in the way.
Stop your adultery,     22
And run back,
Prodigal Son,     23
To your true love,
Christ.
There’s room at His table for a sinner like you, me, her, and all.
And our Jesus,
He,
Alone,
Writes the invitations.
You are not to review,
Stamp,
And mail them.
But only to accept and share the One He sent to you.

*

1 Genesis 2:24; Genesis 2:30 (Inspired Version)
2 Genesis 11:29; Genesis 11:18 (Inspired Version)
3 Genesis 24
4 Genesis 9:20; Genesis 9:27 (Inspired Version)
5 John 2
6 2 Samuel 16:2, Proverbs 31:6, Mark 15:23, Luke 10:34, 1 Timothy 5:23
7 Leviticus 19:28
8 Leviticus 19:27
9 Leviticus 19:23-24
10 Romans 3:23-26
11 Proverbs 11:13, 20:19, 26:20-22
12 Isaiah 43:25-26
13 Matthew 23:13
14 1 John 1:9
15 1 Corinthians 11:27
16 Matthew 26:24-26
17 1 Corinthians 11:28
18 Luke 10:27
19 Matthew 22:39
20 1 John 4:8
21 Exodus 20:5
22 James 4:4
23 Luke 15:11-32

Sara always thought love was a feeling
a tender warm wave of yearning
a cord between her and her lover
it was made of rubies, gold, and silver

She'd dance in the shower
at the thought of his arms around her.
She'd put their cord in her jewellery box,
the highest shelf. Watching it never wither

But

Sometime later, when the cracks began to show and the lines deepened in her skin

Sara saw her lovers eye's turn from morning to night,
she realised the bruises on her skin were from not peeling the potatoes right
The endless stream of tears that flowed from her eyes; pearls
Were produced by his screams and his might.

She lay uncomfortable in his rock hard arms
as she listened to a never ending song of 'I'm sorry, I love you''
he'd kiss her softly with blood cracked lips.
She new this was a love that wouldn't be missed

For her mother always said ''love is not just a feeling but adoration in action
Its kind, patient, loving, remember you are a blessing.''

For her heart was crazed from the mistakes he made
with a cynical mind-set that she was the bait

for the biggest action she could take
to show she was still capable of loving

was cut the cord, sell the gold and take her life back
to show she was still made of something.

©Rebekah Lazarus 2014

I eat until my chest hurts
ignoring the fact my acidic heart  
wills, calls, shouts for me to stop (hurting)
myself

For I know once the sweet oozing gold runs down my throat and
calms the feelings of an anxiety disorder,
it will quickly strike to a halt
and evaporates as quickly as it came
turning gold to rust;
and comfort pain.


It leaves me more bruised, battered and empty
(this is high class gluttony)

than when I cut my fingers from unwrapping the packaging.

yet

the void remains unfilled
and I'm no longer happy

©Rebekah Lazarus 2014

I cracked my sister's door once,
saw her paint curled fingers
nettled into the floorboards,
shoulders sunken, cramped wings
beating at the edge of the whiter parts.
She never found room to fly
on that easel. Thinking back,
I should have stripped her walls bare
and shattered the windows.


                                               *mzf