Take me away from here.
I don't care where we go.
I just want your hand in mine,
As we explore the "more" I'm searching for.
Let me dance among tulips,
But keep me in your sight.
Watch me run toward the ocean,
But meet me on the shore.
Open your mind and heart with me.
Take all this newness in.
Savor these flavors 'fore they disappear.
Capture scenes with your mind's eyes.
One foot in front of the other.
Bring our bodies to new heights.
See the world from high above,
Then join me down below.
In a field,
Along the shore,
At the table,
Atop a mountain,
I'll go anywhere with you.
I go back in time
When I look at a picture
And feel as I did even clearer.
Look at how happy
But shaking with fear.
Let's flip pages to now, to here.
The happenings behind his eyes
Are in the open and real,
In his actions, words--so surreal.
He's teaching me to drop my worries,
To embrace all valid emotions.
His logic completely discourages confusion.
"Can I love again?"
Yes, in fact, stronger than before.
It's spiritual, humbling--I'm unconditionally adored.
He's fearless and giddy,
Can't see my reservations.
He blindly removes them, my liberation.
Long, sweet texts
Must not be enough.
His flight gets in tonight,
And we're both on top of the world.
I've felt stress
But the load has never this bad, baby
My head is pounding
My stomach is twisting and burning
I want to wake up in your arms
I want to be reminded every morning that you're there to save me
But I can't save the world in bed with you
I'm getting everything I want
But I can't have it all together
My head is cloudy
Worries flying to the forefront of my consciousness
Each stressor fighting for my attention
My shoulders aren't broad enough to carry the load
It's spilling from my eyes
And landing on the corners of your perfect mouth
I try to localize the pain within my arms' reach
So nobody else gets hurt
But you've stepped into my arms
And I'm letting you taste it from my lips
What do I want?
Without the factors?
I want to come home to you every day
Starting right now
But I can't...without changing your well-established life
And I don’t expect you to follow me
But I pray to God that you wait for me
As I pack my schedule
Work tens of states away
Study with hundreds of miles in between us
I hate feeling like I'm choosing this over you
Truth is, I want to stay with you more than any of this.
When I’m with you
There’s no way to fail and nobody to disappoint
You’re safe and I WANT TO STAY HERE
My heart is telling my head, stomach--every part of me
That I want you this summer and always
But I'm working and studying for more than myself and even for you—my favorite part of life
In Maine I truly feel like I'm contributing to science, toward a cure for glaucoma
As an optometrist, I'll be able to help thousands of patients see the world
I can't possibly be in this for the money, either
I'm taking so many hits in the process of trying to make the biggest impact I can on this world
I’m a bundle of insecurities with a bizarre responsibility to use what little I have to make lives after mine better
It’s why I pick so many battles
Care so much about politics
Organize all of these committees
Kiss babies and stare off into their futures
Decide to uncomfortably go out and softly tell my truths
It’s why I chose to be a scientist and a doctor.
But it’s costing us—and it kills me that it’s costing you, too.
You’re a main character in this crazy, transitional chapter of my life
And I hope you’ll stay for the rest of my book.
An hour-twenty away
Yet I can't find the time or day
Between work, school, and responsibilities
To burn oil all the way to your place.
I'm constantly on the go.
The time I have is spent hating this flow,
Wrapped up in insecurities,
Feeling like I'm failing at everything
But your arms offer complete release,
Lounging around and being me--
A me I don't have time to be,
Anywhere else but on my knees.
How am I supposed to be happy away from you?
Send me a text and Snapchat a few?
The only idea that softens my brow,
Is a picture of our life together years from now.
A problem doesn't dissipate
Unless it has been solved.
You might forget the details
But your heart feels all the holes.
A surprise competition.
Why do I decide to lose?
I remove myself from the situation
And see she's who he should choose.
The same age;
She's the one Mom loves
The girl to keep her son at home
I'd be fine with the above
Except his heart also sings her hum.
What a story they'd retell
With me a minor character,
A rising action,
An unintentional match-maker.
My life about to fork.
From a hopeful, "Come with me."
To a plot-twisting,
"Go pursue her."
I'm grappling with insecurities
Wanting all of him to love me.
His mother and his memories
Are pulling at his strings.
But he's not budging.
He's here holding me.
Tell me this isn't temporary.
I need him to choose me--
Over and over
I can't share him with her.