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Sep 2016 · 450
Siing Veins
Olga Valerevna Sep 2016
your legs will be the first to go
the bottom half of all you know
foundations stand upon the feet
of everything you cannot see
but if you close your eyes to stand
you'll start to sink into the sand
and while you disappear tonight
another soul will claim your life
in such a way you may not feel
reality becomes surreal
and every time you try to wake
there's no one there to keep you safe
so gather up the things you know
and start to live by letting go
made up of or just made up?
Sep 2016 · 501
Romanticizing iron knees
Olga Valerevna Sep 2016
it's likely you have come to know the closeness of your skin
and made as much or little of the way you'll die with it
we've all consumed the poison we injected like a drug
but told ourselves the blame is on the

ones who made this up
the justice of inheritance, rewritten every day
has talked for long enough to know there's nothing left to say
and as we try to rearrange, to shake, to even lie
the proof is like the time and passes every day alike
so let us be enlightened or deceived because of choice
we haven't changed a single thing we've added to the noise
John 3:6-8
Olga Valerevna Sep 2016
What if our projections are of aid to someone else
what if what we say delivers someone to the well
would you spread your words as though they didn't mean a thing
Or would you make an effort to believe the opposite
grown tired of the oceans we have poured and swallowed up
The fishes we are swimming with have duly had enough
And now that we are drowning, altogether almost gone
where are all the pillars we have ever stood upon
while everything dishonest walks behind your every step
the footprints you could see once mock uncertainty in death
and when it's running faster as your breath's becoming short
you may not find yourself again the way you did before
one nation.
Sep 2016 · 526
The Process of Caution
Olga Valerevna Sep 2016
so many are the songs we carry underneath our skin
but can we sing them loud enough to let the people in
We may not have a melody to sanctify each word
let not the noise of every day give bitterness a turn
there's so much black and white to see and ever more to claim
I can't imagine living life will render us the same
we can't be hiding every time we want to be alone
our lives are part of everything we've ever dared to know
and if our knowledge sets us free then let us share it all
no matter where we find ourselves in summer, spring or fall
the coldest days of winter may reflect the ice of time
but every moment frozen still becomes another rhyme
don't chase the seasons just because you know they're always there
for someone else is going to pretend you're not aware
and if your voice is given up another's will be born
with just as much propensity as once you had before
the hats have been created by the heads who never sleep
they only want to take away the way of life you seek
Oh.
Sep 2016 · 408
The war is long
Olga Valerevna Sep 2016
but what do you surrender to if anything at all
does every day put up a fight or just another wall
your hands are still your hands you know, despite the wear and tear
if you decide to honor truth and do this everywhere
the risk is something meaningless when fear is overcome
for nothing then, can shake away the human you'll become
it's not an easy path to walk for shadows will ensue
and every time the darkness falls it latches onto you
the catch is not a catch at all, a lie can only last
as long as you embrace the little voices of your past
the glory's gone, the war parades itself as something else
but let us not be made the fool of everybody's self
war fair.
Sep 2016 · 457
That is the loneliest
Olga Valerevna Sep 2016
so write it down and give it up
there's nothing left to rise above
the earth is weaker every day
and time has nothing else to say
a moment here's a second gone
the glory people never won
consider youth for all its worth
prepare to age or know rebirth
the soil speaks in human tongue
but you're not hearing anyone
for what a blur is love remade
a trite reprieve so far away
from you and me and us and them
forgive the lie, a detriment
I'm here to say you'll fall asleep
but do not slumber in too deep
you may be sleeping good and well
don't let yourself wake up in hell
Mark 13:35-37
Sep 2016 · 518
Made of skin no more
Olga Valerevna Sep 2016
when are you the child you had always hoped to be
today is gone tomorrow and the past is all you see
if yesterday's a liar will you ask why it has come
or has it proven honest by the rising of the sun
it's not for me to question anything you won't accept
but on the edge of reason I am bowing with respect
for knowledge at its greatest cannot stand the test of time
eternity surpasses every border in our mind
continue with the maybes and you'll learn to understand
Humanity has challenged the beginning with its hands
we've built so many cities while we've torn so many down
the likelihood of lasting begs the future not to drown
the children we're creating bare the weight of all we've done
I'm forfeiting my body for the sake of *everyone
made.
Aug 2016 · 1.3k
Livid? (10 Words)
Olga Valerevna Aug 2016
Put those angry words away
hate adds nothing to a day
nothing.
Aug 2016 · 1.2k
Going home
Olga Valerevna Aug 2016
I want to die together when the time has come in due
for I have come to notice every piece of me in you
we've always been a team and fought the battles as they came
we've weathered every storm and washed our sorrows in the rain
you let me be your future and I let you shed your past
we dignified each other, may these glories breathe their last
the more I am suspended all the more I am assured
this life is something sacred when I understand rebirth
I may have been your child once but grew to be your friend
and in my latter years I made a choice: until the end
three inches never mattered, I could never let you go
my faith is like your name, together we are going home
Vera Anatolivna Palashnyuk
Olga Valerevna Aug 2016
I let you out tomorrow and I'm feeling it today
the loss is overwhelming but I know I'll be okay
The person I was growing would've suffered more than lived
so rather than be broken be responsible for this
Another day is coming and it may not be the last
you have to be prepared to face the choices of your past
Allow them to define you like a punch unto the gut
Or watch the way they move you on your way to giving up
I need a sponge to soak up all the blood I've lost and spilled
The seventh month surrenders, I am sorry I have killed
some personal note.
Aug 2016 · 603
To you, to anyone
Olga Valerevna Aug 2016
I have no lines to read
I threw them in the sea
it's where the people are
it's there they fall apart
We're bound by flesh and blood
and fill the pages up
our minds are going fast
We try to make them last
But everybody's doubt
is being thrown about
And as the words collide
We die another time
Don't let the voices in
or watch the curses win
remember you are here
but not to disappear
title and inspiration taken from Daughter's, "Not to Disappear" album
Aug 2016 · 491
The Fast Word
Olga Valerevna Aug 2016
I'm left to my dividing and the emptiness I see
while every sense of self is being shaken out of me
I will not put it lightly and I will not bite my tongue
The cells inside my body tell me everything is done
In whispers spoken softly I found stillness and the Truth
and none can neither claim it nor contain it within you
It walks upon the earth among the living breathing things
Awaiting each tomorrow for another chance to sing
Its melodies continue being carried by the wind
Revealing all the beauty underneath a rotting skin
and even as our bodies pile high above the sky
Our lives have been unraveled by the passing of the time
We've numbered every year a ring our tree has drawn with grace
Yet made it seem as though we were the ones who set the pace
such reasoning has offered us another place to stay
A world as unrelenting as the restlessness today
John 1:1-3
Aug 2016 · 793
For years in the breaking
Olga Valerevna Aug 2016
I'm lucky to have lived through all the times in which I shook
when everything was falling and I couldn't bare to look
my feet have walked the soil of a slow decaying earth
but somewhere in my footprints I have measured all its worth
There's nothing more revealing than a step or two in vain
'cause deep inside these bodies we can be as right as rain
let water be the words that wash the haziness away
the drops of heavy burdens pouring every single day
For some the fog continues pulling wool over the eyes
yet others watch the clouds become a falsity of skies
And those who have caught up with every conversation had  
distract themselves on purpose, talking always, talking back
Ephesians 5:26
Jul 2016 · 812
In a free world
Olga Valerevna Jul 2016
you don't need to be drinking to reveal a sober thought
the words are there inside you if you're not afraid to talk
We have too little time to be offended by ourselves
so throw away the bottle and forget there was a shelf
Let time be your instructor, it will whittle down with you
and show you something greater in a way you cannot do
I've read the twelve believers and considered all their words
they're either all too certain or completely all absurd
so let us make decisions with a judgement of our own
give wholly unto others we may never even know
The point is we've been fighting for a point we've tried to make
but loaded every message with a fountain of mistakes
Truth.
Jul 2016 · 589
In 19 Eighty Nine
Olga Valerevna Jul 2016
There're so many people who open your eyes
           and show you the craters they see in the skies
Perspectives are jaded when Truth's within reach
  and I have rejected most people who teach
I forfeit the frenzies they feed themselves to
I'd rather go hungry than eat out of you
And even if crazy is all I've become
     My sanity's measured by little to none
I drew my conclusions like everyone else
in anger and envy that put my in hell
The fire was pretty, the darkness the same
             but I want to hear what the light has to say
I cannot be honest if I cannot see
Surrender my soul to the Spirit in me
1989.
Jul 2016 · 984
The purple vein
Olga Valerevna Jul 2016
The blood is running thicker and it rarely ever does
An overflow of omens turned the people into dust
Completely unaware of what was yet to even come
The end was ever closer but so far away for some
I've learned why it is common to forget we are alive
For death will come for all, return to claim a second time
Divided or united we have chosen what to be
together we'll be blinded or together we will see
a human turning purple can be joyous or lament
Can ask to be forgiven or embrace the consequence
We house the tree of knowledge painted every shade of skin
Yet surely we have access to the root of life within
But if we never ask to be created and destroyed
We cannot be the glory thus we settle for the void
And it can enough for those who fight to be their own
A king defining nothing but the self upon the throne
хоть как пурпур грех мой платксой
Jul 2016 · 484
In black and white
Olga Valerevna Jul 2016
But what is the answer when people have died
and why is the question still asked at this time
We've *l
earned to be human in so many ways
attacking the Spirit and numbering days
We've broken the sky yet we beg for the sun
it shines without choosing, on everyone
We're made of the same down to every cell
let's stop drawing lines to put others through hell
The skin on our bodies was beautifully made
akin to the soul we were given in faith
Remember beginnings as endings to come
although they come slowly but hasten for some
As people we're called to be servants of those
who enter our circle when nobody knows
Matthew 5:45
Olga Valerevna Jul 2016
No higher be the altitude of anybody's life
The hours pass for all the same in time we cannot buy
If given us the riches we can physically embrace
Then taken be the spirit we decided to erase
The shell of any human life is what it claims to be
If seeing is believing I would rather have the sea
Where salt is never lacking, neither sun nor moon reside
They're swallowed up by water, called by low and higher tide
I've slept inside the seasons and I've been awake in all
the winter turns to spring and then the summer turns to fall
The weather never mattered, I was happy all the while
And swimming with the fishes had me learn in single file
Before this I was dancing and parading what I knew
until I came to realize mine was not the only truth
There's nothing I could offer that could save another soul
It humbled me to pieces as I let the my person go
Matthew 4:19
Jun 2016 · 616
Goodnight nobody
Olga Valerevna Jun 2016
you've overgrown the body that contains your living soul
Surrendered it to follies that could never make you whole
And every single vine has cast a shadow on your skin
retired you to darkness made of something held within
Consider it a glimpse of what you truly want to see
forever has an eye beyond the thought of you and me
And if you want to follow every person you have won
I'll disappear completely and return to you a song
you may consider writing while the music feeds your bones
but it will not continue when you've eaten what they've known
There's nothing less eternal than the cells we cannot hold
They'll paint some kind of pretense in the stories they have told  
The flesh is only flesh if we command our human's way
forget we are eternal as we try to run the day
title and inspiration taken from Margaret Wise Brown's, "Goodnight Moon"
Jun 2016 · 623
The City of Brotherly Love
Olga Valerevna Jun 2016
I want to be the words      that stir you up a certain way
and leave you with the passion that was always yours to stay
I knew you for a moment but my body


wandered off
and with it came the notion I was never yours at all
I wanted to embrace you in a way that no one could
but every time I tried you turned away from where I stood
Today I was a coffin but tomorrow I will be
we haven't     died together, separation holds the key
residing in a city not too far away from you
I've learned to be the keeper of the person I once knew
Philadelphia, Pa
Jun 2016 · 438
Mile Seven
Olga Valerevna Jun 2016
There's no one who can hear me when I try to let it out
A gloomy apparition has been dancing in my mouth
These lips could not keep up with all the words I had to say
So I began evading every chance I had to stay
Consider me a coffin or a place akin to life
We die together slowly as we lie to make it right
The world's another circle 'round the rings we cannot draw
And I will disappear inside the meaning of it all
Address another person but remember who you are
For if you weave a web you may create another scar
The spiders in my head have told me everything they know
But seven miles away there is another place to go
what's moving in your bloodstream?
Jun 2016 · 770
The plus, the minus
Olga Valerevna Jun 2016
I know that I can fall asleep in arms that aren't my own
but every time I wander off I end up in your throne
yet what's a king if folly be the only thing he seek
for I have heard the things he said when I was out of reach
his life commands a part of him I will not dare to claim
and all of it is more to him than I have ever been
my blood has boiled long enough for me to let the green
be something that was part of what I didn't want to be
so there he is and here I am - an almost circle's ring
I can't recall a single day remembering a thing
to read me.
May 2016 · 784
The getaway
Olga Valerevna May 2016
See this is how I am when I am barely being me
a piece of skin inhaling every other scent I seek
But nobody compares us to the whole of who we are
The beings in these bodies cannot go beyond the stars
For when we enter spaces that exist outside of time
Our organs fail to function in the breath of the divine
I hope another Spirit has been standing in the gap
My own could not resist the world I carried on my back
So let it be a lesson to the eyes and ears of truth
The more that we inherit makes us question what we do
But if I were a fool then I'd be strong enough to say
I'm just another body who has tried to *get away
can you see yourself?
May 2016 · 1.4k
The Ants in May
Olga Valerevna May 2016
To meet another human* in the places that you go
you have be a seeker of the things you want to know
And not just in a way that makes it easy to have been
but so much more connected to the souls inside your skin
'Cause even if you shatter like a clay that enters heat
there cannot be a ****** lest you dare admit defeat
So wait beside the doors that mark the exit you have sought
and let yourself remember why you walked into your thought
The answer could be simple in a complicated way
but you will never see it if you make the choice to stay
I wanted you to speak without the fear of holding on
without believing you are but a shadow of a song
For that can be a mess that you intentionally made
to prove you aren't here because of something you can say
Forget we have the limits we ourselves create and ****
the passion you've been chasing could be living in you still
...how many people?
May 2016 · 469
The thing of what makes
Olga Valerevna May 2016
so what if we made coffins of the people we once were
And ran beside each other in another kind of world
Where everything is blooming, feeding life into our bones
untangling our minds and making perfect all we've known
I'd like to think we'd learn to see the sadness in the truth
And let the eyes of passion show us what we need to do
So rather than exist inside the shallowness of skin
We'd just as quickly settle into what we hold within
I'll give it up to weakness, every doubt that I once had
await a day that tarried but was always holding fast
what if?
May 2016 · 972
By the whim of the lips
Olga Valerevna May 2016
my lips are not anyone else's
my mouth has a place of its own
and if you have ever thought different
exposed be the pride you have known

to see with the eyes of your spirit
you have to submit to its breath
then even in deepest of waters
you'll manage to make every step

it's simple enough to remember
but somehow the first thing forgot
when rhapsodic verbiage is offered
we sing to a tune we are not

but follow the song into silence
your very own tongue will explain
there's nothing that ever was spoken
that won't be repeated again
Acts 18:9-10
Apr 2016 · 550
Mon Real
Olga Valerevna Apr 2016
I see the kind of people I've been seeing for a while
The ones who carry loneliness and hide it with a smile
If no one here wants to explain the tendencies we share
Then drivel on about the way we're barely even there
The point of all the thoughts we have is not to let them go
But rather find a way to share the little truth we know
Combine the commonalities and everything is clear
We all can be the kind of sun that never disappears
But if your day becomes the night reversed the other way  
Then who will you be talking to when night becomes the day
Bereft of any meaning you could ever hope to find
There's nothing in the darkness that can edify your mind
So choose the things you want to say and learn what time has taught
The lesson here is how to fight the way you've never fought
on what you fight
Apr 2016 · 566
Seldom used as a name
Olga Valerevna Apr 2016
I've given up my fingers so I wouldn't feel your skin
Or let you lay your hands on me the way it's always been
I'll stay inside my head where there is nothing left to lose
And watch myself surrender to the memories of you
I cannot say I want this but I cannot say I don't
And living in the middle makes goodbye my new hello
I've waited out the pressure I was feeling in my bones
I've realized the meaning, what it means to be alone
And if you choose to fight it know my hands are fast asleep
They're locked away with someone who has promises to keep
Although I couldn't see it in the corner of my eye
My person has a reason to continue asking why
But after so much breaking we can never be the same
Or settle in the valley, it's the meaning of your name
remember where you come from
Apr 2016 · 563
A night in threes
Olga Valerevna Apr 2016
I pulled myself together right before I fell apart
and in my darkest moment I began to break your heart
Forget where I was going, it's a shadow in the past
and what I keep repeating has no place in what we had
I wish you would've noticed I was never really yours
Instead of just insisting I was wrong to close the doors
I want to be forever not a token of the false
but if we stick together we will never be the salt
I'm tired of being seasons that exist between the cracks
and struggle with a conscience that is never coming back
I'll spit your spit in poems, I won't swallow them today
I've waited all my life for there to be another day
not tonight, we are off tonight
Mar 2016 · 570
Con the tip of the hat
Olga Valerevna Mar 2016
I've not a thing to tell you that I've not already said
my fancy for the stories, like the thought of you, is dead
When what I wasn't seeing made its way into my eyes
The pressure disappeared and carried with it every "why"
There's nothing to recover of the people that we were
And I don't need a reason to admit it anymore
Suppose I never let you make your way inside of me
Would you still wander in without a place to wipe your feet
you never want to hear whatever challenges your truth
And fortify the walls your sense of helplessness removes
But I don't need to be here anymore than I have been
Examining the layers of this unprotected skin
I'll go beyond the cycles and the sameness you have praised  
And learn to be again the kind of human I was made
уходя - уходи
Mar 2016 · 620
Ahead on a Stair
Olga Valerevna Mar 2016
I've thought about the future ever since I understood
that I could walk with purpose in the shadow of the good
And when I wasn't looking I would fall into a trap
but everyone who knew me knew that I was coming back
I may have been unfolded and divided into three
But every part together is the whole of what is me
I'm talking to myself as much as I have talked to you
I won't be too upset if you don't see the way I do
I've been here long enough to watch a dream become a wake
A state of adaptation I can keep or try to change
I met my little self again and there I was in awe
I thought she wouldn't know me but my goodness was I wrong
you are always you
Mar 2016 · 498
To my mother who I am
Olga Valerevna Mar 2016
I told my mother's story in a way she never could
Surrounded by the present in a past misunderstood

they'll never want to know you and they'll never let you leave
so trust me when I tell you there is nothing left to see  
and even when the morrow brings another to your door
remember there's a person who is waiting at the shore


I traced my mother's words with such a careful steady hand
It's there they have remained, upon the patterns in the sand  
And they will not be washed away by anything that comes
They're written on my heart and can't be claimed by anyone
The tide is pulling faster and she told me that it would
Her life has told a story I have always understood
a woman who's taught me how to be
Mar 2016 · 686
If my best wishes
Olga Valerevna Mar 2016
I'm not without the thought of you converging into me
'Cause everyone I've ever met is nothing close to we
So tell me where we're going next and I will pack my things
The south and north and east and west will teach us how to sing
I've noted only happy days that I've already spent
Beside the shadow of the sun in everywhere we went
And I cannot explain this to a single 'nother soul
you're part of what makes all of me, your being makes me whole
We'll stumble into other things and try to catch our breath
But in the end it's me and you until there's nothing left
And even then we'll see ourselves exactly as we should
And trust that all we've done to date is only for the good
I loved you then, I love you now and that will never change
your moon's become the only star that hasn't gone away
I'll live inside the galaxy that brings me to your bed
And recognize your presence as my senses are reset
I've held you one too many times and here we go again
I want to have you something bad don't let this be the end
we could've been forever
Feb 2016 · 623
Not a Crux
Olga Valerevna Feb 2016
My heart has weathered follies I may never understand
And what of this perdition nearly ending what I can't
To bare another season I will need to be assured
That everything before this has been nothing but a blur
My lips have tasted fire but my tongue is still in tact
and I will let its fury run its course along my back
With everything in motion there's a way for me to tell
That I am coming out of some relentless little hell
I'll dance myself in circles with the strength that has remained
And slip into my skin as though I choose to live again
Appearance has no value lest it channels what's inside
and once the people see it they will open up their eyes
genuine to the eye
Feb 2016 · 479
one for me and one for you
Olga Valerevna Feb 2016
if I tell you I've been drinking will you count it as a slight
and question every word that I have said to you tonight
I may have sipped enough to tempt regret for all it's worth
but there is nothing left of my emotions to disturb
I've watched another person walk the way that I once did
and took it as a lesson to leave all of me unhid
the openness reduces any falseness that exists
and puts me face to face with the reality of it
I think I should've waited to be what I was to you
allowed myself to recognize the lie I took as truth
the world that we've created is completely all our own
and I can't seem to find a way to make it out alone
title and inspiration taken from Jhenè Aiko's, "Brave"
Feb 2016 · 611
On the sixth year
Olga Valerevna Feb 2016
I left you alone to go wander
And see all the places you could
But people are more than their faces  
they blend in with more than they should
I thought we were on the same mountain
And moving with all that we knew
But you were a seeker in hiding
A dreamer who never came true  
So take every day of existence
As something you've always embraced
There's more to this life than you've offered
Than you've ever given away
I'm back on the border of solace
And trying to work for my keep
For there lies the secret of living
We find what we lose in our sleep
I will not proclaim that I had you
As much as I want to say, "yes"
you've never been more than a stranger
A quiet, untouchable mess
I made you an anchor of nothing
And hoped there was something I missed
But I have been waiting in vain to
Admit we could ever exist
we will not reach the sixth year
Feb 2016 · 645
the apartment
Olga Valerevna Feb 2016
carry me high, bury me low
tell me I'm the only one you'll never let go
speak it away, talk all the time
ask me every question then crawl out of my mind
I am without what is within
you will be to someone else what to me you've been
look what you've done, nothing has changed
how could you expect me to decide I should stay
why did you think this could be real
now that I have welcomed silence, I want to feel
what a remark, words from the heart
I can hear the beat of lovers falling apart
move in, move out
Jan 2016 · 531
Dear
Olga Valerevna Jan 2016
I may've been a part of everything I've ever done
But out of all the messes I regret but only one
I searched myself on purpose just to question what I knew
And found that in forgiveness I am truly made anew
I've let You seal the corners of the letters I have writ
Without a doubt I give You my uncertainty to smit
I care not for the burden I have cast upon my head
For I believe I'll carry only what You deem undead
Position me to stumble and I'll fall the way I should
Be overwhelmed with gladness at the mercy of the good
I can't remember being anybody else's clay
You've molded me completely into who I am today
So here's to every future I could ever hope to have
While walking in this body til another comes to pass
I hope that You'll prepare it for the second, third and fourth
However long it's meant to tread the soil of the earth
You
Jan 2016 · 1.3k
Recoil, ignite
Olga Valerevna Jan 2016
I will not write again of you the way I used to do
you've swallowed up enough of me to last you many moons
and if you try to find me in the places you will go
you'll only test your memory against a single soul

it used to be so easy to get lost inside your head
I found so little meaning in the words you never said
it must've been subconsciousness that let me see it all
unraveled my surroundings so there wouldn't be a wall

I think it was a fever that caused both of us to burn
ignited by a dreamer and a sleepy little girl
I've wanted you forever said the maker of the dream
until you have returned to me I cannot fall asleep

I shake as all my weakness leads my body to your door
but I can't lose a battle I'm not fighting anymore
so back to the recoil, hesitation has an end
I'll always be as close to you as I have ever been
title and inspiration taken from MONO's, "Recoil, ignite"
Jan 2016 · 602
I'll be and you'll be
Olga Valerevna Jan 2016
We're not as much apart as we are broken to the core
The blood upon my hands is somehow covered up in yours
And if I turn to water you will never want to drink
Then let me be forsaken by the thoughts in which I sink
I told you all my secrets both in person and in soul
But I can't be responsible for where you long to go
It's only in the stillness that I conjure up the words  
To tell you that I loved you in a way I wasn't sure
I've asked the time to grant us more than we could ever bear
So I would have a chance to make it up to you, I swear
The past cannot be changed and so the future goes astray
but I don't want to tempt you to just walk the other way
For I can bathe in showers that are hotter than you make
But if you fall asleep then I'm the only one awake
What am I to you?
Jan 2016 · 510
Some Company to Keep
Olga Valerevna Jan 2016
I think about tomorrow through the people I have met
And testify of greater things that haven't happened yet
So what if all the consciousness continues to return
We'll only ever greet it when we move in what it's earned
A father of the quiet and a mother of the old
Protecting what was hidden in a parabolic code  
To whom will it be given when the final word is writ
For all will fall asleep when darkness comes to swallow it
Remember who you've carried if you wake before it ends
Forsake not even one of those you served and called a friend
“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”
‭‭John‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
Jan 2016 · 571
When once I had a heart
Olga Valerevna Jan 2016
The days pass in twos, I see double again
I'll make you believe me while I play pretend
The questions are nothing but all of my doubt
I'm letting you in as you choose to walk out
and here I am wandering memory lane
Adoring with pleasure these moments of pain
I could be mistaken and you could be right
we're not that much different when we have a fight
But how many punches can anyone throw
When blue is the face of a life we've let go
I don't want to bother your patience at all
So I will let silence take both of the fault
The beauty of breaking can only be seen
If one other person is present for me
I'm not who I am when you're not who you are
Tonight I will keep you inside of my hear*t
until I can't feel you anymore
Dec 2015 · 733
Once on believing
Olga Valerevna Dec 2015
We used to put obedience above our sorry selves
And live inside a creature made of love's redeeming cells
But something came upon us, likeness something like our own
that told us we could separate and sit atop a thrown
Where once I was a woman who was searching for a man
there now exist two people who are turning into sand
And should I be the glass that you created and destroyed
I've since become the ruin that you struggle to avoid
My heart can open wider, be together like it was
a mender and a giver and a product of the dust
So what it is tonight that tries to shift my weaker parts
will disappear in stillness that remains inside my heart
to have always believed
Dec 2015 · 595
Carry me Low
Olga Valerevna Dec 2015
Where is the emotion I could only ever bare
when you were here beside me every day and everywhere
I seem to be avoiding all the simple things I knew
instead commit to stupor coming out of me and you
Whatever hasn't happened I expect at any time
receiving with the darkness every shadow in my mind
It's good to be alone and I have come to much prefer
the solitude of sameness as the days become a blur
I'm learning to admit that what is perfect will not break
and daily seek the patience to accept it when I wake
Today has been forever and forever's moving still
a death that has no fear because it goes against our will
title and inspiration taken from Sufjan Stevens',"Carrie & Lowell"
Dec 2015 · 1.1k
What staring contest?
Olga Valerevna Dec 2015
I'd write you every second in this life that I have lived
you're present in my thoughts much more than I have ever been
With all of these illusions and the subtleties I see
I found you in the presence of the things that I believe
you struck me as a question I had never thought to ask
and left me with a longing for tomorrows that have passed
It doesn't make much sense, today is crippling my head
but what is this existence if you're gone, asleep or dead
I'm only ever sorry for the words I did not say
afraid of what they'd do because I couldn't get away
I kept you in a corner til you learned to disappear
and I would go in search of you to see if you were near
But keeping up your distance, I could only take a chance
for none of this resembles the extent of our romance
I'd put you in my pocket or forget that you were there
we could have been together but I lost you in a stare
see you somewhere
Dec 2015 · 534
Vermilion Vows
Olga Valerevna Dec 2015
I broke your heart and you broke my head
You traded me in for another stranger's bed
Did it make things right inside your mind
To have me out of sight and running out of time
What did you think this was, some kind of stone
That only you could throw but never leave alone
The red of dawn rises in your cheeks
And I can see the sun as you begin to speak
Fire breaths again, hot upon your tongue
As you reject the love of almost everyone
Where nothing is you will always be
The end of your own road, the end of
memory
if you forget me
Dec 2015 · 860
On wings they sing
Olga Valerevna Dec 2015
There's nothing that exists as true as hearts that intertwine
and weather all the stages and the seasons of the time
And even when the world has chosen darkness over light
I know they'll see each other in the memories of sight
They've captured what is holy, incorruptible and pure
the burden of forever that will never be unsure
If cursèd were the people they had ever come to know
they marked them with their presence and left traces in the snow
To follow in their footsteps is the wiser thing to do
but nothing will be pushed upon the ones unwilling to
The lost can be at home with those who bare the fruit of grace
a youthful disposition can restore a weary face
With empathy unyielding and eternally at work
there's nothing left to fear because the honesty gives birth
To those they simply carry on the wings of who they meet
a cleaver and his wife have come to sweep you off your feet
Genesis 2:24
Dec 2015 · 1.2k
The E Race
Olga Valerevna Dec 2015
In company sedated under someone else's skin
I try to find the door through which my body wandered in
There won't be any roaming for my shadow left to do
I've seen what I created in a mirror made of you
It's here I know my spirit has been broken many times
Competing with the vessels that are present in my mind
We take our own emotions and expose them to our thoughts
Make everything indifferent to the cause of all the rot
I'm very much aware of where the balances are off
But choose to put aside the very things at which I scoff
There's no one in existence who can comprehend the fight
The battles that we face when we shut out the source of light
It's somewhere on the outskirts of the darkness we explore
Where demons turn to people who are swallowed up in war
The prisoners and fighters were once friends until they spoke
Of massacres they plotted that caused one of them to choke
I'm not here to admire those who pass away to shake
The core of who I am because they couldn't stay awake
Such ****** in the hearts of those who want to have it all
I tried to comprehend it but their pride is just a wall
Forgive them in the name of every power that they seek
'Cause even they will bow to simple truths they cannot speak
Romans 14:11
Dec 2015 · 558
The carrying of
Olga Valerevna Dec 2015
what is it I carry
that is thro
wing me this way
a pers
onal belief
I couldn't bury in the haze
the s
moke's the only thing
that showed me *w
here I want to be
a step ahead of lonely
and a wave above the sea
I'm not a haunted being
like I thought I always was
it turns out we are nothing
but the end of what's become
and I am ever sorry
for the purposeless divide
I know you couldn't feel it
but I kept you like the time
the pieces of forever
couldn't possibly ignore
the thought of this not ending
was a plague that wanted more
than we had ever given
for we thought the night would bend
with you and I together
in a plausible pretend
the seers and the doers
are supposed to be the same
without a doubt collateral
for everything we claim
I laid you out in fragments
and began to learn your soul
I'm not the type of person
who will ever let you go
I'll try to find a way
for all the seasons that we sing
today it feels like autumn
but tomorrow will be spring
and I will ask the rain
to introduce me to your hands
so I can fall asleep
before I touch another man
woman
[woo m-uh n]
n.
the female human being, as distinguished from a girl or a man
Dec 2015 · 484
Ashes on the rise
Olga Valerevna Dec 2015
Let's break apart the cymbals and the clashing of the time
remember what is holy and makes all of you divine
There's more than just a blessing in the melodies we seek
the grace we dare bestow will find its strength upon our knees
Whatever we remember and whatever we let go
will make itself a pillar in the places we will know
I'm not the only seeker and I've learned along the way
the people we connect with are the ones who choose to stay
And even as we grow in all directions that exist
the truth remains the same for those who bow their heads to it
I live, I serve, I love with every cell I see and feel
your presence in my life remains the only thing that's real
be.
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