we weren't going to work
i lied to myself and said i was ready when i wasn't
i lied to you and said i didn't care
you told me you liked me and i pretended i didn't hear
because, and this is funny, i thought you were lying to me

i dream of you every night
in my bed is your smile, your voice, your laugh
your hands follow my thighs, my hips, my face
we're happy

i wish i had more than these synthetic moments
but you'll only ever be dream
we'll only ever be a dream
it's when i wake up that the nightmare begins

We spend our whole lives chasing the drug of love.
Sometimes we get distracted, and end up addicted to misery instead.

Legend has it that she is lovely,
she is warm,
she is inviting.
I've heard that she can make the colors seem brighter,
the bread smell sweeter,
the sun feel warmer.
They say she will ruin your life in the best way possible,
that she can flood your brain as if she were the shimmering nectar that is for only the gods,
that she can make you do things that you never thought you'd have the nerve to do.
Someone told me that once you meet her you need not know anyone else.
I've seen glimpses of her.
Walking down the boardwalk in the form of two teenagers holding hands.
Sitting on a park bench like she was a couple married for 50 years.
But, though I know what she is supposed to look like,
I have not met her.
And I do not believe I will ever have the chance to know her.

I'm not good at anything
except missing you.

Again,
this morning,
I woke up wanting to kiss you.

I rolled over in bed,
hoping you would be there,
but knowing you wouldn't be.

I closed my eyes once more,
so, at the very least,
I could pretend.

i feel my heartbeat in my head
i try to think logically
but my heart tells me what's meant to be
and i can't change a single thing
i feel my heartbeat in my head
i can only hear my heartbeat in my head

as i sleep next to you,
i wonder what you really think of me

at a certain moment, you love me
you tell me i'm beautiful, whilst your fingers form perfectly into the crevices of my body
you smile with content, as i wiggle into your arms and let out a sigh of resolution
you grab my hand, as we close our eyes and lie in perfect naked harmony

but when we wake up tomorrow morning, will you still feel happy?
will you call me back after the three-day-waiting-period that men think is not a suggestion, but a necessary precaution?
will you even think about me after i walk out your front door?

because i will think about your green eyes that looked at me with desire
i will yearn for your warm hands that comforted me when i needed them
i will look at my phone, wondering if i will get so lucky as to hear your voice

but something inside of me keeps telling me that this moment, this night is all i will get

I want you to stay.
But why are you running away?

I’m already gone
Don’t try and catch me
I’m a free bird
Trying to find my way
Don’t stop me now
Or I’ll never fly again

There’s no point in dwelling upon this
Just move on
Get over it
Survive
That’s what I’m doing
Not living
But surviving.

I don’t face my problems.
I put them in a box, lock it, and throw away the key
This is just the way life works
We’ve all got to throw way our boxes
In order to make room for more
Because in this world, baby
The problems never end
Sometimes people just run out of room
And what happens when you run out of room?
Society runs out of room for you

I could sit here for all of time
attempting to convey
my never-ending love
for you

I knew our time together would end
But I didn't realize it would be this soon

Remember when things were simple?

When the most complicated thing in life was deciding what flavor juice box you wanted?

Everyday, I wish I still had the innocence of a youth.

Before I knew anything of drugs, or alcohol, or relationships, or love.

When I still trusted those close to me.

Remember when things were simple?

Those precious moments are slipping through my fingertips, poisoned by reality.