i might be done writing here forever.

i'll miss you.

flawed, like a broken vase
beautiful, like the golden cracks on her face
spoiled, like her flowers left to die
forgotten, like just another moment lost in time

therapist wasn't for me
feel like screaming in this posh upper class neighborhood
talk to me like a human not a skittish animal on the attack
bought a pretty umbrella to feel better

i'm a crownless queen
left to wander the wastes
searching for a princess
with whom i can replace

the snow lays thick

atop the dirt

frozen wastelands

ruined earth

i don't have a poem, but a plea.

hello poetry is an escape from real life for a lot of us, me included, but real life needs us right now.

the #blacklivesmatter movement is louder than ever and if you're not a person of color, or if you are but you also benefit from the system in place that depends on the destruction of black and brown people, now is your time to stand up.

stand with those at the protests, use your voice, your platform, your privilege to raise up your fellow black voices. and educate yourself on whats going on if you haven't already, because this is just the beginning.

this is global now. all over the world people in countries like UK, Germany, Canada, and many others are taking to the streets in a peaceful protest of the ****** of Georgoe Floyd, and so so many other Black men and women. a protest of the blatent police brutality in cities all over the world, brutality that mainly targets black skinned and brown skinned people. a protest for real honest ******* change, that will ripple through country to country.

this is a revolution. do not be silent.

go out and protest if you can. donate to the georgefloyd gofundme, to the bail outs for the protesters who were wrongfully arrested. spread awareness where you can. lift up black and other poc voices, and don't give up.

i'm white, my skin is just pale enough that if you squint just right you can't even see the brown lying underneath.
i'm white, and i feel my privilege like a vice around my wrists, holding me hostage in my fantasy that i just wasn't made for this activist ****.
but i'm not like those white oppressors, because i don't believe as they do; silence is a form of oppression, so guess what that makes you?
i am guilty of closing my eyes so often i may as well be blind, and holy ******* **** THIS HAS HAPPENED TOO MANY TIMES!
we all know at this point that justice isn't being served, and you've surely heard the terms, reactionary solidarity it means we as the privileged only care when the oppressed scream so loud we hear them across the seas, see their smoke signals above the trees, when mothers and sisters on crying on their knees

i taste ashes on my tongue
my will drained like wine
on a wednsday night

i still feel so numb
my motivation dies like vines
left to wither with no light

she was a good christian girl; long brown hair, never dyed, with pretty brown eyes that only wore makeup on Sundays; her 'only God can judge us' attitude a red balloon in a bare room where people didn't really understand her conviction.

he was not in the prediction; bad boy streak with brows pierced and arms inked, he smelled of cigarette smoke and broken dreams and everything she wasn't allowed to be; she liked it.

there is no poetry inside me
my veins have been bled dry
my heart once soaked is empty
without poetry i might die

the trees are burning
and the worlds a turning
toilet paper cannot be found

we're sick of the struggle
we stay in and snuggle
pray we make it safe and sound

poetry comes easy
when i'm at my most queasy
when my heart is still trying to heal

emotions are not friends
they'll turn on you in the end
overwhelm you until you don't know what to feel

there's a lot on my mind and not a lot of ways to say it
to say exploding from within would be an understatement

like a poisonous flower
you could never tell
that the brightness without
did darkness dwell

i'll temporarily make my home in your bed
i'll live inside your head

until we're both dead

and like the ocean tides
that drift lazily away,
i look upon his face;
he makes sunny all my days,

and like a flower in the wind
with petals dancing on the breeze,
everything is him,
and through him i can be me.

i'm tongue tied and pretty out of it
i wish i could care even a little bit
my heart feels like northern nunavut
it's like frozen for the fun of it

starlight dimensions
shine brilliantly tonight
but they're not alright

words barely flow, the rivers of my mind are dry
my heart has too many emotions all vying to die
on a page in my notebook, or as code on your screens
but the drought is severe so they stay put in my dreams

to the girl who still hasn't taken a shower
because it hurts to be clean and still feel so ***** inside

who spends all her money on the things she hates about herself
and wonders why she can't stop

i wonder why i can't stop

your eyes lock on hers, her sparkle fades the grey
bringing back the colors that were stolen yesterday
her laugh is really nice, so you think of things to say
all the while praying that she might feel the same

the burdens weigh heavy,
and women cry in the streets,
this is a world broken by many,
one where children don't eat.
the downtrodden are giving up,
men dream of war in their sleep,
the one percent are ******,
and it all weighs on me.

i want him like i want the sun; mornings are better when i wake up with him.

my brain feels like a weight is slowly crunching me within
my outsides are getting louder
i can hear my heartbeat above the din

this morning was a cold one
it seeped into my bones
my heart is numb
i'm nearly done
the winds echo in my soul

the way that the sun
sets the world a-fire,

it's my only desire,
to be touched by his light

modern and clean-
a minimalists approach
He nods in agree-
ment and takes off his coat

loneliness is a drug best taken in the company of others
when love is felt with numb hearts and laughter reaches the ears of the deaf
take it slow over the course of many days so as to not alert your sisters and brothers
until finally one day there's nothing left

she's done so many things she never thought she could do. she's loved herself more than ever before, and yet, the revulsion when she looks in the mirror has never felt so true.

he said to the girl,
you're all that i need
just get down on your knees
he said,
pretty, please

look within yourself
you'll be surprised
at what you find
with clearer eyes
you'll see the truth
of who's inside
that precious soul
you'll no longer hide

happiness is
a heartbeat away
don't let simple minds
lead you astray
live in your moments
smile through the day
you are something special
God's gift to this place

sea shell girl lost in the waves
she went out to play and was missing for days
no one really noticed her where she was laid
a little sea shell crack littered her face

he said it was lust
that took over his brain
he said he was sorry
for causing me pain
he said that hes done
and it wont happen again
he said this all last time
its just part of a game

he doesnt get it, how do i tell him i think about if hes talking to her specifically at least once a day, if not more, knowing full well he will in fact talk to her at least one of those days, and knowing that he will try to ignore the excitement but ultimately it would fill him and he will again wonder how far he can take it? i'm laying in his arms but hes not holding me, a star fish sleeper, the best time to confirm every voice screaming in my head is right, and theyre right, and i can feel the distance between us like a sickness in my veins, and he can feel it too but he wont open his eyes to the truth of why this distance keeps us at odds. i'm ******* tired. so is he. the difference is, i dont sleep.

he doesnt seem to get it
how every letter cuts too deep
the timestamps tell the story
his heart is on his sleeve
he reaches out in isolation
he fears one day i'll leave
while all the while it is he
pulling further away from me

the voices keep getting louder
the wall comes up too slow
there is no divison between us
her words are now my own

there's no one quite like it
the voice in your head
it tells you you're pretty
than tells you you're dead
there for you in silence
there for all the pain
it picks up the pieces
it cut out of your brain

my body shivers from the pleasure
my heart breaks at the thought
my sin takes me whenever
my morals shot