It ******* *****
when you've given your all to someone
and get little in return
when you thought you're special to them
or worse
they don't care at all

This is for that boy
Who sings
Whose voice
I don't want to miss

This is for that boy
Who hums softly
His favorite song
While sitting beside me

This is for that boy
Who gets shy
When he sings in front
And I wonder why

This is for that boy
Who sings
And my heart swells with pride
Whenever I hear him

This is for that boy
Whose voice is so beautiful
That I can't get enough of
'Cause it makes me whole

This is for that boy
Whose voice sounds so sweet
And it makes me smile
Without me noticing it

This is for that boy
Who can make me blush
With just one song
With just one smile

This is for that boy
And I want to say
I'd do anything for
That voice to say my name

This is for that boy who sings
Whose voice I always want to hear
That boy who made me fall for him
Whole, he made me.

With just one song
With just one sweet grin
And in that moment, I knew,
My heart fell for him.

My love, please don't tell me another lie
Don't comfort me with your white lies
Because I know behind that smile,
Is an unbearable pain that I can see through your eyes.

Your mouth says 'I'm Okay' but your action says you're not.
You're always covering the pain by showering us your love.
On stage, you keep on smiling,
Though inside, I know, you're dying.

Dying to see your family again,
Wanting to see and feel them in your arms again
Needing their love to hold you,
To support you so that you can make it through.

My angel, I know, you're suffering
You need to smile for us, though it's heartbreaking
But remember, I'm always here for you my love,
To protect you, to love you and support you with all my heart.

His tan skin and manly hands
that I want to touch
His deep voice and dark eyes
that I can't get enough
His bright smile
that can light up my day
He's the man I love
I'll cherish all of my night and day

He is the sun
Where my world revolves around

He is the missing puzzle piece
The piece that I've found

He is the song on the radio
That I can't stop singing

He is the words my heart tell
The words my mouth can't speak

He is the truth
Behind my every lie

He is the wings
That make angels fly

He is the voice
I always want to hear

He is that person
I always want near

He is the color of the sky
When everything is bright

He is the glow of the moon
That gives light every night

He is the sound
Of the ocean waves

The song in my playlist
One of my fave

He is the sunshine
After the rain

The happiness
And the pain

He is the blush on my cheeks

The butterflies inside me

He is the smile on my lips

The one that got my heart

The boy who sings

Every girl dreams of their prince,
A prince that they love ever since,
A prince that can treat them like a princess,
That will give them the royal life that is priceless.

But for me, a soldier is a lot more better.
I'd rather have my knight and shining armor.
Because, although a prince will treat me like a princess,
A knight can protect me and for me, that is more priceless.

Parents won't make up.
****** girls don't shut up.
Pathetic girls cry,
Over a bad guy.

Some girls judge
an innocent girl as a ****.
But do they even know that
it takes one to know one?

They say be yourself,
then they judge you for being yourself.
What the **** is happening to us?
Our society is really ****** up.

Sometimes, it's not the unbearable pain that makes you hurt yourself,

It's the emptiness, the hole on your chest, that makes you want it all to end.

Anger will blind you,
and it will make you a fool.
Red is the color,
and a world without love is your home.

Anger is like a thief,
that will steal happiness in your sleep.
It will creep up inside you,
and it's your choice if you'll make it rule.

As I look at the night sky,
with the wind gently blowing my hair,
your face suddenly flashed into my mind
oh how I wish you're here by my side.

Anger, pain, sadness and insecurity,
these words are not enough to describe what I feel.
If this is love, then why does it hurt so much?
All I can do is cry, because I love you so much.

Why? This question kept running in my head.
Why can't I forget all the things about you?
Why do I even love you?
Because of you, I'm scared to fall in love again.
I fell so many times, and everything that falls gets broken.

'No..I won't believe in love again..'
I slowly open my eyes to see the reality in front of me
I heaved a sigh and silently wished,
that you'll be out of my mind and heart, after I cry myself to sleep.

He trapped me in his arms,
my back against the wall.
Our lips only inches apart,
eyes staring to my soul.

I couldn't say a word,
for it might give me away.
I could feel my breath hitch,
couldn't trust what I would say.

"Do you like me?"
He said, along with a smirk.
I stared at him longingly,
not wanting to say no.

This man in front of me,
is the most dangerous person I know.
He could break me in a second,
and could leave me begging for more.

My knees are about to give in,
as I stare back at the face of the man I love.
I breathed a no,
wanting to take it back.

I hardened my gaze,
and took all my might to push him away.
He's the most dangerous person I know,
but I just couldn't look away.

The world is spinning…
Is it just me?
Is it inside of my head?
Or is it really out there to get me?
The voices are getting louder and I can’t breathe.
Telling me things, I was really planning to do but I can’t.
Is this really it?
Is this really my worth?
Oh my god…
Please help me.
I can’t breathe. The world is spinning. Something’s inside my heart, it’s pulling it out.
There’s something in my head too. I don’t know what it’s called. It’s taking over me…or is it just me?
Is it inside? Or is it out there to get me?
The tears. I can’t stop my tears from falling.
They came here in my chest…oh my god I can’t help it.
I want to scream. I want them to stop. It’s killing me. The pressure’s killing me.
I looked around and saw them staring at me.
The look in their eyes, it’s telling me something.
I’m different.
I’m no one.
I’m ugly.
I’m disgusting.
Why am I here?
I look different.
I should die.
Oh my god. I should die.
Can’t they feel that they’re killing me?
With those judgmental stares…it’s killing me.
Everyone’s killing me.
Everyone’s killing me with their stares.
Please…don’t look at me like that. What have I done?
I didn’t do anything. I didn’t…it’s not like I killed anyone.
My only sin is that I’m me…is that bad?
Oh please look away…It’s killing me.
I gasped for air…
Oh, someone stood beside me.
She’s not looking at me. That’s good.
Might as well try to…oh, she looked at me.
My heart started beating fast…oh please, not that kind of stare.
Oh please, don’t walk away, I didn’t do anything!
Nobody wants to be near me.
I can hear them saying, “She’s different.”
I can hear them whispering about me.
I can hear them laughing.
They’re giggling…
They’re staring…
What did I do wrong!
Oh my god, this is driving me insane.
Oh please help me…I can’t take this anymore.
I can feel them all staring at me. Judging me as if I’m a criminal.
Why are they all staring?!
Their sharp gazes, looking me from head to toe.
I looked down at my feet and started walking.
Even though I can’t see them, I can feel their head turned to me.
I should walk faster.
Yeah I did.
But then I bumped into someone and I immediately said sorry.
She just looked at me, from head to toe and rolled her eyes before walking pass to me.
I hung my head low, and looked to my feet.
Tears…
My tears can’t stop falling…
Why are they doing this to me?
My mom doesn’t even care, my dad is not here.
My brother doesn’t know what is happening.
My friends are busy, my teachers are busy…
Where to run?
Where to…
I looked beside me, and saw a car.
I saw someone in the window of it.
Who’s that?
She’s so ugly.
She looks pathetic.
She looks different.
My eyebrows furrowed and the reflection copied me.
My eyes widened.
I raised my right hand; it raised its right hand too.
I slowly approached the black tinted window, and it did it too…
I touched the cold glass and it touched my hand too!
Oh…
I chuckled.
Idiot.
That’s me.
That’s me, the one I’m staring with.
I looked away, I can’t look anymore.
So that’s why…
That’s why they’re staring at me like that…
I chuckled…
And then I laughed…
And then I laughed louder…
I can feel everyone’s staring at me with those weird looks on their faces right now…
Well! That’s nothing new…
The only thing now is that…I don’t care.
I don’t care.
I stopped caring.
I laughed so hard that my tears can’t stop falling.
I laughed so hard until I coughed and coughed but I still continued laughing anyways.
So…that’s why! That’s why! That’s why they’re looking at me!
Judging me
Because that’s how I looked!
I look ugly!
I’m not like those girls with straight nose and beautiful eyes,
Skinny bodies and **** curves.
I’m not like those that have skinny cheeks…I have fat ones…
I’m not like them…
I look different!
I laughed and ran!
I think it got me now…whatever it is.
Whatever what’s in my heart earlier totally got me right now.
I feel mad.
I feel mad.
I feel mad.
For myself and everyone.
That’s why?
That’s why they’re like that?
That’s why I’m like this?
Why?
No one.
No one understands.
No one cares.
All they do is judge.
Judge someone who they only saw that’s different from them.
Judge someone without knowing them.
Without knowing me.
Laugh at it.
Talk about it.
Don’t they know it’s hurting?
I found a bridge!
No one cares.
I feel mad.
Even my brain doesn’t care.
It’s painful you see…
Dad…mom, it’s so painful, but…where are you?
You should comfort me right? You should tell me that they are the wrong here, right?
Dad, mom, I’m so sad right now. I always feel like this.
I want to be happy.
But they can’t accept me!
Now I know why they’re doing that! I saw it!
Dad…mom! Where are you?
Oh…I see you’re busy.
You don’t need to scream at me to go away…I’ll leave now.
I’m sorry mom…dad. I guess you’re like them too.
Friends…why are you ignoring me?
I need you…
Oh…you’re busy?
Okay…I’m sorry.
I stepped on the foot of the bridge…
Ooooh, the water’s inviting me to come…
I think it’s cold…but not as cold as them.
Oh! It’s calling me now! The thing that was chasing me
The thing that I was telling you.
Oh…I think I heard a scream?
I think it’s telling me to stop?
I turned my head around and there I saw many people.
I can’t make out their expressions…I think its pity?
Shock?
Mercy?
I smiled at them…a mad smile.
A smile with tears on my cheeks, from my eyes…that came from my heart…
Ha!
Oh.
It’s calling me.
It said it’s comfortable there.
Over there.
It said my pain will end.
It said they’ll love me there.
Oh! I want to be loved! I heard that once!
I loved someone once…but well, I know he won’t love me.
He’s perfect…I am not.
I’m not worth it for him.
He was my everything…
I love him.
Love?
I heard that was an amazing feeling…
You know, to be loved…to be taken care of…to have someone to listen to…
Okay.
I jumped!
Wow, it’s high!
I think I heard some people scream?
Maybe they’re happy now that I will be gone!
I felt the water hit my body…
Oh, it’s really cold.
But not as cold as them.
My lungs suddenly wished for air…
It started to suffocate me…
But not as much as suffocating as them…
I need air.
But I won’t swim back.
It’s killing me…
But not as much as they’re killing me…
My thoughts started to become blurry…
I think I’m going to end this here now…
I’ve been strong for too long…didn’t I?
I should rest now.
Mom…dad…
I just hope you listened to me…just once.
I’m not happy…you see.
I’m not happy…
I’m not happy…
I feel sad.
I feel so alone.
Can you hear me?
I hope you were there…but you’re not.
I think it’s too late now. Goodbye.
Friends…I understand.
You’re busy…
Good luck!
Well…goodbye for me…
I hope to see you there.
And to you…
Yes you…
G-Goodbye…
T-they’re happ-yy…n-now…a-ree t-theyy?
Hehe…
I-ca n-n’t f-feel an-nythingg an-nym-ore…
Hmmmm….

I'd write stories for you
Where you are my character
And how you made me
Fall in love and made me new

I'd write poems endlessly
About the way you smile
And the way you sing
And how much I love your eyes

I'd write songs to sing
About how my heart beats
About how my heart sings
Your name in a beautiful melody

I won't stop writing about you
About how can you make me feel blue
Then make my day
By just passing my way

If words are the only medium
On how I can tell the world
How I love hearing my name on your lips passing through
Then stopping in writing, I won't

If this is the only way
To say how much you make me feel
Then through night and day
My pen and paper will be in contact still

If these words will
Make the world hear
Of how special you are to me
Then writing about you it is

They said that I should forgive you, for I won’t be able to write. Those people who can’t forgive will have a hard time writing.

I prove them wrong.

This pain that I feel are the words that I write. This broken heart that I have is the reason that keeps me going.

I still can’t forgive. How can you easily forgive someone who gave you so much memories to miss? How can you easily forget those memories if they made you the happiest? How can I forgive him if he took that happiness away...because he took himself away from me?

How can you forgive someone if he made you live in a dream you’ve always wanted only to leave, just like that?

I still can’t forgive. I still can’t let go because I know that because of this pain, I always knew that it was all real.

It's hard to control this feeling.
I don't even want to feel this.
This feeling is beyond my control,
like a demon entered my body,
took my soul and replaced it with his.
It's like a fire burning inside of me,
Itching and wanting to get out.
I can't do anything about it.
I'm helpless. Worthless. Useless.
I'm sorry! Please forgive me...
I can't even help myself.
Please understand...
I don't want this.
I didn't asked for this.
Actually, I hate this.
I don't want to feel this.
Please forgive me...
please...although I'm not worth it.

Whenever I look at him,
I couldn't breathe.
He's taking my breath away with each stare,
each smile,
and my heart skips a beat,
and I gasp for air.
With each touch,
each kiss,
I feel like I am a second closer to death,
and each second, I feel alive.
Because if I feel like dying,
then I must've been alive.

"I'm tired. I want to give up."
"If that's what you feel, then okay."

*****.
When I've been holding for too long because I don't want to give up on you no matter how hard it is to love you and when I told you how I feel, this is how you're going to respond?

You always say that you love me. But why are you letting me go this easy? I tried so hard for us. There are so many times that I almost tear my heart out for you. There are so many times where I cry on the cold floors of my bedroom because of you. There are so many times I almost gave up on you because I know I need to save myself from drowning because if I don't do it now, I'll die. But I didn't! Because I love you!

Did you ever really love me?
No. You don't understand. You don't understand the pain I'm going through because of you. You don't love me. You don't care.

I always ask myself, "Is this what I want? Am I just going to be okay feeling broken like this? Until when?" I can't. I can't let myself feel this pain every night anymore. I can't bear to feel this overwhelming pain in my chest because you're hurting me again and again and again and **** it.

I love you but I don't want this anymore.

You don't love me.
And now I'm going to leave.
And I know every step away from you will be so hard but I have to.
Because this is what I deserve.
Not the insecurities, longing, unanswered questions, taking for granted, tears and pain you always give to me.

I deserve to walk away from you.
And I hope that it'll tear you apart when you realize that I'm gone and you lost the one who'll give everything for you.

Because I deserve that, too.

Why do I still keep on writing things about you,
though it slowly kills me inside?
Why do I still keep on thinking about you,
everyday and every night?
Why am I so afraid to lose you,
you're not even mine?
Why do I still love you,
although this is not right?
Why do I even care for you,
you don't even care for me at all, right?

Love is such a wonderful thing
But it is not as happy as you think
Because love can be an evil thing
That can creep up to your heart and painfully stab it.

Love is not always about happiness
Like candies and balloons, cookies and cream
Love can also be a cause of sadness
Like ****** and violence, tears and grief.

Pain is always part of the game
You'll cry sometimes because of the pain
But you can treasure the experiences you gained
To find that someone that's worth all your pain.

I don’t want to be a slave for love.

I don’t want to remember someone whenever I go to a place, or see a thing or smell something familiar.

I don’t want to feel something whenever I hear a familiar song.

I don’t want to cry over some memories I had with someone just because I know that it’ll never happen again.

I don’t want to miss anyone anymore.

I don’t want to fight for anyone. I don’t want to live for anyone. I don’t want to spend my whole life believing that love will make me happy and I don’t want to spend my whole life trying to get the love I think I deserve.

I don’t want to feel something so unbearable that I’d do anything to follow it, like when I miss your skin against my skin as we cuddle every night while watching our favorite movie and it’s driving me mad because all I feel is this coldness around me and I need to breathe in your scent again but I can’t do anything except to let the tears fall on my cheeks while staring at the sheets of my bed where we once had our best moments together.

I don’t want to be tied down by love anymore. I don’t want to be attached and dependent. I don’t want to be weak like this anymore.

I don’t want to feel or even do these things anymore. For once, I want to be free. I want to be free from the hurt that love caused me. Free from the chain of thorns that love had wrapped around me.

Love, you, see, is cruel. It will ****** you at first, will make you see beautiful things. It will give you hope that maybe, just maybe, you’ll finally be happy. It will make you feel the warm that you have missed after years of living coldly and alone. It will make you curious, it will make you wonder ‘what if’. It will make you feel beautiful things. It will lure you to invite it in you and then, it will make you its slave once you let it.

It will eat you from the inside. It will control you. It will pain you. You can’t do anything but to follow it. It will only make you suffer. Do what it wants or you’ll feel unbearable things to the point where you want to rip your heart out just to make it stop…but you can’t. So you’ll just lie down on the cold tiles of your bathroom floor, hugging yourself while water spills from the faucet and tears streams down from your eyes, and you, internally screaming while love breaks your heart into pieces.

It will make you vulnerable. It will make you live in danger and with constant fear on your mind. It will only cause you nothing but chaos that will leave a hole on your chest that you won’t know how to fill once it’s done driving you mad.

Then, it will leave you destroyed.
And you won’t be the same anymore.

Today, my friends made fun of depression.
They laughed about suicide.
They pointed out the cuts on my hands and arms
And they laughed some more.

"I'm going to slit my wrist too
And even put a band-aid on it!"
And they laughed again
While looking at me.

They made faces
While drawing lines on their skin
Mimicking how I had cut mine
Laughing at how I bled

Is it that funny?
Did you even know what I felt that night?
When the world was blind
And you were thinking when's everything going to be alright

When the world was dead
Of your screams and cries
And no one can't notice you're drowning
And you're struggling to save your own life.

Do you even know how it felt like
When the blade drew blood on my own skin
What kind of satisfaction it felt
Knowing that I was hurting?

Is it that funny?
That I had put bandages on my wounds
Because I was embarassed
To show deep inside how it hurts?

Is what I did that funny?
That you laughed so hard
You almost can't catch your breath
And it even made you tear up?

I also felt that
I also can't breathe that night
And it's because I was crying
But I was gritting my teeth instead of a grin.

Is it funny,
To have these monsters inside your head
Whispering how no one loves and cares about me
And I deserve all this pain and I should die?

Is it funny,
When I finally gave in to my demons
And searched for that new blade my mother made me buy because I lost the old one?

Is it funny,
That I was so drained
From giving all the love that I have
To someone who would never see my worth?

Is it funny,
When I finally had the courage to cut my own skin
And the stinging sensation I started to feel
And I heard my demons cheer?

Is it funny,
When they whispered "cut it deeper!
You deserve to die
Because nobody loves you!"?

Will it make you even more happy,
If I'll cut it deeper next time
And you'll see me on the floor of my room
Blood pooled around me?

I'd like to hear you laugh at me again
But I know
That I won't be breathing and feeling anymore
When that next time comes.

He's on the edge, staring blankly at the dark abyss below.  Tears on his cheeks, broken heart in his chest, contemplating to end everything, wanting everything to just stop.

He's now inching closer and closer and my chest and lungs constrict tighter, air finding it hard to make its way down my throat. I ran. Ran towards him. I screamed. Screamed for him to stop.

I love this man, with all my heart. I'd do anything for him. He's the reason why I fought so hard against my mind to survive. He's the one who taught me that love is a choice, and no matter how much it gets hard, I'll choose him over and over again.

I'm choosing him again now.

He looked back at me, and he shook his head from side to side. He doesn't want me to come near him. Just then, he inched closer to the edge and with just one more step he will fall.

Panic rising, I did what I have to and ignored his protests. And when my fingers can almost touch him, he screamed. I stopped, tears already falling non stop on my cheeks while I shake my head.

Don't do this, I screamed. Don't do this to me.

I walked closer and gripped his shoulders. I looked at my hands and realized they were shaking. I was shaking the whole time. Fear. I am afraid of losing him forever. I gripped him tighter at the thought and begged him more.

And then, he pushed me.

He pushed me in the dark abyss. Before I could even react, I was already falling. The face of the man I love was the last thing I saw before everything went pure black. My chest tightened at the sight. Oh how I wish I could wipe those tears away, but his face were so far away from my hands.

I'm sorry.

I then felt the hard ground hit me. The silence screams on my ears, defeaning, everything was pitch black, blinding, the solid ground cold on my back, excruciating. I fought hard to breathe, frightening.

I then remembered my angel's face, and realized that this is all nothing compared to the pain he was feeling. My heart was about to burst and I screamed, knowing I can't do anything to help him.

I'm sorry, love.

He will jump. I know he will jump. I saw it in his eyes and I felt the fear on my heart. It was all real. This is real. And I don't know what to do.

I stood up, my whole body aching. But I have to.

Maybe, I'll just catch him from here. That's all I could do.

They're all fake,
They're all dumb.
Do you think this is fun?

Trust them?
Hell no.
They'll hurt you in one go.

They're stupid.
They're heartless,
Careless and mindless.

Who are they?
They are monsters,
Our own personal killers.

I fell in love with you the first time I saw you
I said to myself, “I never thought a guy like you exists too..”
Until the day I set my eyes on you
I decided that from this day, I’m going to support you.

At first, I never thought that I’ll fall for you this deep
Until the day I realized that you’re such a worth it
Watching you dance and perform onstage
Pouring all your emotions that sets my heart in an unstable state.

Each day I think I’m slowly learning to know you
What’s your favorite color, favorite food and perfume
But I know that the facts I know about you aren't enough to know who you are
Because I don’t know you personally enough, and you don’t know me at all.

"What would you do if you miss someone so badly that it hurts?"

"Nothing. You just have to endure missing them until you don't."

My heart's in agony
And I can feel it pulling itself away
From the veins and wires
Of my body that keeps it from running to you.
It wants you
It reaches out for you
But it can't do anything
Except for missing you
I can feel it crying
It's screaming your name
Oh you don't know
How much I want to wrap my arms around your waist

**** this fail poem. I just ******* miss you. So much it hurts.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don’t know if I can still make it through

If only I can, oh how I wish I could
I want to run away, run away with you
But I know I can’t, because I’m a fool.

You don’t know me, but I know you
I’m a stupid girl thinking you’ll like me too
I’m such a fool for believing myself, believing that this is all true.

I met you today, looking handsome and cool,
My heart started beating fast, hoping that you’ll talk to me too
But you didn't looked my way, though I’m here for you.

Roses are red, violets are blue
I’m such a ******* fool to believe you’ll like me too,
But you know what? I still love you.

When I started loving you, the rain started coming and didn't stop falling for years. It eventually turned into a storm and destroyed what was left of me.

The room I'm in became suffocating, and the walls and the ground became colder. The alcohol tasted better than what I feel, and I drink and drink, hoping that the cure for this madness is at the bottom of one of these bottles.

The days got shorter, the nights got longer, and I think the sun has lost its shine because I've been seeing dark clouds outside my window for a very long time. The night sky became starless, and I think the moon ran away? and I go outside and walk and walk every night on this empty street with that orange light thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I walk more, I'll get tired and I'll eventually wake up from this nightmare.

The tears didn't stop ever since, and the cuts became deeper. The blood from my skin became comfort, and the pain became better than anything else. I think my sanity has left me and I hear myself screaming. With hands on my hair, voices in my head, telling me I was wrong, and that I deserve all of this. They say that you are right for telling me those hurtful words, and I'm starting to believe them because maybe they're right?

My hands got shakier, and everything became unstable. The corner of the room became my safe haven, and my heart is wilder than ever, escaping from my rib cages, will go anywhere, anywhere but from here. I'm in a state where I don't know where I am anymore. I just keep on bleeding and bleeding and maybe one day, all of this will stop.

The screaming of my heart will stop. The blood will stop. The pain will stop. And then I will be able to look at you in the eyes and finally say, "I don't want you anymore."

But for now, let me rest my head on my knees, blood dripping from my wrists, sanity slowly slipping, and my heart losing.

The night ate my soul;
Darkness stole my hope.
I can't find my way out,
I lost the count of how many times I shout.
"Help!" there's no one outside,
To help me get into the light.
They're all broken as me,
I'm afraid they'll bleed.
"Please don't save me...
I'm begging you...go away please..."

No one is worth it.
No one can help me.

why is it that whenever you’re near

my tongue is tied  and I can’t speak

my knees tremble and i feel weak

my heart beats fast and i just can’t breathe

my stomach always seems to churn and twist

my palms always sweat and the air tastes sweet

the day feels brighter more than it seems

i can’t help but blush and smile and i don’t know what i feel

my head feels light and i think i need a kiss

gosh, i don’t know what to do…will you just come and take me?

your arms are just arms
until they enveloped me in an embrace
your hands are just hands
until you touched and clasped it with mine
your laugh is just a sound
until i looked at you and my heart raced
you were just you
until i needed and wanted you
and you were just my friend
until i loved you

I never imagined that,
a rose can bloom despite of thorns,
the sun can shine between the storms,
a girl can smile despite of sorrow,
a boy can laugh in the lost of hope,
a love can grow in a heart full of grief,
and all these feelings can be real.

I can't imagine that these things can happen,
not until the day I let my heart open,
and that's when the magic of love happened.
Thanks for that smile you gave,
because of you, I'm happy to love again.

I almost needed you

I almost dialed your phone number in the middle of the night because I can’t sleep and I’m in tears and my heart is in pain and I needed to hear your voice just to make it alright

I almost broke down when you said you couldn’t come to meet me the next day and I almost told you how much it made me down and I almost begged you to come because I needed to see you because I can already feel the ache of needing your comfort in my bones because I’m scared

I almost hugged you when the thing I was so afraid of finally happened
I almost held your hand when I didn’t know what to do anymore
I almost touched you, I almost showed you my tears, I almost showed you that I’m in pain, I almost showed you that I was scared and I don’t know what to do anymore

I almost showed you how much of a mess I was

I almost showed you that I was crying but I hid my face on your shoulder and when I realized that it makes me ache for your comfort more, I stood up and skipped away like my tears weren’t falling, my heart wasn’t shattering

And when I came back and when you tilted my head up and asked me if cried, I almost told you the truth. I almost broke down and screamed that I needed you. I almost told you my greatest fear. I almost told you that I felt so weak, that I need you so badly to hold me. I almost told you that I’m already breaking and I need you to hug me. I almost told you that I needed your comfort and I needed you to tell me that I’m not who I think I am. That I am worth it, that I am not a failure, that I did my best and everything’s going to be okay. I almost told you that I was so scared. I almost cried in front of you. I almost let myself shatter in front of you.

I almost needed you.

But I’m glad I didn’t.

Because I made it. I made it up until today. And if I didn’t hold myself back, I might haven’t realized that I can be strong.

That I am strong.

She writes whenever she's angry,
or whenever she's sad.
Whenever she's happy,
or whenever she's lonely.
She always writes on her notebook,
the only thing that never judges her,
a world where she feels safe.

There's a girl in front of me.
She's broken and bleeding;
She's crying and asking for help,
as she try to gather the pieces that's left.

I felt sad when I saw her,
Knowing that I can't help her.
So I promised not to look in the mirror again,
because I can't bear to see that girl again.

When I realized
That you make me happy
My heart broke
And I cried
And I became afraid
Because if you are my happiness
Then you have the power
to hurt me
And I know
That you're going to hurt me
Because that's what happens
Every time I love someone
And I'm tired of it