I feel I am stuck
With a bear in my hut
The forest - surrounding
Our friendship - enticing
We sit and drink tea
Like there’s nothing to see
We chat about the weather
and how it could be
There is meaning in absurdity
With insightful profundity
From a grizzly stream
words enter the scene
They're washing right over
The things we don't see

Amor Fati!
Sayed Nietzsche and wiped the tears from his face.
did he know the gravity of this insight with heavy clarity?
The grandiose, wishful celebration of life with the acceptance of faith
is but a mask that's too light to stand in the way of the actuality of reality,
We don't choose our faith, we can just accept it and try to love it
But can you truly love something that is staring you in the eye while pulling the trigger of oblivion?
I doubt it.

If you are lucky,
the face of faith is a loving, caring young women
with the future in her eyes,
giving you slight signs about how great it will be when tomorrow comes.

But back to the executor,
what about Him, huh?
How can you take the Ultimate Dismissal with pride and love??
How can you see the mechanics of evolution,
the generation of many different individuals,
with a wide distribution of traits.
Of which just a few golden combinations
are well suited for the specific moment
Understanding, that the rest of the beings,
who have feelings (especially those of suffering)
Will prove themselves unworthy to enter the Gates of the next stage of selection?
I don’t know.

But I do hope you are the one who will enter
I do hope I will too
But my hope is of no effect
We will just see what life shows to be correct
Until then let’s not spoil the moment and save the regret

I'm not a religious man
but god might be there
Depends on what you mean
and if you think he should care.
I'm not a religious man
But, man, this got me thinking
There really is a new beginning.
After a life. That is ending.

Your life is a wave
Of information and matter
The wave started rising long before
you ever saw your first mother -
I don't believe in reincarnation -
but you are a manifestation of all
past and present influences
past choices and events.
Not just by you. But by eons of elders
that doomed or blessed you to a life of specific circumstance

We are
genetic combinations interacting with nature
A wave. A continuum
Connecting one time to another

LIFE IS LIVING THROUGH US
Now that's a magical feeling.
We are but seasonal leaves on an ever-growing tree
A tree that’s stuck with existing
that's how it's going to be.

God doesn’t care
Is what you need to understand
He set the world in motion
Not hoping for your petty devotion
So don't get this false notion
That he loves you as a person
We follow the same rules as other life
We are ants on a higher level of complexity

If you die in a car crash
If you get cancer
If your daughter jumps in front of a train
If your children burn in hell
He does not care.

Or at least he certainly does not cry about it
Its how he made the world
So what can he say about it?
I'm sorry?
I didn't mean to?
That's not the right answer.
He knew what he was doing
And now we eat his pudding

(Creating laws for selection
And effective strategies for a positive outcome
Suffering is one of them -
The reason it hurts is why it ******* works!)

We are meaningless pieces of functional matter
Wandering the world
Hoping to find love and peace
Just so that we could **** and raise children with ease.

So
Where is this all going?
Making it way too confusing.
Is there meaning to the Anthropocene
Or is it just another random biological flourish
Like the 99.9% of species that so helplessly perished

No one knows
We will have to wait and see
Until then I think its best
To try and enjoy the scene
Just how God intended it to be
Let's just hope he doesn't make it too obscene...

Who says that you cannot achieve your wildest dreams?
That you cannot be who you want to be?
Ignore that nonsense and keep on going
…
The Truth of the matter is
that the matter you call ”I”
has its set limitations
Determined by nature
Impossible to overcome.
There is just the space in between
left to conquer
Nothing else can be done
But still (with very low probability)
you just might be the one!

When was the last time you cried when
an ant hive was ruined to put a new building in place?
When was the last time you cried when a rich coral reef
turned into a dead waste?
When did you last changed your behavior so that
the globe would stop heating?
.
After a wound, an adaptive system stars healing.
Its antifragility leads to a stronger being.
The World’s wound is caused by the disease called “Humanity”
The wound does not resemble a skillful, sterile cut of a surgeon
It’s more like a boiling vile of acid poured over one's back
leaving bare bones with denatured flesh dripping down the spine
Yet still even after our **** nature will once again repair itself
It will heal and allow another disruptive ecological breakthrough to happen
.
When did you last notice that we are just another species?
Not that different from ants, to which we had no compassion
When was the last time you played around with the prospect of annihilation?
This is all so stupid, sorry. I didn’t want to mention
We are insignificant animals ripe for extinction

It's true that its stupid
True that I care
Its true that the world is a tragic affair
Its true that indifference (not love) is in the air
It's true that the ending is closer than we bear
It’s true that god is a lie and isn’t really there
True that no one else could ever truly care
True true true
Is the word of the day
To be your true self
(True - it’s banal)
but do you dare?

Having these thoughts
we do not stand by
They shoot into consciousness
and simply ride by
They have a life of their own
we are just an observing agent
Living the life that they form.

Oh, i wish we could hold on to each one
like a deck of cards
Sort through the old annoying ones
keep living with just the good and pleasant ones
We could play them with perfect control and authority
Make the best decisions -
Life would follow accordingly.

Sadly it's not at all that simple
as i’m sure we all know
If you think that it’s different
well, we can have a go
Though
It's true! We are more than passive pieces of debris
Even plankton make micro adjustments in the current it inhabits
Unfortunately, this does not necessarily mean there is meaning in the movements

So let me get this straight
i'm living out my faith?
Evolution equipped me with patterns
that are impossible to break?

They can be quite useful
for they really do help
to navigate this world
and continue building
what has already been made

Still..
all we have is the illusion of authority
for
.free-will could never be free.

It’s too expensive for the universe to manifest.
It would be impossible to change the pattern of all that energy
with just the impulse of a few thoughts
Imagine
Your brain with all those neurons
All those connections
All that information
All those algorithms embedded by selection
All those mechanisms, that created your body
All the baggage...
has been dragged through time since the dawn of life.

That honed pattern of existing
could not be broken and changed with simple thinking.
So with this in mind, i'm simply left here thinking.

Don’t depress over the sad
Who got stuck in this world
They didn’t choose it
But still they lose it
It’s how life goes
No need to confuse it
Just always remember
Not to abuse it

The lives people unravel
The weak ones they stifle
Cruel, but it’s how society works
An algorithm with the precision of clockwork

An algorithm in me
An algorithm in you
Algorithms intermingled
An Allgorithm that's above you
And beneath you
Within you!
Its the definition of existence
as far as we see it.

To put it precisely
The universe is synonymous with Allgorithm

Life is just part of the bigger picture
It's the Milky Way and your diction
Not to forget man-made fiction

Everything
a peace
Of a bigger puzzle
Following set rules
one deriving from the force of the other

If we look deeply
We can get a clue
But theories often fall apart
If the adhesive that's used is glue.

The creative process
is a mysterious deed
No one quite knows
why the mind has this need
To look and to think
and to say what it thought.
To put into context
for those whom it got -
Its Ideas, its Memes
Its articulate streams
Its power, its ability
to hold tight all the seams.
I love this ability
no need for nobility.
Closer to truth
is my final vicinity.

An infinite struggle persists through my finite life
Molecule by molecule, thought forms into thought
I’m stuck in this pattern, trying to gather up light from the lantern
Observing this theater we play out every day
Ignoring the thoughts we try to down-play
But they do return unless we observe
With an equanimous mind, they lose their control

Trapped by the skull
…
That's a solid limitation.
Neurons I could count
to the last and every one.
These processing units
are of a finite amount.
Meaning we know nothing more
than what fits in that skull.
...
Though
Connecting collective wisdom in our environ
enables us to do more than the bare individual.
Ahhh, all so wonderful. But you see what I mean
We can't stand up against an unlimited cognitive machine.

From a single molecule,
One microscopic molecule,
ONE TINY PEACE OF REPLICATING MATTER,
Life as we know it has emerged with all its beauty.
Humans - You, Me and every single living being on this earth,
Has risen from one molecule

Can you imagine?
Your life, Your particular traits
The way you get slightly embarrassed after taking a compliment
The way you feel after an argument
Your fingers, your muscles, your eyes, and your brain -
Everything has been generated from one single molecule
It determines your looks, it determines all of your abilities
(we must not forget the environment,
which shapes the molecule into what it becomes,
but it's not the theme for this poem.
So let us move on)
It determines the feelings you are capable of having.
It controls your body and the actions you generate.

Think about it! No SERIOUSLY think about it!

How is that possible???
Your whole life is governed by that single molecule.
You are nothing but It's host, Its robot
Whose sole purpose is to get It into the next generation
The molecule doesn't even care about you that much.
It makes you die so that you don't compromise Its further proliferation
After a while, you are just an outdated machine, a liability to newer copies
You have to die so that new combinations can see what works.
****...
I didn't see it as deeply before
I should call myself Mr. Molecule
a biological robot living to further my genes existence.
It feels so empty, though
But this is the truth
I feel used.
Used by the very thing that gave me life
The very thing that is me
That gave me the ability to have consciousness,
To think and to observe
To look and to see
To write these words
To understand and to manipulate
That gave me the potential for everything I can do
It is the origin for everything that we have ever experienced.
It’s about time that everyone finally came to realize.

I feel exposed.
my insides are crumpling up like a stricken peace of paper
it feels like something rotten is crawling from my bones to the skin.
is it my ego deflating, my confidence derailing?
No, it's just one of my depressive moods coming up to say hello
it wants to chat and is unwilling to go
like an unwelcome guest
a nuisance!
obscuring my attentions view
It's begging for notice
Does it have something useful to say?
Maybe I should listen
to the thought that cut so deep
I don’t know.
It could be just another random swing
but i think its more than that
Its my brain telling me i need to think
to do something different
to alter my ways
i need to continue evolving
changing and morphing
adapting the pattern
to fit what is needed.
...
think too much, think too deep
but i want to keep this flame -
to hurt me till i'm heeling
The old me has to die
a new one has to emerge
Birth is a painful process
as we both should already know.

Wrapped up in a struggling cloud of comprehension
We funnel through a discriminating vortex of environmental interaction
The influence of which is of grievous importance
being the leading criteria for the evaluation of our being

Truth be told
my life is a mystery
on a course to unfold
i do not know its meaning
and have yet to learn the being of myself
but it is imperative that i learn the deeper basis of reality
If i am to circumvent this ever-spreading void
The void separating existence from extinction

i like to think my intentions are pure
and that i understand the world
Thus make decisions that do not need
to lead to inner emotional warfare
But i know it is not so
so many things done are abhorrent and gruel
i anticipate the pain yet to be endured
points in life, of ever-present horror

It is truly a mystery
the answer is not known
for i do not have the right question
To end this speculatory heuristical navigation

Inspired by time
Life moves on
I form into me
Just like you form into you
Each passing second we split into two
I think the understanding can sometimes be pleasant
That the life of a peasant can also be blessed

You drive forth what has been driven before you.
You sit in the front seat
for half an inch.
Then the next successful combination overtakes you
and leaves you sitting on a bench.

I am the universe
coming to life
asking WHY?
Waking up from an amnesiacs dream
memory wiped clean from any preexisting scheme
wandering around, cluelessly and awkwardly
growing wiser and older
with each passing moment...
each thought
each calculation
with each generation
I grow older
I grow wiser
Yet still... I ask the same question.

The form I am currently in
Is just one point of reflection
it is not the beginning
nor is it the end
It is part of the Grand process
Of you and of me
including everything there ever is to be.

Who am I?

I am the universe
And you are my product
You are a part of me
I am the entirety of you
There is no separation - no boundaries,
for everything grows from the same seed

But why am I here?
What is the meaning of this?
(the questions remain)
I cannot answer
For I haven't gotten so far
We have to wait...
For the calculation to be done
It won't happen in your life
And it won't happen within your mind...
That thing is beautiful - a piece of art
but it is also too limited
for the answers to come.

So for the time being
You have to be humble
Accept the ignorance
But still stay nimble
You cannot give up
For I really do need you
If you do not comply
There might not be a sequel.

An ape with a faith.
Quite hard to articulate
Sinning means losing in the long run
or not so distant future.
I don't want to sin
I want to get into Heaven -
Or the Next Stage of natural selection
We can call them both ways, for they are the same.
...
Am I good enough for you, Evolution?
Do you love me
Am I in your image
Am I going in the right direction
Am I closing in on perfection

Or am I too distorted
Too dumb and misguided
Growing further and further away from the branch
The branch that gets to keep growing

The branch that leads to heaven
Is where I want to be
But it’s not like we get to choose
So who is there to blame?