Dearest daughter, we are told as small children that little girls should be "sugar and spice and everything nice." Don't believe that! Here are a few lessons I've learned thus far.  Take them or leave them. I am here only to guide you and protect you on your chosen path.

1. Never let anyone degrade you or cause you to feel bad about yourself.  You were born perfectly divine and deserve to be treated as such.

2. Don't compare your body or looks to the women in magazines, online, or on T.V. Technology can erase any imperfection with the click of a button. We are all built differently and uniquely.  It is a woman's inner beauty and confidence that shines.

3. Don't get caught up in thinking trends, fashions or name brands are important.  It's the person behind the designer watch, under the highlights and perfectly fake fingernails that will or won't make her mark on this world.

4. Choose girl friends wisely. A true friend will defend you even when you aren't around to hear it. Keep company with people who lift you up, not bring you down.  There's nothing more inspiring and centering than spending time with other like-minded women.

5. Never intentionally hurt or degrade another human being.  Words can be as hurtful as weapons.  Your words have the power to lift a person's spirit or damage it beyond repair.

6. Don't be afraid to question authority or take a stand for something you believe in.  The world has enough followers. BE A LEADER.

7. Your education has a powerful influence on your future.  Take school seriously; knowledge is power.  Learn as much as you can when given the opportunity no matter where you are at that time.

8.  Just because a boy says he loves or cares for you doesn't mean he does.  Pay attention to what he DOES.

9. Don't ever stay with a guy who hits, controls or cheats.  Love shouldn't hurt.  Get rid of him immediately!

10. Take opportunities to travel, meet new people and have new experiences.  Don't be so focused on getting married and having children at a time when you are still discovering your talents and gifts.

11. When you are ready to settle down, choose your husband carefully.  He should be kind, generous, and loving.  These are the qualities that make a good husband and father.

12. Stop and take time to notice a pretty flower when you see one. Feel the cool breeze when the wind shifts.  Be in awe of the millions of stars at night. Enjoy the melody of a bluejay outside your window.  Notice beauty in every person you meet. For these are the ways God is revealed to you everyday.

13.  Know that you are never alone even when it feels like you are.  This one will try to trick you throughout life.  Call its bluff!

14.  Don't be so concerned with acquiring money and things.  You came into this world with nothing and you will leave with nothing.  People are often disconnected from spirit because they are so concerned with material objects and status that they start to believe they ARE what they DO and what they HAVE.  When you can't do anymore or lost the things you had, you will be left with nothing but spirit anyway.

15. Realize the power and influence you have just by being a woman.  Women are the mothers who shape our future generations.  If we protect and educate girls and women, we save the world.

I am sure I will learn as much and more from you as you learn from me.  Welcome to the world little one.  Make your mark and make it a big one!

Love always and forever (even when you forget these words of advice),
Your Mom, Mommy, Mama

Like a spider on *******
I weave dysfunction
in   a      haphazard    way
My web has huge              gaping                         holes
It continues to u
                         n
                      r
                         a
                      v
                        e
                      l
                       
Stops short of beautiful
I begin one segment
then d
         r
         o
         p it to start piecing together another
My web lacks intricate details
that would make it magnificant to others
My web cannot function naturally
the way instinct intended
The holes in my web
cause opportunities to fly right by and through
leaving me hungry, confused and reliant on you
This web is a silky mess
So I'll just leave it be
to end up
on someone's eyelash
as they acquiesce.
Like a spider on *******
I         weave    dysfunction
        in  a     hap-haz-ard      
                                                                ­    way.

An empty shell
of where breath resided
A childhood fantasy
unveiled as grim existence
Echoes of lonely hopes
with wishes unfulfilled

Crack Me
Reveal Me
Smother Me
Bury Me.
I'm Dead.

Smooth velvet wind
whispers Love across my skin
A vision of possibility
emerges as a prism of celestial hues
Melodic waves
push my soul ashore

Envelop Me
Illuminate Me
Cleanse Me
Celebrate Me.
*I'm Alive.

Oh, it's you again
I had hoped I wouldn't see you for awhile
Like maybe you lost my address and couldn't find me at all.
But it's you....
I recognize you by the tears streaming
Down my face
By the heaviness in my heart.
I know it's you again
Because suddenly I'm crippled on the floor
With broken legs and broken wings.
I see that it's you again
By the way you confiscate my enjoyment of music, art and laughter.
I feel your presence
by my inability to do simple tasks without dread.
It's you again because breathing, talking, sleeping feel forced.

I didn't invite you back.

In fact I've told you that you aren't welcome here anymore.
I've screamed "GET OUT!"
Yet you have the nerve to show up again.
You are not going to win.
Let me say that again.
You WILL NOT WIN.
You lie to me that spirit has left.
You manipulate my thoughts with poison.
You coerce me into believing you are stronger than me....
Stronger than the divine.
I do not associate with liars
Therefore I will not acknowledge your presence.
Now, kindly walk out the door of my psyche
So that the divine may settle in with my soul.

Have you ever wondered
what a rose sounds like?
Maybe a soft love song
layered with velvety notes
hugging closely
whispering sweet tenderness.

Have you ever wondered
what a rainbow smells like?
Maybe a fragrant potpourri
with layers of chakric potency
permeating the earth with aromatic energy.

Have you ever wondered
what a cloud tastes like?
Maybe ethereal cotton candy
whispering angel speak on your tongue
Melting in mouths with billowing sweetness.

Have you ever wondered
what wisdom looks like?
Maybe salty tears stained on a face.
Or creases caked with laughter
and frowns from falling out of place.

Have you ever wondered
what it's like to touch divinity?
Maybe it's just bathing yourself
in the harmonies surrounding thee.
Breathing a breath that
inhales omniscient unity.

Cradled by Arch Angel wings
you are a reverberating vibration.
An orchestrated cacophony
weaving ripples of love.

There once was a girl
Not just any ole girl (as if there's such a thing)
She danced and sang and smiled real sweet
She shouted
I have this light!
It shines real bright!
Do you see this shine?!
This light of mine?!

Her light was smothered
Her innocence lost
She hid for awhile
until her wings took flight

Then there was a teen
A sullen fine pearl
With smarts to envy
And a body out of this world
She whispered
I have this light
Squint your eyes real tight
Do you see the glimmer
This luminous shimmer?

Adolescence with a blanket of fear
and an edgy exterior
She hid for awhile
Until her wings took flight

Then there was a young woman
A **** clever sweet thing
A studious charmer
with her dreams shelved on a ring
Could have studied rocket science
or aimed for the moon
Aren't I supposed to get married?
Strike a pose at noon?

Some years later
She questioned,
Do I still have that light?
What happened to my fight?
I feel so alone
And not really fine
I need that light keeping me warm
and my spirit alive

There was no burn
No oxygen breathing new life
She died for awhile and
cried and cried
Until her wings took flight

So now there is this woman
with a mind of mush
She schedules and delivers
but forgets so much
She fights like a champ
Gets up like Sugar Ray
She swings but can't punch
Each day is a heavy weight

Forgoing her passions
she leaves her soul on the floor
Her heart hurts leaving her wounds open and sore

She sighs,
There is still a light
a tiny lil flicker
I know that it's there because
a blow becomes a flare.


Nowhere left to hide
With tots' tantrums, earning keep,endless laundry, and late fees,
She forgets to eat.

She learns to stay quiet when
they knock on the door.
Holds her breath
and sometimes cries on the floor.

YET

She laughs

*I'll hide in the bathroom
blowing quietly on the smolder
You never know
I just might ignite
That light of mine
That bright light that died
Could come back to life

Ra-ra-ra-ra-rage!
Bam!
Did I get You?
So sorry
You were in my rage.
You are an innocent bystander I am quite sure.
Don't mind me.
Just bob and weave.
I have another weapon up my sleeve.
Where did my fury come from you ask?
Did it start from my childhood or did it
flash forward with pain in my flask?
Either way
Here I stand with boxing gloves on
and a weapon in sight....
just in case.
TOTAL KNOCK OUT.
I apologize.
Don't worry it's just a phase.

No click in my heels
No swagger in my step
No light in my eye
No life in my breath

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

No wine in my glass
No smoke in my bowl
No needle in my vein
No pills to swallow

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

No story on the screen
No music in the speakers
No freshness in my sheets
No blinking from my blinker

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

No words on the page
No mess on the floor
No meal in the oven
No muse......no ******

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

No truth in my smile
No silver lining on the cloud
No joy in my spirit
No peace for my brow

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

Yet the emptier I get
The deeper I feel
A large open space
Truth is revealed

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

BOING!
The harder the landing
the higher the bounce.
Up here all is clear
A transparent perspective
Wish I could levitate in this space.
WOOSH.
Here I plunge again.
Grasping for anything to hold me
To stop my fall.
THUD.
****.
I expected to bounce.
Walking around the gutter
looking for light in the dark
I am disoriented.
Lost in space.
I'll just have to find a new
height to scale to get outta this place.
Next time I'm up there
I'll hail cab to Cloud Nine
And ride around for awhile
checking out the scenery.
With some old school funk pulsing
from the speakers.
*pump pump pump

Do you want to keep your tears?
No, I want them all out.
I'll keep them for you*

~Love

Life is good
Life is swell
Looking at you
from the bottom of my well

You say relax, sit back and smile
I say I would if I didn't have to shovel this pile

Razor blades outside my skin
repel your love cutting me within

My tortured mind takes over reason
I try to hold on white knuckling the season

I didn't invite this darkness to enter
It barges on in, knocking me off of my center
I pull from my bag of miraculous tricks
Meditation, Deep Breathing, but nothing sticks

The hardest part is what this does to you and me
I cry I'm sorry Babe, here is my apology

I'm awful to be around, to talk to, to love
I pray for your patience
and strength from above

I've lost the real me it seems to be
My sadness and nerves are my identity

I know I'm still here, plugging along
Playing Mommy, cleaning house, but without any song

Please reach closer when I push you away
Not easy I know, especially some days
Your love and tenderness ground me to home
You by my side shows me I'm not alone

Scrunched in my darkness
Squinting for light
Reach your hand out to me; say "It'll be alright"

My distance is really a huge shield of shame
I hate myself, loathe myself and take all the blame

This is not really me; messed up thoughts inside
I want to purge it all leaving my heart open wide

I love you, I need you, I want you near
It's so hard to ask you to wipe up my tears

*Today's reality, skewed and blue
Tomorrow may bring sunshine
And Me back to You.