Sometimes I talk about you like you're away on a trip and you're coming back.
Throwing you into casual conversations as if the people I was conversing with felt everything you make me feel.
Pretending they understand the depths of my heart
and how deep you've fallen into it.

But not even I understand the intensity that is you.

Like gravity you pull me back and hold me down.
Trapping me in an illusion of a story never told and never to be told
but forever read in my head.
A never ending dialogue between love and loss, let go and hold on.

A love story.

A tragically beautiful love story.

I love you in secret.
In the darkness of shadows.
In the budding seed buried in the depths of the Earth,
waiting to grow.

I love you in stillness.
In the silence of the world.
I love you in the places not many will dare to go.

If ever the light goes out and darkness ensues,
know that in that darkness my love will be a guide for you.

In words unspoken and sentences left unfinished
I will nuzzle my love.
I will hide it in riddles and rhymes.

In the rain and through the storm,
My heart beats for you like thunder.

Loud

Strong

And Booming.

You are my lightening.

I do not know why I love you.
And you do not know that I love you.
All I know is that I do love you.

And that's enough for me.

I love too much, but not too often.
My heart gets broken, but I keep going.

I am transparent, iridescent like glass,
So when you strike with the force of a hammer you leave more than a crack.

My heart is fragile, a bird with a broken wing.
I thought you would fix it and make it continue to sing.

I stand tall and confident in all my feelings,
Something that’s scary to you who is not used to these dealings.

I feel shame for the way I am.
Feeling love and passion for you that I wish I could bury in the sand.

A treasure left for you to uncover,
Not something I should have exposed to you undiscovered.

I tend to frighten away the one my heart wants to hold,
Do you see me as crazy, uncontrolled, too bold?

I often take broken loves words and wear them as scars.
Reminders of lessons unlearned and love unforetold by the stars.

I try their words on as an outfit of choice.
If I can change who I am, maybe for once someone will appreciate my voice.

But often times it’s too late.'
My true self exposed in revelations of hate.

No matter how hard I try to mold and bend,
I can’t change who I am, I can’t please every man.

But for some reason I never stop trying.
I can never give up my mind and hearts constant fighting.

I literally drive myself insane for a chance at true love.
I let my mind run wild for an ecstasy that will never come.

Because if I am changing who I am to achieve what I was fooled to see as true,
I’m mistreating myself and I assault my love leaving it ****** and bruised.

It’s funny how the world can constantly build me high,
But it only took you to send me crashing through the sky.

And when I fell and hit the ground,
The armor I built was shattered around.

Underneath it all I could finally see,
The only thing that remained intact was the original me.

I, myself, am my greatest force of nature.
And when I try to change who I am I’m in immediate danger.

The second I wear a mask to fool someone I love,
Is the second that my love is broken, recanted, torn up.
It’s not love if I’m not myself.
It’s not true if I pretend to be someone else.

I’m done being a victim in your insecure schemes,
But I’m also done pretending I walked away perfectly clean.

Yes I am hurt, and yes I wanted our love to be,
But I won’t sacrifice myself for you I’d rather let you go free,
Because somewhere, out there, there’s someone who wants me.

All my imperfections and everything you made me see as faults,
I consider beautiful, rare, a gift to make someone’s world halt.

I’m not sorry for the way I express myself.
I’m just sorry it has to be for someone else.

I love too much, but not too often.
My heart gets broken, but I, I keep going.

You've come so unexpected,
Slipping through the cracks of my heart
and finding your own place in it.
Finding space in the emptiness
and filling it with your own form of love.

But it hurts.

You're the scab to my healing heart that I want to pick.
Refresh the wound that's now become so self inflicted
and continue the cycle of love and loss.
I don't want it to be scarred.

I just want to remain wounded.

But my heart feels your presence.
You've become a long awaited antidote to this emptiness
and I can't get you out.
Slowly,
I'm healing.

But forces will try to tear us apart.
Our Love will be seen not as a work of art
but crafted by the devil.
A spell cast over our eyes
blinding us from the truth that is God.
We will look misguided and lost,
but not all who wander are.

It's the devil who wants to take us away from love.

Remember that.

It's the devil who doesn't want happiness.

You make me feel love.
You make me happy.
You make me want to go to church and be with God.
How could the thing that's supposed to take me away from him
make me want to grow closer?

But it's not you who takes me away.

It's them.
It's the very people who want me most to find God
that push me away from him.
They are my devil.
They throw scripture in our face to tell us we are ******.
They cut us with verses to enforce what they believe to be is true.

But they are not alone.

*Remember, the devil knows and uses scripture too.

I count the freckles on your back as if they were the luminescent stars of the night sky.
I connect them like dots,
creating shapes and images that resemble the constellations that float ceaselessly through space.

Men use the sky as a page to unfold myths of gods and adventure.
I use your back as my canvas to create a tale of us,
and the images I've painted are beautiful.

I see two bodies entwined in one another.
My body perfectly scooped to the shape of your sleeping curve.
Two bodies,
but one glistening heart.
I cast to the sky the sensations of intimacy.
The first time your calloused hands caressed my skin,
and how you soothed that rough touch with a tender kiss.

I inscribe on your skin the word love,
but I'm scratching at stars that I can't reach.
The constellations I've created are mere reflections of the impressions you left on my soul.
Love projected onto a canvas that you will never see.

For we gaze upon two different skies.

I dream of us by night.
In the dusty recess of my mind I drown in thoughts of you.
But it's you a dreamer of the day who is a dangerous man.
For you may act out your dreams with eyes wide open,
and you move without the stars in sight.

For the sky on your back is all I will ever see,
since that September night you turned and walked away from me.

Have you ever seen the stars?
Have you ever counted the night sky?
In the constellations I see shapes,
and the shapes I see create him.

Have you ever counted the night sky?
Followed the moon to the stars.
And the shapes I see create him,
but up there he is unreachable to me.

I followed the moon to the stars,
but only with my eyes could I feel.
Up there he is unreachable to me,
and down here my world stands still.

But only with my eyes could I feel.
They caress over the night sky reflecting love.
And down here my world stands still,
my world separated by the veil of the sky.

They caress over the night sky reflecting love,
but I'm blinded by what I see above,
My world separated by the veil of the sky,
he is no where near to me.

But I'm blinded by what I see above.
I'm unaware of what is truly hidden in the stars.
He is no where near to me,
and I don't think he'll ever fall.

Sometimes life is not fair,
but when you're the cause
of the unfairness,

life is unbearable.

I love how when you sleep you seem to look 5 years older.
As if your youth were hidden in your eyes and when they're shut it's as if your persistent childhood innocence is locked away,
just waiting to come out everyday with the rise of the morning sun.

I love when you're asleep around me.
It's in that moment I can see you dream and leave behind the world I so desperately want to hold you in.
While you sleep you can't be mine,
but you can also be no one else's.
It's the closest I feel to having you.
Uninterrupted and undisturbed,
and when you sleep with me wrapped in your arms I am home.
I found love.

But everyday the sun must rise.
Your innocence flashes back into your eyes
and we continue our lives without one another until the next moon in which we meet.
And then I get another chance to feel love one more time.

But it's never enough for me.

It's hard to think that we both keep moving forward,
and slowly we stop looking back.
But I'm always checking that rearview mirror,
hoping to still see you passing by along in it.

I overwhelm with love.
Expressing it freely
because I don't know
how much time I have
left on this earth to say,
"I love you."

So I say it often
and I say it loudly.
I say it boldly
and I say it proudly.
I love too much
because I don't know any other way of loving someone.

You see my greatest strength
is also my biggest weakness.
But most of all
it's my greatest downfall.

And I keep falling.

You were never right for me.

The way you saw the world didn't match the world in which I lived.
We looked with two different unique perspectives.

I saw the future and my place boldly in it. You saw the now and the minor details my mind effortlessly glazed over.

I didn't know how to live for the moment, but you didn't know how to dream of the future.

But I kept moving,
and you stayed behind.

I need a friend and now you're gone
You said you'd stay but instead you've run.
I said I was sorry a million times,
Yet to you my sorry is lost in rhythms of rhymes.
It's a continuous cycle of yes and no,
One day you're here and the next day you go.
I can't seem to make you stay no matter what I do,
So maybe I should walk away and make me the one you lose.
You told me to make a choice, decide where you fit,
But I'm the one who has tried to bend and I'm the one whose split.
I don't know what makes you so special and I really don't care,
I just want you to stay but you won't and it seems so unfair.
What did I do but love you the best I could?
Except my love you don't want, to you it's no good.
I'm sorry I'm not your prince, I'm sorry I'm not your lover.
It just ***** those are the only roles you've left for me to uncover.
You know me better than anyone else in this world,
You know my secrets and my fears, you know me completely unfurled.
You told me what you need but now it's my turn,
I've always been told we accept the love we think we deserve.
The love I receive from you has been fickle and sparse,
Not one that will benefit my fragile heart.
It hurts to know that you can easily let go,
Of something I wish you would preciously hold.
Am I disposable, am I a bother to your life?
I'm sorry I try so hard to fit and make everything right.
I need a friend, someone constant and true,
Someone who would love me no matter their mood.
I won't settle anymore, I'm not a toy
That you can take out and play with when you want a little joy.
I know you try and love me but it's too hard,
So I will turn and walk away, I wont leave us with more scars.
I put up with so much and my armor is finally broken,
I withstood all I could, but now I have finally spoken.
I wish you would see how much I love and care,
About how I opened myself up and left myself bare.
But we're all blinded by our own points of view,
Each of our visions all torn up and askew.
I don't know what else I can say or what else I can do,
I just hope with my absence I can finally show that I truly love you.

Where is the place in which dreams start,
Is it a secret place deep in our heart?
No by dreams I mean not the ones that happen when we close our eyes,
Not the ones that pop up when we tell the world goodbye.
I mean the dreams that push us forward,
The ones that say keep going this isn't over.
The ones that make us jump like kids,
And get us all excited and make us want to live.
The ones where when times are tough,
We think this dream and its enough.
Where is the place in which they start,
Is it our home, is it our loved ones, is it our art?
What is that thing that inspires every one of us,
To try and do all these crazy things,
Like act, dance, or sing.
We each have a dream and it can't be ignored,
Inside all of us it's like a lion with a loud roar.
But time keeps telling us to shut it up.
To **** the dreams that inspire each of us.
We lose hope and let them go,
We say goodbye to the world we dreamed to hold.
Look back to the place in which they had their start,
Don't let others tear them from your heart.
Inspire, dream, and let them live,
Follow them until the very end.
Because without them we would never reach the stars,
And we wouldn't be able to take our lives too far.
But with them the world seems like magic,
With adventure, love, and something tragic.
But like all good fairy tales there is a happy end,
One with a loved one or a special friend.
So keep on dreaming until you die,
Hold on tight and let them fly.
Because in the end you will reach your dream,
And when you do all will be redeemed.