Sometimes you are called too big for people.
Because the heart is too big
The dreams are too big
The expectations are too big

But I’ve learned what that means
Is that other people are too small for you
Maybe you burn too bright.

Maybe you DO feel too much

But in a dark world what people need is light
Shining hopes and glowing dreams
The glory of a valiant character

Maybe they will be brittle and broken and old
But at least you will have had them
Those pulsating memories of adrenaline and beauty
Effort is no foolish thing

You may put it into only certain things,
But the reason people like me burn out so quickly is because
We put so much into everything
That eventually we can’t put anything into everything but the thought of death

See, we glowing, shining, beautiful, people
We are the ones who see the glory in effort
The intelligence, the courage

We know that failing is only a small possibility
If you are already in motion

We shiny people are also the darkest people
But effort is beautiful and strong
And effort isn’t you
You don't get to be effort
Effort is me.

Growth.
Going, you know that you have gone.
Walking clockwise around yourself
I’ve learned that I know nothing
Other than that sometimes you don’t need to know

You need to know calculus and how to sing in 2 different languages
You need to know how to dress business casual and shake hands and beam people with your smile

But when do we learn how to comfort ourselves
Comfort found without the BPA of anything above a 0.8
Who taught us that hearts beating fast will become familiar.
Warm, even

I liked that night, we were flying
As the black cloaked your stars, you had your eyes closed
Sleep-deprived and half dead I thought of loving you
It seemed foolish

On the ground, it felt dizzy
like you spun me around
Friendly smiles were small
Everything was so dead I didn’t think of you

I don’t know the day where I thought of it as more
It wasn’t a day but a memory, a rememory
The buttons were pushed before I was ready

Anxiously I worked and worked and acted like your honey didn’t matter to me
It didn’t, I convince myself even now
But the moment came in capitals
You thought I was unattainable

The breaks were pressed by those closest
Of course they were, it’s what they’re there for
I waited and waited and waited and I got tiny answers

I got fragments, particles, portions
I never got it all
I still don’t have it all
Is this you
Is this my body?
Worse, is it my mind

Tell me now, if I ask too much
Tell me now, if communication won’t be our thing
Tell me now If we won’t be our own thing
But just tell me
Tell me anything
Because I need to be told

We are the teens who jump to conclusions who smash beer in the street, walk fast and try to soothe ourselves with ***** water

We are the teens who cry for a song feeling alone but surrounded by people
Who replace hurt with *** and hide our pain by waiting until maybe finally something good happens

We are the teens who go home every day and miss everyone who made our life worth living

We are the loud *** teens who smoke and drink and get 100s on tests and love themselves and are happy about it

We are the teens who get gelato and are homies with our host families and jump in with our clothes on

We are the teens who look at the waves and the height and think the wind blowing is beautiful

We are the teens who overuse the word love because we lack it in our lives

We are the teens who have to give it to each other because maybe not everyone loves us the way we want them to

Maybe that’s why we don’t love the people who want us to

A rounded globe milky white in the center, crispier as it travels northwards
to the heaven
A valley of bones, Brittle with tightly stretched skin, a dark path

The night sky
speckled with brown
and dusted with roses
Softly contouring, dipping, dancing flowing up, up like a river backwards

Gentle curves and sharp inclines,
fiercely calm plateaus
waiting for you to catch
your breath

And finally
a bud of dusky muted midnight,
grabbed and forgotten
Left to be broken

The girl I saw today was not broken
Was not gilded
No, she was solid gold
Maybe worn down a little

The girl I saw today
Was a soft precious metal
That’s what happens when you’re soft
But flickering lights gently caress the orbs where light has not yet washed the tears away

The girl I saw today felt not necessarily calculated
But ready to put up a fight
And avoid an argument

Because the girl I saw today is too soft for arguments and too good for people
Who won’t fight for her
Who won’t even look at her
Who won’t even rearrange sounds or characters of the English language and blow frequent vibrations through the air
Hell the only thing they can do is sing

The girl I saw today would want someone to sing to her
Not just text her back
Gold is not cheap, the girl I saw today said
Gold is not new, gold is ancient

The girl I saw today said that
Gold has secrets and beauty because it is malleable
It is evolving, from shiny to dull to hammered

The girl I saw today is soft and allows light to wash over her gently, she knows the vocal cords vibrate carefully with charming tones,
And she knows
she
is pure

La vie en rose
Like the hard junctions cracked
La vie en rose
Like the lines drawn, exact

La vie en rose
A color not enough
La vie en rose
A touch is far from tough

La vie en rose
A uninterpretable sound
La vie en rose
Some words both not and very profound

La vie en rose
A slight of hand
La vie en rose
Is my demand

Your face explodes into sidewalks and alleyways,
streets and paths, hiking trails, and glittering linoleum floors

It hits waves and wind and the faces of harsh mountains,
melts snow and burns sun.

Some bursting through molecules and broken vessels now sunken, through aromatic sleeplessness, shower heads,
through Mondays and poster board and blue paper mate pens.

It breaks definitions
and connotations
and my fingernails

It breaks and it explodes
and it hits, and it
bursts
It wakes me up
It encourages me
It breathes to me

She looked at me with a whisper, a whisper of impossible tonics kissed by error and wrapped in something her very own: a cobblestone alleyway with gas lamps.

She whispered through centuries and languages, from unintelligible crude rocks to dashes and swoops of a corset. Through blue eyes and clouds, through dizzy spells of humanity’s uproar and endorphins fueled by alcohol.

She whispered and yelled and then she screamed, with the power of an open heartbroken and men fallen, up through the air and down through roots long faltered.

She screamed and screamed and nothing came out like it did from her whisper. She fell quiet. For she was nothing without the lilt of a tongue when greeting the one vitality she couldn’t make tangible.

Oh please
Let me collapse softly into you
Into your voice cracks and high notes
Into your linearity and plaid skirts
Into you and your gleaming starving orbs

Let me fall into the dark welcoming spheres
Into the crescendo of your laugh
Into the monotone of your voice

Let me die in your indecisiveness
Your ability to not care
Your contradictory meanings and connotations

But lastly, let me love you into the night
Into the moon and the rain and up above the unsuspecting members of a singing mass
A choking gasping mass
One strangled by mediocrity and the lack of the universes kiss
Let me love you into oblivion
Until Cleopatra and Julius ceases, Mark Antony
Until we are all of them, nameless, forgotten
yet still in love

You're stuck in my head like a broken record
Every time I want to skip
It just replays
There are no other tracks
And this one is scratched
Together we're meticulously mismatched

The I'm sorry
The it's ok
The silent battle
A dummy
For anyone
Just humans made to experiment
To cut, chop, and burn
We live just to die
Of a battle that is silent
To become a statistics
The silent battle that kills
Yet few people know
I'm already dead

The rain drops falling
Are not only from the sky
But from my eyes too
Down my cheekbones
Onto the floor
Dropping softly
Nobody notices

We’ve all met the person that lights up a room
the world stops spinning there is no gloom
I once met a girl
with sunshine on her head
Moonlight in her bones
And lighting in her heart
This girl was so different
So special one could say
That all of these elements
Would stay with her till her dying day
Now only one year I had with her
That was quite a shame
But even after a short while
I knew she felt the same
The sunshine hair
I would see again
But when it happens
I’ll say amen

You’re a work of art
Not as poised as a painting
Not as tangible as a sculpture
Not real enough to be a photograph
Not fake enough to be a drawing
The lines of your nose
The angles of your lip
The shadows of your collar bone
The wrinkles of your smile
The dots of your skin
The curvature of your teeth
The length of your limbs
The flow of your hair
But the words that fall off your tongue
The trickle of your laugh
To me
You are worthy of a museum

The air is fair and thin yet so powerful
Not easily seen but easily felt
Makes you shiver, but scares you
Too powerful yet kisses your face
It’s unaware wether it interacts with sunshine
But always in a haste
You know when it’s with you
The goosebumps
But the feeling on your skin is electric
It hits every nerve
Might as well be in shock
It traces every curve
But the wind
it leaves as quickly as it comes
And leaves you standing with no constants

The stardust trickles down my skin and brushed my fingertips
The universe is your lover and mine as well
We fall asleep to the frequency of planets and the pitch of blackness
We wake with the rays wishing us good morning

Tabooed twice
Makes me want it double
Oh the trouble
But I’d get in it for you
I don’t know how it works
Opposities in every way
Yet the magnetism is of massive proportions
The fireworks we lit
Were right under us
We soared high into the sky
In order to fly
We must sacrifice
But the pinks and purples the yelllows and reds
Make me see only you
It’s as if you see things with crystal sharp sincerity
And seeing you from across the room just knowing your presence is equivalent
An ice bath of stardust with somehow still steam
Just compares to nothing
You are my dreams

You are without a doubt  a yellow
You, are the sun, you rise and fall
Silently, your words each have meaning and so beautifully observant
It’s curious how you make me ardent
I wonder why that shade of gold stays frozen in my head
The eyes I forget what color sometimes, they make me weak
The curve of your nose alone had to be studied before I realized if I liked it or not
But you are as yellow as that raincoat you wear
And as soft as the night sky in summer
If you were a season, I don’t know which one you’d be
You are to others, summer, sunshine, fun, and the feeling of being young
But to me you could be winter, soft and a little bit cold in all the right ways
You could be sweaters and snow, and falling on skiis
You feel like Christmas and gliding across ice on skates
You could be spring, something very new and gentle, and the most vibrant colors
And natural smile that feels like an award
You could be fall, all the browns and oranges found in your eyes and lashes
The beautiful carved mountain side of your profile
The long limbs like tree branches with leaves fallen.
But I don’t even care what season you are because I want you year round
You are so much more then a period of time because you are a constant
No matter what emotion you are a constant sadness, euphoria, melancholy, mischief, anything I’ve ever felt all at once

She who touches me
Could touch the stars, them all

She who makes me,
Could make snow fall

She who breaks me
Could break every single wall

With the fire in her veins
Sent me spiraling into withdrawal