Why do I want to feel pain?
Am I scared of being sane?

Dear Fear,
You are a giant that sits on my shoulders
and you always bring a heavy fog with you;
and I don’t understand
how something that’s invisible
could weigh me down so much.
When you’re around,
my thoughts dissipate
except for the most urgent ones
telling me why I can’t do xyz.
I’m a tea kettle,
bubbling and boiling
and screaming at the top of my lungs
yet no one is around to take me off the stove.
Most of the time,
I don’t need your hover,
yet I need you to push me forward
on to a stage,
on to say what needs to be said,
on to live a life
that’s filled with
hope…


Dear Hope,
You are the catalyst
that kickstarts an endless marathon
of daydreams;
you’ve toppled my fears
over the edge of the sky
to offer me a clear day;
and you’ve showed me
how I need to believe in myself.
You’re in every word I write,
every syllable I say,
and every move I make.
You unwrapped fear
and inside the envelope
was a reflection
of your spirit.
You also shared with me
that none of this would’ve been possible
without the presence
of fear…


P.S.
I’ve looked fear and hope in the eyes
and they both share
the same face.

I saw you approach me
during the golden hour as they say
but all I see is a black haze
a stranger with a familiar face

I want to kiss a boy.
I want to kiss a girl.
I just want to know
what it feels like
to have a connection
with someone.

Faking sanity
is a clear symptom
that you are going insane.

I’m falling again.
The falling where
my mind wallows
with my heart
till they combine
and the pressure
becomes too much,
so it leaves me numb.

People are so oblivious.
We don't notice
the seconds ticking by
or the one falling leaf
or breaking heart
or millions of teary eyes.
We don't notice
the feet shuffling by
or the words we can't hear.
We are oblivious
to love.
There is someone out there,
who,
like you,
is searching and waiting
for the one second
where the oblivion
stops.

Take my breath away
till I can't breathe -
till i'm suffocating,
drowning in your sea.
Take my breath away
till I can't remember
this feeling.

There's a time in your life
when you question your sanity,
but it's already gone
when you end your sentence
with a period
and not a question mark.

There's a place
where your heart settles
and your cheeks flush
and you shake with happiness;
and then there's a place
where your heart breaks
and your tears flood
and you shake with terror...
and that place
is with you.

This perfect little girl
seems like she's a storybook away,
and the image you wish to see
is drenched in black,
a shadow that won't reveal
the identity of its master.
This perfect little girl
used to hold your hand,
but is now letting go
to search for something greater
than protection -
she's searching for herself,
and this perfect little girl
you tried to create,
isn't who she's looking for.