you should never be bored
there's always something to do
yet at times it all feels like a chore
that fails to entertain you.

i wish i had enough apathy
then i wouldn't need a disguise
'cause at the very least apathy
doesn't leak from your eyes.

Traffic jams in my mind
I can't seem to get away
Rush hour is every hour
It feels like this everyday
The green light won't turn red
Crashes, roadblocks, so afraid
Of those demon drivers in my head

thoughts of you consuming the mind
lost hearts you will never find
black and white create the day
for every soul has to pay

fears are captured in the dark
love and light breaking apart
suffering is feeling from afar
new life peeling from the heart

in the brightest corner of the forest trees,
rested a gentle and pure autumn leaf
he never quite asked much for anything
just water and a home from his strong tree

but alas! winter was close to being the season
the leaf heard from the tree that he had to leave it
stunned with deep worry, the leaf begged for a reason
but the leaf heard the tree and he had to believe it

so one by one, the little leaf observed his friends
being ripped from the branches to their curious ends
but this leaf stayed strong, he did not waver or pretend
yes, the leaf stayed strong, he was the last one left

but alas! the wind came along and asked the leaf why:
"why do you stay here when the days have gone awry?
pretty soon, dear friend, you'll have to say goodbye
make it easy on yourself and don't live a lie"

the leaf replied: "you would not believe all i've seen
my friends, they've all left, and i'm left here to grieve
i cling to my home, you see, i have to believe
that i'm more than a passing, more than a leaf"

the wind answered with a startling gust:
"is it the tree you believe and not me you trust?
you'll be fine, dear friend, you will not turn to dust
it is a new life, you'll see, but you will adjust"

the leaf retorted, with a shake of his sides:
"i'm afraid for my home, my friends and my life
wherever i may go, will i make there all right?
the world is so big and i'm in such a fright"

the wind replied, "the world is never perfect
at times we must leave that which makes us certain
the harder our path, the longer we must search it
this home will belong to others; they soon will learn it"

the tree, trying to sleep, finally awoke from its dream
"dear leaf, don't you know, you must let go of me?
we've had some great times, but i will soon freeze
we must part ways; i will have other leaves"

the leaf became frazzled, fed up with his options
he changed colors for the tree; the tree didn't want him
"why did i spend all these months to be forgotten,
to be cast out so lonely, afraid and unwanted?"

the wind said, "fear not, dear friend, you may feel lonely now
but i am wherever you are, and i won't let you down
i am your new home, and when you feel me around
just know i'm with you, and i'll lift you off the ground"

the leaf resolved with a steady hesitation
he had lost many friends but gained one with patience
"i am still uncertain but i trust my realization
that new beginnings are endings of greater elation"

so in the brightest corner of the forest trees,
floated away a gentle and pure autumn leaf
where he was to go, he couldn't say with certainty
but he had the wind to carry him, and that was all he'd need

breathe out to let the anger diffuse from your lungs
breathe in to let the evil dissolve on your tongue
spend half as much time creating as you do hating
you might start realizing that your fury is fading
all you can be is you and out of everyone to believe
i have to believe in someone so I will believe in me.

Discover me by the shallow of the stream
Where the wind blows as I dwell in a dream
In the heart of wonder I shall delight to find
Pieces of myself through peace of mind

Instrumentals sound as the worries decay
Dawn breaks free as the vibrant leaves sway
Wrens sing cheerfully as though only for me
Emerald for my touch and breath for poetry

Won't think on the doubt that invades my soul
Nor the strife that builds until it overflows
New chances emerge and I can rightly see
I can't always be for others, I can only be

Will depart from here yet I will return fast
Where uneasiness is a thing of the past
Simply need relief from an enduring fight
Solitude worships a tranquil state of mind

The good ones are still good
If every once in a while
They go into a bad situation
With lukewarm intentions.

Bury the hurt deep in the ground
Peel off the excess, weighing us down
I think too much; you drink too much
It's not enough if it's not a touch...

Here goes my shirt, I always thought it was nice
The one he bought me for a scanty price

She used to wear yours all the time.

Lost in the sway of the night
Stripping down, leave it behind
You feel like a soldier; I'm feeling bolder
Just a few miles closer and a little bit older...

Farewell to these worn down jeans
That used to bring him down to his knees

You wore yours when you gave up those keys.

Show me a little, come undone
I see your bet; the night is young
And I raise to you my glass
Praising, praying I won't look back...

Here's to the red I brought beneath me
His favorite color and it's all I see

Hers was blue; but your eyes are green.

Burn the ******* clothes
We can stay like this forever.

There is no difference between,
A gun and a pen.

I saw a child today, clutching for his balloon;
He was grasping at air, yet he was so close, too
But it was too far out of reach, just like you.

When it is I set my sights
On what all man has done
I'm not sure it is I like
What all man has become

This is the evaluation of evolution
The evolution of what we've become
This is the resurgence of a revolution
The revolution of us running from us

Though it's one we often fight
It is one we seldom win
A war that's waged inside our minds
Fought for the souls of man

The heart is a mechanism, I know this much
The mind is fizzled, but it catches the senses
The eyes seem human, they've got tear ducts
The soul is a body rack, that builds its own fences

We seem to treat life as if it's a game
Lost in the playground of wonder
Where we're our own bullies and nothing's the same
As we drag ourselves under

Lost in the fray of wonder and folly
We're the sheep headed for slaughter
It's the war of empathy and apathy
Passed down to our sons and daughters

the smell on your breath told me Exodus
the existence of us on the precipice
right where the left side chest is
the edge of your lust told me Exodus

a band of the 80s, a mere decade older
a book of the Bible, 2 inches from your shoulder
you came up and said "i'd like to get to know ya"
i made a little space for a supernova

the usage of ink on a body of sin
a skin that wasn't so paper-thin
i took my ink to paper for a spin
you took yours straight to the skin

the color of the smoke told me Exodus
a far exit away from the darkness
a fine walk ahead of our Genesis
the edge of your lust told me Exodus

Roses wilt, violets die;
Sadness in poetry, beauty in life.

Little demon trying to get the best of me
He's in me and everyone and it's so easy
To give root to the cause of my frustration
To look to him for my outside validation
He won't stop talking or quit his mocking
He is a cancer that simply won't stop growing

Too much time to dwell and it won't help
Idle time makes for the Devil's perfect hell
Pitch-fork tongue and ravenous with greed
Why, all the better to eat another's dreams
I'll find an outlet that produces positivity
Kickboxing for fun and sprinting for soliloquies

Yes, this little monster is trying to outsmart me
He'll realize soon that he's wasting his energy
No, I won't give in, though I might slip or fall
Yes, I might lose my way but I won't lose it all
I'll drown out his taunting with the sickest of beats
Better yet, I'll destroy and make him beg for defeat!

and then i arose one day, to realize i'd lost myself in time
perhaps i lost who i was because she's no longer here to find
or not lost at all, but found a new home - of this, i'm not certain
dwindling amongst the constellations comprised of all my other versions

but ****, i feel so free, i've found the keys to my own prison
wasted time looking for a better life yet all the while i was livin' it
let your soul live with intention, not in a state of suspension
live your potential that brings your most enlightened peace
live not to bridge the chasms in another soul's journey

put forth more energy to only that which serves you
untangle yourself from that which does not deserve you
don't let your waiting existence be made into a sport
cause one day you'll wake and there'll be nothing left to wait for

delicately, I want to tattoo
constellations across your skin
if only for the thought that
if I can't stay with you
then at the very least
my lazy sunday morning,
scrawled out make-believe,
scattered, multihued and
hypocritical ink will.

and whenever you're lost
you can follow the stars
and come back to me.

if it ever crosses your mind...

You make me view
A black and white world
In technicolor.

I watch as it rushes down
My bedroom window
I hear the sound of it softly
Hitting the rooftop...
I run barefoot
Through the puddles
Hoping to catch
A drop or two
On my tongue
I feel it reviving me
And cleansing my soul

sometimes enough is enough
sometimes logic is messed up
sometimes you just have to say
**** it and go your own way

I cannot decide if I'm open or just openly guarded
Confused, nothing to lose, positively disheartened?
I didn't ask for wisdom, but I didn't wanna breathe for a game
Down to the choices of painfully oblivious or rightfully insane

I cannot decide whether to hold back or to give it up to the rain.
What a simple thing to wonder, but is the giving worth the gain?
Empty vessels ponder without care, it might be nice for a moment
But one slip is all it takes to tumble, I'm not sure why I know this

I cannot decide if I'm supposed to be part of something  greater.
Or a placemark, a rock in the stream, the hostage for a traitor?
Am I the slave or the warrior, am I the disease or the cure?
Am I the fight or the patriot--if so, what am I fighting for?

God... what am I fighting for?

late text
latex
late ***

Wait in a smoke-filled motel room;
Paint my nails electric blue.
Shave my legs with your razor.
Write a line or two.
Scratch my skin through your shirt.
Keep on playing our song.
Run my fingers through my hair;
You always liked it long.

Counted my blessings sevenfold,
Swayed on the railroad like a stage.
Made love to the night with your guitar;
While I scrawled across a page.
High on dreams and drugs.
Found a world stowed away.

And baby, you had a bad mouth.
Spoke some very wrong things.
But a warm old soul,
And a heart that was whole,
When you played against those strings.

But now we're both going mad, you and I.
Afraid we can't go on no more.
Told me I was your muse;
Now I'm not so sure.
'Cause you don't play the way you used to,
It's all disrupted cacophony.
And when I sit down to write,
The blank page taunts me.

And the time lulls,
Ages, withers down to unknown.
A dying pulse flittering beneath flesh.
Bruising against bone.
Cuts its way into the darkest corner of my mind.
Wonder if I should head home.

And the candlelight flickers down to metal,
As the rain suffocates the pavement tightly.
Two hours pass so fast,
Each tick feels like a mockery.
Take a pen,
And through this ink,
I see the world in bold,
Our world.
I should've known...

Stuck in this deep depression of denial,
Waiting for the day of my internal revival.
Smothered by complacency,
An overwhelming intensity.
Almost done with my goodbyes,
Sickening sorrows & sparkling cyanide.
I'm a product of interest,
Put up for display.
Waging my battle of empathy
and apathy every night and day.
I am a self-destructive travesty,
Delighted in self-inflicted agony.
These masochistic realities do not stray.
They've made their home where at night I pray.
In my closet and in my mind;
They incapacitate me,
and leave me confined.
Run fast, run free.
This is what they tell me.
Run fast past the gilded bars.
I'll be free of this monstrosity,
When I can count the stars.
In the mean time, I shall wait.
For my internal revival to arrive.
For this is an intricately crafted game,
And the weak never survive.

True love does know bounds
It just refuses to stay within them.

A glitch in my brain that I can't seem to shake
Even the mundane causes me fear and pain
Stupid, worthless, my own self-fulfilling prophecy
Dependent, useless, I can't keep up with everything

The muscle inside my chest beats
Therefore, I exist
Therefore, I am
I am?
I am...
I am.
But what the hell am I?

I simply want to sleep with someone
Only sleep, without the expectations

I simply want to be one with another
No conditions; no questions

you don't wanna be forgotten; you just wanna disappear
you don't wanna give up; yet you refuse to stay here
you've cheated on your passions with your fear of failure and judgement
you've abandoned your purpose; you're not proud of it
you’re worth a million so don’t sell yourself short
you’re not here to tend to, what others believe of your worth
20 years from this moment - will your heart be bitter or stay open?
did you do all the things you desired, or did you stay frozen?
i would rather live with them not being on my side
than live with the regret of never having tried

happiness is a garden, cultivate it with water and sunshine
our hearts will harden, if we leave where we came from behind
happiness is an art form, remain graceful but draw outside the lines
do more of what makes you smile, don’t wait for the “right” time
on your bed close to death, nearing your very last breath
we're not promised a single moment; will you transcend with regret?
think wisely upon your choices, yet don't spend your precious days in strife
never ponder so aggressively that you forget to enjoy life

Just tonight, I won't do this for you
I may be nothing
But you can't hit nothing
And ***** you for thinking
I'm just enough to keep punching

I'm not much of a feminist
But I know what the difference is
Between love and violence
Your affection is not factoring in
The broken capillaries under my skin

Just tonight, I won't do this for you
I don't like being told what to do
Don't hold me down in your bedroom
It doesn't get me off
It only ****** me off

I can try to be your baby
You can try to save me
Gotta be a gentleman before I act like a lady
'Cause being a fine lover
Will not be your cover

Just tonight, I won't do this for you
I may not be worth enough
But I know what the difference is
Between violence and love
And I choose *love

I would give anything
To go back to that night
When your exact words were
"Please be mine."

But you threw my heart away
That's the price I paid
I always fall for guys
Who don't fall back anyway

Trying to forget love
'Cause love forgot me
It's getting so hard to see
This fog is getting thicker

Digging in deeper like a splinter
I take the time to try and understand you
To see through the sun-dusted trees
So why can't you just do the same for me?

We speak in fragments,
We see the world in full sentences.

I'm lifted up off my feet
A swift and simple breeze
The persistent sun rays
Beating down on my face

The coming sound of the rain
Hugging the ground in a haze
Charmed by the clouds of this noon
That say the rainbow will come too soon

As I reminisce about your memory
It feels as if a knife is cutting
Slowly but deeply into my heart
And my mind plays tricks on me
Giving me the illusion that
You're still here
(Are you still here?)
As I run from something
That does not even exist
And the cold chill I get
When they mention your name
I want you to just...
Breathe into me
And bring me to life once again

at times the sun is nice
but only when the moon emerges
do i reveal my true light

you sweet, sweet animal
what has become of you now?
constricted in despair
your sweet, sweet melodies
what a miserable sound
they tell of a life behind bars
were you not meant to fly?
fly to the heavens, dear bird
for soon you will die
those in love with vanity
have kept you a prisoner
keep your head high, young bird
for you will soon have a visitor
sing, beautiful creature, sing!
sing till your last dying breath
sing, beautiful creature, sing!
before you are laid to rest

The greatest tattoos will fade,
Just give them a hundred years.

If you come across me on the shelf,
I may be archaic and forlorn.
The open book with too many tales,
But all the pages are torn.
I hold with me nights,
In places I shouldn't have been.
I carry with me special things,
And those I hope never to see again.
I've been told I wear my heart on my sleeve,
With just enough secrecy to get by.
And I've found candles don't hold their flame,
In the cold December nights.
A dust jacket of innocence and threat,
Of curlicued patterns and gilt.
If I never set eyes on tomorrow,
My pages would fail to be filled.
Words are a paint born of many hues,
Caught in the battle of beauty and rage.
Go ahead and read me--I dare you to,
And for me leave a tear on the page.
You think you have me figured out,
But everything is a prologue.
The main attraction lies unwritten;
My closing chapter, a dent in the fog.

These are the hands of a poet.
Let them travel the map of your body
And emblazon a brand new world.
Believe that they will carry you through.

These are the thoughts of a poet.
Let them move you, and trust
That they will take precious measure
To ponder the lone flower in the battlefield
As well as the war itself.

This is the heart of a poet.
Let it fill itself with tender love
And beat itself to blissful death.
Know it's one of the bravest and most delicate;
Promise never to break it.

This is the life of a poet.
Let it be, that every good, bad, or in-between
Can turn into a rhyme or a free verse line.
Understand, this is how we learn to breathe.

I'm going down, so absolve me of all my sins
I'm going down, for the losses I've taken to win

You gave up what you wanted
Had to measure up to someone else.
A backward glance shows they've gone away,
Now all you've got is yourself.
Now there's no laughter to fill the silence,
No one left to boss around.
You got caught up in the game,
You're just another face in the crowd.
Because you climbed the ladder,
But you couldn't reach above the skies.
Living and being alive aren't the same;
It's certain that everyone dies.

The water drips from the faucet
And echoes down the vacant halls.
And all the mirrors smile grimly,
At frozen phantoms on the walls.
Deadened is what brought you here,
So alive is your conscience.
You had it, your mind was so clear,
So name your next best option.
Money, power, glory--every word survives,
By the very use and definition.
They tried to warn you all along,
But you were too **** busy to listen.

Is this what you stood for,
Was this for which you fought?
To give up who watched you grow up,
To scoff at their miniscule thoughts?
You know you make a **** good life of trying,
Of successively succeeding.
But crude ambition is blinding,
As much relentless as it is misleading.
Dare to dream, but don't dare too far,
Always remember, don't forget who you are.
You're never good enough to leave it behind,
But always good enough to redeem your heart.

I'm going down, so absolve me of all my sins
I'm going down, for the losses I've taken to win

i'm sure you're quite busy
you've got better things to do
yet still sometimes i wonder
what ever happened to you?

They say love is blind
It must also be deaf
If I stop loving your lies
I will have nothing left.

Every breath I take is another,
"I can; I will."

Eyes of fire,
Burning into my very being.
My vision is limited.
What is it that you're seeing?
I cannot see my flaws,
Or rather, I do not wish to.
But here they are,
Laid out for the world to see.
A million conniving words,
Tattooed on my body.
There are many things,
I would like to be in invisible ink.
But they're written in bold and black,
And I'm beginning to sink,
In these things I do not wish to see.
They're weighing me down,
Pounding me endlessly.

Not invisible but in bold black ink...

An enigma to the mind and to the body
No Polaroid, just fresh thoughts and stale ink.
The wolf isn't just my friend, honey
He's the lover that causes me to sink.

You're not one for what they call "planning"
You go about the world day-to-day.
An airplane without clear landing
Igniting fire and damage in your wake.

Snapping all the rules to my life
I call the shots, you drink 'em.
Shooting arrows at my lifeline
*I can't cleanse you from my system.

Sit and talk but I cannot say of what
Words make up the air, all their meanings hushed
Black coffee, make up, burning ashes and sage
Memories washed of their feeling in the bleeding hot summer rain

Calendars, journals, lilac, and falling asleep
My blood burned so hot when my ink ran so deep
Locked me in your hardened heart, no apology or reprieve
If I ever wanted out, I never wanted to leave

Fanfare, warfare, conversations in vain
**** it, **** it, **** you, take it all back today
If you've left for where I've gone, you've gone to the wrong place
Your lies soaked without purpose in the slowing hot summer rain

Downtown nights, loyal tires, every bit down the drain
My mind played tricks on me; your affections went astray
You played your part in the chess game, but it was my move to make
Nothing lasts forever in the fading hot summer rain

I've got too much blood and time on my hands.