basil: Poems

May 2020 · 230

rope

basil May 2020

rope

i don't wear my heart on my sleeve;
i wear it around my neck

okay.

05.28.2020

#fine #maybe

May 2020 · 84

late night drive

basil May 2020

late night drive

maybe it's the way
the wind feels
in the dark;
different and breathless

or the light
that bounces off of the
wet streets;
blurry and reckless

regardless,
midnight is the only time
that she gets in her car
and allows herself
a dose of tears, a drop of laughter

because feeling
is a little easier
in a private metal death chamber
surrounded by
broken beauties and unfulfilled dreams

when there is no point b
and point a
is just a fragmented memory

i suffer from jellyphobia, too.

05.28.2020

#dedication

May 2020 · 103

the scent of a relapse

basil May 2020

the scent of a relapse

***** laundry
under aching feet
at 2am
with seven
eight
twelve
unread messages
breaking the silence

empty stomach
but clean teeth
and so many empty pages
in notebooks
scattered in between
used tea bags
and dry rose petals

i add my socks to the mess
and close my eyes
trying to remember
what breathing feels like

"it takes me under
it takes me under, once again"

the mess won, and so i became the mess. because i like shiny things that tell me i'm worth a second thought.

05.21.2020

#mess #depression #again

May 2020 · 229

i'm out of chapstick

basil May 2020

i'm out of chapstick

her smile was all
that i needed

the laugh tumbling
from her lips
drenched in 'aloha coconut' chapstick
the only thing i allowed myself to
want

without her
i am a hollowed out rind
sitting on the
sidewalk, with
the chalk fading away because of the drizzle
and
no one
to draw in the lines
because she and i
were the only ones
that ever played
hopscotch

i love you, and i miss you so much, blue eyes. one day i'll show you all these poems.

05.19.2020

#chapstick #hollow #hopscotch

May 2020 · 344

aftertaste

basil May 2020

aftertaste

i spit out
the words
you put in my mouth
so you feel
okay

but the taste
of rot
and rust
still remains
on my
tongue

05.19.2020

#rot #rust #words

May 2020 · 433

upside down

basil May 2020

upside down

overwhelmed and breathless
but
in the way that makes you
tired of existing

until the realization
that i have not been
drowning
deep in the ocean

my feet are planted
in the sky
and it's only my head
under water
and
if i just keep walking

i'll be in the clouds

keep going, love. you can touch the stars.

05.18.2020

#overwhelmed #and #breathless #drowning #in #the #sky

May 2020 · 347

cardboard cutout

basil May 2020

cardboard cutout

i'm such a
paper person

and i've got
the same
design as
everyone else

i'm in a
different frame
but the story
has all the same lines
the same oxford comma
punctuating
the same lies

and i scream

thinking
that my voice
sounds
different
than the others
screaming beside me

what *******.

i'm so selfish and ungrateful.

05.15.2020

#*******

May 2020 · 259

copyright

basil May 2020

copyright

i'll never say
"all rights reserved"
because
these poems aren't
really mine.

as soon as you
resonate
with my inky words,
they are
yours.

idk. i hope you're doing alright, lovely.

05.14.2020

#copyright #mine #yours #ours #words

May 2020 · 310

bad circulation

basil May 2020

bad circulation

numb fingers
but not from the cold

my heart
is just so tired
of missing you
that the blood
falls asleep
in my veins

i love you, blue eyes.

05.14.2020

#heart #love #blood #veins #tired #miss #you #sleep #sad

May 2020 · 93

house party

basil May 2020

house party

i'm late
to the party

i only keep the
walls company
anyway

i went through seven
outfits
before giving up.
checking the mirror
and crying
at my reflection

brushed my teeth
three times

after throwing up my guts

and you don't
want to
share a smoke
with me

but that's fine
i had one before i came

and it's these nights
when i wonder
why i came at all.

05.14.2020

#party #depression

May 2020 · 110

a dead succulent

basil May 2020

a dead succulent

a life told in
text messages

swallowed up
by distance and time

never
to see
the sun

relationships are hard to maintain in the quarantine. especially with my black thumb.

i love you, blue eyes. but our baby is dead. r.i.p georgie

05.13.2020

#love #and #distance

May 2020 · 155

exception

basil May 2020

exception

i'm very afraid
of death

and i don't
particularly
want to drown

but when you look at me
with those eyes...

perhaps i can make
an exception.

i actually have no idea what this is. but i really miss you, blue eyes.
<3

05.12.2020

#drown #in #your #eyes

May 2020 · 429

(as)fault

basil May 2020

(as)fault

moonlit streets
and empty promises
falling from
broken bottles
and cigarette smoke

eyes that are
rimmed with
too many
sleepless nights
close

as the lips below
share the smoke
that brought them
here

not caring
who will be blamed
in the morning

i miss you, blue eyes. i look at the moon every night.

(yeah, asphalt is misspelled intentionally.)

05.11.2020

#cigarette #blame #night #kiss #smoke #moon

May 2020 · 105

this year

basil May 2020

this year

i decided
not to write
a poem
on mother's day

maybe next year

this relationship is... something.

i don't know yet.

05.11.2020

#mothers #day

May 2020 · 50

today.

basil May 2020

today.

i felt
okay.

and you cannot take that
from me anymore.

i had a good
day.

and that wasn't dictated
by anything of yours.

it's not very poetic. but it sorta rhymes. and i am trying to appreciate that i'm getting better.

i hope you appreciate yourself, too, once and awhile. you're lovely, and i sincerely wish you a good breakfast <3

05.11.2020

#good #day

May 2020 · 65

miss

basil May 2020

miss

the tears
staining my pillow
were not
for the fact that i was missing

but the fact
that i was not
missed

no one notices when i'm gone.

05.08.2020

#not #missed

May 2020 · 95

hunger

basil May 2020

hunger

no one
asks me
for anything

so i
make
my stomach
beg

****.

05.06.2020

#eat

May 2020 · 53

cry

basil May 2020

cry

braced against the wall
tears falling into
a mouth heaving hot air
into the cold night
under the porch light
for all the stars
to see

but never for you
to see

you don't deserve
to know
that you put them there
i refuse
to give you that
satisfaction

last night was rough....

05.06.2020

#cry #tears #night #mother

May 2020 · 91

eyes

basil May 2020

eyes

tired eyes
drinking a
cold
glass of water

sad eyes
drinking a
hot
cup of coffee

broken eyes
drinking
nothing
at all

05.04.2020

#eyes #drink #sad #tired #broken

May 2020 · 94

accordions

basil May 2020

accordions

accordions collapsing
in my mind
the moment
before sleep rakes
its claws through
my skull

this is what the day feels like right before sleep. am i the only one?

05.04.2020

#accordions #sleep

May 2020 · 306

sunset

basil May 2020

sunset

the branches
broke open the sky
and made it
bleed

i lay my head on
your shoulder,
looking at that
bleeding sky
with you

watching
as the blood was
washed away
by a sea of sparkling blue

and i thought to myself:
maybe we can
wash away
our scars
with stardust,
too

and we did, blue eyes.

05.01.2020

#sunset #stardust #day #night #scars #heal

May 2020 · 188

puppet

basil May 2020

puppet

my teardrops
are hanging on strings
and you pull them
just right

mother, you have always been the puppetmaster. and i wish i could cut my strings.

one day i'll have the scissors. and when that day comes, i'm not ever looking back. so enjoy this power while you can.

05.01.2020

#strings #to #cut

Apr 2020 · 182

raggamuffin

basil Apr 2020

raggamuffin

we try to stitch
each other up
with dull needles

and still gasp
in surprise
when we start to
bleed

raggamuffin (n.)-- a person, typically a child, dressed in ragged clothing.

04.30.2020

#dull #needles

Apr 2020 · 106

shh

basil Apr 2020

shh

my lips are dry
and cracked
not forming the words
i want them to

nothing but silence
on my tongue
mocking the screams
howling in my
skull

04.29.2020

#silent #screams

Apr 2020 · 94

untitled

basil Apr 2020

untitled

reggae music
and vegetables
crying alone
misspelling my own name
losing time; losing space
weeds growing in cement cracks
dried paint, beginning to peel
scorching sun
uneven breathing

and not being able
to fathom my words
into anything
with a purpose

*** this has been in my drafts since april....

how is it still accurate as ****..?

uhmm. anyway, hope you're well <3

#04 #29 #2020

Apr 2020 · 131

air

basil Apr 2020

air

i'm breathing in
my own
suffocation

04.27.2020

#breath

Apr 2020 · 44

recently

basil Apr 2020

recently

i only drink
the sweat
dripping from
my lips

i only move
if it makes my
muscles burn

i only breathe
if it hurts

04.22.2020

Apr 2020 · 75

rot

basil Apr 2020

rot

i exhale smoke
into the sky
painting the clouds
a little greyer

not to be like the "cool kids"
not even to get high

i just want my lungs
to be as broken
as my heart feels

happy 4/20 everyone ;)

"i don't smoke to enjoy it, i smoke to die." -alaska young

stay safe! and have a good breakfast <3

#smoke

Apr 2020 · 167

graffiti

basil Apr 2020

graffiti

spray paint
on cement walls
honesty
in an art form

someday
i'll tag one of these walls
and you'll hold my paint cans
as we fill our lungs with smoke

dreaming of the future. wish i had some spray paint. or a smoke. and you. always you.

4.20.2020

#smoke #and #paint

Apr 2020 · 69

some things just happen

basil Apr 2020

some things just happen

your eyes didn't mean
to be my favorite shade of blue
just like i didn't mean
to fall in love with you

<3

04.16.2020

#love #you #blue #eyes

Apr 2020 · 74

sky

basil Apr 2020

sky

if i look at the sky
at just the right moment
i can picture your eyes

and i remember
if only for that moment
that we're under
the same sky

i miss you, blue eyes <3

04.16.2020

#blue #eyes #sky

Apr 2020 · 81

mirage

basil Apr 2020

mirage

you know
not to enter
my dreams
anymore

you stay away
from my nights
because it is
too painful

to see your face
and hear your voice
but not be able
to hold you

04.16.2020

#miss #you

Apr 2020 · 84

blush

basil Apr 2020

blush

my black lipstick
left smudges
on your cheek

but i could still see
the roses peeking through
when i said
'i love you'

i can't wait to see you again <3

#new #years

Apr 2020 · 96

supernova

basil Apr 2020

supernova

i lick the stars
from your open lips
and a supernova
explodes on my tongue

as beautiful as it is
it shatters my taste buds
until i can drink
nothing but the sound of
your voice
sliding into my mouth

#kiss

Apr 2020 · 51

spring cleaning

basil Apr 2020

spring cleaning

throwing away
all my meaningless
words

hey, i'm deleting quite a few poems. sorry, but i'm trying to find my voice again, and it's hard with all of this clutter of who i'm trying to escape. i'm only deleting the poems i wrote with bad intention.

but if they meant something to you (if you even notice they're gone) then i'll move them to 'unlisted' and give you the link. i need them off my profile, but i don't want to take them from you if you connected with them. even if i wrote them for the wrong reasons.

so. you probably won't miss them, but i just wanted to make sure my stupid decisions didn't hurt anyone but me.

i'll probably delete this poem, too

anyway, i hope you guys are doing well. stay hydrated and wear a seatbelt. breathe. and have a good breakfast <3

Apr 2020 · 156

04.10.2020

basil Apr 2020

04.10.2020

i used to think
the wounds
were the worst part.

but it's the scars.

#hurting

Apr 2020 · 87

04.09.2020

basil Apr 2020

04.09.2020

i wonder sometimes
if i could control
the beating of my heart
would it stop?

#thoughts #suicide

Apr 2020 · 71

communication.

basil Apr 2020

communication.

tell the person in the mirror
how much you appreciate them
because otherwise
they won't know

#mirror

Apr 2020 · 84

*

basil Apr 2020

*

my words are so
ugly

everything i write is so disgusting. i feel so STUPID for ever thinking that i could write. i just feel like ****. sorry for wasting your time. uhm, anyway. i'm not fishing for compliments.

make sure to hydrate and take time to breathe. you are so lovely :))

have a good breakfast <3

Apr 2020 · 58

insomnia

basil Apr 2020

insomnia

i see you
behind my eyes

i taste you
in between my teeth

but i can't feel you
beneath my fingers

because this is just a dream

****.

Mar 2020 · 59

behind the scenes

basil Mar 2020

behind the scenes

this stage
is cracked

and the seats
are empty

so i don't know why i put on
this performance

Mar 2020 · 150

broken

basil Mar 2020

broken

things fell apart
and the pieces
didn't land in all
the right places

but some things
weren't meant
to be
put back together

#broken #is #not #unfixable

Mar 2020 · 56

under the covers

basil Mar 2020

under the covers

the covers will protect
me from the monsters
but they won't protect me
from the fear

#fear

Mar 2020 · 61

needle and thread

basil Mar 2020

needle and thread

i keep a needle
between my teeth
in place of a cigarette

i use it to embroider
flowers on my
beat up jeans

and maybe one day
i'll learn how
to use it
to stitch up these
holes
in my heart

but if i can't, i'll replace it with a cigarette
because then at least my chest won't be hollow

Mar 2020 · 82

_________

basil Mar 2020

_________

everything feels empty

Mar 2020 · 84

fire

basil Mar 2020

fire

loving you
is like
tasting
white hot
flames

but
missing you
is smoke
in my eyes

Mar 2020 · 58

search

basil Mar 2020

search

i peer through
this noise
brush the fog
of this sound
away with my
fingertips

looking for you

i still don't see you
the distance
between us
is blocking my
view

#miss #you

Mar 2020 · 48

i'm breaking without you here

basil Mar 2020

i'm breaking without you here

absence
only makes
the heart grow
fonder

not stronger

god, i cannot do this thing where you aren't with me

#missing #you

Mar 2020 · 62

echo

basil Mar 2020

echo

i wish i could
love the
echo

but it always
leaves me
aching
for the
song

i'm sorry i **** at moving on.

#broken #heart #ex #love

Mar 2020 · 95

gardening

basil Mar 2020

gardening

i dug my roots
into your soil

deep.

i stretched my limbs
up towards the skies
in your eyes

high.

your kisses
watered me

strong.

but i was just a
****
that you plucked
out of the ground
of your heart

forever.

i miss you

#broken #heart #in #your #garden