i've run out
of ways to say:
i miss you

i wanted you to be
my home
turns out i was just
your cheap motel

you were my
forever
but i was just your
now

holding you
is like
embracing the
sun

i am the only one
that gets burned

you make my
heart burst
and blood is
leaking
all over the
floor

how do
you not
slip
on it?

because i can't
seem to stay
on my feet

there's someone
inside of me
that is good

but i wouldn't
know them
if they looked
me in the
eyes
and told me
i was
human

i'm doing
this
for me

right?

i don't need
your
opinion
to know
that i am
valid

right?

i am capable
of deciding
what
i want

right?

you don't hold me
as tight as
you used to

and i can feel
my pieces
starting to slip
apart

i put my wishes
into the sun
hoping they'd
be granted
in a day

i put my hopes
in the moon
wishing they'd
be fulfilled
in the night

guess it's time
to pop some instant popcorn
and watch my life fall
apart

i'm so tired.

but it's that kind of tired
that is spent
in a warm orange haze
like candlelight

and i can't help but remember
our late night messages
the smile refuses
to be wiped off my face

my old name is dead
but i'm afraid to bury it

graphite scratchings
on trees sliced thin
simple musings
that never win

now i know
you wear all that
black
to absorb
all of the
light
and warmth
and color

that no one
ever gave
to you

we used to talk
every single day
about
every single thing

and now
we nod
in passing

and it leaves me aching
for the careless laughter
we used to share

but you seem perfectly
okay with
this turn of events

i want to apologize
because this is all my fault

but you seem fine

so the only person
that needs my sorry
is me

i am looking
for okay
in all the
wrong places

i just
want
you
to
text
first

is
that
too
much?

i built walls
of glass around my
heart

and walls
of stone around my
mind

i protected my thoughts
with rock and cement
thinking myself so
wise

but i should have used the
glass

the music is loud
but my tears taste louder

you are the
brightest
shade of black
that i have ever
seen

you make me
want to use
the 'L' word

and i don't even cuss

i am a grenade
that keeps
apologizing
for
blowing up

when your sun rises
mine sets
when you wake up
i fall asleep

but i'll watch my moon
as if it were your sun
so that i can tell you
you deserve the world

even if we're on
opposite sides of it

we read
each other's
poetry

and talk to each other
like we haven't
stared into
the other's
soul

humans
are built
to
self destruct

some just
hit the
button

sodium chloride
and dihydrogen monoxide

separate us

but we still
dream in the
same colors

sometimes
it feels like
i am
loving you
for the
both of
us

i was a pretty flower
in the sun

you came
and picked me
by the roots

i was so happy
and i gladly sat
in your windowsill
admiring the view

you stopped
watering me
and the clouds
covered the sun

but i didn't die
i grew spines

i know that
i don't
deserve it

but i'm still
sort of waiting

for you to say goodbye

i used to think our love was a sonnet
timeless, and completely without measure
twirling, intertwining words within it
containing phrases sparkling with treasure
i loved you like i could be a poet
i said all the words i knew how to say
to create a love you wouldn't forget
when our song came on, we'd get up and sway
like our love could be put to the music
i sang along and you stayed quiet
but your silence was almost intrinsic
my love for you, you needn't requite
yes, i thought our love was a sonnet
a poem that you would never forget

guess it's a haiku
lovely, ambiguous, but
already over